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Posted: 2/27/2006 10:33:05 AM EDT
With compliments to Carlos diaptor at SwissRifles.com
Hope it's not a dupe.

Rick


NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT FOUND

The recent sponsership scandals, inadequate healthcare services, exubarent waste of taxpayers money on useless projects, padded expense accounts, oil issues and a general lack of addressing in a constructive manner in the hope of solving the real issues that are plaguing our society today and other issues to numerous to mention are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant Deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant Neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:41:32 AM EDT
hehe thats awesome.

p.s. pion is pronounced PIE-ON, not PEE-ON.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:44:14 AM EDT
good one... closest I've come to laughing at something in a couple weeks
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:47:45 AM EDT
Laughing here. Nice.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:51:21 AM EDT
That's a good one. It's going up on the wall of my box cubicle. I think it has a nice niche right next to the "Out Out!! You demons of stupidity!" MJD
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:51:46 AM EDT
My bio-major/chem minor wife found that to be VERY amusing
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:53:06 AM EDT
Ha Ha.

Damn at first I thought it was true......

Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:55:45 AM EDT
Good one.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 10:56:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/27/2006 10:56:55 AM EDT by MagKnightX]
I thought they'd finally confirmed and reproduced synthesis of ununtrium or something.

Shows me that I should always assume every topic posted here is going to be a really, really, really old joke.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 11:01:01 AM EDT
"NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT FOUND"...in DU's under pants!
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 6:22:10 PM EDT
Definitely the saddest element...

Hey, don't forget the two strongest elements in the world: Cardboardium and Plywoodium. Carbordium is especially powerful when catalyzed by Duct Tape.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 6:23:15 PM EDT
Very nice.
Link Posted: 2/27/2006 6:34:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Rick_Lind:
With compliments to Carlos diaptor at SwissRifles.com
Hope it's not a dupe.

Rick


NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT FOUND

The recent sponsership scandals, inadequate healthcare services, exubarent waste of taxpayers money on useless projects, padded expense accounts, oil issues and a general lack of addressing in a constructive manner in the hope of solving the real issues that are plaguing our society today and other issues to numerous to mention are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant Deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant Neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. This was recetly found to be an experimental artifact. Administratium does not, in fact, radiate. It is, rather, a form of black hole from which nothing productive can escape.



Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

CO
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