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Posted: 2/2/2006 3:23:32 PM EDT
Well, based on all the advice I received in this thread:

http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=429168&page=1

I finally got off my ass and moved out. This is the nastiest, hardest, most fucked up day in my life. I am a total wreck and feel fucking awful.

A coworker of mine has a house and has agred to let me move in and stay as long as I please, so housing is covered. All my guns, computers, and guitars are secured here; I just have some piddly shit to get tomorrow from the old pad and then it is 100% DONE.

I feel so fucking awful. Somebody please convince me I did the right thing and I will eventually get over this.

Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:32:30 PM EDT
was through a similar situation 6 months ago....best thing that ever happened to me. Man up and stay away from the drink and shit will work out.

Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:33:56 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:38:37 PM EDT
Be glad you werent married with property, assets, children, and then you were moving out. It will take some time, but this too shall pass.

Stay busy, look up old friends, enjoy the time to yourself. Everything will be fine. And stay off of the drink.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:40:44 PM EDT
I hear you guys on the 'stay away from the drinks.' Several friends have offered to take me out for drinks, but I told then no go on alcohol. I am not much of a drinker anyways, and don't want to wind an alcoholic from this shit.

Thanks, folks, I need this.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:40:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SeeknDestroy:
was through a similar situation 6 months ago....best thing that ever happened to me. Man up and stay away from the drink and shit will work out.




+1 get a membership at the Y or a gym. If you are having trouble sleeping go see a doc for some anxiety meds short term. Stress will kill you, exercize and a righteous lifestyle is the only cure. Booze and drugs will only compound problems.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:45:12 PM EDT
Stay off the bottle.
Hit the gym and the range to vent.
Be good to yourself.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:49:53 PM EDT
agreed on the notion to be glad that you weren't already married.

When I got divorced, it wasn't just "sad" or "depressing" or "frustrating." It was also humiliating and embarrassing.

You'll come out better in the end because there were no strings attached or loose ends to tie up.

Now, the hard part will be avoiding giving in to pleas of "baby, come back."
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 3:58:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:

I feel so fucking awful. Somebody please convince me I did the right thing and I will eventually get over this.




Time will convince you that you did the right thing, and it will help you get over it.

So what did she say when you told her it was over?
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:01:51 PM EDT
Just take it easy.

Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:04:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/2/2006 4:04:36 PM EDT by Itchy]
I agree with hitting the gym wholeheartedly. It gets you out of the house and around people, helps you to relax and get a good nights sleep, gives you a goal every day and makes you feel great while getting into shape.

Every bad breakup I have had, I worked it out at the gym.

Bookstores have always been close to my heart. Nothing better than a good book before bed time.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:05:31 PM EDT
Oddly, she did not say much. A few tears and that was it. It scares me how cold she was in the last two months. She denies seeing anyone else, but I will always carry serious doubts.

Well, the good news is that I am neither a drinker nor drug user, so have no fear of me heading down that path. I have other more constructive outlets to explore.

On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup? If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it? Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while. I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:06:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Itchy:

Bookstores have always been close to my heart. Nothing better than a good book before bed time.



Some outstanding advice right there. Nice food, a cold (soft) drink and a good book.

You're gonna be OK bro, just hang in there.

Good luck.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:07:28 PM EDT
Be careful of the rebound relationship. Banging boots should be just that.

Try not to get involved, i.e. if it's a one night stand make sure it stays that way.

Never hang around and watch the sun come up.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:08:23 PM EDT

Hardest day of my frickin life.....
Well then, that only meens it will get better...


+1 on thedoctors308's post...
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:10:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:

On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup? If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it? Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while. I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.



Swear off women for awhile - you don't want some disease from a one night stand (see the STD thread) messing things up for the next women you end up serious with.

Get your head (the one up top) straight before you pursue any type of relationship. Your judgement will be better and you'll end up with a better woman.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:11:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JoeWang:

Originally Posted By SeeknDestroy:
was through a similar situation 6 months ago....best thing that ever happened to me. Man up and stay away from the drink and shit will work out.




+1 get a membership at the Y or a gym. If you are having trouble sleeping go see a doc for some anxiety meds short term. Stress will kill you, exercize and a righteous lifestyle is the only cure. Booze and drugs will only compound problems.



There ya go. This is your chance to turn yourself into a rippling bronze god, so that when you're my age people who see you without your shirt will say "You used to work out a lot, didn't you?"

All kidding aside, it is a good opportunity to get serious about lifting or learning Hebrew, or whatever you've been meaning to do. I think you did right and saved yourself a lot of grief. Be strong. Planned drinking only, as in "This Friday, my best friend will come to my place and we'll drink as much as we please. I will not ask if he has seen Brokeback Mountain."

It's "you" time, physically, educationally, and spiritually. Get to work, and don't look back. Live like a monk for awhile, becoming the guy you'd want your sister to meet.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:14:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:

On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup? If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it? Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while. I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.



Avoid women. Wank furiously. No kidding. If you go out getting it wet in your present state of mind, you will make horrible mistakes, which may require antibiotics and/or injunctions to correct.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:17:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:
Oddly, she did not say much. A few tears and that was it. It scares me how cold she was in the last two months. She denies seeing anyone else, but I will always carry serious doubts.

Well, the good news is that I am neither a drinker nor drug user, so have no fear of me heading down that path. I have other more constructive outlets to explore.

On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup? If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it? Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while. I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.



I had a very similar situation to yours, I started drinking, and every decent looking girl I came across. It doesn't help the best thing I have found is just find something constructive to do when you are craving sex, or just do like I did and become a man whore, (but it won't really fill any void)
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:18:13 PM EDT
Hang in there bud, it can only get better. My girlfriend of 3.5 yrs broke up with me 3 weeks ago and within 1 week was getting love letters from this guy she met a month before. I'm glad she did the right thing as our relationship wouldn't have lasted. Sometimes ya gotta do the right thing even when it hurts like hell. You made the right choice.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:23:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung: I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.


Don't set a fixed time to abstain from women. I did that a few times, and ended up using it as an excuse not to try again. I simply kept putting it off, or avoiding situations where I could have met someone really good. Think of the last time you really sprained your ankle, you thought it might be broken, so you went to the Doctors office for X-Rays. It wasn't broken, just a nasty sprain, try to remain comfortable, don't overdo things, and only do activities as tolerated. If it bothers you don't do it, if it doesn't bother you, then by all means proceed.

And lay off the "serious" relationship thoughts. Serious relationships aren't terribly healthy if they're not casual relationships first. Take it easy, you're doing fine. Don't look back.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:24:01 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/2/2006 4:28:57 PM EDT by Outsider_10fp]
Take off the Mini-skirt and put yer pants back on!!

try this
2300 bux to go from Dallas to Miami
two tire repairs 3 hours into the trip -50 bux
Miss.- Oil cooler goes out - 1350 bux
Fl - something falls in the turbo- two hours filing and sanding to save 1800 bux
same time the radiator flush (brake cleaner and cascade) from MS. causes water pump top go bad - 500 bux
Fl. need oil change -150 bux
FL same time as oil change busted wheel seal 190 bux.
Fuel for said trip- 800 bux

2490 bux
Driver salary NADA! repairs ate it all
Normal timespan for trip 2 days, time done in- 6 days
so I paid 190 bux to deliver someones shit, and you're bitchen about leaving something that was disrespecting you

Good for ya less headeaches now
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:25:04 PM EDT
If ya get a chance to tag some new honey, go for it. But keep it at that. Nothing serious for awhile. Your hard and fast rule should be no sleep over. Keeps em coming back for more
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:26:23 PM EDT
Wow bro, good for you! Now don't go doin' nothing foolish like... moving back there in two months! It'll be rough, but it took some balls to up and walk like you did. It was the right thing, now stick by it.


Originally Posted By cyoung:
On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup? If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it? Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while. I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.



Yeah, six months minimum before you think about serious relationships.

Stay there awhile, maybe think about renting yourself a studio apartment. If you get along real good with the guy you're staying with, split bills and stick around... but bail before it gets tense in there. Be careful of anyone knowing about your firearms, make sure your friend keeps quiet too.

Whack off alot... the pron has a valid use ya know.

Socialize, hang out with women, but dont spend alot of time talking about your ex, thats bad... try to have fun, and enjoy being REAL SINGLE for awhile, a year is good... two is better. Have a few bed buddies, but don't go movin in with em.

Good luck!
and for fuck sake brother, have a beer! Celebrate the good life!


Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:30:10 PM EDT
hey brother, i got news...you haven't lived yet.

if this is the worst day of your life you've lived a pretty cushy assed life and you need to get off the fucking internet, and go do something that counts, like spend time with your mom and dad while they are still alive, put some brocolli and brussell sprouts in the ground (it's time) and go talk to your best friend in life, the guy you grew up with, so when you are both 60 you have stories to swap.

If this is hurting you, my life would have already killed you.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:32:37 PM EDT
Look, you don't realize this, but this might be a good thing that at this moment in time sucks. You can have all your life all to yourself (something that I wish that I could have sometimes). Work out, work at your job, improve your life. If you keep your life in order, and suceed, you will find other women. Women are easy to find, finding a woman worth the trouble is hard. Don't push it, or all you will find are the ones that aren't worth your effort. SO, with that said, stay away from women for a while. God made porn for a reason. You don't want some mooching, always in your life, jealous, domineering, conniving types in your life, and you are in no position to be able to spot those trends at this time.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:32:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Outsider_10fp:
Driver salary NADA! repairs ate it all
Normal timespan for trip 2 days, time done in- 6 days
so I paid 190 bux to deliver someones shit, and you're bitchen about leaving something that was disrespecting you



Yep, he has a really good point there
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 4:48:56 PM EDT
In the immortal words of the prophet Steve Perry, be good to yourself, when nobody else will.
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 5:02:20 PM EDT
I hope you feel better soon. It sounds as if you have good moral character. Best of luck, Patty
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 5:12:37 PM EDT
Life is too short to spend one minute with someone who does not want to be with you..............

Spend your life with like-minded folks who respect you, enjoy your company, and support you.... the rest... FUCK EM'
Link Posted: 2/2/2006 6:16:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GreyGoose:
Be glad you werent married with property, assets, children, and then you were moving out. It will take some time, but this too shall pass.

Stay busy, look up old friends, enjoy the time to yourself. Everything will be fine. And stay off of the drink.



thats the truth, im going thru it right now, divore pending.

it all works out, just stay busy, the more you sit around and reflect the harder it is
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:04:34 AM EDT
Well, this is dat two and I already feel 100% better. I think yesterday that being physically tired, plus emotionally drained was just a bit much. Thanks for the advice, folks. I am going to do my best to keep busy, move ahead, and never look back.

Thanks!
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:27:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:
On another note - how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup?



Let's put it this way - I started going to the gym just to get my left arm as big as my right.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:32:09 AM EDT
my wife and i broke up for a year before we got married..

got back together and where married within 3 months lol

that was 13 years and 3 kids ago..

so ya never know what might happen

good luck bud

and it get easier with a little time
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:39:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JoeWang:

Originally Posted By SeeknDestroy:
was through a similar situation 6 months ago....best thing that ever happened to me. Man up and stay away from the drink and shit will work out.




+1 get a membership at the Y or a gym. If you are having trouble sleeping go see a doc for some anxiety meds short term. Stress will kill you, exercize and a righteous lifestyle is the only cure. Booze and drugs will only compound problems.



+1 on the gym. When I went through a divorce, I got a gym membership. Best thing I did. I felt better, I felt better about myself, I looked better. There's just something about having the hot babes staring at you that makes that heartache easier to deal with.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:43:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/3/2006 8:46:19 AM EDT by TomHighway]
Dude, you might want to visit your friendly, local neighborhood strip club some. I guarantee you the girls will make you feel better. See what it is like to have someone try to please YOU for a change. They will listen to your tales of woe, and they you can stare at their tails of steel. The most beautiful women I have ever met have been strippers. An evening with them is kind of like leasing a car you can't really afford, but you still get most of the benefits.

This is a great idea for you because you are not getting yourself into another relationship. It is strictly a pay-as-you-go deal. You also can be the judge about how much money you want spend. Go once a week, or once a month. When the night is over, she doesn't cost you any more until you go see her again. Not a constant drain like a conventional relationship.

Just set down and calculate how much you spent on your old G/F over the last 12 months. That could be your budget to spend at a strip club. Get the picture?

The best part is you never have to listen to the bitching, and you don't have to call her the next day.

You might even find one you like more than the others and become a regular customer. Try it for a while and see how you like it. Good luck.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:50:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ops144:
my wife and i broke up for a year before we got married..

got back together and where married within 3 months lol

that was 13 years and 3 kids ago..

so ya never know what might happen

good luck bud

and it get easier with a little time



You are one of the VERY FEW this happens to. This may give him false hope and he may dwell on it on the thought of "MAYBE, we may get back together" Sometimes people need a JOLT like your relationship therefore it makes you appreciate it better like you have.

I dont know your situation but his for 10 years is a long time for a JOLT. Just sounds like there is more to her story than she is letting him know.

Seen THAT movie before.

Best advice is what these guys have been telling him... get to the gym... body and mind work together when both are healthy and are in sync.

CYoung, Think of yourself for a while... you OWE it to yourself. There is more to her story than she is telling and you will find out later... maybe a week, a month, a year or 10 years... there is more.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:55:48 AM EDT
not ment to give him false hope"sorry if it did"

we dated for 5 yrs before the break up"and it was ugly"
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 8:59:25 AM EDT
Go knock the bottom out of a whiskey bottle and a 19yr old college freshman.

And I wonder why all my friends wives don't like me....
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 9:04:43 AM EDT
Nothing will get you over one ho better than finding another ho.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 9:07:44 AM EDT
cyoung,

What you just did is called SELF RESPECT.

You did the right thing. Learn from this. And I mean learn more about YOU.

CMOS
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 9:11:30 AM EDT
Sounds like you made the right choice.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 9:23:23 AM EDT
You did the right thing. Time really does heal all wounds ; just hang in there.
Link Posted: 2/3/2006 11:40:30 AM EDT
Fear not, guys and gals, this exit was a one-way event. I am not dare going to chance going through this shit with her again. The plan is to get back to being ME for a bit, join a band (I am a bass guitar player) and take some dancing lessons.

I am going to leave the guns in the cabinet for a bit longer until my head is more 'in teh game.' Being distracted + guns = bad idea just now.

I never thought advice from dozens of strangers on a web site could be so helpful.....

So, who is near Gainesville, FL and wants to go to CAfe Risque?

Link Posted: 2/3/2006 6:21:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:
Fear not, guys and gals, this exit was a one-way event. I am not dare going to chance going through this shit with her again. The plan is to get back to being ME for a bit, join a band (I am a bass guitar player) and take some dancing lessons.

I am going to leave the guns in the cabinet for a bit longer until my head is more 'in teh game.' Being distracted + guns = bad idea just now.

I never thought advice from dozens of strangers on a web site could be so helpful.....

So, who is near Gainesville, FL and wants to go to CAfe Risque?




AHHHH then we bass players MUST stick together and I HAVE THE CURE FOR YOU!!!

Go out and buy the Fender Jazz Bass Geddy Lee Edition... its about 700.00 and you WILL be cured!!!

Link Posted: 2/3/2006 6:25:39 PM EDT
You know, I am not a big Fender fan, but I played that bass and simply LOVED it.

My basses currently:

Peavey Cirrus 4 string, Bubinga
Peavey Dyna-Bass Unity Series, 4 string, red
Carvin LB20 fretless, koa wood, ebony fingerboard, Wilkinson bridge

Link Posted: 2/4/2006 8:20:47 AM EDT

Originally Posted By cyoung:

Carvin LB20 fretless, koa wood, ebony fingerboard, Wilkinson bridge





DUDE!!!! AWESOME bass... My guitarist always gives me grief about Carvin.. Almost all my amps and sound equipment is Carvin.

You see? this just proves that you are on the right road!!
Link Posted: 2/4/2006 8:32:30 AM EDT
You are going to feel worse before you feel better. But you will feel better in a year or two.

You did the right thing. Raising children if the most difficult, frightening and emotionally trying thing you can do. You need a partner that is 100% certain that children is what she wants. You owe it to your future kids to select the right Mom for them.

You know deep down that you did the right thing. Just hold on to that and keep breathing until things get better.
Link Posted: 2/4/2006 8:45:44 AM EDT
Another huge vote for excercise.

And I disagree with others on this, and have in the past, but getting laid always did more for me than just about anything else in getting over a woman. Usually only took and day or two and voila, Sheila who? Just use your big head, not your little one.
Link Posted: 2/4/2006 8:59:21 AM EDT
Originally Posted By cyoung:
Well, the good news is that I am neither a drinker nor drug user, so have no fear of me heading down that path. I have other more constructive outlets to explore.

good deal man, too many people try to drown their sorrow's and end up back in a worse situation than they began with.

On another note -
how did you guys deal with the sexual frustration after the breakup?
started playing in a band, and going to church.

If the opportunity arises for a no-strings pity fuck, should I pass or go for it?
go to walmart and buy a big box of jimmies, you'll be surprised at the women you meet in church and while playing clubs.

Seriously, here, should I just swear off all womenz for a while.
No, best not to dwell on the past, like its said, the worst pain a man can feel is remembering his life in better times.

I plan on waiting at least six months before pursuing any kind of serious relationship.
yeah man, don't jump back into the fray too soon, wait a year or two, you've been thrown, but you don't want to climb back into just any saddle anytime soon, you got a "do over", you know what your looking for, so this time you can stand back and look over the herd and choose the horse of your liking.
[/
Link Posted: 2/4/2006 10:10:52 AM EDT
Think of it like this:

Today was the hardest day of your life, but later on you are going to say it was the best thing you ever did.

Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

PS Not to belittle your situation, but if breaking up with your girlfriend is the worst day of your life, you haven't had much hardship. Imagine people whose children have died. Imagine wives whose husbands are in Iraq today. They're having a lot worse days than you. Think glass half full here.
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