Mommies are especially dangerous because of the enormous Power women hold over men. To believe you have ever exercised any meaningful control in your relationship is to miss two important points—one obvious, one more subtle:
1. From the beginning, she had The Power because
she could say "yes" or "no" to going out with you.
But you say… "I’m still the one in charge because I
showed the initiative and called her."
2. The reason you called her in the first place is
because she wanted you to call her.
It’s true! She culled you from your herd of beer-drinking swine like a hungry lioness does with a weak, confused wildebeest.
In fact, any woman can get a man, anytime she likes. One has to look no further than Wallis Simpson, Evita Perón, or Monica Lewinski to understand this point. Contrary to what the feminists may say, it’s women—not men—who have all The Power .
If you don’t believe us, answer this question: Can you get a woman anytime you like?
The scariest thing is they can turn it on and off at will!
In an article written by John Tiernay for New York Times Magazine, he quotes anthropologist Margaret Mead’s observation that women can "temper their sexual impulses with a thousand other considerations, such as winning and keeping a lover or husband, or balancing the mood of the moment against the mood of tomorrow."
Tiernay cites a reinforcing statement from Rutgers anthropologist Helen Tisher: "The human female is the very pinnacle of hormonal self-control."
We don’t have a snowball’s chance; and according to Tierney, we never have. He believes there’s an evolutionary logic behind a woman’s ability to subordinate her sex drive:
"The most successful mothers, the ones whose genetic traits survive today, would be women with good providers faithfully at their side. According to this theory, being discreet about when she was fertile would help a woman keep her partner from straying."
"By hiding any overt signals of her fertility, a female kept the male guessing," agrees William F. Allman, author of The Stone Age Present. "The male had to stick around all the time to court her and ward off advances from other men. The longer he stuck around, the more help the woman obtained for herself and her child."
Women have been playing us for suckers for millions of years. And they still are today, right here in America. Look at the facts: Women have 50% of the wealth, represent 52% of the population, and control 100% of the pussy. Yet they have managed to get themselves classified as a minority! Again we’re left to ask…What happened?
Do you still doubt The Power of women?
Even Monica was hotter than she thought:
Monica gave President Bill a blowjob,
resulted in Big Al not using the President in his campaign,
caused Mr. Gore to lose a number of states that he easily could have won,
gave Dubya the Presidency,
allowed Dubya to nominate environmental-rapist Mommy Gale Norton as Secretary of the Interior,
will give her the power to open up millions of acres of heretofore pristine wilderness to oil drilling,
means cheaper fuel,
will allow all the gas-guzzling, air-polluting, supersized-SUV-driving Mommies to keep those road hogs longer and drive them further,
combined with the extra pollution caused by all the new oil rigs burning off their excess gas with mile-high flames straight into the wild blue yonder, will burn an even bigger hole in the ozone,
will create more global warming,
will raise the temperature of the entire planet by 6.9 degrees!
If you still believe men are more powerful than women, answer this question: With a single physical act lasting no more than five minutes, could you raise the temperature of the entire planet?
Mommies create enormous Power by combining The Power women hold over men with the sanctioned, legalized Power invoked by the utterance of those two little words:
" I do "
Because there’s a little Mommy in all wives, we’ve provided this handy test. It will help you determine the magnitude of Mommy you married and the level at which you are a co-conspirator in your own domestication. Keep track of how many warning signs make you grimace and consult our advice at the end.
From MORE POWER!
Studies have shown (and you'll have to look them up to source it), that approximately 80% of all marriages are motivated by the woman. The delightedly surprised bride to be who is shocked when her man "pops the question" is a virtual figment of Hollywood's imagination.
Now clearly Mommies don't want to be overtly controlling. They prefer to be a little more subtle, pre-marriage. If they were the individuals to actually ask the men to marry them, even the dumbest swine would understand that there was a major tsunami mommy in the making. Rather, the women tend to "engineer" proposals. The following sample was related to me by a good friend, names changed to protect the excessively deluded:
"Right after college, Caroline and I had been dating for a few months. That July, Caroline cornered me and presented me with the question that all men eventually are asked. Here’s how it went down:
"So, I want to know...where's this relationship going?" Determined look on Caroline's face.
"Well, uh, I, uh...I hadn't thought about it in those terms." Perry totally taken aback.
"Oh...so you're not serious about me?" Caroline, circling, waiting for the right moment.
"Wait, no, I, uh, I didn't say that." Perry, on defensive, unprepared for assault, backpedaling like Rod Woodson.
"Really? You just said you hadn't thought about where we're going." Caroline, closing in for the kill.
"Well no, it isn't that I haven't thought about it, I mean, I mean, I figured we'd get married some day." Perry, desperate to get out of conversation, drops the "m" word, hoping to forestall further discussion.
Caroline smiles. Tactical battle won. Beachhead established. Enemy confused and disorganized. But Caroline has learned from Japan's assault on Pearl Harbor and failure to follow up. So, three days later, Caroline, dressed to the nines, bounces happily up to Perry...
"Guess what? I've found the ring!" She squeaks her happiness.
"Ring? What ring?" Perry's forgotten the conversation, starts to stall. Perry's defenses are roughly as effective as the Maginot line.
"Well the ring, silly. Our perfect engagement ring." Flanking maneuver executed to perfection. Napoleon would be proud.
"Engagement ring?" Perry is shell-shocked with the artillery.
"Well sure...you still want to get married, right? You weren't lying the other day, were you?" Caroline brings out the big guns...challenges both his memory and his honor. Perry is deader than a beheaded chicken, and like the chicken he runs around for a minute before he drops.
"Oh...uh...well, no, of course I wasn't lying..." Poor Perry (the honorable).
"Well, let's go look at it...I've got it set aside, and it's very inexpensive, but looks beautiful!" Caroline blows the smoke away from her Walther PPK as her nemesis drops to the floor.
Perry agrees to long engagement, thinking that will save him. Rings are purchased, news is broken, friends and relatives are informed, parties are had, deposits are made, and nagging doubts are ignored. Perry's bought in to the idea of matrimony like the pig buys into being bacon.
It would take more than two hands to count the number of similar stories from friends.
Since when are women classified as a minority?
(... and, by what measure do women control 50% of the wealth?)