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Posted: 2/13/2006 10:47:44 AM EDT
The British are feeling the pinch because of the recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Rumors reportedly emenating from Downing Street, have it that rather soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Further, the terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Phrench government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." This sudden action to raise the threat level was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and Phrench that are on a heightened level of alert: Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain: "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They also have two higher levels: "invade a neighbor" and "lose a war".

The Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday (as usual) and the only threat they worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

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