This is without a doubt the worst cat I've ever had. When I was very young, my dad picked up a Siamese we named Tie, and he had the unfortunate luck of scratching my sister's face. Into the TDP machine with Tie. Charlie was great. He was friendly, liked to be petted and picked up, disappeared completely when he wanted to be left alone, tough enough to beat up on the local dogs when they got too close, could climb trees and whatnot... I liked Charlie.
This one sucks.
1. Hates being picked up. He gets out his right rear pinky claw and digs it into your t-shirt and pulls out a loop of thread, thus ruining every fucking t-shirt I have.
2. Will not sit on your lap. Pick him up and he gets this glassy look in his eyes and you can tell there's nothing this cat wants more than Freedom. He will do anything to run three feet from you, turn his back, lift his tail, and make sure that he shows you his bullseye.
3. Follows me into the bathroom every time I pinch a loaf. I don't know why, but he follows me everywhere making sure he's underfoot at all times, and comes to sniff the toilet when I'm busy with things I don't want cats involved with.
4. Bedhog. He goes to my girlfriend's side of the bed and takes up the bottom four square feet of the bed, forcing her knee into my back. This pisses me off to no end.
5. He's a total pussy. The cat from next door chews his head all day and he won't do shit about it except to lie on the floor on his back and get his ass kicked.
6. I don't know what to call this. I was eating a little string cheese tonight, and was throwing him the scraps from time to time. At the end of the last one, I had a length of string cheese in my mouth and saw him watching me and licking his lips. I pulled a little out of my mouth, broke it off, and threw it down on the plastic chair wheel mat I have in the office to save the carpet a little wear. He looked at it and was like, "I'm not eating that, it's been in your mouth." Fine. I went back to the fridge and picked up three more and sat there peeling them off and relishing every last bit of 'em while he begged for a scrap but wouldn't touch the chunk that was right in front of him. Every time he licked his lips I pointed out the chunk I had in my mouth (hell I was gonna eat it) that wasn't good enough for him. I brush my teeth and refrain from licking my own asshole, so I don't think he's got any ground to stand on here. Fuck him.
When the S hits the F, I'm not feeding this piece of crap cat anymore. Go catch a mouse.