Quoted: Not quite the same thing but it still kills me: shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm Dave S

Great story.  Thanks, Dave.

If you haven't read it, read it.

I call the "emergency downloads" or "Turbo shit"

Also called "Gopher Holeing"

Quoted: Me, I can regularly go 2-3 days between dumps.  More if I work at it.

The question is WHY would you want to work at it??? Do you dig that "holding it in feeling"?

S.O.

Quoted: They made it out of the car but barely? It happened to me and it was pretty shitty

Can't say that I have , but I do recall some lumpy farts

First things first, where's your crapper? I got a turtlehead pokin out the size of a donkey.

I knew when I got home from work tonight, that the first stop wwas the shitter............. and I should have took pics

Quoted: Quoted: I work with a guy who cannot, for the life of him, hold his bowels.  If he's gotta go, he's going. He has regaled us with stories of shitting on the side of the road everywhere between work and home.  He even once crapped on the back steps here at the plant.  What, you couldn't make it another 30 feet to the bathroom? The guy is messed up.  Seriously messed up.  He doesn't think anything of stopping on the side of the road, grabbing the bed of his truck, and letting it go right there. Me, I can regularly go 2-3 days between dumps.  More if I work at it. Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Anyone else see Tom Hanks' remake of "The Ladykillers", where one of the bank robbers keeps having to stop working to take a dump?

No classic symptoms of IBS.  The guy just can't hold his shit.

Quoted: Also called "Gopher Holeing" Quoted: Me, I can regularly go 2-3 days between dumps.  More if I work at it. The question is WHY would you want to work at it??? Do you dig that "holding it in feeling"? S.O.

I don't like crapping in public toilets.  I'm 27 years old and I've crapped in a public shitter three times.  Once at a Burger King about 11 or 12 years ago.  At a Wal Mart about two years ago (that's a good story, but one I won't share here).  And at a National Park Service campground last month.

Heck, I don't even like to crap anywhere besides home and work.  Plus I have a tendency to clog toilets.  Badly.

Worst times:  

About 15 minutes from landing while on a comercial flight.  Did an "OJ" through the terminal and let her rip.

Several times in the AM in the Deer Stand, and WOAH gotta go. Climmb down. 200 yards trot, major release.  On one occasion, was climbing back into the stand, and a buck was 30 yards from my stand and grunted at me and split!

Quoted: Quoted: No, but for some reason whenever, after just coming home, I sit in my computer chair, I have to take a dump really bad. Also, when I walk in the door, I have to whiz something awful. It's psychological.  You get home and your body knows it can let loose in privacy and comfort.

Its a supernatural phneomenon.

EVERY TIME I'm packin' and go into Lowes or Home Depot - YIKES!!!! Mad crap attack.

Quoted: images.ibsys.com/2004/0116/2772058.jpg "You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?"

YES!

the worst was coming back from mexico- had that "gottas sheet now!!"-feeling so get up and make way to overcrowded bathroom- just gas.  after 3-4 times of this, I figure whay bother, its just "clean" gas- let er rip....the antichrist was born.


anyway after stinking up the area...... I fiuallay had to REALLY sheet, when ding ding...prepare for landing goes on (which normally is like still 20 min out) I held it until we landed and ran to the shitter and montezuma paid me back- in spades. luckily there was a crapper BEFORE customs or else it would have been disaterous.

This thread just stinks

If that's the worst of your stories, you guys don't know how good you've had it.

Couple of months ago, I got some sort of intestinal bug.  For the first day, it was just really bad diarrhea.  By the end of that, my body had flushed out every last trace of crap that it had in it, and my intestines were still going strong.  Every 20-30 minutes, I'd have to rush for the bathroom, whereupon I would squirt a stream of yellowish water from out of my ass, with the occasional fleck of crap in it.

BTW, the stream was coming out at high pressure, not a little dribble.  My intestines were trying to flush the bug out, and they were doing it with a vengeance.  As in, by the time I start to bend down to sit on the toilet, it's already flying out my ass, going all over the seat and the toilet tank and the bowl rim.  After two days, I just left the seat up, but this didn't help much, because the pressure was so high that it would squirt straight back and hit the raised lid and the bottom of the seat.  Things got a little messy;  if I'd had a girlfriend staying there, she probably would have been pissed off.

Needless to say, I was getting badly dehydrated, to the point that I was graying out when I stood up.  Ran out of potable water and had to (ahem) make a run for the store.  So I drink the last of my water, rush down the stairs of the apartment, go over to the store, buy a whole bunch of bottles of water, rush back home, and climb up . . . the . . . stairs.  Clenching the whole way, because that water that I *had* to drink before I went out in order to be able to stand up and walk had made it through to my intestines.

Last flight of steps . . . squirt.  Ok, not too bad, pants are just a little damp now.  I made it to the apartment, stepped up the large step at the top, and lost control completely.  The pants were a mess, but only a couple of drops leaked out and hit the floor.

This went on for a couple of days.  I finally get to the point where, diarrhea or not, I *have* to eat some solid food.  So I go out, go to a restaurant that knows me, they serve me, I eat, walk home, start climbing those stairs, get up to the second-to-last flight . . . oh crap . . . that squirt lubricated my asshole so that mere clenching was no longer sufficient.  Entire dinner, out the back end.  I left a dripping trail of ooze all the way up the last two flights and into the apartment.  This pair of pants was a total loss.

So I go into the bathroom to wash up, and a friend calls me on my cellphone.  He knows I've been ill and has been demanding that I go in to the hospital;  this call is just another repeat.  I tell him I can't talk, I'm not in good shape, and I have to sit down.  He keeps yammering, and I start to pass out again, so I yell "I HAVE TO SIT DOWN!"  and hang up.

Ten minutes later I'm getting calls running into calls -- because I had just moved a few weeks earlier and he doesn't know my address, he's called every mutual acquaintance he can think of trying to get them to send an ambulance to my place.  I'm fielding all of these while hosing myself down, and eventually I manage to calm everyone down and get them to shut up.

All told, five days go by before this EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA finally stops.

The bathroom looks like the worst public toilet in the worst crack den you've ever heard of.  The lid-cover is soaked with shit, the toilet is caked in multiple layers of shit, and the wraparound carpet-fragment (to keep yer feet warm while yer on the pot) and the floor have puddles of dried shit on them from where it's dripped off the sides of the toilet.

I still have no idea what the bug was -- maybe enteritis or dysentery?  I've heard that those can kill a child or an elderly adult from diarrhea, and I think this bug was certainly in their class.

nice story 71- and tasteful too!

similar feeling/results with drinking that shit before a CAT scan- says on the bottle either diarrea or constapation will result-nice.  barley made it home before the explosion- and every 20 min after- got the yellow shit water too.  it was not pretty- next time i will post pics.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I work with a guy who cannot, for the life of him, hold his bowels.  If he's gotta go, he's going. He has regaled us with stories of shitting on the side of the road everywhere between work and home.  He even once crapped on the back steps here at the plant.  What, you couldn't make it another 30 feet to the bathroom? The guy is messed up.  Seriously messed up.  He doesn't think anything of stopping on the side of the road, grabbing the bed of his truck, and letting it go right there. Dude.  That's what Depends are for.  I hope he's at least seen a doctor about it? We've told him to go see a doctor about it, but he says there is nothing out of the ordinary about it.

I don't think he needs to go to the doctor, just stop drinkin cheap beer.  Cheap beer erodes the grippers, and this leads to shitting what I call 'growers'.

Nothing like trying to hold back a chocolate hostage that wants the f**k out!

the little brown mouse...

Me and my girlfriend are layin in bed and I said 'Honey...will you cuddle up with me?' so being the good girlfriend she says 'Sure...'.  So she proceeds to cuddle to the back side of me....just as she gets all situated I ripped a fart right on her leg.  Oh man she got pissed.  She started beatin the crap out of my arm and the flipped over.  I apologized and said I wont do it again all the while still trying to keep from laughing.  So I got her all calmed down and we get back into the 'cuddle' position and I'll be damned if I didnt just rip another fart on her leg.  By this time, she was really pissed off.  Turns out I slept alone for the rest of that night and the next 5 nights.  

Quoted: They say homosexuals have them problems a lot???

lol,lol,lol,lol,

Quoted: Quoted: images.ibsys.com/2004/0116/2772058.jpg "You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better?" YES!

yes, last night

Quoted: Brown Cappin, eh?

The dreaded TOILET VOLCANO...

I have a story so increadible, so disgusting, that I cannot repeat it here.

It involved alcohol, a walk home from a friends house, and ...............  I can't, it's just to nasty!!




Zen
"This is my rifle, there are many like it, but this one is mine"  

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: No, but for some reason whenever, after just coming home, I sit in my computer chair, I have to take a dump really bad. Also, when I walk in the door, I have to whiz something awful. It's psychological.  You get home and your body knows it can let loose in privacy and comfort. Its a supernatural phneomenon. EVERY TIME I'm packin' and go into Lowes or Home Depot - YIKES!!!! Mad crap attack.

What exactly are you "packing" that results in a home improvement "movement"?

Quoted: If that's the worst of your stories, you guys don't know how good you've had it. Couple of months ago, I got some sort of intestinal bug.  For the first day, it was just really bad diarrhea.  By the end of that, my body had flushed out every last trace of crap that it had in it, and my intestines were still going strong.  Every 20-30 minutes, I'd have to rush for the bathroom, whereupon I would squirt a stream of yellowish water from out of my ass, with the occasional fleck of crap in it. BTW, the stream was coming out at high pressure, not a little dribble.  My intestines were trying to flush the bug out, and they were doing it with a vengeance.  As in, by the time I start to bend down to sit on the toilet, it's already flying out my ass, going all over the seat and the toilet tank and the bowl rim.  After two days, I just left the seat up, but this didn't help much, because the pressure was so high that it would squirt straight back and hit the raised lid and the bottom of the seat.  Things got a little messy;  if I'd had a girlfriend staying there, she probably would have been pissed off. Needless to say, I was getting badly dehydrated, to the point that I was graying out when I stood up.  Ran out of potable water and had to (ahem) make a run for the store.  So I drink the last of my water, rush down the stairs of the apartment, go over to the store, buy a whole bunch of bottles of water, rush back home, and climb up . . . the . . . stairs.  Clenching the whole way, because that water that I *had* to drink before I went out in order to be able to stand up and walk had made it through to my intestines. Last flight of steps . . . squirt.  Ok, not too bad, pants are just a little damp now.  I made it to the apartment, stepped up the large step at the top, and lost control completely.  The pants were a mess, but only a couple of drops leaked out and hit the floor. This went on for a couple of days.  I finally get to the point where, diarrhea or not, I *have* to eat some solid food.  So I go out, go to a restaurant that knows me, they serve me, I eat, walk home, start climbing those stairs, get up to the second-to-last flight . . . oh crap . . . that squirt lubricated my asshole so that mere clenching was no longer sufficient.  Entire dinner, out the back end.  I left a dripping trail of ooze all the way up the last two flights and into the apartment.  This pair of pants was a total loss. So I go into the bathroom to wash up, and a friend calls me on my cellphone.  He knows I've been ill and has been demanding that I go in to the hospital;  this call is just another repeat.  I tell him I can't talk, I'm not in good shape, and I have to sit down.  He keeps yammering, and I start to pass out again, so I yell "I HAVE TO SIT DOWN!"  and hang up. Ten minutes later I'm getting calls running into calls -- because I had just moved a few weeks earlier and he doesn't know my address, he's called every mutual acquaintance he can think of trying to get them to send an ambulance to my place.  I'm fielding all of these while hosing myself down, and eventually I manage to calm everyone down and get them to shut up. All told, five days go by before this EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA finally stops. The bathroom looks like the worst public toilet in the worst crack den you've ever heard of.  The lid-cover is soaked with shit, the toilet is caked in multiple layers of shit, and the wraparound carpet-fragment (to keep yer feet warm while yer on the pot) and the floor have puddles of dried shit on them from where it's dripped off the sides of the toilet. I still have no idea what the bug was -- maybe enteritis or dysentery?  I've heard that those can kill a child or an elderly adult from diarrhea, and I think this bug was certainly in their class.

poor guy

Man I am glad to know someone else has had this sort of bug. I shit pure water for 3 days every 20 minutes . It was unreal the amount of water your body stores . I could not hold anything down so I had no way to rehydrate myself . I got faint on theway to the pot on the third day and could barely stand up straight . i SHIT AT LEAST 200 TIMES IN 3 DAYS. "probably a world record" or damn close. Daybreak on the fourth day I tried to drink a glass of water and kept it down . Waited for 30 minutes and did not puke , I made a run for the store for gatorade . "3 miles " down the road at 80 mph . bought 4 32 ounce bottles. I finished the fourth as I pulled in the drive. The bug seemed to be gone  just as fast as it hit me. The amount of water I shit seemed like a 10 gallons. I drank glass after glass of water, apple juice, iced tea, coke , until around noon and still did not have to pee. I rember my wife calling me "she was out of town at the time " , tried to get me to call an ambulance and told her to tell them to bring a kiddie pool with them for a bed pan . She just thought I was being a smart ass and said she would see me Friday . Anyway by that afternoon I no longer was sick just weak as hell . I decided I would go sit in my deer stand behind the house, no sense in wasting daylight we were just 3 days into deer season . I made it into the stand rifle and all , rifle felt like it weighed 50 lbs. sat until dark passed up a shot on a nice doe but figured I was too weak to drag her back. got home around 6:30 took a leak finaly and slept till noon saturday.

I am 170cm....5 foot something...

I have shit foot long shits many times, and pissed for 4mins, 39secs (yes, it was accurately timed and its explained in another thread).

I am a freak

Quoted: img87.exs.cx/img87/2011/APBastardLaugh1.gif

Ah feel a turt-ul pokin' ez head out.

Quoted: I have shit foot long shits many times

We call those shit snakes where I come from.

I am a freak

Yes you are.  

Well, there was this one time...

The whole family (parents, sister and myself) went on a trip to England. It was a weeklong trip, and for some reason I couldn't take a dump the whole time I was there. It started feeling interesting by the time I got home. I took one "pre-dump" that wasn't much of anything, but I still wasn't feeling too good. Then, the big one came.

All of the sudden, I just knew. I made it to the toilet, and it let loose. When it was over, I looked back into the toilet, and the crap was so long that it was curved around the bowl. It took a little while for that one to get flushed down, but all was well.

No, but I have farted and......

Quoted: The river that borders SC and GA is the Savannah River, but I think Deliverance was filmed on the Chattooga and maybe also the Tallulah.  Not sure though.

Chatooga/Nantahalla.  Great rafting...

Why must this thread go on any longer??

You asked for it...

My first day in junior high I was scared to death of all the 'big kids' walking around. I remember sitting in math class, knowing I had to drop a major load but I had no idea where the restrooms were. So instead I just let it rip right there in my pants, slowly, so as not to make any grunting sounds. I sat there for the entire 45 minute class with a load in my pants. Thankfully this was the last class of the day but I still had to make it home on the bus. After arriving home I made a bee-line for the shitter, ripped my pants and underwear off, and scraped an eight inch diameter pancake of shit off my ass. - It had been there so long that I had a rash for a week.
Oh yea - that night, to avoid detection by my parents, I buried my pants and underwear in a far corner of our backyard. Some day I'll go back and dig up that 'time capsule'...

I had an upper GI and had to drink Barium. Itr was the "new" cherry flavored stuff. Tasted like cherry chalk to me, anyway 1hr later it was pushing the shit out and I was in the Army -Navy store. That was horrible.

Quoted: This happened a few weeks ago and I did not even get into the house ! Dropped 'em right next to the garage wall and POW ! Messy real messy. Smelled nasty .....

And the reason for sharing this tidbit is? Arf is fulla these today.

Again, I proudly boast to having never started a sentence with:

"I remember a few weeks ago when I shit all over the side of my house"

Christ, I just read most of the rest of this thread. We got guys talking about shitting all over their bathroom, all over their house and finally just shitting right in their own pants ON PURPOSE and burying the evidence. All we need now is the guy who writes his name with it on the bathroom wall and we'll have the full spectrum. NOT FUCKING NORMAL!

I haven't done thathave  
You're right this talk is not normalhe

Hang on, gotta talk to my evil twin before this gets out of hand. . .

some people do have stomach problems. but i guess that makes them gay

Quoted: Man I am glad to know someone else has had this sort of bug. I shit pure water for 3 days every 20 minutes . It was unreal the amount of water your body stores .

Yeah,  Gatorade or other "sports drinks" are a lifesaver.  I don't think I would have made it without them (here in TW the main ones are "Pocari Sweat" and "Super Supau").  Diarrhea in general is really hard on the body's electrolytes, from what I've heard, and these drinks have various different salts in them to supply potassium, magnesium, and so on.  I've taken to stockpiling a few liters at my apartment, just in case -- some fellow expats tell me that I can expect a bug like this about every six months.

Brown team, GO!!!

Havent read anyone mention geting a colonoscopy,the prep you have to do for that was the worst shitting I have done in my life.And the morning of the procedure,you have to give yourself an enemma to finish flushing yourself out.No fun at all.

Aaaaaahhhhh yes, WFART stories are the best!

I thought us plumbers were bad when it comes to talking and playing with shit. I stand to be corrected, you guys are just as bad. Maybe it is just a guy thing. Remember I get paid for this shit!! There is nothing like cutting into a sewer line and viewing what everybodies had for dinner last night.

Lumberjack

Oh well, why not. In Vietnam in 1970 in a place outside of Tayninh I got kind of stuck behind a 14" rice paddy dike and had to wait while another squad flanked a suspected tree line, we were cover while they were moving up. Three days of C rats decided to let go. Right when I assumed the position for release the other squad made contact. 75 yds to my right bullets are flying, the Platoon Sgt is screaming for us to cover fire,  and I'm pushing out a brick sized loggerhead. I mean the type you have to take a rest, like labor pains. The rest of my squad opens up, I finally lose that puppy, then while I'm try to get my pants up lying behind the paddy dike the squad leader motions or us to move up. Ever fire a M16 one handed holding your pants up with the other?  We kept a coffee can in our tank to shit in while on the move, also had a rope tied to an equipment rack so we could hang our ass off the tank and drop a load without dismounting. I've also shit in my helmet (steel pot) while in a foxhole at night. Later I reclassifed as chemical, try wearing a butyl rubber suit for 48 hrs straight. Just something you have to do.

rk

Quoted: Aaaaaahhhhh yes, WFART stories are the best!

*High five*

That fart thread was the funniest thing ever.

I ain't confessin' to nothin'
I just gotta be part of this "historic" arfcom post!  

OMG! I can't belive I saying this! About 7 years ago I got real constipated, It was from a medication I was on So my crap was as hard as bricks and stuck in my lower intestine. So some fool says, take EX-LAX. What an asshole! You see I took three doses. And while it liquifued the stuff in my upper intestine and caused it to rush through my system, it had no effect on the stuff already made and stuck in my lower bowl. So basically my upper stomach was trying to flush out forcefully while there was a clog in my lower half!!! So I was In the record store, and suddenly my stomach hurt so bad I doubled over and fell to the floor. I raced to my car but it was too late. The pain was so great I could'nt even start the car. Just sat there sweating and moaning. Then something happened, It felt like someone had punched me right through the anus!! I was in the seat but holding my butt above the seat, it was too painful to sit down. and out came this turd  about 1/2 the size of a football, rock hard followed by tons of Ex-laxed diarreha. All in the car! in my pants! I had to drive home like that since I was wearing sweat pants at the time, the enormous football turd fell down my leg and got trapped by the elastic of the ankle. Actually I was happy cause at least the pain was gone. I walked (slowly) to the house with this clump swinging by my foot. I finally made it to the toilet where i discovered the SIZE of it. Worst day of my life!
When I told the doctor this he said, " no no no you should have used an enema not Ex-lax"  gee thanks for the heads up DOC!

Quoted: Quoted: This happened a few weeks ago and I did not even get into the house ! Dropped 'em right next to the garage wall and POW ! Messy real messy. Smelled nasty ..... And the reason for sharing this tidbit is? Arf is fulla these today. Again, I proudly boast to having never started a sentence with: "I remember a few weeks ago when I shit all over the side of my house"