Be sure to serve it with a side of greased asshole.

Quoted: Quoted: To me eating a assmonkey is like eating a dog. If you want to eat an assmonkey, go to Korea. And there are those among us who believe that assmonkeys are too evolved and domesticated to be used as food. Hah!

First gentlemen, let me try and put to rest a question argued throughout the ages

" Are assmonkeys too evolved and domesticated to be used as food."

- OF COURSE NOT

Next the question was posed  " Can assmonkey be bred for fun and profit "

- YES it certianly may.

  Several years back in the early 1900's during the famine mentioned on page two of this post ,
( when assmonkeys were scarce ) , Fat McNasty himself owned a large "compound" where he is said to have disappeared underground for days on end to personally bred the beast several, several times a day. He made vast sums of cash and seemed quite happy with his choosen profession. That is until he discovered the affore mentioned fondness for , as he hisself described it ,  " HOOKERS and BLOW " .

As too the question " HOW IS ASSMONKEY BEST PREPARED "

Any self respecting assmonkey conasouir knows that it is best cooked as earth roast . One should start with the marinade which consists of Red Wine vinager , liquid smoke , DALES sauce and 1/2 stick of melted butter . After marinading for 24 - 48 hours , pinnapple and potatos should be placed in the wrap before being placed in the ground and covered with hot coals.


A few interesting observations from this post.......

I have to call Bull Shit on the post from the Ore.Troopers about the assmonkey biting the tip off of the Troopers finger. As is commonly known, most assmonkeys teeth are brittle and weak due to there affinity to potato salad and butter , and thier lack of hygene. The pic of the assmonkey on page one is quite clearly a domesticated beast , and has been since birth ( note the well groomed coat and healthy teeth ).

 Lastly, while the assmonkey MAY have first originated in AR. as previously mentioned , they have been alive and well in HUGE numbers in Al. , FL. , TN. , MS. , and remain in abundant supply throughout a majority of the south today.  

                                                                         

Careful guys!  PEToA is watching!
People
for the
Ethical
Treatment
of
ASSMONKEYS

IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.................................

Quoted: tinypic.com/izn7r5.jpg

 Crap.  My sides hurt!

OMG!!

I think I broke another stitch laughing at this thread.  

Stealth, you crack me up...and it HURTS to laugh!!!

Quoted: OMG!! I think I broke another stitch laughing at this thread.   Stealth, you crack me up...and it HURTS to laugh!!!

Fat's been on a roll.  I keep laughing when I read these threads.  If ya haven't already then catch his Holiday Office Observations thread that was linked at the bottom of page one of this thread.  This one spun off of it.

www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=420019


Funny stuff.  Makes me crack up every time.

(PS - Don't know what you've got stitches for but I hope you're doing good! )

Quoted: Quoted: OMG!! I think I broke another stitch laughing at this thread.   Stealth, you crack me up...and it HURTS to laugh!!! Fat's been on a roll.  I keep laughing when I read these threads.  If ya haven't already then catch his Holiday Office Observations thread that was linked at the bottom of page one of this thread.  This one spun off of it. www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=420019 Funny stuff.  Makes me crack up every time. (PS - Don't know what you've got stitches for but I hope you're doing good! )

I did see the other thread, and you're right, Fat IS on a roll!

I'm doing fine...it just hurts when I laugh!

BTT

Quoted:  ... the assmonkey MAY have first originated in AR.

I knew it!!!!!

3 pages and nobody has mentioned the legendary rare and elusive  Sabre-Toothed Assmonkey!  WTF?

This has to be one of the best threads ever!

I've been known to pitch an assmonkey in the deep fat frier on the weekends.


By "deep fat frier" I mean of course, "hot tub".

I prefer my Assmonkey Stir Fried.  I know, a bit odd but its finger licking good!

Hate to be the one to point this out, but there are people who enjoy a personal, physical relationship with an assmonkey.

Whether or not they later stir fry/marinate/barbeque said assmonkey is not something I care to cover here.

Stir fried?

Pfffft.

I'm a purest. Give me Ass Monkey tar tar any day of the week.

Quoted: Hate to be the one to point this out, but there are people who enjoy a personal, physical relationship with an assmonkey. Whether or not they later stir fry/marinate/barbeque said assmonkey is not something I care to cover here.

On a side note:

What is the best sauce with AssMonkey?

Quoted: Hate to be the one to point this out, but there are people who enjoy a personal, physical relationship with an assmonkey.

These twisted perversions are legal in Washington State.   I hear they've got ranches for such things near Olympia.

Strange people live in Washington.  Strange indeed.


(edited bad word - I wonder if  calling them "silly assmonkeyfuckers" is out of line?)

Quoted: On a side note: What is the best sauce with AssMonkey?

So far my personal favorite is, Jack Danials BBQ sauce. MMM MMM Finger licken good!

BTW Stealth managed to not burn this years Assmonkey. It was rather good. Went well with a nice box of Cabernet, I got with my Fred Meyer gift card. Well back to partying.. Every one have a great Christmas!

Cheers!

Quoted: where can I find free range assmonkey? I can't stand the thought of them living out their short painful lives in cages.

Don't know, but I hear the Japanese have some high dollar assmonkey that is fed beer and massaged daily.

Quoted: taint

Worst part of the assmonkey.....

You can find fresh assmonkey jerkey at gunshows.
Right next to the beanie babies.

Quoted: where can I find free range assmonkey? I can't stand the thought of them living out their short painful lives in cages. hr

I would stick with farm raised assmonkey. In the wild their natural diet of potato salad, spaghetti-“o”s and pineapple salsa gives the meat a gamey, sometimes fishy, taste. However, the meat is not tough as one would think since they tend to spend most of their day on the couch watching daytime TV.

Quoted: Hate to be the one to point this out, but there are people who enjoy a personal, physical relationship with an assmonkey. Whether or not they later stir fry/marinate/barbeque said assmonkey is not something I care to cover here.

You know my mom?  Honestly she has filed for divorce from him, but he still thinks he can win her back.  

Quoted: You can find fresh assmonkey jerkey at gunshows. Right next to the beanie babies.

Too funny!

I've never noticed assmonkey jerkey before.

How did that song go????
I think it was the beastie boys...
(chorus) Ass Monkey - that funky Monkey
Ass Monkey - junkie
That funky Monkey

Got this dance that's more than real
Drink Ass Monkey - here's how you feel
Put your left leg down - your right leg up
Tilt your head back - let's finish the cup
M.C.A. with the bottle - D. rocks the can
Adrock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Adrock drinks three - Mike D. is D.
Double R. foots the bill most definitely
I drink Ass Monkey and I rock well
I got a Castle in Brooklyn - that's where I dwell

(repeat chorus)

Cause I drink it anytime - and anyplace
When it's time to get ill - I pour it on my face
Monkey tastes Def when you pour it on ice
Come on y'all it's time to get nice
Coolin' by the lockers getting kind of funky
Me and the crew - we're drinking Ass Monkey
This girl walked by - she gave me the eye
I reached in the locker - grabbed the Spanish Fly
I put it with the Monkey - mixed it in the cup
Went over to the girl, "Yo baby, what's up?"
I offered her a sip - the girl she gave me lip
It did begin the stuff wore in and now she's on my tip

(repeat chorus)

Step up to the bar - put the girl down
She takes a big gulp and slaps it around
Take a sip - you can do it - you get right to it
We had a case in the place and we went right through it
You got a dry Martini - thinking you're cool
I'll take your place at the bar - I smack you off your stool
I'll down a '40 dog" in a single gulp
And if you got beef you'll get beat to a pulp
Monkey and parties and reelin' and rockin'
Def, def - girls, girls - all y'all jockin'
The song and dance keeping you in a trance
If you don't buy my record I got my advance
I drink it - I think it - I see it - I be it
I love Ass Monkey but I won't give D. it
We got the bottle - you got the cup
Come on everybody let's get ffffff

(repeat chorus)

Did I ever tell the story of my SEAM?

Anyone still looking to " BAG " an assmonkey should set up a bling near your local Wal-Mart between now and 30 minutes after sunset ....... They have been running absolutely W I L D in
L.A.(Lower Alabama) today , and are expected to do so until 01/01/06 (In AL. , road hunting will be allowed 12/31/05 starting at 1900 and may be taken until 01/01/06 @ 0500 cdt.


Any day light hours are legal to hunt assmonkeys -


- EXCEPT IN WASHINGTON ST. WHERE THEY ARE A PROTECTED CREATURE -

In AL. and surrounding states assmonkey can be hunted anytime day/night , and regardless of season , except from the roadway and then, only when specified .

Quoted: Did I ever tell the story of my SEAM?

Seeing Eye Ass Monkey?  uh no...