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Posted: 12/16/2005 5:11:01 AM EDT

I learned a few things the hard way through my divorce & thusly no longer look at marriage the same. If & when I ever find another woman I desire to give up my new found freedom for, there are things I will never do again for love or marrage.

Here is my short list off the top O' me skull.

1) I will never let another person be incharge of my paycheck.

2) I will never let somone else run my household finances.

3) I will never ask permission from my wife to do the things I want to do, or I what I can spend my money on.

4) I will never justify to my wife anything I buy.

5) I will never let my wife manipulate me with guilt over things I feel no guilt about to begin with.

6) I will not stay in a situation with a wife who will not seek help for mental problems after I have insisted, or pleaded she get some. (I refuse to stay with somone who's illness of mind make life miserable for me)

I'm sure I could come up with more, but for now this is my won't do again list.

So what's on your list of never agains?
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:12:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

So what's on your list of never agains?



Don't get married again.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:14:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I learned a few things the hard way through my divorce & thusly no longer look at marriage the same. If & when I ever find another woman I desire to give up my new found freedom for, there are things I will never do again for love or marrage.

Here is my short list off the top O' me skull.

1) I will never let another person be incharge of my paycheck.

2) I will never let somone else run my household finances.

3) I will never ask permission from my wife to do the things I want to do, or I what I can spend my money on.

4) I will never justify to my wife anything I buy.

5) I will never let my wife manipulate me with guilt over things I feel no guilt about to begin with.

6) I will not stay in a situation with a wife who will not seek help for mental problems after I have insisted, or pleaded she get some. (I refuse to stay with somone who's illness of mind make life miserable for me)



When you get married, you become a partnership. Your bills are her bills, you both have to chip in to the common bills. There is no such thing as "your" or "her" paycheck at that point, nor is there "your" or "her" household expenses. Maybe that thinking is where your problem comes from.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:20:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

So what's on your list of never agains?




If your list is indicitive of the things that you have to sacrifice in order to be married, I will never again get married.

I simply cannot imagine trusting my finances to anyone. The only other thing that is harder to imagine is having to ask anyone if I can buy something.

I guess that makes me selfish, but it's too late to change.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:25:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2005 5:27:41 AM EDT by Gregory_A]

1) I will never let another person be incharge of my paycheck.



2) I will never let somone else run my household finances.



Quoted again for emphasis.

I was a idiot and let my soon to be ex pay the bills,which are all in my name.Needless to say when she started to plot the move,she stopped paying on everything in my name.She took care of everything in HER name,but she stopped paying on everything in MY name in July....I know owe around $5K in utility bills.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:30:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tc556guy:
When you get married, you become a partnership. Your bills are her bills, you both have to chip in to the common bills. There is no such thing as "your" or "her" paycheck at that point, nor is there "your" or "her" household expenses. Maybe that thinking is where your problem comes from.



That's a huge 10-4, buddy. If you can't trust your significant other with your money, don't even think about the whole "until death do us part" thing. Statistically, financial issues destroy marriages more than every other issue combined. If you can't carry out your fiduciary duty as a husband, stay off the market.

It's only money, and it's not like you can take it with you or anything.

-James
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:30:49 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:33:01 AM EDT
My friend is going through the same exact thing and I'm pretty sure his list is identical.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:33:23 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tc556guy:

When you get married, you become a partnership. Your bills are her bills, you both have to chip in to the common bills. There is no such thing as "your" or "her" paycheck at that point, nor is there "your" or "her" household expenses. Maybe that thinking is where your problem comes from.



Good luck with that theory.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:37:23 AM EDT
1. I will never again stick my dick in the salad shooter.

2. I will never take a leak after cutting up Habanero peppers.

3. I will never again ingest radioactive materials for fun or profit.

4. I will never again screw the goat. No matter how cute she is in high heals and stockings.

5. I will never answer the phone after midnight.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:38:28 AM EDT
Ah, the things we know now that we wish we'd known then.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:43:05 AM EDT
Go read the "The Truth About Women Thread" and then post back your thoughts on the article. You now seem to have the understanding of what not to let women do. The article tells guys how not to let that happen. I'm just curious to see what your views are of the article since a lot of guys seem to dismiss it and call it BS or nonsense.

www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=418720

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 5:54:24 AM EDT
I think most if not all of your list could be eliminated if rule number one was followed

Rule # 1. I will not voluntary put my nuts in a mayonnaise jar then put them the fridge until my wife lets me take them out for special occasions.


I cant remember the author of the quote but I think about it everytime I want to bitch about something someone else has done wrong while I sat back and ignore my responsibilty.

It works for me so I thought I would share.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:14:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By meltdown:

No. I think his problem comes from turning over his money to a spouse who has no financial management skills and psychological problems. It's his responsibility to ensure the bills are paid and excessive debt is not incurred. He delegated that responsibilty to her and got screwed. He learned a valuable lesson. You can love someone without letting them hold your wallet.



We solve that by sitting down and going over the bills and paying them together. We both know what bills are being paid, and she keeps my rage in check as we write the checks out.

I understand the whole driving-the-credit-into-the-ground problem. The year I was deployed she did great running the household finances. I had friends who came back to find themselves 30K in debt.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:15:21 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2005 6:17:15 AM EDT by jimtash9]

Originally Posted By SWIRE:
Go read the "The Truth About Women Thread" and then post back your thoughts on the article. You now seem to have the understanding of what not to let women do. The article tells guys how not to let that happen. I'm just curious to see what your views are of the article since a lot of guys seem to dismiss it and call it BS or nonsense.

www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=418720




I completely agree with it. Women are always talking about how men are jerks but you know, it's the jerks that get the women and most importantly the respect. One girlfriend I had I treated like crap. Hung up the phone on her, wouldn't pay attention to her, things like that. She always kept coming back and I always got laid anytime I wanted and even I couldn't believe that she would put up with it, but she did. Treat a woman like she's nothing special and she'll be back. Treat a woman like she means the world to you and you'll be alone. That's the truth.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:16:24 AM EDT
1) Never allow muff (or lack thereof) to cloud my rationalization.

2) NEVER have a joint bank account.

3) Never sell my toys to please her.

4) Never marry a woman that is looking for someone to support her.

5) NEVER EVER marry someone that is below my social level.

These are huge mistakes i made with the ex.... The current wife has none of the problems mentioned above. We have the bills split equally,and anything over and above that, is ours to spend/save as we see fit. No more bounced checks,arguments etc.... If we want to go on vacation, or if an emergency comes up, we have a seperate account that we put money into. We've been married for over 3 years. No problems to date.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:18:01 AM EDT
I will never take trivial things as seriously as I did before.

I will never forget that my happiness is just as important and critical as my spouse's.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:18:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I learned a few things the hard way through my divorce & thusly no longer look at marriage the same. If & when I ever find another woman I desire to give up my new found freedom for, there are things I will never do again for love or marrage.

Here is my short list off the top O' me skull.

1) I will never let another person be incharge of my paycheck.

2) I will never let somone else run my household finances.

3) I will never ask permission from my wife to do the things I want to do, or I what I can spend my money on.

4) I will never justify to my wife anything I buy.

5) I will never let my wife manipulate me with guilt over things I feel no guilt about to begin with.

6) I will not stay in a situation with a wife who will not seek help for mental problems after I have insisted, or pleaded she get some. (I refuse to stay with somone who's illness of mind make life miserable for me)

I'm sure I could come up with more, but for now this is my won't do again list.

So what's on your list of never agains?




This attitude will ensure that your next marriage fails too.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:21:00 AM EDT
1. Don't wear a fat skank.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:23:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By tc556guy:

Originally Posted By meltdown:

No. I think his problem comes from turning over his money to a spouse who has no financial management skills and psychological problems. It's his responsibility to ensure the bills are paid and excessive debt is not incurred. He delegated that responsibilty to her and got screwed. He learned a valuable lesson. You can love someone without letting them hold your wallet.



We solve that by sitting down and going over the bills and paying them together. We both know what bills are being paid, and she keeps my rage in check as we write the checks out.

I understand the whole driving-the-credit-into-the-ground problem. The year I was deployed she did great running the household finances. I had friends who came back to find themselves 30K in debt.



No kidding. My hubby would be the first to admit that if he managed the books, we'd be living in a cardboard box. And I am the first to admit that if he had no ambition, I'd have had nothing to manage.

<<sigh>>
So sick and tired of people coming on here and blaming the ENTIRE opposite sex for the sins of the one they were foolish enough not to see thru. I dated MANY losers. One who liked to hit women. One who cheated. Another who didn't like to work. Do I say the 'truth about men' is that they're all unemployed woman beaters who are unfathful?

Jeez Louise.
Grow the hell up.

SOME People suck. Not men, not women. Not whites, not blacks. Not Christians and not Jews.
PEOPLE...

Why the hell God thought he could improve on the animal kingdom with this screwed up 'person' prototype, I'll never know. And why the hell has he NOT improved upon the Beta version????


Rant off.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:25:03 AM EDT
Geez guys, why not just make a better choice in the women you have relationships with?





You guys are looking in the wrong direction. Try a mirror.

CMOS
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:26:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2005 6:33:18 AM EDT by jimtash9]

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:


Why the hell God thought he could improve on the animal kingdom with this screwed up 'person' prototype, I'll never know. And why the hell has he NOT improved upon the Beta version????


Rant off.




Oh you mean the nice guy that works, is responsible but is BORING. He doesn't need improvement, he just needs to find someone that appreciates stability over stupidity. Unfortunately most women don't care for that and will either not give someone like that the time of day, or will end up using them until something better comes along.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:35:00 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jimtash9:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:


Why the hell God thought he could improve on the animal kingdom with this screwed up 'person' prototype, I'll never know. And why the hell has he NOT improved upon the Beta version????


Rant off.




Oh you mean the nice guy that works, is responsible but is BORING. He doesn't need improvement, he just needs to find someone that appreciates stability over stupidity.




First, humor is so freaken lost on you.
Second...Did ya READ what I posted? It says PEOPLE SUCK....all of us! Those of us with penises, without and those in between!I was NOT ragging on men. Rather, I was ragging on the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.

As far as your rant on the 'nice guy'...had you READ my post, you'd know I already HAVE one of those and I was defending the fact that nice guys and gals CAN make it work as a PARTNERSHIP as it's designed be.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:38:46 AM EDT
There is ALOT of ME ME ME in that post. It seems like you don't want a wife as in a partner to share your life with. It seems like you want a warm hole to use on occasion who bows to you in every way and depends on you completely.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:45:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
<<sigh>>
So sick and tired of people coming on here and blaming the ENTIRE opposite sex for the sins of the one they were foolish enough not to see thru. I dated MANY losers. One who liked to hit women. One who cheated. Another who didn't like to work. Do I say the 'truth about men' is that they're all unemployed woman beaters who are unfathful?

Jeez Louise.
Grow the hell up.

SOME People suck. Not men, not women. Not whites, not blacks. Not Christians and not Jews.
PEOPLE...



Here is the thing, what type of men does an attractive female attract? The answer is ALL MEN. Yet I constantly hear women complain "I only attract losers". No, you attract all men...you just choose to date the losers while rejecting all the "nicer" guys. As "the truth about women" article said "a few of the men get most of the action". I am sure the losers you dated had no problem moving on to someone else. Most men don't have a huge selection of women coming on them on a daily basis, in fact men are constantly seeking out, paying money, and doing whatever they can just to get a single date. Men date who they can and put up with some bad behavior just to have a girl and to get laid...often the really bad behavior of women doesn't show up until later, 3yrs is very common. How many men here are saying their woman has gone beyond their belief in being financially responsible and loyal? It is rare to hear that because it is very rare to find a woman like that. You'll probably disagree but your argument will go against the repeated personal experience of most men.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:49:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SWIRE:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
<<sigh>>
So sick and tired of people coming on here and blaming the ENTIRE opposite sex for the sins of the one they were foolish enough not to see thru. I dated MANY losers. One who liked to hit women. One who cheated. Another who didn't like to work. Do I say the 'truth about men' is that they're all unemployed woman beaters who are unfathful?

Jeez Louise.
Grow the hell up.

SOME People suck. Not men, not women. Not whites, not blacks. Not Christians and not Jews.
PEOPLE...



Here is the thing, what type of men does an attractive female attract? The answer is ALL MEN. Yet I constantly hear women complain "I only attract losers". No, you attract all men...you just choose to date the losers while rejecting all the "nicer" guys. As "the truth about women" article said "a few of the men get most of the action". I am sure the losers you dated had no problem moving on to someone else. Most men don't have a huge selection of women coming on them on a daily basis, in fact men are constantly seeking out, paying money, and doing whatever they can just to get a single date. Men date who they can and put up with some bad behavior just to have a girl and to get laid...often the really bad behavior of women doesn't show up until later, 3yrs is very common. How many men here are saying their woman has gone beyond their belief in being financially responsible and loyal? It is rare to hear that because it is very rare to find a woman like that. You'll probably disagree but your argument will go against the repeated personal experience of most men.



And I could give you many examples of how many men have screwed over my female friends...so what's it gonna be? Tit for tat?
And as far as "attractive women" attracting "all men." That's crap. My husband thinks I'm hot. Not all men do. Hell, a coupla men on here said I wasn't. I've had men check me out and ignore me. So what does that mean? It means your theory is inaccurate. And that beauty indeed is in the eye of the beholder.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 6:50:17 AM EDT
That must have been some good booty if you sold out like you make it sound like you did.
All of those are no-no's in my book and ,yes, I'm happily married. My wife takes care of other things ans I stay out of her way.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:17:04 AM EDT
I've been married to the first wife for 26 years. If I find myself single again (that's not in the plan) I wouldn't get married again. I really don't think anyone else would put up with me and that's OK with me. Mrs. Colt_SBR is a great sport for putting up with me so long.

I'd do that mid-life-crisis thing.

One thing, I wouldn't have anyone move in. In Florida you have to evict a roommate because they establish residency. I'd be my own person and do what I want, when I want.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:27:57 AM EDT
I never do any of those and thats why I'm still married 20 years to a great woman who knows her two places, in the kitchen and on her back. Really. Call me an Archie Bunker, but do you think June Cleaver had any complaints? If more women suck it up and learn how to be a good wife, they'd have a lot less to worry about in life. Find a guy with a good job, keep the house clean, learn to cook- you won't have any problems. And then, the old man will croak from all his years of building up what wifey will inherit, and she's set. Spending her golden years traveling and going to doll shows, never a worry about finances. Sounds good to me.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:30:10 AM EDT

Originally Posted By skpp108:
do you think June Cleaver had any complaints? .


She was fictional. And yes, you are Archie Bunker.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:35:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jimtash9:
Oh you mean the nice guy that works, is responsible but is BORING. He doesn't need improvement, he just needs to find someone that appreciates stability over stupidity. Unfortunately most women don't care for that and will either not give someone like that the time of day, or will end up using them until something better comes along.



Most "women" with that sort of attitude have worked out of that mindset by the time they are well into their 20s. They settle down and realize that Mr Dependable is better than Mr Biker Dude, although Mr Dependable MIGHT be convinced to be his own Mr Biker Dude on weekends for her. In the same way all men in their 20s want Miss July but ultimately settle for something a little closer to home.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:42:29 AM EDT
Don't forget the prenup...
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:46:41 AM EDT
yep, I'm doing the indain marrige next time I get tired of eating my own cooking, cause there is a diffenent price to pay for somechick you can roll over and nudge in the night.

MLW>"<
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:51:20 AM EDT
It sounds like you will never fully trust somebody again. At least not until you recover from this experience.

My main thought here is to leave room for you to remove the word "never" in the future.

It took me about 5 years to resolve all of the feelings of betrayal, resentment, etc. that I had toward my first wife following the divorce.

The current Mrs. Brohawk is a totally different person than my first spouse.

We are a team. We have each earned the other's trust (this is her second marriage, too - her first hubby was a jerk).

She has taken accounting classes and is good with the books. I've learned that I can trust her with management of our finances.

I don't "ask her permission" to buy things, but I do communicate with her. Likewise, if she wants to buy something she gives me a heads-up. We don't seek permission from eachother, we keep eachother informed on what's going on.

I've heard guys talk about buying a gun without telling their wife and sneaking it into the safe. I don't do anything behind her back. If I'm not hiding stuff from her, she has no reason to distrust me.

I'm writing this to let you know that over time these things will heal, and that there are actually good women out there. I just learned to be selective the hard way.

Until you can fully trust again, you can't fully love. You will be holding back.

I know, I was there. After my divorce I wouldn't let anyone that close to me. After my first wife ripped my heart out and stomped it I kept subsequent relationships superficial, shallow, and didn't let anybody inside the perimeter I established.

Needless to say, those relationships weren't very satisfying.

The main point right now is to resolve the current issues. That will enable you to put this experience behind you and open new doors to your future.

Like I said, it took me about 5 years. However, now I've forgiven her and can honestly say I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.

Remember, forgiveness isn't just for the person you are forgiving - it also releases you.

For years I carried all kinds of ugly feelings around about spouse #1. We weren't in communication, so she had no idea I felt that way. All that garbage was eating away at me inside. When I let it go it was like a huge weight was lifted from me.

What you're feeling right now is natural, but don't let it limit your future.

Best to you.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:57:03 AM EDT
Rules to live by


1. Never ever trust anyone who can bleed for seven days and not die

2. Never ever trust anyone who can bare milk without eating grass

3. Never ever trust anyone who can bury a bone without digging a hole
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 7:57:04 AM EDT
Joint checking accounts never work. Divide the bills proportionately to how much income each spouse brings in. Not fair to go 50/50 when one of the spouses makes double compared to other.

My wife doesn't care what I spend my money on as long as I take care of my share of bills. And I don't care what she blows her money on (shoes, clothes, jewelry) as long as she takes care of her end of the bills.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:00:19 AM EDT
I was married once and went through two divorces, my first and last. It took ten months and I swear I would rather go back to Nam than another divorce. Never again.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:02:07 AM EDT
"NEVER say NEVER" from a "been married twice now" guy.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:04:30 AM EDT
I will never justify that AIM Surplus has the lowest prices on Bushmaster A2 20" AR15 Rifles.

I will never ponder over whether or not several thousands rounds of ammo is "enough".

I will never buy condoms for 'safety' since we agree we aren't having anymore kids and then get accused of buying condoms for "extra cirricular" activities.

I will never leave my dirty clothes in the laundry hamper.

Did I leave anything out?

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:15:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By skpp108:
I never do any of those and thats why I'm still married 20 years to a great woman who knows her two places, in the kitchen and on her back. Really. Call me an Archie Bunker, but do you think June Cleaver had any complaints? If more women suck it up and learn how to be a good wife, they'd have a lot less to worry about in life. Find a guy with a good job, keep the house clean, learn to cook- you won't have any problems. And then, the old man will croak from all his years of building up what wifey will inherit, and she's set. Spending her golden years traveling and going to doll shows, never a worry about finances. Sounds good to me.



Damn dude.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:25:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BIKECOP29:
Joint checking accounts never work. Divide the bills proportionately to how much income each spouse brings in. Not fair to go 50/50 when one of the spouses makes double compared to other.

My wife doesn't care what I spend my money on as long as I take care of my share of bills. And I don't care what she blows her money on (shoes, clothes, jewelry) as long as she takes care of her end of the bills.



HUGE +1, my marriage almost ended because we didn't do this. Once we did this, everything has been fine for the last 10yrs.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:29:41 AM EDT
I've been married all of abotu 4 months, but I've been with my wife since I was 13, and lived with her since I was 18 - so we've been a household for 3 years. Finances between us are pooled, we had a joint checking account, and now we have no account at all. This is perfectly feasible for our income level, but obviously wouldn't work later in life when we have money. She lays out the budget, bills, available money, etc., and I look over it. Once we agree, it is posted on the fridge, and we STICK TO IT. Early on, I was not working, and she was, so she paid all the bills. I'll admit it, I was a bum. I struggled for a while to find a good job, and once I did, she quit hers and started a dance studio. Now I'm covering all the household bills, and she works every day on her studio. It doesn't make money right now, but it will someday. I also own a small photography studio, which makes quite a bit on the side some months, and nothing on other months.

My wife is an old-fashioned woman in a lot of ways - which is good, because I do have soem old-fashioned ideas. She's an excellent cook, and her recipe book is growing. She keeps a clean house for us, so I never have to worry about that. She also does laundry, which is a big deal, since we're still relatively poor, and can't afford a lot of changes of cloths. I have 2 pairs of pants and 4 shirts for work, so she does the laundry at least 3 times a week. In return, I provide her security - I have a good, solid job with benefits. She has the bills paid, healthcare coverage, and food on the table. Her remaining time after the house is in order is hers to use as she sees fit, and she spend at least 6-8 hours per day in her studio. One day, that little business is going to be a big business, and we'll both be able to relax a bit and do the things we want.

Maybe its just youthful optimism, but I think we're going to do all right. We realize there will be problems ahead, and its not like we don't fight, we do. What we don't do is hold grudges. If we have an issue, we fight about it, and forget about it. We realized a long time ago that the little things only matter in the "now", not in the long run. We're faithful to each other, and neither of us has ever slept with anyone else. We've never been in an emotional relationship with anyone else for that matter. I feel I can trust her completely. She grew up in a kind of warped household, so she has some trust issues, but she's definately getting progressively better about it.

All that said, we both signed a pre-nup before we got married. It basically says that the person initiating a divroce gets nothing - very little money, no guaranteed visitation rights to any children. Also, if there is evidence of unfaithfulness, and a disinterested arbiter agress the evidence is overwhelming, that is taken as initiation of divorce proceedings. "Very little money" means the lesser of 10% of liquid assets or $10,000 adjusted for inflation. We thought this through, and wanted to make it hurt financially to either of us if we go and fuck up a good thing. The way we look at it, in the old days, there was an overwhelming social pressure to stay married. That being absent, we have created for ourselves an equal financial pressure.

So far I love being married. She's a great wife, she does all the things I need done at home, and I take care of all of her financial - and emotional - needs. I'm totally in love. In fact, I loved her before, but after marrying her, the feelings I have for her are.. different. Very much a good thing. The sex is better. Not necessarily more frequent, but better. I'm not a guy that needs it 5 times a week anyhow, we do fine.

I truly don't understand the trust issues many of the posters on this issue seem to have. I have no need to "get permission" from my wife on any purchase I make. I bought a new watch yesterday, because I saw a good deal on it. I didn't ask first, but I called and told her how much I had spent as soon as I could afterwards. No big deal. The only time we've had money issues was when i bought our first handgun, when we were not doing too well on money. I literally bought it, against her protests, at the coost of having our electricity shut off for a week. This doesn't seem to make since, but we lived in a bad neighborhood at the time, and we both felt threatened. She didn't agree with the purchase until two weeks later, when another apartment in our building was burglarized. She had her "wake up moment", and understood why I felt it necessary to sacrifice to protect us, and hasn't had an issue with it since. Now she goes to the range with me once per week, and trains as I do.

Gotta go, she's looking over my shoulder wanting the laptop to do something. :)
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:33:14 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
So what's on your list of never agains?



1.) Never wear diapers again.
2.) Never walk in Afghanistan minefields
3.) Never get married again... my current wife would probably have a problem with it.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 8:35:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By GerberSchwintz:

Originally Posted By skpp108:
I never do any of those and thats why I'm still married 20 years to a great woman who knows her two places, in the kitchen and on her back. Really. Call me an Archie Bunker, but do you think June Cleaver had any complaints? If more women suck it up and learn how to be a good wife, they'd have a lot less to worry about in life. Find a guy with a good job, keep the house clean, learn to cook- you won't have any problems. And then, the old man will croak from all his years of building up what wifey will inherit, and she's set. Spending her golden years traveling and going to doll shows, never a worry about finances. Sounds good to me.



Damn dude.



it seems odd, doesn't it? But, if his wife is happy, so what? I go for the partnership thing myself. My wife takes care of the checkbook, we talk and set our goals, she plans and makes it happen financially. i tell her what i want to buy and she tells me when we can afford it. works for me.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 9:04:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SimonPhoto:
I've been married all of abotu 4 months, but I've been with my wife since I was 13, and lived with her since I was 18 - so we've been a household for 3 years. ....etc.....

Maybe its just youthful optimism, but I think we're going to do all right. ......etc........



You have a good start. Good luck
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:03:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By meltdown:


When you get married, you become a partnership. Your bills are her bills, you both have to chip in to the common bills. There is no such thing as "your" or "her" paycheck at that point, nor is there "your" or "her" household expenses. Maybe that thinking is where your problem comes from.



No. I think his problem comes from turning over his money to a spouse who has no financial management skills and psychological problems. It's his responsibility to ensure the bills are paid and excessive debt is not incurred. He delegated that responsibilty to her and got screwed. He learned a valuable lesson. You can love someone without letting them hold your wallet.



Exzactly correct. For 14 yrs I did just that, & like others have posted here, she stopped paying the bills including the mortage on our home. When I found out what the score was I was deeply in debt & she was living with another man & my money.

By the way I was married for just over 14 yrs & would still be had she not been ill in the head.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:15:08 PM EDT

Originally Posted By cobramech:
1) Never allow muff (or lack thereof) to cloud my rationalization.

2) NEVER have a joint bank account.

3) Never sell my toys to please her.

4) Never marry a woman that is looking for someone to support her.

5) NEVER EVER marry someone that is below my social level.

These are huge mistakes i made with the ex.... The current wife has none of the problems mentioned above. We have the bills split equally,and anything over and above that, is ours to spend/save as we see fit. No more bounced checks,arguments etc.... If we want to go on vacation, or if an emergency comes up, we have a seperate account that we put money into. We've been married for over 3 years. No problems to date.



3) Never sell my toys to please her.

I recently found the saphire earings I sold my H&K USP to buy for her, at the same pawn shop that now houses her wedding ring. The price for them now? $87.00


5) NEVER EVER marry someone that is below my social level.

This is important for so many many reasons.

Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:16:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:
I will never take trivial things as seriously as I did before.

I will never forget that my happiness is just as important and critical as my spouse's.




Both good, & important.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:18:34 PM EDT
With that attitude you won't have to worry about getting married again.....
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:19:13 PM EDT

Originally Posted By chooper:

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I learned a few things the hard way through my divorce & thusly no longer look at marriage the same. If & when I ever find another woman I desire to give up my new found freedom for, there are things I will never do again for love or marrage.

Here is my short list off the top O' me skull.

1) I will never let another person be incharge of my paycheck.

2) I will never let somone else run my household finances.

3) I will never ask permission from my wife to do the things I want to do, or I what I can spend my money on.

4) I will never justify to my wife anything I buy.

5) I will never let my wife manipulate me with guilt over things I feel no guilt about to begin with.

6) I will not stay in a situation with a wife who will not seek help for mental problems after I have insisted, or pleaded she get some. (I refuse to stay with somone who's illness of mind make life miserable for me)

I'm sure I could come up with more, but for now this is my won't do again list.

So what's on your list of never agains?




This attitude will ensure that your next marriage fails too.



Thank you Dr.Phil. Where does your expert opinion come from?

Mine comes from 14 yrs of marriage.
Link Posted: 12/16/2005 12:22:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
5) I will never let my wife manipulate me with guilt over things I feel no guilt about to begin with.



This is the trap I fell into. It wasn't until I understood the evil destructiveness of unearned guilt that I recognized why I was so miserable. Divorce followed quickly after.
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