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Posted: 1/23/2006 9:57:00 AM EDT
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident New Jersey
Driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between
you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by
somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have
of getting hit.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
especially with PA, NY or Del plates. With no insurance, the other
operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks ! in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal
violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good
way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and
are not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.

8. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up
or move over doesn't mean that a New York driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

9. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. New Jersey is the home
of high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works,
which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them
alert.

11. It is tradition in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars in front
of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

12. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is
important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing
your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

13. Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get ahead
of the pack by whatever means necessary.

14.WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one
expects it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
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