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Posted: 3/1/2006 7:19:11 PM EDT
Check in.


Ya gotta be able to keep a straight face, though.



I'm thinking of something.


(You old timers know what I'm up to.)
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:21:21 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:22:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 7:33:30 PM EDT by leakycow]
aye

e.t.a. They don't make chainmail thick enough for me to try to pull off what I'm thinking you're thinkin' with my cat
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:23:41 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:25:40 PM EDT
Do I smell an SEC sighting coming to a Wally World near you?

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:25:45 PM EDT


OMG this outta be good.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:26:52 PM EDT
I'm afraid i just dont get it...
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:28:05 PM EDT
Two cats. 30 minutes from more than 3 Wally Worlds.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:28:20 PM EDT
I would probably never be able to keep from laughing from whatever piccolo has planned, but I'm tagging this.

It's gonna be good.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:28:27 PM EDT
SECs across the country!!

I like it!
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:29:04 PM EDT
Yes I have a cat and live within 5 minutes of Wallymart.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:30:27 PM EDT
My cat could not pull it off but she's a keeper.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:30:44 PM EDT
Neighbor with too many cats, and I am fifteen minutes from three different wally worlds
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:31:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 7:32:54 PM EDT by captainpooby]

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



Wrong guy. Oops.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:32:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By captainpooby:

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



Nobody cares.




eh.. I know
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:32:57 PM EDT
Tag.....this better be good
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:33:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:

Originally Posted By captainpooby:

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



Nobody cares.




eh.. I know



My bad, wrong guy.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:34:12 PM EDT
tagged for comedy
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:35:02 PM EDT
+1

[Blues Bros] We've got 1 cat ...a pair of dark glasses ....and we're 5 minutes from Wal Mart...Hit it! [/Blues Bros]
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:36:48 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:38:13 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:38:48 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:40:22 PM EDT
Hmmmmmmm,

Have 3 cats and live within a half hour of 4 Wally Marts.....


Tagged...........This ought to be good...........
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:41:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 7:41:23 PM EDT by kozmic]
No cat here (but there are a few the neighbors have that I'd like to liberate).

But more importantly, who the hell doesn't live within an hour's travel of WallyWorld these days?
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:42:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By HermanSnerd:
Do I smell an SEC sighting coming to a Wally World near you?






If 1 guy walks in with a SEC, they'll think he's a nut and cart him off.

If 2 guys walk in with SECs, they'll think they're both faggots and they won't pay either no mind.

If 3 guys walk in with SECs, they'll think it's a conspiracy and bust them under Federal RICO laws.

And if 4 guyw walk in, they'll think it's a movement, which it is, folks. The bombard Wally World with SECs movement.

Why, can you imagine, say 6 or 700 Wally Worlds on a single Saturday morning having to deal with SECs?



WTF?!?!


Why, hearing aids everywhere might just short circuit!

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:43:34 PM EDT
Two gatos and unfortunately I could walk to Wally World in less than 5 minutes.

Standing by.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:44:33 PM EDT
WOW.....someone needs their medication
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:47:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By NorthernBornRebel:
WOW.....someone needs their medication





No, you need a cat and a nearby Wally World.



Trust me on this.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:48:15 PM EDT
my cat would be on my head and knock my glasses off before I got past the 75 year old greeter

I will defer to those of you with less "skittish" felines to pull this off.

post pics!
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:49:03 PM EDT
.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:50:51 PM EDT
OK I'm in! Two Wal Marts by me and I know where to steal some cats.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:53:01 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:55:21 PM EDT
Wish I could partake.

The one that would be the best bet for this mission is deathly afraid of the outdoors. I would have ot have my cat surgically removed if we went any futher than my driveway. Add in the special bonus of neither the cat or I being leash trained.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:58:45 PM EDT
NO----Say Again----NO animals are to be hurt in any way in this possible caper.NONE!

You need a 4' by 1/2 inch dowel painted white with a red, say 6" tip, a pair of sunglasses, a leash and a harness for the cat.


BEAT THIS:



OK, I needed a hand with this one, so I grabbed Neighbor Bob and his
kid. Bob drove, we arrived and he took my arm and led Kitty and I to the
door and in we went. The old bag was there.

You guys all know the type, she was probably pretty about 55 years ago,
and as her beauty faded, she replaced it with makeup and cheap perfume.
She's also the type that comes totally unglued easily. I think the
Wallyworld people won't let her wear any cheap perfume, which is a relief
for everyone.

When we got near the old bag, she came toward us and offered me one of
those dopey little go-carts in a VERY loud voice.

Any of you guys out there that are genuinely handicapped can tell the
rest of us that people often do this to them. It is really annoying to
them and it was annoying to me.(Just because your legs may not work
doesn't mean you're deaf, dammit!)

I politely asked her how she expected me to steer one of those dopey
carts. She got a bit embarrassed.

Duh!

Anyway, she fawned over me a bit and asked me if the little guy was a
real live seeing-eye cat.

"Absolutely," I replied.

Bob squeezed my arm and off we went to sporting goods. I hit an end
counter with my knee, another with my foot, and plowed into a support post
and chewed Bob out for not paying attention.We got to sporting goods.

I wanted to buy a box of .223 ammo any watch the clerk get weirded out.

What I DIDN'T know is that Bob and darling daughter had already
rehearsed their act.

The sporting goods guy came out. He asked me what I wanted, and I told
him I wanted a box of .223FMJ 55 grainers.

"A gift for a friend?," he asked.

"Nope. For my Mini-14," I replied. "Anyone tried to break in and
they're toast."

"How do you shoot, are you just legally blind, or what?"

"Blind as a bat," I replied.

Bob's kid spoke up: "He shoots for a living. He's a trickshot."

He gave the kid a dirty look.

"We all work for Barnum and Bailey," said Bob."He's a trickshot, I'm an
accountant and my wife's a lion tamer."

The guy gave Bob's kid an apologetic look.

"Do you work in the Circus?" he asked the kid.

"Yeah, I work with him," said the kid, looking at me. "He shoots the
pinwheel I hold."

"You hold up a pinwheel and he shoots it?"

"Yes, I hold it in my teeth and give it a spin. When he hears the whir
it makes, he shoots."

"How long is the stick?" he asked.

"About four inches", said the kid, casually.

The guy went straight into shock when he heard that.

The clerk recovered and looked at Bob.You raise your family on the road
in the circus,Huh? how many kids do you have?"

"Had 4, got 3 now.We lost one some time back."

He didn't ask how. But the dubious look he gave me made me think that
he thought I'd shot one of my buddy's kids under the Big Top.

Then he asked me about the little guy and said that he was the first
seeing eye cat he'd ever seen. I explained that Bob's wife, the lion
tamer, had trained the little guy in her spare time, and went on a while
about the advantages of seeing eye cats over dogs.

He asked me what defensive measures I take if a dog tried to attack the
little guy.

I explained to him that there was a little known Federal Law that
permitted blind people with seeing eye cats to carry concealed handguns to
defend their cats from vicious dogs.

"Gee, who da ever guessed?"

It was the kid that saw her first, and gave me the high sign. Out of
the corner of my eye I saw the 'People Greeter'. She'd left her post and
was nearby picking up the phone. The kid sidled near her, and listened.

"Cops," said the kid.

The jig was up!( Leonard Skinner music here: Give me 3 steps)

The old bag looked up at us. "I've seen you in here before, and you're
not blind. It's against the law to bring an animal in here!" she nearly
shouted.

Had she threatened me first with the cops, I probably could have
'brassed it out' with threats of a huge lawsuit, but she had gotten uppity
and called the bulls first.

I scooped up the little guy, and Bob tossed his truck keys to the kid
who took off like a shot. It's common knowledge that the township out
here has EXCELLENT police response time.


Bob and I walked pretty quickly to the door, as not to stir up too much
attention and when we hit the pavement, the little guy went up under my
sweat shirt and promptly got really pissed off and started scratching
the hell out of me. Ny new asshole is now about three inches above my
naval.Bob was heading straight for the truck. I headed toward the exit.
Nobody followed us into the lot, but the old bag stood in the door,
trying to keep her eye on me.

By the time Bob got to the pickup, the engine was running, and all the
doors were unlocked. He unparked and headed toward me at the exit. The
kid popped open the door, and we made a pretty good 'Bonnie and
Clyde'exit. Out to the highway, we hooked a right and not an eighth of a mile
down the road, we saw the local LEOs coming with lights flashing.

I let Kitty out of his hiding place inside my sweat shirt, and he
looked pretty upset, but got over it. Three miles down the road, we got on
the Interstate and we were home-free.

I wonder what had happened if we hadn't unassed the area fast enough
and had gotten caught.

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:00:15 PM EDT
Let's come up with a weekend date for the attack of the Seeing Eye cats on Wally World.


Saturday OK?
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:04:26 PM EDT
that is the funniest thing i have read all day!
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:12:54 PM EDT
wow that is some funny shit.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:13:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By piccolo:
NO----Say Again----NO animals are to be hurt in any way in this possible caper.NONE!

You need a 4' by 1/2 inch dowel painted white with a red, say 6" tip, a pair of sunglasses, a leash and a harness for the cat.


BEAT THIS:



OK, I needed a hand with this one, so I grabbed Neighbor Bob and his
kid. Bob drove, we arrived and he took my arm and led Kitty and I to the
door and in we went. The old bag was there.

You guys all know the type, she was probably pretty about 55 years ago,
and as her beauty faded, she replaced it with makeup and cheap perfume.
She's also the type that comes totally unglued easily. I think the
Wallyworld people won't let her wear any cheap perfume, which is a relief
for everyone.

When we got near the old bag, she came toward us and offered me one of
those dopey little go-carts in a VERY loud voice.

Any of you guys out there that are genuinely handicapped can tell the
rest of us that people often do this to them. It is really annoying to
them and it was annoying to me.(Just because your legs may not work
doesn't mean you're deaf, dammit!)

I politely asked her how she expected me to steer one of those dopey
carts. She got a bit embarrassed.

Duh!

Anyway, she fawned over me a bit and asked me if the little guy was a
real live seeing-eye cat.

"Absolutely," I replied.

Bob squeezed my arm and off we went to sporting goods. I hit an end
counter with my knee, another with my foot, and plowed into a support post
and chewed Bob out for not paying attention.We got to sporting goods.

I wanted to buy a box of .223 ammo any watch the clerk get weirded out.

What I DIDN'T know is that Bob and darling daughter had already
rehearsed their act.

The sporting goods guy came out. He asked me what I wanted, and I told
him I wanted a box of .223FMJ 55 grainers.

"A gift for a friend?," he asked.

"Nope. For my Mini-14," I replied. "Anyone tried to break in and
they're toast."

"How do you shoot, are you just legally blind, or what?"

"Blind as a bat," I replied.

Bob's kid spoke up: "He shoots for a living. He's a trickshot."

He gave the kid a dirty look.

"We all work for Barnum and Bailey," said Bob."He's a trickshot, I'm an
accountant and my wife's a lion tamer."

The guy gave Bob's kid an apologetic look.

"Do you work in the Circus?" he asked the kid.

"Yeah, I work with him," said the kid, looking at me. "He shoots the
pinwheel I hold."

"You hold up a pinwheel and he shoots it?"

"Yes, I hold it in my teeth and give it a spin. When he hears the whir
it makes, he shoots."

"How long is the stick?" he asked.

"About four inches", said the kid, casually.

The guy went straight into shock when he heard that.

The clerk recovered and looked at Bob.You raise your family on the road
in the circus,Huh? how many kids do you have?"

"Had 4, got 3 now.We lost one some time back."

He didn't ask how. But the dubious look he gave me made me think that
he thought I'd shot one of my buddy's kids under the Big Top.

Then he asked me about the little guy and said that he was the first
seeing eye cat he'd ever seen. I explained that Bob's wife, the lion
tamer, had trained the little guy in her spare time, and went on a while
about the advantages of seeing eye cats over dogs.

He asked me what defensive measures I take if a dog tried to attack the
little guy.

I explained to him that there was a little known Federal Law that
permitted blind people with seeing eye cats to carry concealed handguns to
defend their cats from vicious dogs.

"Gee, who da ever guessed?"

It was the kid that saw her first, and gave me the high sign. Out of
the corner of my eye I saw the 'People Greeter'. She'd left her post and
was nearby picking up the phone. The kid sidled near her, and listened.

"Cops," said the kid.

The jig was up!( Leonard Skinner music here: Give me 3 steps)

The old bag looked up at us. "I've seen you in here before, and you're
not blind. It's against the law to bring an animal in here!" she nearly
shouted.

Had she threatened me first with the cops, I probably could have
'brassed it out' with threats of a huge lawsuit, but she had gotten uppity
and called the bulls first.

I scooped up the little guy, and Bob tossed his truck keys to the kid
who took off like a shot. It's common knowledge that the township out
here has EXCELLENT police response time.


Bob and I walked pretty quickly to the door, as not to stir up too much
attention and when we hit the pavement, the little guy went up under my
sweat shirt and promptly got really pissed off and started scratching
the hell out of me. Ny new asshole is now about three inches above my
naval.Bob was heading straight for the truck. I headed toward the exit.
Nobody followed us into the lot, but the old bag stood in the door,
trying to keep her eye on me.

By the time Bob got to the pickup, the engine was running, and all the
doors were unlocked. He unparked and headed toward me at the exit. The
kid popped open the door, and we made a pretty good 'Bonnie and
Clyde'exit. Out to the highway, we hooked a right and not an eighth of a mile
down the road, we saw the local LEOs coming with lights flashing.

I let Kitty out of his hiding place inside my sweat shirt, and he
looked pretty upset, but got over it. Three miles down the road, we got on
the Interstate and we were home-free.

I wonder what had happened if we hadn't unassed the area fast enough
and had gotten caught.




quoted
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:26:50 PM EDT
Its almost too funny to swallow
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:30:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



+1.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:36:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



+1.




A Seeing Eye CAT?


Picture yourself as the Purser on Noah's Ark with the check list of all the animals coming aboard, two by two. Male and Female.

Old Cap'n Noah asks you which animal would make the best guide animal for you if you went blind.

You and the Captain agree it'd be the German Shepherds that came aboard and reported for duty.

Now Cap'n Noah asks you which would be the WORST.

Just then a pair of Regal Cats come aboard..... You and Cap'n Noah exchange INSTANT knowing looks.

Think about it, Patty.........
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:43:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By atomicferret:
that is the funniest thing i have read all day!



+1000
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:47:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 8:48:34 PM EDT by LANCEMAN]

Originally Posted By piccolo:

Originally Posted By HermanSnerd:
Do I smell an SEC sighting coming to a Wally World near you?






If 1 guy walks in with a SEC, they'll think he's a nut and cart him off.

If 2 guys walk in with SECs, they'll think they're both faggots and they won't pay either no mind.

If 3 guys walk in with SECs, they'll think it's a conspiracy and bust them under Federal RICO laws.

And if 4 guyw walk in, they'll think it's a movement, which it is, folks. The bombard Wally World with SECs movement.

Why, can you imagine, say 6 or 700 Wally Worlds on a single Saturday morning having to deal with SECs?



WTF?!?!


Why, hearing aids everywhere might just short circuit!




Man, they are going to make you sit on the bench next to the mother rapers and father rapers. They might even have aerial shots of this whole incident and that fact you were just dumping the trash accompanying a SEC will mean nothing in a court of law.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:50:05 PM EDT
LOLOMFGROTFLMAOlolrotflcoptercrapdnmipantz that was funny!
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:50:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 8:51:15 PM EDT by CSM]
Ah the SEC. Kickass.


ETA: Wrong smiley
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:51:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 8:56:34 PM EDT by piccolo]

Originally Posted By LANCEMAN:
[Man, they are going to make you sit on the group W bench next to the mother rapers and father rapers. They might even have aerial shots of this whole incident and that fact you were just dumping the trash accompanying a SEC will mean nothing in a court of law.

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:53:08 PM EDT
Hey Pic, For the legalities,

I have a friend who trains seeing eye dogs, and she has no problem with access even though she has normal vision. Just tell them that. Yeah... Yup...
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 9:12:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By atomicferret:
that is the funniest thing i have read all day!



yes much better than I expected...
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 4:44:01 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/2/2006 4:45:41 AM EDT by Mikhail_86]

Originally Posted By piccolo:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By Mikhail_86:
I'm afraid i just dont get it...



+1. hr



A Seeing Eye CAT?


Picture yourself as the Purser on Noah's Ark with the check list of all the animals coming aboard, two by two. Male and Female.

Old Cap'n Noah asks you which animal would make the best guide animal for you if you went blind.

You and the Captain agree it'd be the German Shepherds that came aboard and reported for duty.

Now Cap'n Noah asks you which would be the WORST.

Just then a pair of Regal Cats come aboard..... You and Cap'n Noah exchange INSTANT knowing looks.

Think about it, Patty.........hr


Well now that I know what SEC stands for I think its funnier than hell. I got 3 cats and live within 15 minutes of 2 walmarts...
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 5:08:59 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/2/2006 7:33:46 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/2/2006 7:35:19 AM EDT by piccolo]
OK, How about a week from Saturday, Wally World gets visited all over the country by blind men with Seeing Eye Cats?

Go buy a box of ammo.


BTW, the original SEC was not leash trained per se. Half the fun is just letting the cat simply be a cat and lead you all over hell in his own way. Can make for some pretty funny Inspector Clousseau activity.


ETA. all you need is a 1/2"x4' dowel painted white with a 6" red end, a pair of sunglasses a leash and a cheap harness for the cat.
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