Quoted: "...when you're living in a van down by the river!" "Oh, Toonces!"  [music]Toonces, the driving cat[/music] G

Toonces was awesome but I might have to say Super-Fun-Ball.

Happy Fun Ball!

Quoted: Happy Fun Ball!

Oh shit, was it HAPPY or SUPER FUNBALL?

Quoted: Quoted: Happy Fun Ball! Oh shit, was it HAPPY or SUPER FUNBALL?

Super Happy Fun Ball.

Do not taunt Super Happy Fun Ball.

Quoted: ...Oh shit, was it HAPPY or SUPER FUNBALL?

Happy.

www.faqs.org/faqs/tv/sat-night-live/commercials/section-1.html

I always think of that skit when I hear the disclaimers at the end of a drug ad on TV or radio.

The Continental with Christopher Walken.

Laughed my ass off.

Quoted: Quoted: ...Oh shit, was it HAPPY or SUPER FUNBALL? Happy. www.faqs.org/faqs/tv/sat-night-live/commercials/section-1.html I always think of that skit when I hear the disclaimers at the end of a drug ad on TV or radio.

Damn, I'd love to see a video clip of that commercial.  Searching but no dice.

No coke, pepsi.

Some that haven't been listed yet:

Daaaaaa Bears!

Tanto, Frankenstein's Monster, and Tarzan singing Christmas carols

John Lovett and John Lithgow's  Aaaaacting!

Schmidts Gay or Kill the White People.

The Christopher Walken sketch where he's the inept captain of a cruise ship, in the life raft with other survivors of the wreck of said ship.  And he's explaining himself:  "Again, I'm sorry about the gay stuff"  "And you tried to EAT me!" "What did you say?  LUNCH?!"

If you remember the skit, you'll know what I'm talking about.

The 'Canteen Boy' Sketch with Alec Baldwin is another great one.

The Win a Dollar Show

By far and away  the best  SNL  Skit  I ever saw was Il Cantore Restaurant with Dana Carvey, Rob Schneider, Chris Farley and Adam Sandler.  Laughed my ass off!

Alot of my facs already mentioned...(I loved the Mr rogers neighbrhood) Can't think of too many others I loved that wern't mentioned........I dunno maybe...

What was the name of it the world weather wrestling chapionchips or something like that

"My name is EL NINO, it means THE NINO!"

Matt Foley, Motivational speaker

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

Harry Carry

Cowbell

Celebrity Jeopardy

Will Ferrel posing naked for the art class.

Any of the Darrell Hammond doing Bill Clinton. He was dead on. The best was when Clinton hurt his knee. He was going down the list of who would be president if he was impeached. "Al Gore? [laughs] Not even an option, Besides if I go down that stupid sombitch is going with me!" and then dared us to impeach him and admitted that he smoked a joint and dived into an empty swimming pool.

Quoted: Chronic, What, cals of Narnia!

+1

and Colonel Angus

Hi I'm Frenchie!

Quoted: William shatner at a star trek convention telling the star trek nerds to get a life That one was AWESOME! Shatner got SO much shit from the space geeks for that!

You!  [points at Jon Lovitz] Have you even kissed a girl?

Lovitz frowns and looks at the ground.

Colon Blow!

Will Ferrel  - 'I Drive A Dodge Stratus!!!!'  Dinner table argument sketch.

Get A Life!

Ears.....Jon Lovitz
Charlie.....Dana Carvey
Artie.....Kevin Nealon
Emcee.....Phil Hartman
.....William Shatner
Second Emcee.....A. Whitney Brown




[ open on an exterior shot of the "Holiday Inn" with a sign reading "Welcome Trekkers." ]

[ dissolve inside ]

[ A sign on the wall reads "16th Annual Star Trek Convention -- 1986" ]

Ears: Charlie! Check this out!

Charlie: [ wearing "I Grok Spock" t-shirt ] Oh, outstanding, man!

Ears: Original cast photo, right before they added Chekhov!

Charlie: Oh, how much was it?

Ears: Sixty dollars!

Charlie: Ohhh.... They got any left?

Loudspeaker: Attention Trekkers, now available in the Hamilton Room... copies of DeForest Kelley's single record, "He's Dead, Jim." Right now, in the Hamilton Room.

Artie: [ making the Vulcan "peace sign" ] Hey guys!

Charlie & Ears: Hey Artie!

Artie: How you guys doing on the trivia quiz?

Charlie: Aw, since you... hey, you got Khan's middle name?

Artie: [ smugly ] Noonian!

Charlie: Yeoman Rand's cabin number?

Artie: Y3-90!

[ Charlie and Ears snicker knowingly to each other. ]

Artie: What? Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

[ more snickers ]

Emcee: Attention! Attention! Hello everybody! Welcome to Day 4 of the 16th Annual Star Trek Convention... Well! ...here in Rye, New York. A few announcements.... Ah... first... ah... a wonderful new... ah... item has just been added to the convention. It's a program from the 1975 convention!

Trekkies: Oooo! Ahhh!

Emcee: Yeah! It's a very special item, I'm sure you'll enjoy it, and it's ONLY... thirty dollars.
Secondly, we have some exciting guests at the convention today, so let me introduce them to you right now. First, we have the lovely actress Julie Cobb. Now you all remember her as Yeoman Leslie Thompson from the first ten minutes of Episode 51, "Errand of Mercy"... in which she was transformed into a cube... and crushed!
And next up is Pamela Denberg Doohan, the ex-wife of course of James "Scotty" Doohan, and ah... I understand life with the Enterprise's Chief Mechanical Officer *was* somewhat turbulent... kinda like living with a MUGATU!

Trekkies: [ geekie laughter ]

Emcee: Yeah! Well you'll all be able to meet Pamela in the Briar Wing where she'll be signing copies of her new book, "Beam Me Out Of Here"!
And finally, the man you've all been waiting for, this is his first Star Trek convention in quite a long time, I know he's thrilled to be here, Captain James Tiberius Kirk himself, WILLIAM SHATNER! [ Shatner walks to the podium. ] Now Bill's here to field a few questions so just fire away!

Trekkies: Mr. Shatner! Mr. Shatner!

William Shatner: Alright, the first question, uh, go ahead! Charlie: Yeah! Okay, um, when you were gonna beam down to the planet, okay, for the last time in Episode 25? I was wondering, like um, w-w-what was going on with the crew in that particular....

William Shatner: Uh... Episode 25?

Charlie: Yeah!

William Shatner: Um... you gotta give me a PLOT, see, cause it's 20 years and it's a long time... a PLOT... uh....

Charlie: Yeah, Episode 25, that's where you and the crew of the Enterprise get attacked by these spores? And started acting real weird, like hippies and stuff?

William Shatner: [ smiling ] Oh oh, yeah right, I remember, okay uh... what's the question?

Charlie: Well um, I was wondering if you could settle a bet for me and my friends, okay? Um, like, when you... um, left your quarters for the last time? And you opened up your safe? Um... what was the combination?

William Shatner: [ lengthy pause, incredulous expression ] I-I-I don't know! I mean, it's been a long time! I, uh... I don't know that! Uh, okay?

Charlie: [ disappointed ] Okay! Okay!

William Shatner: Anybody? Oh, all right, go ahead! You? Go ahead! You in the funny shirt!

Artie: [ wearing Kirk uniform ] Okay! Another bet... okay... on your horse farm... alright? How many saddle-bred horses do you have?

William Shatner: Uh... 34.

Artie: Wait, wait... is that including the colt that was born earlier this week?

William Shatner: [ stunned pause ] That mare had a foal?

Artie: Tuesday!

William Shatner: Well I... guess it's 35 then!

Artie: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! [ congratulated by his friends ]

William Shatner: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Trekkies.... ]

I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?

[ to "Ears" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?

[ "Ears" hangs his head ]

I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!

Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the movies?

William Shatner: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!! HEY, YOU GUYS ARE... THE LAMEST BUNCH... I'VE NEVER SEEN... [ walks away from podium ] I can't believe these people... I mean, I really can't understand what's....

[ Emcee argues with Shatner off-mike, shoves him, Shatner shoves back harder.... ]

Second Emcee: Uh... that was William Shatner, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, I'd like to remind you Trekkers that we have some fine refreshments from all over the galaxy... Coke, Diet Coke, Bubble Up, Orange, I believe. We....

[ Meanwhile, Emcee waves the contract in front of Shatner, who then reluctantly returns to the podium.... ]

William Shatner: Of course, that speech was a "re-creation" of the "Evil Captain Kirk" from um... Episode, um... [ Emcee whispers ] THIRTY-SEVEN... uhh... called... [ another whisper ] "The Enemy Within."

[ Trekkies get happy, applaud ]

William Shatner: Yuh, Yuh, so thank you... and, and... Live Long and Prosper...

[ Trekkies make Vulcan "peace sign".... ]

William Shatner: So everybody... set your phasers on stun, cause... THIS CONVENTION'S AHEAD WARP FACTOR NINE, Y'KNOW? RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! WARP FACTOR NINE!

[ fade out ]

Star Trek V: The Restaurant Enterprise

Captain Kirk.....William Shatner
Mister Spock.....Kevin Nealon
Doctor "Bones" McCoy.....Phil Hartman
Mister Sulu.....Akira Yoshimura
Khan and the Voice of Scottie.....Dana Carvey
The Health Inspector.....Jon Lovitz
Cranky Customer.....Nora Dunn
Crewwoman/Waitress.....Victoria Jackson


[Scene opens on the exterior of the ship, which is revolving on a pole. At the top of the pole is a sign that reads "Restaurant Enterprise. Today: Bluefish Special".

Voiceover by Kirk: It has been six months since the Enterprise has been sold to Marriott Corporation as a revolving theme restaurant. It has been difficult for my crew but they have adjusted admirably.

[Kirk enters a futuristic-looking restaurant looking out over space. Walks over to Spock and McCoy.]

Kirk: Gentlemen, what's going on? I left specific instructions that the special today was to be flounder.

Spock: Captain, we ran out of the flouder two hours ago.

Kirk: Then what have you been serving?

Spock: Bluefish.

Kirk: Bluefish?

Spock: [Pause.] Humpback whale, Captain.

[Half the audience laughs, the other half groans. Star Trek IV, the movie where they saved the whales, had just opened.]

McCoy: It's good fish Jim, really.

Crewwoman/Waitress: Captain, we're having a problem with one of the customers over here. She's complaining about her order.

Kirk: Don't worry. I'll care of it.

[Theme music for imminent danger starts playing.]

McCoy: JIM! BE CAREFUL!

[Kirk walks cautiously over to the Cranky Customer.]

Kirk: Good evening madam. I am the manager of this establishment. How can I help you?

Cranky Customer: I thought we were supposed to get fries with this.

Kirk: No ma'am, that's a Klingon. You want a Romulan.

Cranky Customer: Well, you must have changed the name.

Crewwoman/Waitress: We didn't change the name, ma'am...

Kirk: I'll take care this for you. [Flips open his communicator.] Romulan with fries and...what would you like to drink, madam?

Cranky Customer: A Chocolate Scottie.

Kirk: And a ChocScot.

[Tray with the order materializes nearby. Kirk gives it to the woman and then walks back to the others.]

McCoy: [Dramatically.] That was a close one, Jim!

[Kirk walks around the dining area asking customers how they're doing. One man starts to answer, but begins choking on his food.]

Kirk: McCoy! This man needs your assistance!

McCoy: For God's sake, I'm a doctor, not a...oh...right...sorry. [Rushes over and tries giving him the Heimlich Manoeuver, but it doesn't seem to be working.]

Spock: Allow me, doctor. [Gives the Vulcan nerve pinch to the customer, who proceeds to spit out the piece of food.]

[Audience cheers.]

[Another customer flags Kirk down and points to her sandwich.]

Kirk: Bones, can you take a look at this?

McCoy: [Whirring sound and he waves his medical device over the sandwich.] Jim! This sandwich is completely dry!

Kirk: [Aghast.] What happened to the Special Sauce? [Looks around.] Mister Sulu!

Sulu: Captain! It's the condiments bar. There's a problem with the Special Sauce. The dispenser is jammed. It will take days to repair.

Kirk: [Appears deep in thought for a moment.] Okay...here's what I want you to do. Mix a little mustard together with a little relish.

Sulu: [Starts pumping the dispensers.] It's working Captain!

Kirk: Keep at it, Mister Sulu...I want full relish!

[Suddenly realizes that Sulu is not as thin as he used to be. Pats his gut.]

Kirk: Mister Sulu, we've put on a bit of weight, haven't we?

Sulu: [Hanging his head shamefully.] Yes, Captain.

Kirk: Don't make me regret my policy of free food for the crew.

[A crashing sound is heard. Everyone fakes falling by leaning from side to side and then running back and forth across the stage.]

Kirk: [Flipping open his communicator.] Scottie, why have we stopped revolving?

Scottie: [Voice from offstage.] I doan't knooow Cap'n, but she canna take much moooorrrrrrr...

Spock: Captain, my tricorder indicates that someone is coming this way.

[Door slides open and a figure strides through to face the captain.]

Khan: Kiiiirrrrrkkkkk. I have waited for my revenge for twenty-five yeeeeaaaarrrsss.

[Audience starts laughing hysterically at Carvey, who is dressed exactly like Khan in Star Trek II.]

Kirk: Khan!

Khan: Yes, Kirk. It is I, your greatest foe and I will...Sulu? [Walks over to him.] Sulu! Oh my god, what have they done to you? [Eyes Sulu's large gut.]

Sulu: [Shrugs.] We all get older, Khan.

Khan: I cannot bear to look at you. Turn away from me! [Spins Sulu around so he's no longer facing him.]

Kirk: Khan...stop it! You board my ship, you insult my crew. What is it you really want?

Khan: Ahhhhh, very well Kiiiiiirrrkkkk. I shall get to the heart of the matter.

[Khan snaps his fingers and a man with a clipboard comes through the door to stand at his side.]

Khan: This is the health inspector. Your establishment has many infractions. You have dirty silverware stored next to clean. No sneeeeezzzeeeguard on the saaaaalllaaad baaaaarr.

[Kirk, Spock and McCoy huddle together, talking in low tones.]

McCoy: He's got us, Jim.

Kirk: Maybe, maybe not. Bones, Spock...do you have any money?

McCoy: A few dollars, Jim, but why?

Kirk: Just give it to me.

[The two men hand him their cash. Kirk strides over to the health inspector.]

Kirk: I appreciate you bringing these problems to my attention. We'll be taking care of them right away. [Shakes the inspector's hand, passing him the cash.]

Health Inspector: [Glancing at the cash.] Well, seeing as this is your first offense and that you're willing to rectify the situation, I don't see why we can't just let this one go.

Khan: Oooooohhhhhh Kirk! You may have won this time, but I will be back. And next time...you...will...be...cited! Inspector...come!

[Khan and the health inspector exit.]

[A brief exterior and theme music, and then back to an interior shot.]

Spock: Captain, it seems quite illogical that Khan was betrayed by the very health inspector he recruited to defeat you.

Kirk: Never underestimate the power of human greed, Spock.

McCoy: What he means, Spock, is that sometimes your vaunted Vulcan logic fails you.

Spock: Doctor...would you kindly do me the honor of eating my shorts?!

McCoy: Wha-wha-wha-whhhhaaaaaatttt!?

Kirk: Mister Spock, I believe you're getting more human all the time.

[Kirk flips open his communicator.]

Kirk: Mister Scott...full revolve!

[Audience applaudes, credits roll. Fade.]

Phil Hartman in his very SASSY sketches.

it was Uncle Jemima's Malt Liquor.

my favs were Celebrity Jeopardy,  and the Ride the Snake / Jimmy Tango's Fatbusters infomercial.

Bill Brafsky gets a honorable mention with Moar cowbelll!!!!!!11!11!

Some that haven't been metioned yet:

(1) Alac Baldwin as a gay Scoutmaster

Baldwin: Why Billy, it looks like you spilled wine all over your sleeping bag.  Luckily, my sleeping bag has room for two.

(2) The Gulf War I press conference

Idiot Reporter 1: What is the one thing the enemy could do that would most damage American morale?

U.S. Gen: I'm not going to answer that.

Idiot Reporter 2: What is the biggest weakness of the American forces?

U.S.Gen: I'm not going to answer that either.

Iraqi Reporter: Where are the American troops and may I go count them.

U.S. Gen: No.

(3) Rumsfeld WOT Press Conference:

Reporter: [asks stupid question]

Rumsfeld:  Now what did I tell you about asking questions like that?

Reporter: That they are stupid.

Rumsfeld: AND

Reporter: That I am an embarrassment to my profession.

Rumsfeld: AND . . . .

+1 For Van Down by the River and the "I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!!!" skits

I also like the Bill Swartsky's super fan show- Da Bulls.

This is good...  we need some links to these skits.

www.zippyvideos.com/6261372041793096/adam_sandler__chris_farley_-_schmitts_gay_beer/

webfeedcentral.com/vids/cowbell11.wmv

player.evtv1.com/evtvplayer/noasx.php?clip_id=1212&aid=19&comm=

And one of my favorites:


Lower back tattoo remover

Quoted: Lower back tattoo remover

That is hilarious!!!

Richard Pryor as The Exorcist.

Interbrink Security

Shirt in a can

Cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger cheeburger coke!

The Ladies Man.

Jane you ignorant slut.

Wild and Crazy Guys.

Plus alot of the others listed.

Quoted: Quoted: Cowbell +1 Gotta have more cowbell

+1

Gotta have more cowbell

I got a fever, and the only perscription...is more COWBELL!

Chevy Chase / Richard Prior "interview skit"
www.devilducky.com/media/37546/

SNL US Navy commercial

Kill the white people by Eddie Murphy
www.glumbert.com/media/killwhitepeople.html

Goatboy....dang can't beleive I forgot about that. And then there is Wayne's World.I think the Cheerleaders with Will Ferral and Cherry O'terry is pretty funny.

Quoted: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

I forgot that one!

"I may not understand your complicated system of laws..."

G

Point Counterpoint with Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain.

I pissed my pants everytime he call her an "Ignorant misguided slut".

Quoted: Church Chat.  Santa is satan one.  With Danny DiVito. The Celebrity Jeopardy skits with Sean Connery were also funny as hell.  "The Pen Is Mightier" catagory was read as "The Penis Mightier".  And "Therapists" waas read as "The Rapists".

You forgot, "An Album Cover".  Connery read it as "Anal Bum Cover". He also read "Famous Titles" as "Famous Titties".

I also like Norm McDonald as Burt Reynolds. Remember "Turd Fergison"?

Quoted: Quoted: Church Chat.  Santa is satan one.  With Danny DiVito. The Celebrity Jeopardy skits with Sean Connery were also funny as hell.  "The Pen Is Mightier" catagory was read as "The Penis Mightier".  And "Therapists" waas read as "The Rapists".   You forgot, "An Album Cover".  Connery read it as "Anal Bum Cover". He also read "Famous Titles" as "Famous Titties". I also like Norm McDonald as Burt Reynolds. Remember "Turd Fergison"?

His burt reynolds immitation was the best. Always hilarious when he pulled that out.

Your favorite SNL skit?

During one of the first seasons. The prison/warden scene:

"Gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whitey's I see....."

Mine is proof that comedians should stick to comedy and stay out of politics.

Al Franken's skit on "World Update" where he described in excruciating detail (while trying to remain "professionally" detatched at the same time)  President Reagan's upcoming prostate surgery.

I was f**kin' rolling on the goddamn floor.

Another seriously funny skit I'll always remember was from the "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson.  He had on Jackie Mason doing a stand-up with impersonations of various people including one totally drop down on the floor and roll around imitation of Ed Sullivan.

Al Franken...  ugh.

Chinchilla Ranch...

Wedgie Fever

Cat's Ass

Sprockets

Dysfunctional Family Feud

All Things Scottish

The yoga skit with Will Farrell where he finally manages to get his head into his pants to......um, pleasure himself.  All the women get disgusted and leave while all the men look on in amazement asking "Can you teach me how to do that?"

Seeing his head bob up and down while he moans and says "Oh yeah!  I know how I like it, baby!"

I just about pissed myself.

Oh, I love this!  I love this!  I am actually going to murder you!

Come here, you crazy black man, I'm gonna make you drink my piss!

www.thatvideosite.com/view/1362.html

I don't need this!  I was in JAWS, OK?

Jawa?  What the hell is this picture about anyway?

www.thatvideosite.com/view/152.html

YOU HAVE TO LEARN COMPUTERS!

www.thatvideosite.com/view/206.html

You're gonna be a mom!  We switched out your birth control pills!

You didn't know you were gonna kill someone and Dax didn't know he was gonna get killed!  It's a DOUBLE PUNK!  I'm awesome!

www.thatvideosite.com/view/160.html

You're probably going to find, as you go out there, that you're NOT gonna amount to JACK SQUAT!

From what your father's been telling me you've been using that paper not for writin', but for ROLLIN' DOOBIES!

www.thatvideosite.com/view/169.html

The Continental,
Cowbell,
The Lady's man.
Celebrity Jeopardy.

Mango (with Danny Divito)