Quoted: Just when you think you've seen it all.......
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Don't be too sure about that...
"i just felt like reading this will improve everyone's mind and soul.
As an avid reader of your column, I thought of you and only you for help with this problem. My grandmother, 78 and widowed, is a kind, generous woman who has seen her share of difficult times. She is a bit offbeat, but extremely conservative and religious. After my grandfather passed on, she purchased a lively little parakeet and named him Pretty Baby. Pretty has provided wonderful companionship and entertainment for my grandmother, even learning to speak to her. Pretty is an amazing mimic, repeating phrases she has taught him: "I love you!" "Lock the door!" "Give me kisses!" And so on.
The problem is the kissing... or what I recently witnessed the kissing leads to. One evening, Pretty began to squawk "Give me kisses! Give me kisses!" and my grandmother walked over to the cage and slipped one finger between the bars. Pretty Baby proceeded to "kiss" her fingernail and flutter about. She purred, "Give Grandma lovin', Pretty Baby, give Grandma lovin'." She then turned to me and said, "Pretty Baby wants to give me lovin', and he won't quiet down until he does." Pretty Baby proceeded to screech more and more loudly, as he humped my grandmother's finger wildly. She also moved it back and forth for him. I was stunned and unsure of what was happening, so I sat quietly in my chair, looking in the opposite direction, hoping that I wasn't really witnessing what I thought I was. My grandmother cleared it up quickly, saying, "He'll calm down after he climaxes," smiling away and continuing to repeat, "Give me your lovin', Pretty Baby, that's it..." When Pretty Baby was finished, she looked back at me and said, "I'd better wash my hands!" I left minutes later, unable to process what had just happened. Grandmother, however, never flinched, acting like it was an everyday occurrence.
I'm still horrified. Should I be concerned, Dan? About my grandmother? About Pretty Baby? Help!
Polly Wanna Wanker"
Response to question
here..