Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Site Notices
Posted: 12/24/2005 1:43:08 PM EDT
I have an elaborate trap set up for Santa Claus. I will not go into details, but it involves cookies. All of you who asked Santa Claus for guns, etc - I am going to keep hs sack of gifts. I am darn tired of getting lumps of coal for Christmas. His ass is mine. Payback is a bitch. Ho-ho-ho on that, Santa!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:47:17 PM EDT
We have a red sleigh down, we have a red sleigh down.

Jesus christ.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:48:52 PM EDT
I quit asking for that kinda stuff years ago. The family would always ask what I want, so I would email detailed lists ranging from $2 to $2000 for ideas as they say I am sooo hard to buy for, but Christmas morning, I open my cheesy sweaters and wallet, and whatever else. Why do they ask when they already know they aren't going to visit "those" websites?
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:56:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
I have an elaborate trap set up for Santa Claus. I will not go into details, but it involves cookies. All of you who asked Santa Claus for guns, etc - I am going to keep hs sack of gifts. I am darn tired of getting lumps of coal for Christmas. His ass is mine. Payback is a bitch. Ho-ho-ho on that, Santa!



Dude, if you don't think Santa and those damned elves have 'respond to ambush' down cold by now, you're sorely mistaken. Don't screw around with the counter assault elves. It ain't pretty. Tried it one year; Blood and tinsel everywhere...

Egg nog still gives me flashbacks.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 1:59:58 PM EDT
Those little elves are more stealthy than a bunch of Ninja's. Whatcha your 6.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:02:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By LonePathfinder:
We have a red sleigh down, we have a red sleigh down.

Jesus christ.





Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:03:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tommytrauma:

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
I have an elaborate trap set up for Santa Claus. I will not go into details, but it involves cookies. All of you who asked Santa Claus for guns, etc - I am going to keep hs sack of gifts. I am darn tired of getting lumps of coal for Christmas. His ass is mine. Payback is a bitch. Ho-ho-ho on that, Santa!



Dude, if you don't think Santa and those damned elves have 'respond to ambush' down cold by now, you're sorely mistaken. Don't screw around with the counter assault elves. It ain't pretty. Tried it one year; Blood and tinsel everywhere...

Egg nog still gives me flashbacks.



I hear ya. I remember thinking about what a good idea it was.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:04:24 PM EDT
HA! In your face. I asked Santa for a silencer, and he put in the paperwork, but I have to wait about 4 months. So I can go get it myself. You won't get my present.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:06:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tommytrauma:

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
I have an elaborate trap set up for Santa Claus. I will not go into details, but it involves cookies. All of you who asked Santa Claus for guns, etc - I am going to keep hs sack of gifts. I am darn tired of getting lumps of coal for Christmas. His ass is mine. Payback is a bitch. Ho-ho-ho on that, Santa!



Dude, if you don't think Santa and those damned elves have 'respond to ambush' down cold by now, you're sorely mistaken. Don't screw around with the counter assault elves. It ain't pretty. Tried it one year; Blood and tinsel everywhere...

Egg nog still gives me flashbacks.

You should see the counter-ambush equipment in his sleigh, not to mention the counter assault elves in the trail sleigh! BTW it's a little known fact that Santa had a CIWS plus chaff and flare launchers installed several years back after a nasty altercation above the Balkans!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:06:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 2:07:50 PM EDT by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:07:21 PM EDT
I heard Santa Packs a 82A1 in a shoulder rig.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 2:10:48 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TomJefferson:
Too Late Buddy, Blitzen is cooking for dinner now.

Santa did bring me the parts for the Mustang GT though but he ain't going no where fast.

Wonder how you get a fat man in a red suit and a sleigh off the top of your trailer home?

Tj

12 pack of Busch Light and a bag of pork rinds!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 3:27:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By tommytrauma:

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
I have an elaborate trap set up for Santa Claus. I will not go into details, but it involves cookies. All of you who asked Santa Claus for guns, etc - I am going to keep hs sack of gifts. I am darn tired of getting lumps of coal for Christmas. His ass is mine. Payback is a bitch. Ho-ho-ho on that, Santa!



Dude, if you don't think Santa and those damned elves have 'respond to ambush' down cold by now, you're sorely mistaken. Don't screw around with the counter assault elves. It ain't pretty. Tried it one year; Blood and tinsel everywhere...

Egg nog still gives me flashbacks.



So, you've TRIED it? I got an elf on my payroll. He fed them all some food that will put them to sleep shortly before he takes off. When it goes down, Santa will have zero backup. He IS going down.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 3:48:49 PM EDT
I heard they up armored the sleigh this year.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 3:49:40 PM EDT
I dont ask for anything, they dont know what I want, I dont even know what I want
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:01:52 PM EDT


cause this is getting good.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:07:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 4:08:25 PM EDT by limaxray]
Never underestimate the firepower of St. Nick.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:21:01 PM EDT
The radars all warmed up, spot lights are ready, 40mm bofors are manned and ready. Lets see santa get through this. Oh and for long range work, i've got Patriot batteres in layered defensive rings.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:25:57 PM EDT
My mom bought my dad a S&W 5906 for Christmas one year.

For christmas last year, she bought me one of those Wal-Mart big packs of
Winchester 12ga trap loads.

I've bought ammo for my brother.

My wife has offered to buy me a gun.

Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:27:20 PM EDT
Santa is sporting a brand new F-22 Raptor Sleigh with Super Cruise Reindeer.

You mess with Santa and you'll get an anti-personnel mine in your stocking!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 4:28:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By POW-MIAneverforget:
The radars all warmed up, spot lights are ready, 40mm bofors are manned and ready. Lets see santa get through this. Oh and for long range work, i've got Patriot batteres in layered defensive rings.



You ever heard of "Softening-up" a landing zone! INCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:44:47 PM EDT
Everything is in place. The special cookies are ready. He won't know what hit him.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:50:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
Everything is in place. The special cookies brownies and kool aid are ready. He won't know what hit him.



fixed it for ya
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:51:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
Everything is in place. The special cookies are ready. He won't know what hit him.



jkstexas2001,

You have to be the most heart-less person I know.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:53:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ZW17:

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
Everything is in place. The special cookies brownies and kool aid are ready. He won't know what hit him.



fixed it for ya



If he paid his elves in real money instead of candy canes, he'd get a lot more loyalty. You'd be suprised what an elf will do if you wave a hundred dollar bill in front of him. They treated me like a king when I snuck up there a few months ago with a wad of money.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:54:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By C-4:

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
Everything is in place. The special cookies are ready. He won't know what hit him.



jkstexas2001,

You have to be the most heart-less person I know.



You would be too if you got coal thirty Christmases in a row. The man has it coming. I admit I'm not a choir boy, but I heard he even left Bill Clinton a tie. The fellow is obviously a left-winger.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 6:56:53 PM EDT
Just wait till the fat bastard has a intake of the laxative cookies... boy, he won't know whats comin.

As soon as he has to make a long stop somewhere to use the toliet.. I'll be takin the sled! Its all mine! bwahaha!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:01:14 PM EDT
Santa's elves train the Secret Service. Dont even think about it dude.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:02:28 PM EDT
www.noradsanta.org/en/how_we_do_it.php

Santa has fighter escorts. Better watch out!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:05:03 PM EDT
Don't screw with big boy, everyone thinks he picked Rudolf because the red nose helps to navigate, its actually a FLIR tied into a minigun system..........
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:05:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 7:10:28 PM EDT by BuckeyeRifleman]
My folks just informed me there are no firearms related gifts this year(I asked for a G19, or an AK kit+plus ammo) So as soon as I go off to college im no longer mature enough to handle firearms related gifts

They said that a gun didnt go along with the reason for the season, ie peace on earth good will tward men(so I then smartly asked for a peacemaker)

This after last year I built an M4, and at least 3 years prior I had gotten some form of firearm

To bad my dad was too much of a wimp to tell my mom to shove it when she said no more guns for christmas
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:08:59 PM EDT
Broken Raindeer

I repeat

Broken Reindeer


Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:12:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By captainpooby:
Santa's elves train the Secret Service. Dont even think about it dude.



They DID at one time, but he's had to implement budget cuts, and has outsourced his elf training to Wackenhut. A friend of mine there arranged to forget to teach the elves what to do in a particular scenario, a scenario which they will coincidentally encounter tonight. Plus, their guns are loaded with blanks, thanks to my "inside" elf. He is walking into the lion's den, my friend. He will wet his pants before its over with.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:15:06 PM EDT
Santa says, Don't shoot!!!!!!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:20:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/24/2005 7:22:23 PM EDT by watersniper]

Originally Posted By GUNGUY1911:
I quit asking for that kinda stuff years ago. The family would always ask what I want, so I would email detailed lists ranging from $2 to $2000 for ideas as they say I am sooo hard to buy for, but Christmas morning, I open my cheesy sweaters and wallet, and whatever else. Why do they ask when they already know they aren't going to visit "those" websites?



ME TOO! Same damn shit. WELL this year my wife and I opened our gifts early. I asked for, among other things, a Pentagon light with a Daniel Defense mount. I pointed her right to the web sites and even the local shop who carries them. Not too pricey I thought... WELL she took it upon herself to search for "something better" and bought a TacStar? (airsoft type shat) combo laser/light! She was proud that she got a better price on it vs. the Pentagon. What a dilema. On one hand she was supporting my hobby and trying her best. On the other hand she wasted money on a POS light that will likely fall apart due to recoil... We'll see. I was polite and put it on the gun right away. Nothing like a $1200+ tricked out AR15 with that monstrocity hanging off my Daniel Defense 9.5FSP! GOTTA love her!
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:48:12 PM EDT
I hesitated at first to reveal this, but I ran a background investigation on Santa Claus, and found some disturbing facts.

Technically, he does not live in the North Pole, but in Siberia, which is CLOSE to the North Pole. He is Russian.

The fact that he wears red as his primary color suggests he is communist.

The fact that he knows when you are naughty or nice proves that he knows advanced surveillance techniques, and this is because he is KGB.

There, I said it. I am taking him down because I love this country. Can you blame me?
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 7:52:04 PM EDT
jks - I got my firearm Christmas present already. Santa worked OT for me.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 8:06:04 PM EDT
Here's the firearm related stuff that I got for Christmas:



Plus a USP Compact not pictured.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 8:06:44 PM EDT
I must have been on the early part of his route, because I got my H&K P7 & my Walther P-1.

And Reindeer is code now for A-10 escorts, notice the handles, Dancer, Prancer, Maverick & Ice Man.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:25:31 PM EDT
Well, I -thought- I got him, but like many nefarious characters in history, he has many doubles. The poor fellow I nabbed was some fellow recruited by Santa from Iowa. He did indeed wet his pants and soil his drawers when the trap was sprung, but DNA proved him to not be the REAL Santa. We have an extensive collection of the real Santa's DNA because, well, he goes well beyond the "I saw mama kissing Santa Claus" stage. Apparently, the real Santa hardly ever leaves the North Pole, because he, like many nefarious people in history, is paranoid and afraid of assassination. Looks like I'll have to make a trip up north, and taking him out won't be as simple as I thought.
Link Posted: 12/24/2005 10:45:05 PM EDT

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
Well, I -thought- I got him, but like many nefarious characters in history, he has many doubles. The poor fellow I nabbed was some fellow recruited by Santa from Iowa. He did indeed wet his pants and soil his drawers when the trap was sprung, but DNA proved him to not be the REAL Santa. We have an extensive collection of the real Santa's DNA because, well, he goes well beyond the "I saw mama kissing Santa Claus" stage. Apparently, the real Santa hardly ever leaves the North Pole, because he, like many nefarious people in history, is paranoid and afraid of assassination. Looks like I'll have to make a trip up north, and taking him out won't be as simple as I thought.



Man, you better check-six for the next ten years. You pull shit like that and I'll bet he's got an elf hit team tracking you already. You'll be out fumbling around in the woods in the Fall or jackin off to porn and BAM!!! Dead meat.

Nice knowin' ya.
Top Top