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Posted: 12/21/2005 10:38:38 AM EDT

think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.

I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.

Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.

What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?

And this is where the fun begins.


The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.

The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fucks wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."

For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.

I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.

They asked for Grandma.

They got Joan Jett.

At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of shit. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fucking semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.

At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fucking a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?

This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fucked up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?

Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.

Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:39:42 AM EDT


Whatever, that's just good marketing on a smaller scale.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:42:02 AM EDT
so thats why all that stuff was music.....

<­BR>





Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:46:16 AM EDT
LOL That was good!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:47:38 AM EDT
I'm sorry, but if I saw "Enraged Baboon fucking a nipple factory" as a result in a P2P search, I would be REQUIRED to download it just to see what the hell it was.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:51:03 AM EDT
Some p2p networks run off hash strings instead of file names. An algorithm looks at the raw data and makes a unique string of letters and numbers. Two files of different name but identical data should have identical CRC checks and hash strings. Emule, for example, searches for sources of files based on hash strings when a download starts. The files are all identical but sometimes their file names differ. In the end, it all comes out okay.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:54:55 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:55:23 AM EDT


My sides hurt.



btw... I'd of downloaded the "baboon fucking a nipple factory" as well. Really, wtf.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 10:55:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By CK1:
Some p2p networks run off hash strings instead of file names. An algorithm looks at the raw data and makes a unique string of letters and numbers. Two files of different name but identical data should have identical CRC checks and hash strings. Emule, for example, searches for sources of files based on hash strings when a download starts. The files are all identical but sometimes their file names differ. In the end, it all comes out okay.


Yeah, but in this case it didnt.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:07:31 AM EDT
Send me the n00de granny bingo!

Link Posted: 12/21/2005 11:56:32 AM EDT
Ha, some of my friends and I used to get drunk and do that in the winter when it was to cold to be out doing anything else. We made it into a drinking game. using 3 computers whenever someone got a download hit on something, the others had to take a drink.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 12:21:37 PM EDT
I did this once when Kazaa was still running fast & loose.
Someone on another forum posted a series of (rated-G) pics of a 4-person party they had, the worst part was the monkeying around with a couple of female blow-up-dolls and sex toys--but everyone besides the dolls kept their clothes on.

Since everyone on that forum did not get to see the pics before they got taken down, I posted them on Kazaa and named the picture series something involving a (non-adult) comitting (an obscene act) on (a common animal).

The picture series got uploaded usually at least once or twice a day from then on, for several months. It only stopped because Kazaa upgraded to a spywared-version, and my older version couldn't log on the network anymore.
~
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 12:30:01 PM EDT
Wait, so you NEVER HAD any gramndma bingo pr0n???

Link Posted: 12/21/2005 12:30:21 PM EDT

Originally Posted By CastorTroy:
so thats why all that stuff was music.....




yeah thats what i was thinking
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 12:40:24 PM EDT

Some of those titles are just too good to be made up.


I bet they are still out there, I hate people that don't delete corrupt or crappy files....

Link Posted: 12/21/2005 1:11:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By CK1:
Some p2p networks run off hash strings instead of file names. An algorithm looks at the raw data and makes a unique string of letters and numbers. Two files of different name but identical data should have identical CRC checks and hash strings. Emule, for example, searches for sources of files based on hash strings when a download starts. The files are all identical but sometimes their file names differ. In the end, it all comes out okay.


Uh, +1

U supa- |\|008$ g0++@ g3+ y0 $h|$$3 +0g3+h#2!!!!!!!!

Dont you know about hash String ID's And p2p data sharing?? Sheesh! you prolly think dos means 'Two' in Spanish! Basically cause of "idiots" who would for whatever reason change the name off the file they downloaded it became hard to certain Proggies like fast track clients that would use title string searches to match up identical files for downloading from different peers they had to switch to a hash id search algorythim. For a variety of reasons. So just cause i got a comp full of 'Bukakke mit monkeys' files dont mean im a pre-vert !! Now go back to playing on your console Spotty face!
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 1:45:59 PM EDT
p2p is soooo 1999.
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 2:19:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Admiral_Crunch:
I'm sorry, but if I saw "Enraged Baboon fucking a nipple factory" as a result in a P2P search, I would be REQUIRED to download it just to see what the hell it was.



+1
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 2:31:52 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/21/2005 7:13:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By t-stox:

Originally Posted By CK1:
Some p2p networks run off hash strings instead of file names. An algorithm looks at the raw data and makes a unique string of letters and numbers. Two files of different name but identical data should have identical CRC checks and hash strings. Emule, for example, searches for sources of files based on hash strings when a download starts. The files are all identical but sometimes their file names differ. In the end, it all comes out okay.


Uh, +1

U supa- |\|008$ g0++@ g3+ y0 $h|$$3 +0g3+h#2!!!!!!!!

Dont you know about hash String ID's And p2p data sharing?? Sheesh! you prolly think dos means 'Two' in Spanish! Basically cause of "idiots" who would for whatever reason change the name off the file they downloaded it became hard to certain Proggies like fast track clients that would use title string searches to match up identical files for downloading from different peers they had to switch to a hash id search algorythim. For a variety of reasons. So just cause i got a comp full of 'Bukakke mit monkeys' files dont mean im a pre-vert !! Now go back to playing on your console Spotty face!



Link Posted: 12/22/2005 12:46:49 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 5:11:13 AM EDT
He has no respect for other people's hobbies.
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 5:21:45 AM EDT
Bastages!

My side is hurting and my eyes are tearing from laughing so much!


BigDozer66
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 5:57:04 AM EDT
Changing the names didn't do a thing. The file sharing software examines the content of the file and comes up with a digital signature, more or less a thumbprint of the file. People searching for the originaal file name, or some other version, without ever seeing the renaming, acquired pieces of the files based purely on the fact that it was in fact the same file.

The software can handle renamed files because plenty of people monkey around with things and put (for example) band name : track or band-album-track or =just track or whatever to suit their own music storage preference. If the file sharing software didn't match up all of the variations in names that happened to be the same file, it would be an impossible mess.

so you could take a britney spears song that is popular, rename it to asdflaksdj ll,mnn.,msdasdf;llkjh01123llas.dfasdfasdlfl2908234 and you'd still see it getting downloaded automatically. and nobody will have searched for asdflaksdj ll,mnn.,msdasdf;llkjh01123llas.dfasdfasdlfl2908234
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 6:11:37 AM EDT
Bastard, I got so excited thinking I was downloading Grandma bingo sex
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 6:16:01 AM EDT
All I wanted to see was the girlfriend mowing the yard naked
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 6:22:46 AM EDT
There are several BILLION people in the world. Most did not respond.
Link Posted: 12/22/2005 6:29:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2005 6:30:16 AM EDT by Quarterbore]
I had Kazza on one of my computers back when I was trying to find the Parris Hilton video clip and it was rather alarming some of the titles you see... even worse was the viruses my computer got... I was smart enough to use an old junker computer and when I was done I had to reformat the hard drive to get all the stuff back off there....

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