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Posted: 12/30/2005 3:35:54 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:38:54 PM EDT
I'd be mad as hell too, but honestly, I think you should stay out of it and let ladyB handle it her way.

My.02
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:39:14 PM EDT
i understand your frustration

she is a caregiver, she won't stop caring for others until she collapses

or

you could take care of her and tell her she HAS to rest or she won't be any good to anyone else

hope this helps
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:40:17 PM EDT
I don't understand why you are upset.

She volunteered for everything and did all the work.

You didn't have to do anything and weren't inconvienced in anyway.

I fail to see the problem.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:44:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 3:53:52 PM EDT by Roadhawk]
That would get me pissed too. People have no consideration for others.

Your wife sounds like a very dedicated and caring person, and many times they get taken advantage of. I know, because I am like that.

I hope your wife feels better soon.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:46:42 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:47:07 PM EDT
1) I would also be annoyed/angry.

2) She is doing herself a disservice by not resting, pushing fluids, etc. The body can't heal if you don't allow it to do so.

3) If she's not angry about it, I would stay out of the whole situation. This is one of those 'not worth fighting over battles'.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:47:59 PM EDT
based on the few details we have, the son in law appears to be a very uncaring selfish bastard taking advantage of your wife.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:49:11 PM EDT
Time for a private discussion with the S-I-L explaining how men conduct themselves. No smiles, no sympathy, just The Law, with the clear implication that It will not be read to him again.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:50:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
I almost never post personal stuff on the site, but this little incident has me ready to explode, so I was wondering what everyone thought of it.

My wife spent her two days off this week babysitting for her daughter (babysitter problems, long story)--Wednesday and today. Wednesday, while she was there, she came down with some kind of flu--fever, chills, body aches, etc. On top of this she had surgery two weeks ago yesterday, so she is very much recuperating from that--and is supposed to be resting as much as possible as it was a significant ("female") surgery. On top of that, her father had to be rushed to the hospital today with an unknown malady (bleeding internally, etc.). I came home and found her not here, so I obviously assumed she was at the hospital with her father. Shortly afterward she came home, looking upset, but I chalked it up to concern over her father, and her overall "rundown" state.

She then said she was leaving to go see her father--this being TWO HOURS later than she should have been back in town. In order to go babysit she has to drive forty minutes one way.

All that leads up to the clincher--the son-in-law went from work to a bar to "have a coupla beers" before going home, and of course, my wife coudn't leave until one of them got there (granddaughter is six)--and my stepdaughter gets home an hour and a half later than he would if he didn't go out drinking. So, my wife is at his fucking house an extra 1.5 hours babysitting his daughter, sick as a dog, recovering from surgery, so he can go out drinking.

I'm livid, she's not. WTF??


Dang man, sorry to hear about your wife being used like that. Things are bad enough without being added to. I wish I had something that would help ya , but it's just one of those things that happen. It sucks for sure . Sorry man.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:51:29 PM EDT
Not your blood not your fight.

Your wife's health is your issue though. I'd demand she stay home and recuperate and make her some chicken soup. My wife would listen.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:51:56 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:51:57 PM EDT
I would be pissed too.

But:


3) If she's not angry about it, I would stay out of the whole situation. This is one of those 'not worth fighting over battles'. battles you're going to win.

Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:53:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JoeWang:
Not your blood not your fight.



I disagree. If you take advantage of my wife, you have an issue with me.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:54:06 PM EDT
Mothers and grandmothers have a patience for bullshit that no man can claim.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:55:07 PM EDT
Your son in law wiped his feet on your wife. He needs "the talk" ASAP. IMHO

Your wife sounds like a class act. She is the give till it hurts, then give some more type. They are few and far between. I know, I have one myself.

Good luck with your situation.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:55:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bumblebee_Bob:
I would be pissed too.

But:


3) If she's not angry about it, I would stay out of the whole situation. This is one of those 'not worth fighting over battles'. battles you're going to win.




that's why you tell her, "If you don't rest and let me take care of you, how are you going to take care of us?"

btw: the SIL sounds like a POS
he needs a talking to after your wife is better

mess with my family, you're messing with me
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:55:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Pangea:
Your son in law wiped his feet on your wife. He needs "the talk" ASAP. IMHO

Your wife sounds like a class act. She is the give till it hurts, then give some more type. They are few and far between. I know, I have one myself.

Good luck with your situation.


Well said. All of it.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:56:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin:
Mothers and grandmothers have a patience for bullshit that no man can claim.



I agree 100%
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:57:43 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:58:08 PM EDT
I would probably beat the SIL Ass... But's that's just me.....
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:58:46 PM EDT
Your wife is doing what good women do for their familys. You should be proud of her.

The one you are realy made about is your looser sun in law. Your Doughter marride a bum. Face it, but not much you can do about that she needs to figure it out for her self.

Good luck and give your wife a hug.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:58:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:

Originally Posted By DarkHalf:
I don't understand why you are upset.

She volunteered for everything and did all the work.

You didn't have to do anything and weren't inconvienced in anyway.

I fail to see the problem.



I am upset because I love my wife and care about her wellbeing. This took a crappy situation and made it almost two hours worse. She got up at 0500 to go help them, and he turned it into a 12 hour ordeal instead of a ten hour ordeal, only because hanging in a bar was more important than treating his MIL decently.

She is, as mentioned above a tremendously dedicated "care giver" and I DO NOT want to see her push herself until she collapses--which is a very real possibility.



Mike your issue shouldn't be with your wife. She is only doing what she wants to and feels is necessary. It should be with the son in law, who apparently takes advantage of your wife's generosity and does not respect her or you. You need to address the issue with him, and let him know in no uncertain terms that His behavior is having a direct impact on Your life since his failing to take care of his own business is keeping your wife occupied taking up his slack. Pin his neck up against the wall if you need to, in order to get his attention.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 3:58:54 PM EDT

Originally Posted By FLAL1A:

Originally Posted By JoeWang:
Not your blood not your fight.



I disagree. If you take advantage of my wife, you have an issue with me.

I agree with FLAL1A.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:02:02 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:02:39 PM EDT
Note to self -

Have long talk with son-in-law prior to wedding.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:03:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 4:03:40 PM EDT by chrome1]
Dude I hear ya ..

But if there is one thing I've learned about women
it's this :

Never get between a woman and her children -or- Grandchildren .
Logic doesn't apply here
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:03:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
Thanks much for the input. I have to leave for a couple of hours for my job, but I'll catch up on this when I return.

I feel better reading the replies and excellent advice. Thanks again.


Really?

You're leaving for a while?

Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:06:34 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Wobblin-Goblin:

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
Thanks much for the input. I have to leave for a couple of hours for my job, but I'll catch up on this when I return.

I feel better reading the replies and excellent advice. Thanks again.


Really?

You're leaving for a while?




Hey. Relax. It's "for his job."
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:06:42 PM EDT
Mike, Linda is wonderful and really shouldn't be put through that. I think that it makes perfect sense for you to be angry.

However, it is going to be hard to be taken seriously if you go to give him "the talk" and she doesn't see a thing wrong with it. I would talk to her some more about it first, and point out that she really should be resting.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:07:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:12:27 PM EDT
Myself and son in law would be having a little talk ASAP. And when I was done he'd be looking over his shoulder for weeks. What an asshole.

Your wife had better take care of herself or she is going to have complications from the surgery, become run down and develop a secondary infection, etc. If she is truly having fevers she needs to see her doc. No exception.

Those who say it isn't your concern account for the bunch here who's wives end up walking all over them and divorcing their ass. MO.

I would never let anyone treat my wife like that. Never.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:16:19 PM EDT
This may be a dumb question but...

Did your SIL know that MRS. B was baby sitting? If he didn't ,thats poor comunication on their part and it needs to be addressed.

But if he knew that your wife was watching his kid and he decided to be inconciderate of the MRS. then he needs to be bitch slapped and given "The Talk".
DD

BTW: Hope all is ok with MRS.B and her Dad.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:19:40 PM EDT
I would have a heart to heart with the SIL as I have done with my POS sperm donor for my Grand Daughter, he did not ever do it twice.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:20:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 8:00:15 PM EDT by Cope]
BK,

Just keep a close check on your wife's health. I honestly have no idea how in the world you can prevent her from killing herself over her offspring.

Best of luck.

Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:22:30 PM EDT
I thought this was about you getting caught with deej86 at the motel!
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:25:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 4:26:05 PM EDT by ixy]

Originally Posted By Cope:


Just keep a close check on your wife's health. I honestly have no idea how in the world you can prevent her from killing herself over her offspring.

Best of luck.




by telling her that if she doesn't take care of herself then she won't be able to take care of anyone else

i'm speaking from experience, this works
these wonderful big hearted people are scared to death that they won't be able to help those they love,,,,,,,so when presented with that possibility they reluctantly concede to rest and take care of themselves

you see they aren't taking care of themselves for themselves
they are doing it so they can take care of their loved ones
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:27:52 PM EDT
I notice nothing was said on the reaction of her Daughter in reagard to her husband's actions. If I read it right I'm assuming that this is your step daughter and her husband. Unfortunatly you are S.O.L. ...with this situation. On the flip side if they come to you again for assistance, have them drop the grandchild at your house, and have it made clear what the time lines and expectation are etc are before you or your wife agree to watch her. I'd be more concerned with the SIL and Step Daughter in there lax attitude overall. I've seen my share of Grandparents raising their Grandchildren because the parents are to consumed with themselves. I'd have a sit down with both of them but quick and make sure you go over the plan with your wife before hand. Sweep it under the rug enough and you will have a shit pile to clean up later. JMHO, Primary is to get your wife healthy and back on track!.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:30:59 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ixy:

Originally Posted By Cope:


Just keep a close check on your wife's health. I honestly have no idea how in the world you can prevent her from killing herself over her offspring.

Best of luck.




by telling her that if she doesn't take care of herself then she won't be able to take care of anyone else

i'm speaking from experience, this works
these wonderful big hearted people are scared to death that they won't be able to help those they love,,,,,,,so when presented with that possibility they reluctantly concede to rest and take care of themselves

you see they aren't taking care of themselves for themselves
they are doing it so they can take care of their loved ones



That'll work for a day or three. Maybe that is all the time Mrs.BK needs. My wife is never going to be herself again.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:32:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DarkHalf:
I don't understand why you are upset.

She volunteered for everything and did all the work.

You didn't have to do anything and weren't inconvienced in anyway.

I fail to see the problem.




Yep.... That's a great attitude . I see much joy in your future.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:33:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Cope:

That'll work for a day or three. Maybe that is all the time Mrs.BK needs. My wife is never going to be herself again.



i am very sorry

you both are in my prayers
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:37:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 4:43:05 PM EDT by nightstalker]
My wife's a care-giver of sorts for her aunt. She's taken advantage of regularly BUT.....it's still her choice. I put up with it till I don't....does she listen to me? ..not enough for things to really change. It's a tough situation for you seeing your wife trying to recover her own health and then seeing some thoughtlessness from these child/adults damaging her chances. I doubt your wife would want you to intervene...mine manages to defuse the situation and say she'll change but it doesn't happen.

Did I say good luck?
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:39:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By rippler:

Originally Posted By DarkHalf:
I don't understand why you are upset.

She volunteered for everything and did all the work.

You didn't have to do anything and weren't inconvienced in anyway.

I fail to see the problem.




Yep.... That's a great attitude . I see much joy in your future.



But not much sex.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:47:02 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:

Originally Posted By DarkHalf:
I don't understand why you are upset.

She volunteered for everything and did all the work.

You didn't have to do anything and weren't inconvienced in anyway.

I fail to see the problem.



I am upset because I love my wife and care about her wellbeing. This took a crappy situation and made it almost two hours worse. She got up at 0500 to go help them, and he turned it into a 12 hour ordeal instead of a ten hour ordeal, only because hanging in a bar was more important than treating his MIL decently.

She is, as mentioned above a tremendously dedicated "care giver" and I DO NOT want to see her push herself until she collapses--which is a very real possibility.



BK,

Welp, I'm on your side here. She IS your wife, what effects her effects you and disrupts the tranquility in your home. You're son in law took advantage of your wife's good nature, and, just as if anyone else would have done that, you'd be angry, makes perfect sense. Don't let the cluess posters in the thread tell you any differently, you've got a "dog in this fight" and it's totally justifiable. You can fee FREE to tell the Son in law to FOAD, hell, you've handled it well so far, he's lucky that you didn't jam a beer up his ass.

By all means, protect your wife's health and intervene on her behalf, she's probably just too nice of a woman to tell the daughter and Son-in-law "NO", take the monkey off her back and stand up for her like you want to. We all know that in life we have to pick our battles, this is a battle WORTH taking up and anyone else that says differently can stick it up their ass.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:49:49 PM EDT

Gotta agree with you bud...... That would have me fuckin HOT.....

Selfish drinky boy, had to go out and get sauced up, then drive home, under the influence, while your wife SHOULD be home resting, and recuperating.....


Fuck that...... You have every right to be pissed at the asshole for his booze being more important than anything else.


Loser........
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:50:45 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WizardOfAhs:
By all means, protect your wife's health and intervene on her behalf, she's probably just too nice of a woman to tell the daughter and Son-in-law "NO", take the monkey off her back and stand up for her like you want to. We all know that in life we have to pick our battles, this is a battle WORTH taking up and anyone else that says differently can stick it up their ass.



Preach it!
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:56:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Cope:
BK,
[SNIP] It's not like we didn't fix them up with a furnished place to live, all utility bills current, a car to drive, and a kitchen full of groceries less than 6 months ago. All they had to do is be two grown adult men in their early twenties and work minimum wage jobs to pay their pissy little bills. Needless to say, they have lost the car because of DUI, one is currently in jail because he didn't think it was a big deal to miss a DUI court date, and the other was recently evicted from their residence. [/SNIP]




I see the source of the problem. Do you? I left home at 18 and made my way through a master's degree, a wedding, a marriage and a family. My parents could not do that for me. Why do it for your children?
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 4:57:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/30/2005 4:59:58 PM EDT by ShamusMcOI]
BK, unreal man. I would be super pissed as well. You've got a great woman there, and have every right to be upset by how she's been treated. Despite the fact that it's her family, and not yours (by blood).

Getting in the middle of family is tough sometimes, but damn it sometimes wrongs need to be addressed.
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 5:02:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 5:05:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By thebeekeeper1:
I almost never post personal stuff on the site, but this little incident has me ready to explode, so I was wondering what everyone thought of it.

My wife spent her two days off this week babysitting for her daughter (babysitter problems, long story)--Wednesday and today. Wednesday, while she was there, she came down with some kind of flu--fever, chills, body aches, etc. On top of this she had surgery two weeks ago yesterday, so she is very much recuperating from that--and is supposed to be resting as much as possible as it was a significant ("female") surgery. On top of that, her father had to be rushed to the hospital today with an unknown malady (bleeding internally, etc.). I came home and found her not here, so I obviously assumed she was at the hospital with her father. Shortly afterward she came home, looking upset, but I chalked it up to concern over her father, and her overall "rundown" state.

She then said she was leaving to go see her father--this being TWO HOURS later than she should have been back in town. In order to go babysit she has to drive forty minutes one way.

All that leads up to the clincher--the son-in-law went from work to a bar to "have a coupla beers" before going home, and of course, my wife coudn't leave until one of them got there (granddaughter is six)--and my stepdaughter gets home an hour and a half later than he would if he didn't go out drinking. So, my wife is at his fucking house an extra 1.5 hours babysitting his daughter, sick as a dog, recovering from surgery, so he can go out drinking.

I'm livid, she's not. WTF??



Well I hope she licked all the glasses in the kitchen and drank right from the jug in the fridge before she left....





efxguy
Link Posted: 12/30/2005 5:07:18 PM EDT
thebeekeeper1,

I totally can relate. My wife is the same way, she will kill herself fawning over
our sons and daughters and six Grandchildren.

I hold everyone accountable, specially my two son in-laws. My wife will drive,
hitch hike and crawl some place to watch the Grandkids so my dumb ass
son in-laws can do whatever.

I find out the situation and ask "You did get on him, right ?"

Wife; "No, I really didn't want to say anything"

Well, you can be sure I say something man to man about how a man treats
woman wether it be my daughter or my wife.

My son in-laws like me very much but I make it clear that they have "one"
mission in life, and that is to take care of my daughters and Grandchildren.

Do that and we can be friends.

Good luck with the kid, thebeekeeper1

The son in-laws can be a lot of work, but they have a lot of influence over what you hold dear.

I guess what I am trying to say is, you have another kid to raise right

GM
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