my mom used to work at a law firm here, they would have these christmas parties where everyones kids would come and get presents from santa. well one time i got tetris for my gameboy, i was mad because i wanted one of those turtle mobile things from teenage mutant ninja turtles, it would shoot plastics pizzas (i later got one, it was AWESOME) anyways so i was cranky and later on there was one of those things that was blown up and you jumped around in it, so im kinda cranky and jumping around in this thing, they only let 4 kids jump at a time, anyways this fat jewish kid comes up and is like "its my turn, get off!" i was in no mood for this kids shenanigans so i tackled his chubby ass and made him eat grass, it was awesome
then one time i grossed a girl out by telling her about the spider bites on my ass