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Posted: 1/6/2006 6:38:51 PM EDT
[#1]
<hijack>
I don't know, but I have a friend who managed a Lone Star restaurant, that used to cuss up a storm when the (male) cooks would screw up. When they'd smirk or laugh, he'd say "you won't be laughing when I'm fucking you in your ass!". He was about 6 foot 7 inches and 280 pounds.  </hijack> |
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Posted: 1/6/2006 10:19:47 PM EDT
[#2]
If you are going to fuck my wife you can keep her .
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Posted: 1/6/2006 10:23:07 PM EDT
[#3]
I kicked a couple marine asses in waikiki in my younger days...Wasnt any threats made, just action.
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Posted: 1/6/2006 11:45:59 PM EDT
[#4]
Do that again and I'll take a personal interest in you.
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Posted: 1/6/2006 11:48:18 PM EDT
[#5]
I told a buddy of mine that was in the Marines at the time that if he didnt stop showing up at my gf's house I'd throw him down the stairs.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 3:36:41 PM EDT
[#6]
Not really a threat, but when I was about 12 I called my Grandad an asshole. He smacked me so hard, I swallowed a tooth.
He was a Combat Engineer in WWII |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 3:47:15 PM EDT
[#7]
Since I've been out?
"Get the fuck out of this bar before I kick your sorry, AWOL ass." |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 3:55:39 PM EDT
[#8]
"You touch me, and I'll shove my arm down your throat, grab your asshole, and turn you inside out."
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Posted: 1/7/2006 3:58:12 PM EDT
[#9]
"If you get any closer I'll call your CO."
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:00:09 PM EDT
[#10]
A friend told me the worst threat he ever got was from his company comander.
"Oh Shit you better duck NOW!" |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:01:11 PM EDT
[#11]
I've had to "threaten" many servicemen over the years mostly sailors and Marines.
A few things I've learned are: Marines usually require a threat of some sort of violence. Naval officers/crypto kiddies will square up if you call Shore Patrol. Squids usually want to wrestle for some weird reason and often make strange demands like I'll go to jail willingly if I can have some Copenhagen. Yeah whatever asshole.  |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:02:01 PM EDT
[#12]
"Thats it Blackman. I'm going to kick your Fuggin Ass!"
Last words said by an enraged PFC Echo6 to the above named Spc4. At the time I was 6Ft/170. He was 6' 5" / 240 or so. I got my ass kicked  echo6 |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:05:50 PM EDT
[#13]
i threatened an airborne trooper with " i'm gonna take your ass to the cleaners on this one!"
it was my Dad playing horseshoes - he always won anyways! |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:12:18 PM EDT
[#14]
"Piss me off and I will burn your house, your lawn, your pets, your house plants, your comic book collection, your car, and everything you love and hold dear. Also, hand me that screwdriver, would ya?"
To my friend who just went into the air force. 
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:40:29 PM EDT
[#15]
Your large homosexual friend has a strange way with the word.  |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:47:19 PM EDT
[#16]
The only guys I hang around are all SF. I keep all the insults on the joking side.
There is one Green Beret Colonel who I will NOT stop reminding of the time he fell down on landing a televised demo jump.  Oh, and the Marine who landed on the hanger. He wont forget that if I have anything to say. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:50:27 PM EDT
[#17]
Crypto kiddies? You wouldn't be in p-cola would you? |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:54:15 PM EDT
[#18]
I guess the worst would have to be "Thanks for your service to our country."
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:56:37 PM EDT
[#19]
"i'm gonna shoot you in the ass!!" - to a former special forces combat medic.
Right before i popped my dad in the ass with one of those airsoft pistols. Luckily in his old age I was able to outrun him for a minute or two. 
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:56:57 PM EDT
[#20]
An enraged Top, entering the barracks I was sleeping in, "Where's the Private that sunk my truck??!!!!!!!"
Me, from my bunk, "That's Sergeant, Top." Him, "Not after I get thru with you, you won't be!" I remained a Sergeant. And we wound up laughing at it a great deal later, once all was explained. But a Duece sunk in the Fort Drum mud was NOT a laughing matter at that particular moment. I firmly believe that had I been male, the man woulda killed me.  EDIT: I misread the thread! Mea culpa...I've never threatened anybody but my children. |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 4:57:07 PM EDT
[#21]
Once told a short, cocky, fatassed submarine sailor carrying a pistol and a shotgun to "Get the fuck out of my way or you're going over the side."
I was muscle-fucking 120lbs of steel plate in a backback, a cyclone grinder, nukie grinder, bayflex grinder, large needlegun, assorted small tools and spare grind disks as well as two air hoses and a respirator across a brow leading to the submarine. This little douche was standing in my way trying to stare me down for some dumbassed reason about halfway across the brow and wasn't moving as I got closer to him. By the way, "over the side" equals a 55 or so foot drop to the bottom of an empty drydock. He moved. Chris |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 5:09:32 PM EDT
[#22]
"Get on the ground or I'll shoot" He was an AWOL GI who had stolen 4 grenades, a .45, and 900 rounds of ammo. Was GONNA go home. Ended up at the Frankfurt PX where I recognized him. I woulda shot him too.....he had a history of crackpotism and they made him an ARMORER. He was carrying the .45 in a shoulder holster cocked and unlocked. He had dumped the grenades and ammo in some trashcan in downtown Frankfurt. I don't think it was ever found, at least not by us.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 5:12:10 PM EDT
[#23]
Not only did I threaten ... I followed through on a phone call to a former CO who was on the Joint Chiefs of Staff staff. I had a whacked out Army 0-6 who was going to actually evict 27 of my military families out of military housing January first ... and was going to give them 20 days advanced notice. Shithead thought that we were spending our general fund on the housing leases ... wrong. I told the idiot that he needed to wait for Defence Finance to trace the funds one way or another. He refused and called a meeting of the 27 service members, all E-5 and below with kids, for that afternoon. I made calls and left a message for a former skipper of mine who was now an Rear Admiral as the Army O-6 had no military above him - only civilians who couldn't care less.
So the meeting starts up in the command's auditorium ... I'm so mad I could blow a gasket. The commander walks in and starts chit-chatting warming the 27 people up to the fact that he's throwing them out over the Christmas holidays ... when the command seceratary walks in with an important phone message. The 0-6 trys to dismiss it and Ms. Janis says it's from the JCS! Dang ... three years later and I still laugh at the way John's face flushed. When he came back in ten minutes he was not happy. My former CO didn't let out who called or how he knew about the evictions only that he wasn't very happy of the move and that he would personally be looking into every aspect of the issue. The O-6 had to know it was me ... but rarely talked with me again about any of his whacked out plans. Later though the year I wrote the DoD IG along with three other men 3 times about 27 seperate violations of the UCMJ, and fraud, waste, abuse and mis-management. I hope to run into that man again when it's Mr. Paul and Mr. John. The guy has a beat down coming for what he did to the careers of too many good soldiers, sailors, airmen and the command. One time he brought me to his office after hours and sat me down and started ranting and screaming at me. I looked at him with all the calm I could gather ... and started removing the Master Chief anchors from my collars. He continued to curse (like a sailor) and shout down at me as he stood over my chair ... and then asked me why I was removing my uniform ... I asked him to do the same or otherwise I was going to refer him on charges of conduct un-becoming an officer. I said that out of uniform we would be better able to "solve" our differences and then stood up barely three inches from him. He stepped back, took a breath, and dismissed me. Dude was about $1.45 dripping wet and all of 5'6" or so ... whatever the minimum size for an Army officer was. Pretty funny. He had done similar acts of insanity to a couple of the civilian workers and gotten away with it. Probably would have cost me a star but it would have been worth it. The guy was nuts - a paranoid schophrenic (sp) thinking everyone was plotting against him ... and even making stuff up out of whole cloth! They give two stars to Master Chiefs and Generals ...
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Posted: 1/7/2006 5:17:58 PM EDT
[#24]
I guess...................I'll rip your fucking head off then shit down the hole. Once my bowells are empty I feel froggy so then I'll go home and fuck your wife.
Hey it was the times............... Edit: On second thought it was probably "Sorry Sargent, I know you just got back in country and claim to have been faithful but you have the clap and your wife has to come in." |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 5:53:20 PM EDT
[#25]
Some of the ones using the words "skull fuck" are inventive and memorable.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 5:58:30 PM EDT
[#26]
If you touch me again you are going over the catwalk.
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Posted: 1/7/2006 6:07:13 PM EDT
[#27]
Lemme guess, West Pointer? Engineer or Infantry? |
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Posted: 1/7/2006 11:30:55 PM EDT
[#28]
touch my condoms and ill kill your old ass........ joking around with my dad when he got home from the sandbox a month ago....
One told this big lanky mother fer that i was gonna rip his fucking head off, he goes, o yea, im going to be a marine in a year, and ill fucking kick your ass..... i give him one of the blankest stare's ever and give him a good right hook to the jaw... he went down for 3 mins n i just walked away he deserved it, thought he was all bad ass, while pushing around anyone that didnt agree with him and that was smaller than him. hes 6'2" medium build. Im 6'4" medium build and more muscle than him. He got pissed because i said that rap sucked ass and county and rock n roll was the only music worth listing too..... got i hate dumbasses o did i forget that he plans to make marines by smoking a pack n a half of marbs a day and smoking pot all the time?? |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 4:41:20 AM EDT
[#29]
in absolute seriousness,,,give me those leave papers or i am gonna f**kn blow you brains all over that f**kin wall behind you..while pointing a .45 in his general direction...
after several months in the bush and looking forward to 3 days in Japan...me E5 to an E3 weasley paper pusher,,,always buggin everybody for "trophy's" and talking about cutting on men and shit...weird little dude...wanted me to tell him a story before he would cough up the goods.. 
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Posted: 1/8/2006 5:57:43 AM EDT
[#30]
"Soldier, I will rip your lips off."
I've said some of the more cliche'ed ones, as well. One night, I was on Staff Duty and got repeated calls about a bunch of noise in the barracks. On the second trip up to shut down the noise the privates were generating, I stood them all at parade rest and said something like: "Soldiers, I don't give a damn if you're drinking. I just don't need to be hearing about it. If you can't keep the noise down, I will find something to keep you occupied. I have to be up all night anyway and can think of plenty of things that need to get done." I generally tried to be pretty constructive and respectful. though, so I didn't make too many threats. I can't think of too many times when it took anything more than just telling the soldier he was screwing up and to get his act together. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:33:39 PM EDT
[#31]
What's the worst threat you have ever made to a US Serviceman..
"I am an NCO. You have been assigned to me to instruct you in the process of getting your GED. You will study or you will be court martialed. " That was more or less the gist. I was the only EM/NCO college graduate in an entire arty battalion and wound up assigned to shepherd/instruct/coach/tutor GED prospects through the process. The colonel got orders from above, and, as you know, shit runs downhill. The colonel told the major, who told the captain , who told top, who bypassed the platoon sergeant ( a lifer short-timer) and told me ( a lowly squad leader) directly. This was 1970. I was a most reluctant two year RA dealing with recalcitrant two year draftees. You play the hand you're dealt. All this being said, in two years I killed two NVA and helped/coerced six kids into getting GEDs. I guess it evens out. |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 12:55:30 PM EDT
[#32]
Told an SGT in my unit that I would take his MREs,later when he went to sleep,we tied him up to a lawn chair(the type that lays down)then covered him up in shaving cream. He sure was pissed! He got even more pissed when his M60 MG went out on guard post(while mine didn't),it came back rusty and dirty from firing blanks.
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Posted: 1/8/2006 11:51:47 PM EDT
[#33]
I don't remember threatening anybody except when I was on Shore Patrol, and in those cases, the good natured "threat" was generally to tell his buddies that I was the one who caught him and I would tell them how cheap he was how buttugly the bargirls he was with were or something else equally liable to get him laughing and cooperative. And in Olongapo, with all the pretty girls around getting caught with an ugly girl was left to the Marines. This was in the days of the curfew, and sometimes you needed just a little more attention to get them heading back to the base. In other words, leave now and you get back in time no harm no foul. We see you when we come back on the seep in about 5 minutes and it's gonna cost some time and money.
The only time I had to flat out threaten a guy, well a kid, was when he was really drunk, belligerent and awol and was trying to get past me. His Dad was an AF E-9 retired and he thought he knew all the sealawyer tricks. I think his Dad wanted us to drown him, he was the most all around worthless pieces of shit and he worked at it. Almost all the other worthless sacks were druggies or stupid or both. "I'm going to attack you and then when you defend yourself, I'm going to claim you hit first. We were on a seawall and one side was the boat basin and the other was a 15 foot drop to big rocks. I was significantly larger than he was. I told him, "Fine, I'll hit you first, there aren't any witnesses and the Cap't wouldn't ever believe I'ld do that to you. so you want to go on to the rocks and break a few bones or into the water where I'll let yer ass drown for a while before I pull you out. I might even get a medal for saving your drunk ass. Take your choice, Why don't you sit down and look at which rock you want to bounce off?" He sat down and passed out, which was what I hoped would happen, if nobody else came along and took him under their wing, I had just escorted a vistor to a private landing and the liberty boat landing was about 50 yards away. And this guy wanted to leave from there and not where the liberty boat was coming in |
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Posted: 1/8/2006 11:58:59 PM EDT
[#34]
"Here, you can have my chow."
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Posted: 1/9/2006 1:35:47 AM EDT
[#35]
"I hear one more complaint from [girl who shall remain nameless] and I'm going to microwave your body armor while you sleep."
I don't think microwaving body armor does a thing. He was convinced, however, that it made it too weak to resist projectiles. I never heard another complaint. |
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Posted: 1/9/2006 12:19:08 PM EDT
[#36]
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Posted: 1/9/2006 12:23:28 PM EDT
[#37]
When you get through with that beer, I'll buy you another one.
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Posted: 1/9/2006 12:34:17 PM EDT
[#38]
"if you don't calm the fuck down, i'll MAKE you drink more."
he was so horrendously drunk that this worked. |
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Posted: 1/9/2006 12:38:11 PM EDT
[#39]
Recruiting tour: "Sign here and I'll drive you to in-processing."
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Posted: 1/9/2006 12:48:08 PM EDT
[#40]
To the scumbag 19 year old private who was caught by CID for stealing my shooting medals.
I never got to lay a hand on the POS, but he got the message. |
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