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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:08:33 PM EDT
[#1]
And if there is any debt on it it will be his the day he marries her. Sounds like it is all about status with this one and she will break any man financially. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:10:15 PM EDT
[#2]
Yes you are. You are going to take her back.  
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:16:48 PM EDT
[#3]
"It's not you, it's ME. I just realized I'm gay. Oops, gotta go. There's a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" marathon on TV."
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:18:21 PM EDT
[#4]
Send her a box of her favorite chocolates.
Then another. and another. and again. Until she's 50 lbs heavier than the first box. 
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:18:44 PM EDT
[#5]
Hey, if you're the kind of guy who is willing to go crazy to make more money to support a princess in the Manner In Which She Is Accustomed.. By all means yes. You're making a mistake. If the meaning of love to her is material shit, yours had better be too. Personally I think you need to go get a lottery ticket, because dodging a bullet like that doesn't happen every day. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:18:45 PM EDT
[#6]
DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! If she throws the guntlet down now, she will later. That means when she asks you to sell all your guns, to foresake all your friends, to buy her a house you cannot afford, to give up your job, or to take a second to support her lifestyle, it will ALWAYS NOW AND FOREVER be accompanied by those famous words: "...OR ELSE..." Not a good way to live in a relationship. Not a chance in hell of working. Repeat after me: "I SWEAR BY MY LIFE AND MY LOVE OF IT THAT I WILL NEVER LIVE FOR THE SAKE OF ANOTHER [WO]MAN, NOR ASK ANOTHER [WO]MAN TO LIVE FOR MINE." ETA: Read Daisy's post in THIS thread about my own just ended relationship, and you'll see how a NORMAL, well adjusted, non psycho woman behaves. Her man started a business. It takes time from her. She SUPPORTS him and voiced clear, reasonable expectations that will balance the needs of the relationship with their own respective autonomy and happiness. She is not subverting him, she's not tearing him down, and she's not trying to sabotage his new business to "get him back" to the level of time with her that she wants. That's the exception. You've got the rule. Behave accordingly. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:21:14 PM EDT
[#7]
A big rock would buy a lot of ammo.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:27:47 PM EDT
[#8]
Bud, step back and really look at what life will be with who you marry. If it is going to be filled with episodes such as this do you want to do it? Have you discussed finances? Does she have credit cards? What does she owe on them? Do you even know? Did she tell you how to spend your money before the "blessed" day? Does she sulk if she does not get her way?
Do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? I spent 7 years regretting my first marriage. And I "knew" better before I said I do. I was a dumbass. It did NOT get better...............by far. Take some time and THINK. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:29:34 PM EDT
[#9]
Fixed it. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:34:00 PM EDT
[#10]
Actually, I think Kanye West summed this one up...
"I ain't saying she's a goldigger......." |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:34:26 PM EDT
[#11]
Agreed. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:36:17 PM EDT
[#12]
For those that have been married once before, did you ever feel like you wouldn't find another woman that made you happy? If so, did worrying that you wouldn't meet someone as good influence your decision to get married?
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:37:52 PM EDT
[#13]
Nobody else but you can make you happy. Once you realize that, then you may be ready to get married. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:38:47 PM EDT
[#14]
Do us a favor.... List the red flags to help the poor souls of ARF for what to watch out for. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:39:37 PM EDT
[#15]
+ a Billion |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:40:22 PM EDT
[#16]
The mistake would be if you took her back. Consider yourself lucky. You only wasted 4 years on this relationship, and you found out what she's like before it's too late. Now use what you learned to figure out what qualities you really want in a woman. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:44:34 PM EDT
[#17]
You just need to open your eyes and make sure "being in love" isn't clouding your judgement. Look at how she treats other people in everyday life. People at work, people in her family. You may feel 'special' now because she treats you really good, but eventually she will start to treat you that way. Look at how she handled other relationships in the past. What went wrong? How did she handle it? Again, you may feel since "we're in love" you're exempt from this behavior. You are not. What she has done to other people in her past she WILL do to you once she is "just not happy". Count on it as sure as the sun rises in the east. There are others and I'm sure people will chime in with them. Maybe I'll think of some more too. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:45:48 PM EDT
[#18]
I have a few little suggestions to make.
      Don't cave in, Ag |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:49:36 PM EDT
[#19]
Get counseling with her. As in PRE-marital counseling, with a guy therapist. RFN. Or, just ask her this question : "I'm seriously thinking of quitting my job and going back to school to be an artist and/or a teacher in the ghetto. We'd have to sell the house, and make a lot of sacrifices, and probably never have a lot of material things, but I think we can be very happy together despite that. What do you think?" Or, just dump her now and go for the virgins. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:49:58 PM EDT
[#20]
That's a big one right there. I dated one that was a looker but was mean as hell to her mother (her parents had split - never did get the scoop as to why) - anyway, turned out she was every bit as vindictive towards moi when I took a few hours to go see my folks - "she was lonely" because I wasn't spending every blasted minute with her - next thing ya know - I'm the bad guy. In the end, justice prevailed, last I heard she was seeing some guy who looked like Baby Huey. (Baby Huey for those too young...) |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:50:23 PM EDT
[#21]
Yeah, but remember, just because you have three Aces and have put a lot of chips in the pot, and the guy across from you raises, and you KNOW he has a straight....do you call? NO... I'd say cut your losses. If you are seriously happy that she bugged out now, it is not the correct time and most likely not the correct woman. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 7:59:57 PM EDT
[#22]
I spent all of $800 on my wife's wedding ring and she loves it. She spent $325 on my wedding band (she insisted on paying for it with her money) and I love it.
You are doing the right thing by breaking off the engagement. It sounds like you need to go your separate ways for good. Your ex-fiance' has a lot to learn about what is important in life to maintain a loving relationship. Good luck, man! |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:00:37 PM EDT
[#23]
OMG dude. Things will never be the same dude. She will always want to push that issue until someone gives, you will NEVER live it down, and you will ALWAYS have that nagging doubt in your mind that once you are married, she'll become like that in ALL facets of your life. The only way to get rid of it will be to push ahead, suck it up, and marry her to see if it happens or not. You willing to take that chance with your life? |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:02:02 PM EDT
[#24]
I said the exact same thing to her, and here's what she said, "No, because you'd be the one throwing me and this relationship away. We already have a date set and you're just afraid to get married." I even told her part of my rationale was because I felt like she would hinder my goals and aspirations and after about the second time reiterating that, she said "you're just making excuses". Go figure
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:04:24 PM EDT
[#25]
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:04:54 PM EDT
[#26]
It hasn't been like that at all since my fiancee and I have been engaged.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:05:37 PM EDT
[#27]
A woman who would want to pick out her own engagement ring would put her on the list of women I would have nothing to do with.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:07:05 PM EDT
[#28]
She sounds too immature to be wife material. Seriously.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:07:14 PM EDT
[#29]
Absolutely priceless. This post should be TACKED! I wish I had someone to point this out to me before I got married...... |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:08:33 PM EDT
[#30]
You sir, are my hero! I expect a full report in the morning. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:11:07 PM EDT
[#31]
+1. Dude, PUNCH OUT. There are better women out there. Respect yourself, give your own happiness some consideration, and save yourself a lot of pain. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:14:15 PM EDT
[#32]
Dude...you are my HERO..especially that last paragraph!! Another post for the ages. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:18:59 PM EDT
[#33]
ANY logical and reasonble reason that denies the woman what she wants will be painted as "an excuse". Get used to it. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:24:00 PM EDT
[#34]
LISTEN TO YOURSELF. YOU know what YOU are talking about. You feel that way, because time and again in your relationship she's given at LEAST your subconscious mind evidence that she's not interested in partnership, she envisions your role as something approximating the combination of: AN ATM, a SERVANT, a SHRINK, and well, an entity whose sole existence is to advance her needs, to the prejudice of your own and foresaking EVERYTHING else. Your VOWS, however, are to have a MARRIAGE, a partnership, a union of interests and goals. There's sacrifice that comes with that, but it has to be from both sides. Ask yourself if YOU WILL BELIEVE in your heart that she actually has any fidelity to those vows when she utters them. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:29:16 PM EDT
[#35]
My prediction is that you'll get back together. But you're going to have a serious heart-to-heart talk, with you two both listening to each other regarding your views on financial matters.
I'd start off by saying, "Look, I don't have any problem buying you a diamond ring. In fact, it'd be my honest pleasure to do so. But who wants to get ripped off? Let's get one that's truly worth its price. I want you to have not just a diamond ring, but a GREAT diamond ring." I think that'd help. And in general, you have to point out that there's no such thing as free money. Whatever is bought has to be paid for out of your pockets, sooner or later. And just how much debt are you really willing to get into? There's got to be an understanding of financial realities. If she can't understand that, then I'm afraid that she's not suitable for marriage. I think it would be better to be single and solvent than married and filing for bankruptcy over her lack of financial savvy. CJ |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:29:25 PM EDT
[#36]
Any woman who demands an expensive ring and house (and gets it) is just buying time until a new guy can offer her a more expensive ring and house.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:32:00 PM EDT
[#37]
My wife and I picked out a $60 engagement ring for her when we decided to get married.
Then we bought a town house that cost less than half what we were "approved" for. Your fiance is locked in a race with the Joneses, and eventually you will lose that race. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:33:15 PM EDT
[#38]
RUN, RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!
You are getting a dose of her true self bro. She is a money grubbing whore, like most women they equate money to love, money to sex, sex to control. If she gets you to buy her a five carat ring, a 300K house and a new Lexus, she still won't love you. She will be fucking some low life in a bar parking lot in a year to get you back for whatever you didn't buy her. Run, now dude. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:38:01 PM EDT
[#39]
Women have a habit of throwing fits and picking fights to get attention for some reason or another. I'd say, attack it from that angle. Why does she want drama with you? Is she that bored? Insecure? What?
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:39:00 PM EDT
[#40]
Okay, nevermind my previous post. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:40:10 PM EDT
[#41]
If you have any doubts, don't do it. When I split with my ex, I just wanted a couple weeks to think it all over.
Does she want a wedding or a marriage? How does she treat her father? I have felt some of the same things that some of you have written down (hindering my future plans, etc) and that I thought I would never find someone 'for me' again. I still havn't found someone, but I've changed my life a hell of a lot for the better. I feel a lot younger now than I did 2 years ago. A smart man learns from his mistakes, a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. Take a break and let your emotions settle down so you can think clearly about what you're doing. Sometimes freeing yourself from the situation, if just for a short while allows you to see things how they really are. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:41:35 PM EDT
[#42]
Run Forest Run.
Next time you talk again if you do, mention that since you no longer have to spend money on a ring that you decided a M16 machinegun would be a good investment, let her know it will be around $15,000.00 her reaction will give you insight into what the rest of your life would be like. If she does not care, then she just does not care about money, and plan on spending a lot of it. Every time you get a toy, she gets a toy. But if she complains then she really only wants to spend money on her. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:46:24 PM EDT
[#43]
thats a good idea...might have to keep that in mind when I decide to pop the question |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 4:40:44 AM EDT
[#44]
Honestly - do you really "wonder" if she is a mistake? Betcha you already KNOW it's a misatke but you just don't want to say it out loud. I'm not going to slam her but it's obvious that she's got very different values and expectations than you do. AFTER you get married, those differences will be multiplied by a factor of 100. Best advice: get out now while you still have money (and dignity) to your name. There are some great women out there but you have to know how to recognize AND attract them. CMOS |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:00:13 AM EDT
[#45]
Do not marry the following sort of people:
1. narcicists 2. control freaks 3. anyone who will use sex as reward/punishment for any reason 4. anyone who doesn't know what it is like to work hard for modest gain 5. anyone who measures practically everything with a calculator and/or a credit card Your fiance' is definitely 1, 2, and 5. She is likely 3 and 4. Do not marry here. If her parents didn't raise her right, what makes you think you can. You will be very unhappy together. If you think you are tough enough to take it, think of her. She will be very unhappy being married to you. You will never measure up. If it is of any condolence, she wouldn't be happy with any man. I speak from experience. I dated my wife for 4 years. We had a terrible marriage and miserable lives. We divorced after 27.5 years. Do the loving thing not only for her but also for yourself. DO NOT MARRY OR LIVE WITH HER! Say goodbye and wish her well. Be very adult and mature and then don't look back. Trust me, the four years you "lost" have made you more mature. They really aren't lost. When you do marry someone else, you will understand women more and you'll know what can work and what won't. But please, for the love of Jesus and everyone else, do not go through with this marriage. |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:02:20 AM EDT
[#46]
That much isn't normal. And you are fighting over a diamond, too. Tsk, tsk. Just FYI, if you haven't read the threads on jewelry, diamonds are about the biggest waste of money going. Their only value is in the minds of marrying females and, whatever you wind up paying, it is going to be five or ten times what you could sell the ring for if you had to sell it. Beware of living with people who take something ordinary and logical and turn it into a contest of whether you love them. I think they call that "manipulative". Schaffer's First Law of Marriage: You can't really hate someone until you marry them. Luckily, you found it out before doing it. |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:05:03 AM EDT
[#47]
Only if you are marrying a woman who is going to put you into the poor house. There are some women who believe that the job of the man is to pay for everything they want. They look at men like ATMs. You CANNOT have a good relationship with a woman who thinks it is your job to make money and her job to spend it. Marrying a woman in that state of mind is asking to be sunk into debt and sentenced to a life of misery. Having someone who is financially sane is necessary for the longterm survivability of a relationship. Money matters. |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:08:23 AM EDT
[#48]
Any woman who expects you to override your sensibilities about major money purchases in lieu of some emotional knee-jerk whim is a Chapter 7 waiting to happen. If her snatch is that valuable in her own mind, then she needs to start hanging out at 4-star hotel bars in your town. Maybe she'll snatch her Richard Gere investment banker. |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:08:55 AM EDT
[#49]
Ah! You sound like you have encountered a princess! Someone who has listened to too many fairy tales and watched too many sappy romantic movies and who has an expectation of marriage no human male could possibly fulfill. Run like hell. DO NOT get back together with her. DO NOT listen to appologies. She has to undergo a complete personality change before she can be a candidate for marriage. Never marry a princess, or you will end up being the frog. |
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Posted: 1/19/2006 5:12:00 AM EDT
[#50]
Chain her to the stove for a few hours until she realizes who's gonna make the call's on your relationship. If she has two black eyes, you shouldn't have to tell her for a third time.
Only kidding, Sounds like a familiar scene to me. I've been married 4 times and I still have'nt learned to keep my mouth shut and go along with what the wifeypoo wants. If you love her, don't try to figure her out, because you will never be able to. Just buy the ring and make her happy. |
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