Big Moral Dilemma (infidelity).... Please Advise! - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Big Moral Dilemma (infidelity).... Please Advise! (Page 2 of 2)

Posted: 9/14/2005 3:02:54 AM EDT

[#1]

I think you will have a difficult time continuing to respect your friend.

I found out a very close friend was cheating on his wife. I tried to tell myself it was none of my buisiness, but......
Have not seen him for seveal years now.

Posted: 9/14/2005 3:19:38 AM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:

Either way, you can be ASSURED that your friendship with him ~~is OVER~~ will never be the same if they stay together. Either she won't be comfortable around you, and push him away from you, or she'll feel that you're gonna push him away from her.

Exactly my thoughts. He's your friend. Don't judge him by abondoning the friendship. Tell him how you feel and that contact between his wife and you will be very awkward to say the least. Eventually time heals all and I'm sure you end up "forgetting" or "forgiving" her much like your friend has.

Just a thought.

Bomber

Posted: 9/14/2005 3:31:24 AM EDT

[#3]

It's his wife, not yours and it's none of your business. If he wants to talk, let him know what you think and what you would do if you were in his position, but other than that, if you're really his friend you'll stay his friend and you'll do your best to get along with her as long as he's with her.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:01:05 AM EDT

[#4]

Bump for the sages of the day crew.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:15:01 AM EDT

[#5]

Well life's too short to mince words so I'd tell him exactly what I thought, which is that his wife is a no-good cockgobbling shitstain in a dress and he's a goddamn idiot for not dumping her ass at the curb with the other trash. But then if he still wanted to be buds I'd try to be there for him.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:34:18 AM EDT

[#6]

Take him to IHOP for breakfast.

Say: "There is life after divorce. That is all I have to say about what I unfortunately witnessed but that is what I would do. I have an obligation to myself to tell you the truth."

That said, change the subject to something lighter. You can't communicate difficult issues without being direct and if possible use less than two sentances. THEN YOU DROP THE SUBJECT. If he chooses to bring it up further, well, that is fine. Now you don't have to walk on eggshells.

Honesty usually isn't pretty. The choice he has to make isn't pretty either.

As for him loving her, well, like my (divorced) brother says: "Cupid is an asshole."

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:35:11 AM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:
Avoid other people's life drama.

Shit Lumpy.

Why else log onto ARF? What else is in the frikin GD??

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:35:53 AM EDT

[#8]

Quoted:
Only socialize with him. He's YOUR friend. If shes around be social as in say hi and bye beyond that dont give her the time of day.

Be short and direct when you ask for a sammich. Otherwise avoid her.

Seriously though, I agree with MrMurphy -- be a friend to your friend and don't cause any shit to wedge him away from his wife. I made that mistake in highschool with a friend (similar situation, but to a much lesser extent; still a valuable lesson) and I regretted it. Help your friend be happy even if he's happy with a woman you can't stand.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:39:17 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:
WTF do I do when I inevitably socialize with them again??? I simply can't go back to kissing her hello & goodbye, and making small talk with her when what I really want to do is go upside her head with an Aluminum baseball bat!!! How do I get through this anger? How do I pretend that everything is just peachy and that I'm fine with her??? Seriously, I'm eaten up with bile right now & I need some advice.

Next time you meet them (preferably with a lot of people around), ask the husband why he hasn't divorced that cheating POS wife of his.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:44:14 AM EDT

[#10]

Quoted:
WTF do I do when I inevitably socialize with them again??? I simply can't go back to kissing her hello & goodbye, and making small talk with her when what I really want to do is go upside her head with an Aluminum baseball bat!!!

Sure you can.

The offense wasn't against you personally. Don't own it. If your friend gets whacked in the face for his forgiveness, that is his problem to live with. Not yours.

How do I get through this anger? How do I pretend that everything is just peachy and that I'm fine with her???

Seriously, I'm eaten up with bile right now & I need some advice.

Thanks.

You don't pretend everything is fine. You just interact with her in a non-threatening way when you have to, and do your best to avoid interaction with her altogether if possible.

Posted: 9/14/2005 10:44:57 AM EDT

[#11]

If you wish to keep him as a friend (personally I would have a hard time, given his different values system--but it is HIS marriage and life, not yours), you can only be civil and polite toward her. Polite--not friendly.

Posted: 9/18/2005 5:35:29 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
Suffice to say if she has convinced him not to kick her useless lumpy ass to the curb, then she can easily convince him that his friends (ie YOU) are no good and he should stay away.

You will have little contact with him until she hooks up with someone else and leaves him for good, then your friendship will resume.

Amen. I can witness to that!

ETA: I cannot imagine a scenario where I walk into my bedroom and witness another man's ass humping up and down on my wife and I decide I am ok with it. That is not going to happen, ever.

Bob

Posted: 9/18/2005 5:45:30 PM EDT

[#13]

Ignore her. Pretend she doesn't exist. I do the same thing to a neighbor's wife.

The father and his kids are nice people. His drunk-ass tramp of a wife needs help, the kind dispensed in 45acp one pill at a time.

Posted: 9/18/2005 5:54:06 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
[
I can say with absolute confidence that he did NOTHING to deserve this, other than knowingly marry a certifiable nut job of a woman. In fact, it's a wonder that he did not see something like this coming, because the woman is a real live loon (meds., therapy, drinks alcohol & smokes pot like it's going out of style, can't hold down a job, etc...).

Make us wonder about you.

Seriously, keep your mouth shut and be his friend.

All this tell him this or her that is a bunch of female-ish gettin' in everybody's bizness crap.

Posted: 9/18/2005 5:54:35 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
WTF do I do when I inevitably socialize with them again??? I simply can't go back to kissing her hello & goodbye, and making small talk with her when what I really want to do is go upside her head with an Aluminum baseball bat!!!

How do I get through this anger? How do I pretend that everything is just peachy and that I'm fine with her???

Seriously, I'm eaten up with bile right now & I need some advice.

Thanks.

I don't hang out with cheaters, whore mongerers, thiefs, druggies, etc.

I don't go where they go.

If their significant other is a friend, it doesn't matter. If that kills the friendship, so be it.

Some things I just won't compromise.

BTDT - got a small scar over my left eyebrow from the shotgun struggle when my friend and I came home early from a TDY, and his wife was in bed with the neighbor.

It was a bad scene, and I promised to distance my self from that forever. I've only seen anger like that one other time.

Posted: 9/18/2005 5:55:08 PM EDT

[#16]

If he has decided to keep her, then you must respect his decision and be civil to his wife, just like your inlaws.

Posted: 9/18/2005 6:08:01 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
Quoted:
Ahh... As the elder Mr. Gustafson would say.."The ol' Coitus Interuptus".

How did you manage to be there while he caught her getting nailed by another guy? And I just have to ask since everyone who is reading this post... Is she hot and did you see any skin!

Like I said, I don't want to go into all the dirty little details, but suffice it to say that I saw & experienced more than I ever wanted to.

Better hope they don't either. It is funny how babies come around when people are about to or should break it off.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Big Moral Dilemma (infidelity).... Please Advise! (Page 2 of 2)

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