Background: Dog's never bitten anyone, but is very excitable and likes to bark and jump on people when they come to the door. We've gotten him to the point where he doesn't do it to family members (unless we've been gone a long time and he's happier to see us than usual), but any stranger who approaches MUST be barked at, and the dog bounces off their legs and sniffs them.

So I get a knock on the door, put on my pants, grab three handguns with tactical lights and laser grips, stick them in the waistband, grab my Fox OC, expanding baton, Surefire, and the knife Rambo used in First Blood part 1. You know, the usual load. Plus a beer for fortitude.

Okay, so everything after "pants" is BS. This is ARFCOM. Get with it.

I answer the door, the Fed Ex guy manages to ask if I'm the guy on the package and hand it to me before the dog explodes out the door (took the moment of opportunity when I opened the screen to grab the package) barking like an idiot. I have NEVER seen anyone react that fast; he had his legs and crotch covered with his clipboard before the dog was even entirely out of the door. I yelled at the dog that he wasn't playing and to get inside, then apologized to the guy for getting startled like that. By the time I could get "have a nice day" out of my mouth he was already in the truck.

So... Anyone care to guess if "batshit psycho but mostly harmless dog" makes it in his day's report?

Edit: grammar

Quoted: So I get a knock on the door, put on my pants, grab three handguns with tactical lights and laser grips, stick them in the waistband, grab my Fox OC, expanding baton, Surefire, and the knife Rambo used in First Blood part 1. You know, the usual load. Plus a beer for fortitude.

*sigh*...

They always forget the tape measure and the stapler.

Push the dog away from the door next time.

Use your foot.

I doubt it. I bet that sort of thing happens all the time

Quoted: Push the dog away from the door next time. Use your foot.

He wasn't AT the door until the screen opened; he covered the entire length of the house in seconds. We've clocked the sucker at 30 mph and he wasn't even hauling ass yet.

Quoted: Quoted: So I get a knock on the door, put on my pants, grab three handguns with tactical lights and laser grips, stick them in the waistband, grab my Fox OC, expanding baton, Surefire, and the knife Rambo used in First Blood part 1. You know, the usual load. Plus a beer for fortitude. *sigh*... They always forget the tape measure and the stapler.

Hey, that's my stapler.

A pinch collar, leash and alot of walking will cure you of his attitude.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: So I get a knock on the door, put on my pants, grab three handguns with tactical lights and laser grips, stick them in the waistband, grab my Fox OC, expanding baton, Surefire, and the knife Rambo used in First Blood part 1. You know, the usual load. Plus a beer for fortitude. *sigh*... They always forget the tape measure and the stapler. Hey, that's my stapler.

My baton has measurements in inches and centimeters down its length. As for the stapler... My handguns ARE staplers; you shoot a bad guy, he stays on the floor. Sounds like a stapler to me.