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Posted: 1/9/2006 7:35:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/13/2006 9:41:42 AM EDT by Progunvoter]
NEWS FLASH - REPORTED 5 DAYS LATER.... Friday, Jan 13, 2006

SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE Jaxon Van Derbeken, Chronicle Staff Writer
San Francisco authorities struggled to explain Thursday how they concluded that an object left in a Starbucks bathroom was a bomb, when tests revealed it was nothing more than a flashlight with corroded batteries.

"This appeared, by itself, to be a bomb,'' said police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens, who was the first to relay word from bomb squad investigators Monday afternoon that the object was an "improvised explosive device." The news quickly went national, and at one point CNN was broadcasting developments.

Gittens would not specify what about the device was so convincing, other than to say that all the people who saw it described it as a "tube-shaped cylinder with a fuse.''

The original story below.... hahahahaha
SAN FRANCISCO - Police defused an explosive device found in the bathroom of a Starbucks on Monday. No one was injured. (thank goodness, those flashlights can be nasty somobitches)

Authorities were called around 1:15 p.m., after an employee reported finding something suspicious in the store's bathroom. About 100 people were evacuated from the store and apartments above it, and the street was closed to traffic, said Sgt. Neville Gittens.

"This was a good device. If it had exploded, it would have caused injuries or damage," said Gittens, who would not describe its size. Hahahahahahaha - it was a "good device" hahahahaha.

And now, this just in....

Immediately following this potentially devestating event, Californian lawmaker Diane Swienfien held a press conference to denounce the radical right which if not directly responsible, certainly fosters and enables such evil. "We need a new Law", said Sweinfien, "that will make it illegal to enter a Starbucks with a destructive device" "Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble. Only then will the public be safe from such wanton acts of violence".

The lawmaker was cheered on by scores of supporters including Gay Pride Marchers for peace, Womans right to Abort, the Anti Christmas league for a God-free country and the very Rev. Jessie Jackson. All cheered her words and proposal for new laws that will insure a safer San Franciso and a more enlightened Country.

Stay tuned for developments to follow...

NEW DEVELOPMENT - THIS JUST IN!!

D.S. has just Proposed Legislation to the Chairman of the California State Assembly. SAN FRANCISCO name must be changed to Francisco. In a shocking revelation from "Lupita" her Mexican housekeeper, the lawmaker just learned that "SAN" is Spanish for "Saint" and that the Great City of S.F. was actually named after not only a SAINT but even worse, a CATHOLIC Saint at that! "This vile concoction of Religion and the City name cannot be tollerated or condoned in our enlightened society. This is a clear violation of the separation of Religion and Goverment. You just have to believe the radical right is behind this", said Sweinfien. "Our new city 'Fancisco' eliminates this unconstitutional city name and more fairly represents and unites all of our citizens".

The lawmaker was cheered on by scores of supporters including Gay Pride Marchers for peace, Womans right to Abort, the Anti Christmas league for a God-free country and the very Rev. Jessie Jackson. All cheered her words and proposal for new laws that will insure a united Franciso and a more enlightened Country.

In other news, Katie Currie of NBC's Goodmorning show requests an explanation from the Republican majority leader as to why the Republican party hasn't taken notice of these issues and actively supported the democratic Senator of California. Clearly the Republican Party is bent on an agenda of dividing this country and their insensitivity to these important issues is hurting all of America implied Currie.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 7:36:25 PM EDT
The handgun ban will prevent all future bombings.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 7:36:40 PM EDT
Heck hippies threw rocks and bricks through a starbucks near me
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 7:38:10 PM EDT
really really really super really!
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:08:33 PM EDT
btt with latest news announcement
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:12:14 PM EDT
More laws, the answer to everything.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:14:06 PM EDT
And I thought it was about that pigswill they call coffee. Actually, Starbucks is good for space rental. You buy a cup, sit there for two hours and conduct bizness for the price of two cups of coffee.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:17:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/9/2006 8:17:54 PM EDT by pointtarget]
Damn, I thought the cops was to "Protect & Serve" they should of left the device and invite
Sweinstien to come to the party.
Link Posted: 1/9/2006 8:27:39 PM EDT
bbt - new headline
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 2:25:46 AM EDT
Will they ever learn?

Max
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 5:50:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By maxell27:
Will they ever learn?

Max



In CA, no...
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 5:53:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ShadowOne:
The handgun ban will prevent all future bombings.

yep, and if they ban all firearms, the bird flu will cease to exist
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:27:07 AM EDT
Heh heh.... after they've gone through the rigamarole of changing everything from San Francisco to Francisco, someone should let them know that "Francisco" (which we all know comes from San Francisco), was the given name of Saint Francis, whom the Franciscan order of monks is "descended" from.

Then, because of the dual handgun bans, they could just be called "Washington of the West" (as in DC, not State). Then someone should tell them that Washington was just an oppressive male slave owner, and they will eventually change their name to VPCville.

P.S. Fark or Onion?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:29:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Progunvoter:
"Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble.



Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:43:06 AM EDT
The anti-religionists have their work cut out for them in CA. If you can take a cross off the LA City Seal (and the Redlands City Logo)you can certainly remove the San, or Santa (wow, that's double evil) from all these cities (except Sanger) for referring to a Catholic personage. New letterheads, new paint for the city vehicles, and of course, fines for using the old names in public. I'm starting to really like this idea, it's pretty damn chaotic.

San Anselmo - Marin County - Map --- ?
San Ardo -Monterey County - Map --- ?
San Bernardino - San Bernardino County - Map --- ?
San Bruno - San Mateo County - Map --- ?
San Buenaventura - Ventura County - Map --- ?
San Carlos - San Mateo County - Map --- ?
San Clemente - Orange County - Map --- ?
San Diego - San Diego County - Map --- ?
San Dimas - Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
San Fernando - Los Angeles County  - Map --- ?
San Francisco -San Francisco County -  San Mateo County - Map --- ?
San Gabriel -Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
San Geronimo - Marin County - Map --- ?
San Gregorio - San Mateo County - Map --- ?
San Jacinto -Riverside County - Map --- ?
San Joaquin - Fresno County - Map --- ?
San Jose -Santa Clara County - Map --- ?
San Juan Bautista - San Benito County - Map --- ?
San Juan Capistrano - Orange County - Map --- ?
San Leandro - Alameda County - Map --- ?
San Lorenzo - Alameda County - Map --- ?
San Lucas - Monterey County - Map --- ?
San Luis Obispo --- San Luis Obispo County - Map --- ?
San Luis Rey - San Diego County - Map --- ?
San Marcos - San Diego County - Map --- ?
San Marino - Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
San Martin - Santa Clara County - Map --- ?
San Mateo - San Mateo County - Map --- ?
San Miguel - San Luis Obispo County - Map --- ?
San Onofre - San Diego County - Map --- ?
San Pablo - Contra Costa County - Map --- ?
San Pedro - Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
San Quentin - Marin County - Map --- ?
San Rafael - Marin County - Map --- ?
San Ramon - Contra Costa County - Map --- ?
San Simeon - San Luis Obispo County - Map --- ?
San Ysidro - San Diego County - Map --- ?
Sand City - Monterey County - Map --- ?
Sanger - Fresno County - Map --- ?
Santa Ana - Orange County - Map --- ?
Santa Ana Heights - Orange County - Map --- ?
Santa Barbara - Santa Barbara County - Map --- ?
Santa Clara - Santa Clara County - Map --- ?
Santa Clarita -Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
Santa Cruz - Santa Cruz County - Map --- ?
Santa Fe Springs - Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
Santa Margarita - San Luis Obispo County - Map --- ?
Santa Maria - Santa Barbara County - Map --- ?
Santa Monica - Los Angeles County - Map --- ?
Santa Nella -Merced County - Map --- ?
Santa Paula - Ventura County - Map --- ?
Santa Rita Park -Merced County - Map --- ?
Santa Rosa - Sonoma County - Map --- ?
Santa Susana - Ventura County - Map --- ?
Santa Ynez - Santa Barbara County - Map --- ?
Santa Ysabel - San Diego County - Map --- ?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:01:10 AM EDT
I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:05:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:

Originally Posted By Progunvoter:
"Once we have a law, evil doers will realize that we are serious about this and they are really really super really going to be in trouble.




Double-secret probation........ just the threat of it stops 'em dead in their tracks every time.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:06:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JIMBEAM:
I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.


The good Senatrix has no use for your common sense. Outta the way, please. Make way for the Dog and Pony Show.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:08:36 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:18:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By JIMBEAM:
I am certain it is already illegal to build a bomb under Federal, State, and local laws.



Wrong. Bombs are legal under Federal law and are destructive devices regulated by the NFA.

State and local laws may vary.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:29:46 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 7:30:22 AM EDT by Alien]
Some of you guys need to get a clue. I know some of you are joking, but some of you are also taking this seriously. It's called... wait for it...



SATIRE

The part after the bomb story about the Senator is SATIRE.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:34:20 AM EDT


Well Done!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 7:56:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tc6969:
What they really need are signs.

Lots and Lots of signs.

NO BOMBS ALLOWED!



+1, or a sign that reads

This is a bomb free zone

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:12:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 7:05:00 PM EDT by Progunvoter]
Ok, this is the final bump. Enjoy - it IS satire you goofs! But hey, it is so close to what we have come to expect from Diane and the wackos of the left I'm not really surprised a few believe she would say anything so silly.

"Adios" or as Diana would say "that's Housekeeper talk for, 'your dinner is ready I'll be back in the morning to do the laundry'."
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:28:47 PM EDT
I certainly hope she doesn't monitor this board; what if she were 'annoyed'?

Don't forget: she has a gun

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 6:56:40 PM EDT
Gun Control is about Control not Guns.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:01:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:04:00 PM EDT by Progunvoter]
.
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 7:56:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By copenhagen:
Gun Control is about Control not Guns.


+1

Quick Flash vid link:

www.flashbunny.org/content/whatguns.html
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 8:01:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/11/2006 8:02:38 AM EDT by _DR]
Too Funny.
Link Posted: 1/13/2006 9:38:33 AM EDT
It's friday, Updated with NEW NEWS, see page one.
Link Posted: 1/13/2006 10:06:35 AM EDT


A flashlight.

If the "bomb" had gone off, would it have gone "boom" or "t*nk"?
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