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Posted: 1/26/2006 10:46:11 PM EDT
A buddy of mine from HS was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. At first, he went to the doctor because he thought he had pneumonia, which he did, and was aggravated by the aforementioned cancer.

So he'd undergone chemotherapy for a couple of months, and they told him that the cancer had shrunk to the point where it might be possible to try to remove it. We went to see him at home a few times, and while he was short of breath, he was still his same old self (very little weight loss, etc).

A few weeks ago, he went back to the hospital, complaining of pain in his abdomen, right about where the gall bladder is located, and as it happened, he did have fluid built up around it, but since he was having trouble eating, he was too weak to withstand surgery, and he was told that it wouldn't make any difference if they removed his gall bladder or not. On our last visit to him in the hospital, his spirits were high, but man...he looks awful. He was 5'10, and around 235, and all of it muscle. Now, he's probably around 130, if that much. The way he and everybody in his family talks, everything is as "ok" as can be expected, but all physical indications (to me, anyway) are bad...REAL bad.

Now, he's always been one of my shooting buds, and he's always had a "thing" for the .45, but he had to sell both of his to pay bills. We still talk about taking him out shooting as soon as he's able, but to tell the very sad truth, I just don't see it, and I don't think anyone else does, either.

So he calls me today before I go to work, and after awhile of the usual small talk, he asks me to do him a favor. Naturally, I tell him that anything he needs, I'm up for. What he wants, is for me to take him buy a pistol, specifically, a 45. Immediately, red flags and alarm bells went off in my head.

I really don't know if he wants one for that last shooting trip, or the..uh...alternative. I'd figure that if he was simply wanting to have one for shooting, waiting until he was strong enough wouldn't be any big deal, but he wanted me to take him RFN.

I'd hate like hell to deny carrying him so he can get a pistol he would definitely enjoy the hell out of shooting, but then again I know him, and he is watching himself waste away, and I KNOW that this isn't how he wants to go. Then again, he also has a family that he wouldn't hurt in any way for anything in the world.

I dunno, man. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this shit.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 10:49:01 PM EDT
No.... No No No NO!

Do NOT bring it to him... he can wait until he gets an ALL CLEAR from the docs... go with your gut man. What if he is planning to check out... How would you feel?
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 10:50:05 PM EDT
Have a serious man to man talk about that .45
Suicide is the pussy's way out.
Suicide with a family is selfish and unforgiveable.
Tell him that.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 10:50:32 PM EDT
to be honest. I'd let him go the way he wants.....

wasting away like that is no way to die. I know I wouldn't want to.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 10:50:33 PM EDT
For a family member maybe but for a friend. I wouldn't do it.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 10:52:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
No.... No No No NO!

Do NOT bring it to him... he can wait until he gets an ALL CLEAR from the docs... go with your gut man. What if he is planning to check out... How would you feel?

He didn't want me to bring him one, he wants me to take him to a gunshop so he can buy one. Ordinarily, his wanting a .45 wouldn't even raise an eyebrow, but the urgency is what set off my alarms.
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 11:04:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDunstan:
Have a serious man to man talk about that .45
Suicide is the pussy's way out.
Suicide with a family is selfish and unforgiveable.
Tell him that.



I watched my brother die from lung cancer .
Suicide would have been a dignified option .
Not necessarily with a gun ( Too Messy for family to see )
but anyone in end stage cancer has the drugs on
hand to do the job , and I'm sure more then a few do .

If you haven't seen it , you can't imagine how painful
it is to watch , let alone suffer through
Link Posted: 1/26/2006 11:17:39 PM EDT
There aren't any words one can say.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:07:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Zardoz:

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
No.... No No No NO!

Do NOT bring it to him... he can wait until he gets an ALL CLEAR from the docs... go with your gut man. What if he is planning to check out... How would you feel?

He didn't want me to bring him one, he wants me to take him to a gunshop so he can buy one. Ordinarily, his wanting a .45 wouldn't even raise an eyebrow, but the urgency is what set off my alarms.



AH! Im sorry I misread your original post... But the basic sentiment is still there. dont help him.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:13:46 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:15:54 PM EDT
Man, very rough. I hope he pulls through.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:16:33 PM EDT
Just damn.

Don't know how I'd react.

Praying for you, and him.

SG
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:18:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/27/2006 8:25:46 PM EDT by joker581]

Originally Posted By ARDunstan:
Have a serious man to man talk about that .45
Suicide is the pussy's way out.
Suicide with a family is selfish and unforgiveable.
Tell him that.

Say that when you are dying of cancer.

ETA: Have a serious talk with him. He may want to commit suicide, or he may just want the option for later. Dying of cancer is a rough way to go, and many opt to skip the worst of the suffering.

Despite what others may say, wasting away to nothing and dying a slow, painful death is grounds for considering suicide. Everyone has to make a choice based of their personal ethics regarding the support or assistance they are willing to provide.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:24:45 PM EDT
tell him you would love to take him when he gets better and you would buy it(if you could afford too).
but right now you feel hesitate.because your gut tells you that you are afraid he may do something that you regrett and could not live having his family blame you for helping him to commit suicide.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:26:34 PM EDT
No gun. If he eats it, it'll be on your conscience for the rest of your life. Get him OPC-3 instead (the powder form) and have him take a lot of it. I know someone who made a remarkable recovery drinking that stuff.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:26:50 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDunstan:
Have a serious man to man talk about that .45
Suicide is the pussy's way out.
Suicide with a family is selfish and unforgiveable.
Tell him that.



Link Posted: 1/27/2006 8:38:24 PM EDT
My faher passed away from Kidney cancer 2 years ago this March. I watched him wheter away in a hospital bed here at our house. That is now way for a good man to go out. But also I don't believe suicide is the answer. I would give it some time, and see what his thoughts are in a few days. If I had not been through what I went through with my father I would give an absolute NO, but I know I wouldn't want to go out the way my father did.

I would give him the most support you can. Fly in his closest friends. It means alot to them, atleast it did to my father.
Link Posted: 1/27/2006 11:42:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/27/2006 11:46:55 PM EDT by Zardoz]

Have a serious talk with him.
I do plan on doing just that, and talk to his wife and try to get the straight skinny on his condition & prognosis.

Dying of cancer is a rough way to go, and many opt to skip the worst of the suffering.
True. Another HS buddy's father (another one of our shooting buds) died of throat cancer a couple years ago. He went from simply having trouble swallowing to dead in just over a month. Watching him go like that was truly awful.

Despite what others may say, wasting away to nothing and dying a slow, painful death is grounds for considering suicide
My thought as well to tell the truth, though admittedly, I don't have a wife or children that must be considered.


ETA:

I would give him the most support you can. Fly in his closest friends. It means alot to them, atleast it did to my father.
True. Letting people know that you are concerned for them is extremely important, and gives them more reason to fight the disease. Moral support is the least of this guy's worries though, believe me. His house and/or hospital room is like Grand Central station.
Link Posted: 1/28/2006 12:13:31 AM EDT
It's a hard call. If he's fixin' to check himself out, your conciensce is gonna eat you up. But it's gonna do the same thing if he wastes away to nothing and then dies.

Sorry to hear about your situation man. But he probably trusts you a considerable ammount to ask you, regardless of his intentions for the gun.
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