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Posted: 1/10/2006 9:23:51 AM EDT
www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/sex/61277

REVEALED AT LAST... THE THINGS WOMEN REALLY THINK ABOUT WHILE HAVING SEX!


By Mark Miller

TOP HUMAN sexuality research team has just revealed the answer to one of man's greatest, age-old quandaries about women -- namely, what women think about while having sex!

The results of the five-year research study, published in the current Journal of Psychological Sexuality, make it clear that while in the midst of the typical act of intercourse, women have quite a lot on their minds.

"This contradicts the popular theory that during sex, women's minds go blank so they can focus totally on giving and receiving pleasure," reveals research study leader Rana Thomas, of the Spaulding Institute. "According to our research, the only time women's minds actually go blank is when they're attempting to watch and understand a sports game."

For the study, women were asked to fill out detailed questionnaires of their thoughts during each sex act. Some enthusiastic participants even filled out the questionnaires during their sex acts. The results -- 97 percent of women think about some or all of the following while making love:

•Whether or not she loves her partner and he loves her.
•If his sexual technique is "pleasing her."
•Her next shopping excursion.
•Brad Pitt.
•"While I appreciate the energy he's expending to find my G-Spot, he's no Christopher Columbus."
•Haagen-Dazs Chocolate Chocolate-Chip ice cream.
•"That ceiling could sure use another coating of paint."
•Shoes.
•Whether her partner might think her rear end is too fat.
•Jackhammers. The remaining 3 percent of the women surveyed, who are primarily members of the Religious Right, were preoccupied during sex with the following thoughts:
•Hoping it ends soon.
•Jesus.
•"Things would be so much less icky if people didn't have genitals."
•President Bush.
•Mel Gibson.
•Her husband in a nice suit.
•Shoes. In comparison, a similar research study directed toward men, revealed that 100 percent of all men, during sex, are thinking about:
•Pamela Anderson.
•Angelina Jolie.
•Halle Berry.
•Salma Hayek.
•"Oh, yeah, baby, I bet you never had it this good!"
•Friends, neighbors, and relatives they'd like to "bang."
•Beer.
•Favorite sports teams.
•Their dream job -- being a photographer for Playboy magazine.
•Acquiring the superpower of X-ray vision to see through women's clothing.
•Winning the state lottery.
•Jackhammers. Thomas is already at work on related studies, including what gays and lesbians think about during sex, what animals think about during sex, and what space aliens think about during sex.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:29:18 AM EDT

In comparison, a similar research study directed toward men, revealed that 100 percent of all men, during sex, are thinking about:
•Pamela Anderson.
•Angelina Jolie.
•Halle Berry.
•Salma Hayek.
•"Oh, yeah, baby, I bet you never had it this good!"
•Friends, neighbors, and relatives they'd like to "bang."
•Beer.
•Favorite sports teams.
•Their dream job -- being a photographer for Playboy magazine.
•Acquiring the superpower of X-ray vision to see through women's clothing.
•Winning the state lottery.
•Jackhammers. Thomas is already at work on related studies, including what gays and lesbians think about during sex, what animals think about during sex, and what space aliens think about during sex.



Well, I sure as hell don't waste time thinking about those things... I concentrate on the "here and now" and ways to make it as enjoyable as possible for both of us.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:33:07 AM EDT
I mentally detail strip a 1911 to increase my longevity.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:34:17 AM EDT
"Honey, should we re paint the ceiling?"
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:34:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Cypher214:
I mentally detail strip a 1911 to increase my longevity.



Wait...wait...let me write this down...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:34:28 AM EDT
Atleast they think about other things...

A buddy of mine's ex broke down in tears during sex.....

It wasn't from pain.. atleast not physically.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:37:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SubnetMask:

Originally Posted By Cypher214:
I mentally detail strip a 1911 to increase my longevity.



Wait...wait...let me write this down...



Once, I used a Les Baer and I prematurely ejaculated.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:39:06 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 9:39:20 AM EDT by California_Kid]
Gotta love the Weekly World News.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:41:02 AM EDT
Stonerstudent may want to disagree with the second half of the study. It seems no guys are thinking about Brad Pitt.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:43:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By California_Kid:
Gotta love the Weekly World News.


Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:46:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx:
Atleast they think about other things...

A buddy of mine's ex broke down in tears during sex.....

It wasn't from pain.. atleast not physically.



OMG, he was married to the crier?

*poundpoundpound*
*boohoohoo­*
*poundpoundpound*
*boohoohoo*
*pou­ndpoundpound*
*boohoohoo*
why are you crying?
*boohoohoo* I don't know
*poundpoundpound*
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:55:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Merrell:

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx:
Atleast they think about other things...

A buddy of mine's ex broke down in tears during sex.....

It wasn't from pain.. atleast not physically.



OMG, he was married to the crier?

*poundpoundpound*
*boohoohoo­*
*poundpoundpound*
*boohoohoo*
*pou­ndpoundpound*
*boohoohoo*
why are you crying?
*boohoohoo* I don't know
*poundpoundpound*



He wasn't married to her, thankfully.

She was just another used, and abused person... who I guess finally broke down during sex?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:58:48 AM EDT
Think baseball,think baseball,think baseball.... Ah damn it . Boy i could use a sammich and a nap.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:01:16 AM EDT
Beige, the ceiling needs to be beige....
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:04:42 AM EDT
I saw a porno one time where it starts with this chick bitching at the guy for something...then of course being a porno they start spontaneously having sex, and about half way into it she starts telling him "don't forget the trash, and put the bills in the mail"



Most realistic porno ever.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:08:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FMJshooter:
Think baseball,think baseball,think baseball.... Ah damn it . Boy i could use a sammich and a nap.



a young Raquel Welch playing baseball ahhhhhhhhhhh
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:11:21 AM EDT
If I'm really into it I don't think about anything... my mind goes into primal mode.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:23:15 AM EDT
What runs through my head has evolved over the past few years. When we first met my thoughts were along the lines "Woohoo, I found a girl to have sex with!!". As we were dating it was like "I am going to do her better than I did last time." When we got engaged I was thinking "Jeebus, I am not a machine, three times a day?!?!" When we got married the thought that ran through my head was "Dammit, I ain't been blown in a long time, what the hell?" After the first kid my thoughts were more along the lines of "That little bastard is going to wake up and fucker this all up again." After the second kid was born I thought "Great, crying in Stereo, just what I need to keep the mood."

My Wife's thoughts have remained constant. "Why is he always trying to poke me in the ass?"

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:25:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By yekimak:
My Wife's thoughts have remained constant. "Why is he always trying to poke me in the ass?"



Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:25:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 10:35:31 AM EDT by nofolkinway]
"Size does matter".
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:34:36 AM EDT
I knew a guy who recounted a high school escapade with an "experienced" gal and after things got going he heard a crunching sound and looked up saw her eating an apple.

[george_costanza] SHRINKAGE! [/george_costanza]
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:36:43 AM EDT
Glock = KaBOOM
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:50:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By AMZ:

a young Raquel Welch playing baseball volleyball ahhhhhhhhhhh



fixed it
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 12:53:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By callgood:
I knew a guy who recounted a high school escapade with an "experienced" gal and after things got going he heard a crunching sound and looked up saw her eating an apple.

[george_costanza] SHRINKAGE! [/george_costanza]



Trifecta:
1. Sex.
2. Food
3. Television
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 1:12:11 PM EDT
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