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Posted: 2/23/2006 3:13:21 PM EDT


www.theregister.co.uk/2006/02/23/masturbation_worse_than_sex/

Scientists: masturbation not as good as sex
And you thought you just weren't doing it right

By Chris Williams
Published Thursday 23rd February 2006 16:55 GMT


A swift one off the wrist - easy, convenient, refreshing - but just not the same as the real thing, perhaps.

Reporting in the journal Biological Psychology, researchers have now found a basis in physiology for the niggling dissatisfaction.

Levels of the hormone prolactin are lower after masturbation than intercourse. Prolactin makes us feel satisfied by counteracting the arousal messenger dopamine.

The levels of prolactin in the blood of subjects who committed an act of self-pollution after watching grumble flicks were just one fifth of those who had had actual sex in the lab. Still, either way, nice work if you can get it.

The scientists say the difference also explains why men may need a "recovery period" after forming The Beast with Two Backs, but can happily nip to the loo for five minutes, make the bald man cry, then get straight back to work.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:18 PM EDT
Duh.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:15:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Airwolf:

... subjects who committed an act of self-pollution after watching grumble flicks ...



That's funny stuff, right there.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:16:36 PM EDT
Gee any US researchers, gimme the grant money and I spank it, you can watch as long as the grant $ is upwards of 30 G.
Fuckin A what a waste of funds!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:16:59 PM EDT
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:17:59 PM EDT
This post is 5 minutes late!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:18:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



Here ya go. Naked red head in a hot tub.



Your welcome.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:18:53 PM EDT
I will have to present these findings to my wife and form a committee to discuss possible action items.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:19:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



You can, it just wont be that satisfying.

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:19:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



With one hand like every one else.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:20:28 PM EDT
At last I can give the wife scientific proof why I want sex more than I want to masterbate......and she will believe me because I didn't say it.....some scientist said it.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:21:41 PM EDT
Gee ya think?
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:22:17 PM EDT

masturbation not as good as sex



He ain't doing it right.......
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/23/2006 3:23:42 PM EDT by DK-Prof]
Speaking of masturbation ...



Is it considered "masturbation" to "have sex" with a blow up doll? What about a blow up sheep?

How about a dead hooker?


Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:23:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Taffy223:

masturbation not as good as sex



He ain't doing it right.......


With that reaction, methinks you're not doing something right.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:03 PM EDT
He's probably trying to convince his wife...she thinks masturbation is BETTER than sex...with him!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:40 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:26:53 PM EDT
I didn't need an experiment to validate those findings.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:28:32 PM EDT
Can I volenteer for the sex part of this study?
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:31:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By vito113:
I've been married for 20 years……

……what's sex?



+17!

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind......



Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:32:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
Duh.



a big plus 1 there too.

I wonder how much grant money was wasted figuring out something they could have determined with a 10 minute poll on ARFCOM

I'm in the wrong job obviously.

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:34:42 PM EDT
How long did the scientists have to masturbate to figure this one out. I'm no scientist and I could have told you this..... Nuthin beats the real deal.....no pun intended
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:34:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/23/2006 3:50:18 PM EDT by Observer]

Originally Posted By Airwolf:

The scientists say the difference also explains why men may need a "recovery period" after forming The Beast with Two Backs, but can happily nip to the loo for five minutes, make the bald man cry, then get straight back to work.



See this is the reason I enjoy going to the UK. The investigative journalism there just kicks ass!

You simply can't get that kind of reporting in an American newspaper.

Good stuff but as a scientist and skeptic I'm going to need more comparative analysis to fully form my opinions on this subject.

Now if you'll excuse me I've gotta get my hands dirty and dig into some testing....
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:35:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



Here ya go. Naked red head in a hot tub.

img.photobucket.com/albums/v492/Bamashooter/2422f931.jpg

Your welcome.



Ohhhh baby......slap, slap, slap, slap, slap..........ahhhhhhhhhh!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:38:53 PM EDT
I'm glad it wasn't my tax dollars funding this, for once.

This one's probably already lock-worthy.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:39:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Speaking of masturbation ...



Is it considered "masturbation" to "have sex" with a blow up doll? What about a blow up sheep?

How about a dead hooker?





1. Poly sex
2. Poly beastiality
3. Necrophilia.............and fess up with the story, was it her wooden shoes that caused you to partake of this foul deed?
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:43:24 PM EDT
So, do you think this would work...

" Honey, I have dangerously low Prolactin levels"

My guess is I would get the...

"Well then you are going to die then" responce.

GM
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:45:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Speaking of masturbation ...



Is it considered "masturbation" to "have sex" with a blow up doll? If it is more enjoyable to have to blow up a giant balloon, lubricate it and then tend to the nicks and cuts from friction against the seams, it is sex, mostly because it requires nearly the amount of dedication and commitment to go out and just pick up a drunk woman at a bar What about a blow up sheep? If the doll squeaks and moans more than your live sheep, you have not applied enough lubrication and are just being masochistic

How about a dead hooker?If you found her dead, yes, if you killed her, no



Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:48:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By yekimak:

Originally Posted By DK-Prof:
Speaking of masturbation ...



Is it considered "masturbation" to "have sex" with a blow up doll? If it is more enjoyable to have to blow up a giant balloon, lubricate it and then tend to the nicks and cuts from friction against the seams, it is sex, mostly because it requires nearly the amount of dedication and commitment to go out and just pick up a drunk woman at a bar What about a blow up sheep? If the doll squeaks and moans more than your live sheep, you have not applied enough lubrication and are just being masochistic

How about a dead hooker?If you found her dead, yes, if you killed her, no






Ask any question at afrcom and you will get an answer.. I love this place
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:59:48 PM EDT
Not like the real thing? Like this?

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:05:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



Here ya go. Naked red head in a hot tub.

img.photobucket.com/albums/v492/Bamashooter/2422f931.jpg

Your welcome.



+1

Just like my wife, a red head, a doll, and often in the hot tub.

I wish I could show you her being a "Naked red head in a hot tub" - but that would be wrong. Fun, but wrong. (and no, please don't IM me)

Bama-Shooter, are you sure we don't know you?


(everyone notice that I'm over 400 posts now, at what number does that respect thing happen?)
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:39:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Hedonist:

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



Here ya go. Naked red head in a hot tub.

img.photobucket.com/albums/v492/Bamashooter/2422f931.jpg

Your welcome.



+1

Just like my wife, a red head, a doll, and often in the hot tub.

I wish I could show you her being a "Naked red head in a hot tub" - but that would be wrong. Fun, but wrong. (and no, please don't IM me)

Bama-Shooter, are you sure we don't know you?


(everyone notice that I'm over 400 posts now, at what number does that respect thing happen?)





We had some naked red head in the hot tub pics in Team before.

There's always a chance.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:15:12 PM EDT
I knew that.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:21:20 PM EDT
You don't say.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:23:02 PM EDT
I will step away to conduct scientific survey of my own; will report back in 2 mins. Yes, I am will to self-pollute for the greater glory of ARFCOM Research.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:26:02 PM EDT
some of my great orgasmic experiences have been from "punching the clown"!

from yours truly, THE MASTER OF BATER
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:26:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By spartacus2002:
I will step away to conduct scientific survey of my own; will report back in 2 mins. Yes, I am will to self-pollute for the greater glory of ARFCOM Research.




Braggart!

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:32:10 PM EDT
The big book of "Everything you ever wanted to know about sex, but were to afraid to ask" says that Oral Sex is Mutual Masterbation. So does that qualify?



Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:39:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By spartacus2002:
I will step away to conduct scientific survey of my own; will report back in 2 mins. Yes, I am will to self-pollute for the greater glory of ARFCOM Research.



I'm back. My research indicates the following facts about masturbation:
1. It is free.
2. Nobody has ever died from it.
3. Did I mention it is free?
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:40:14 PM EDT
"Why, you remember Spanky?"

"Spanky Johnson; now there is a Master Baiter. He takes into account the phases of the moon what time a-year an all. An what 'yer fishin for, temperature of the water an' such..."

Roy Dam Mercer
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:21:46 PM EDT



Aw come on. I think the prolactin finding is kind of cool. I'll talk about in class.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:30:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DefMan:
Not like the real thing? Like this?

img.photobucket.com/albums/v505/Def_Man/00009ee21zq.gif


lol!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:32:23 PM EDT
Meh. It's better than nothing.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:44:01 PM EDT
That all depends on the sex...

Prison sex, where Cletus is reaming you in the rear.... well, I'd rather punch the clown 1000 times that suffer that!!
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:45:15 PM EDT
They're not doing it right.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:55:58 PM EDT
I saw a show the other night "Strictly Sex" that when a man has sex with a woman it causes testosterone to be produced witch is good. Not happening though with master bates.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:58:44 PM EDT
what about being masterbated then? I wonder how that rates?

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 6:58:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By five2one:


Aw come on. I think the prolactin finding is kind of cool. I'll talk about in class.



I have a question: Can we just take Prolactin in a pill and not have to deal with their shit? Wouldn't that be great? Everybody'd be walkin' around all happy, and women would have no more power.

Link Posted: 2/23/2006 7:02:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By samsong:

Originally Posted By five2one:


Aw come on. I think the prolactin finding is kind of cool. I'll talk about in class.



I have a question: Can we just take Prolactin in a pill and not have to deal with their shit? Wouldn't that be great? Everybody'd be walkin' around all happy, and women would have no more power.




Send the idea to Merk and Co. !
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 7:03:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By out-a-ammo:

Originally Posted By mjohn3006:
How am I supposed to masturbate to this thread?



You can, it just wont be that satisfying.




Speak for yourself.
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