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Posted: 2/14/2006 11:57:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/14/2006 11:58:16 PM EDT by swingset]
My wife and I were having a conversation over dinner, about oral sex of course. (what else do you talk about?)

She asked if I were able to reach it, you know.....self serve.....would I indulge?

I thought about this long and hard, no pun intended, over my fried catfish and scalloped potatoes, and I came to the conclusion (again, no pun intended), that I would not enjoy doing myself....at least not in such an unnatural way. First, I would worry about the long term shape of my spine, knowing my propensity to overdo things, and secondly the attraction of good oral is laying there not doing anything! How could I enjoy it if I'm doing all the work? And, worse, what if I wasn't good at it? That would suck (third no-pun intended).

The last consideration, obviously, is would I be obliged to swallow? I mean, it's only polite but the thought creeped me out, and I went back to my food and tried to wash the mental images of my mom walking in on such a horror out of my head.

Ok, discuss. Who's with me? And, by with me I mean not relishing the thought of self-service, not "with me".

Jeesh, this is getting me all weirded out.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:02:41 AM EDT
c'mon! Dont act like you never tried.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:05:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ArmedAndRetarded:
c'mon! Dont act like you never tried.



7 years of wasted Yoga classes.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:07:31 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/15/2006 12:07:43 AM EDT by M15A2]
I'd never leave the house.

Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:11:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M15A2:
I'd never leave the house.




So that means "yes" to the swallow issue, I take it?
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:11:36 AM EDT
Tried it...did it...not worth the effort.

Next!

Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:12:18 AM EDT
Id divorce my wife and live a seclusive life of a pervert hermit. My breath would smell like bleach forever.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:12:30 AM EDT
I did not even try to lie to my GF, i said hell yeah i would.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:12:52 AM EDT

Originally Posted By swingset:

Originally Posted By M15A2:
I'd never leave the house.




So that means "yes" to the swallow issue, I take it?



I'm still chewin on that part of the issue.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:14:12 AM EDT
You're gay if you swallow your own load
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:14:23 AM EDT
Uhh, you'd have to bend your spine to do it?




- BG
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:16:34 AM EDT
Seriously though, I wouldn't try it. Who knows where its been?
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:19:05 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M15A2:
Seriously though, I wouldn't try it. Who knows where its been?



+1
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:19:27 AM EDT
OMG!

The things you hear about on Arf!

Its like having a seat in the locker room!

WHY do I have the feeling I'm going to regret seeing this in my active topics?

Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:21:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BUCC_Guy:
Uhh, you'd have to bend your spine to do it?



Yeah, I have a 55" long torso, or otherwise it'd be a cinch. <cough>
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:24:15 AM EDT
I don't know if it's true or not but I think the lead singer from A Perfect Circle/TOOL (sorry can't remember his name at the moment) had two ribs removed so he could perform said act. Again, this was a long time ago and I don't know if it holds any truth.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:26:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By al_bundy:
I don't know if it's true or not but I think the lead singer from A Perfect Circle/TOOL (sorry can't remember his name at the moment) had two ribs removed so he could perform said act. Again, this was a long time ago and I don't know if it holds any truth.



It was said that Marilyn Manson did, not the guy from Tool. I don't think there is any truth to it, though.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:28:41 AM EDT
I need to scatch my eyes out over this one
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:36:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Tim84K10:

Originally Posted By al_bundy:
I don't know if it's true or not but I think the lead singer from A Perfect Circle/TOOL (sorry can't remember his name at the moment) had two ribs removed so he could perform said act. Again, this was a long time ago and I don't know if it holds any truth.



It was said that Marilyn Manson did, not the guy from Tool. I don't think there is any truth to it, though.



I heard it was Jim J. Bullock. Wait, no, I think it was the guy that played Schneider the handyman on Alice. Yeah, that was the guy. Had his whole rib cage removed.

hehe....also heard pop rocks and diet coke will make your head explode.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 12:36:55 AM EDT

Originally Posted By usp45c:
I need to scatch my eyes out over this one



<scrolling up to see any pictures of said act>

Nope, no pictures. You are safe.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:00:02 AM EDT
If any mans seman is touching my mouth it may as well be mine.

Otherwise someone is going to die.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:11:10 AM EDT
y'all have entirely too much free time


Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:14:25 AM EDT

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
y'all have entirely too much free time





They're paying me a pretty penny to sit here and peck out these gems, too.

Hey, it was the wife that brought it up!
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:46:34 AM EDT
I tried to.


Put on some ankle weights and put my feet and legs up a wall. I let gravity take over hoping the weights would give me enough momentum to curve my spine to close the gap so to speak.


It didn't work. Explaining the injury I sustained to my chiropracter was a real hoot though...
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:51:57 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:52:09 AM EDT
Nothing worse than eating a bowl of Farina then reading this topic, next..AR Discusion Here I come.
Link Posted: 2/15/2006 1:52:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/15/2006 1:52:10 AM EDT by 82ndAbn]
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