User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 12:39:31 AM EDT
[#1]
I hate to go here. But either she is doing you a favor or your wife is pissin standing up. I sure hope its the former. 
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 12:45:50 AM EDT
[#2]
 Ahhhhh, classic. Don't forget to scratch your groin and fart a alot too. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 4:03:17 AM EDT
[#3]
Answer her questions correctly before she finishes asking them.
Read in bed and then after she gets finished complaining that she can't fall asleep with the light on (She can almost instantaneously), wake her up to tell her "See you fell asleep, and you were snoring too loud for me to read." |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 4:11:35 AM EDT
[#4]
When we're in line at the MCL cafeteria, I say "Oh look hon, they've got salmon" and pronounce the L. It drives her nuts and she thinks it makes us sound like hillbillies. I also rip off SBDs when I'm next to her in the aisle at the grocery store.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 4:34:01 AM EDT
[#5]
I leave the plunger in the toilet at night sometimes....I never knew a scream could etch glass.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 4:58:49 AM EDT
[#6]
WWAS? What Would Ackbar Say?  
|
||
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:12:39 AM EDT
[#7]
live, breath, work 3 jobs so she can stay at home. Everything I do ticks her off. I don't have to do anything on purpose....
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:17:44 AM EDT
[#8]
This one drives her nuts...
She'll offer to split a candy bar with me. I'm not a chocolate fiend like she is, but I'll take it when it's offered. I take my half and lay it on the table and continue with whatever it was I was doing. She'll finish her half and start eyeing mine. "You gonna eat that?" "Yup." "When?" "In a minute." Half-hour passes... "Well, when the hell are you going to eat that?" "Soon." "If you don't eat it, I will!" "But it's mine." "But it's sitting there." I can usually string her along for at least an hour. Then I ask her, "Do you want to eat it?" "But it's yours!" "Oh, yeah. Right." And I eat it. I live for this shit. 
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:23:44 AM EDT
[#9]
There is a third option that involves a guy named Jody.
|
||
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:23:51 AM EDT
[#10]
This also has a tremendous effect on your current wife. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:28:17 AM EDT
[#11]
OMG, where to begin...
Incessant scratching Carrying my AR around the house Staying up past bedtime playing multiplayer Call of Duty Staying on AR15.com all evening farting in the car and waiting to roll the window down until she smells it |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:31:11 AM EDT
[#12]
One of the many I do is while driving down the road, in the Wal-Mart parking lot,. etc.., with my wife and we are approaching another vehicle at relatively low speed (note: this works real well at intersections while stopped), I gently tap the horn, look in the opposite direction of the vehicle, and wave/smile. This is especially a good one if there's nothing in the direction you are waving. My wife turns red and usually smacks me.
Cold feet in bed Try to get as close to her as possible without actually nipping her heels with the shopping cart (buggy) when I'm forced to go grocery shopping with her. She really hates the spotlight, so basically anything I come up with that gets peoples attention in public. |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 5:52:10 AM EDT
[#13]
Wake up....Breathing is a close second......
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:00:02 AM EDT
[#14]
i won't answer her questions...............
my wife is the nosiest person in the world, it drivers her insane to not know something, heres an example from the other day: i go to the store and get all kinds of non-shit like beer and steaks; her: how did you pay for that me: i didn't her: what do you mean you didn't pay for it? me: that's right, i stole it her: damnit, jarrett, how did you pay for that stuff?! me: pesos and yen and shiny rocks her: did you put it on a credit card, write a check, what? i have to balance the checkbook!!!!!!!!! me: funny, it doesn't look disproportional.................. her: walks off pissed i'll let it go for about half an hour and then i'll go ahead and tell her i paid in cash |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:00:58 AM EDT
[#15]
you don't pronounce the "L?" 
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:05:41 AM EDT
[#16]
I load all my food with hot sauce, then she takes a bit of my left overs...runs screeming to get water.
I bring the cats in the bedroom and let them on the bed. I guess she thinks only her pussy can be in that bed.  Smoking in the house. I don't do this much anymore. Talking about any of my past girlfirends.  Anytime I say my sig line to her...that always gets a reaction out of her.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:11:08 AM EDT
[#18]
Breathe.
edit - It seems I do this really annoying thing where I take air from the outside and force it into my lungs, then I let it back out again. |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:12:37 AM EDT
[#19]
I like it. I also like WWWD? What would Walter do? |
|||
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:13:24 AM EDT
[#20]
The phrase "Rode hard and put away wet" drives her nuts - not sure what's up with that, but I found
out one evening when I used it.... Like Ghost-1 mentioned, she was going on & on about something while I was trying to concentrate on whatever I was working on, and I told her "At ease that noise" (That went over like a fart at the dinner table!)
Did that once, accidently. You know, getting into it, things slip, WHOOPS!! Damn, I don't thinkthat she'll ever let me forget about that one! MrClean4Hire's Dutch oven comment comes to mind as to one thing that I threaten to do, but then I remember what my uncle looked like the next day after he did do it, and I just keep it as a threat. Phone rings, caller ID says that it's her cell, I answer the phone "YESSSSSS" long & drawn out, like Lurch Drag my fork across the plate, so it makes that 'fingernails on the chalkboard' sound TexRdnec's wife & mine must be cousins, with the nosiness factor. Has to know EVERYTHING that's going on. (I'm guessing that my job just drives her insane then!)
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:13:42 AM EDT
[#21]
Cold feet in bed is always good for a laugh.
She dragged me to the mall one day. As we were walking past Lane Bryant, I grabbed a necklace off of the display and yelled out, "Holy crap! Look at the size of this bracelet! They're not kidding about this plus size stuff!" She turned bright red, slapped it out of my hand and walked away very quickly. |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:14:59 AM EDT
[#22]
Being a terrified passenger in the car when she drives.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:18:11 AM EDT
[#23]
The main thing I do to aggravate my wife on purpose is to simply exist.
 |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:22:46 AM EDT
[#24]
 I like that.
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 6:33:08 AM EDT
[#25]
Not much.
When she sees a new plant or piece of furniture that she has to have I ask her where she's going to put it - throw out something old if fine with me. When I see some cute young honey and make a comment she askes me where I'm going to put her and I say one of the three extra bedrooms they she's packed with furniture so nicely |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 7:22:46 AM EDT
[#26]
LOL I do this one too, she HATES it. sometimes when she's getting close to the car I go forward a foot or so, repeat as needed. by the time she gets in I get a well deserved smack in the head. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 7:28:27 AM EDT
[#27]
I know the feeling. EVERYTHING that I do acheives this effect. Specially when I attempt to grab and handful of those boobies. Trouble is, her nipple radar is highly acute and I never even get close before getting my hand slapped. Luckily, my girlfriend's nipplr radar is slow... 
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 8:30:03 AM EDT
[#28]
not married but one I like is leave the Toilet Seat up....late at night she sleepily went to squat and sure enough GODDAMN YOU HIWA!!!!
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 9:19:56 AM EDT
[#29]
So many things...............
Answer all her questions with: "Roger That!",..."Negative",....And "WTF? Over" |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 9:27:02 AM EDT
[#30]
If we decide to go out to eat, I'll ask where she wants to go. She'll say, "I don't care".
So I say, 'OK then, let's go get sushi". She HATES sushi. So then SHE has to decide. I have few complaints about the GF except that she is one of the pickiest eaters I've ever met. |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 9:28:53 AM EDT
[#31]
Everything...
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 9:37:03 AM EDT
[#32]
 Cruel. Just plain cruel. But, well-deserved. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 9:38:54 AM EDT
[#33]
My wife has her own guns and is an excellent shot. Therefore, I try not to aggravate her. She says it's better to be widowed than divorced.
Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas... |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 10:33:43 AM EDT
[#34]
Ignore her as she yells for me and wanders the house looking for me. Once she finds me sitting on the couch I just say, "Oh, I didn't hear you."
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 2:49:52 PM EDT
[#35]
Haha I do that one too. That's usually what gets me started going "what?" |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/3/2004 3:08:32 PM EDT
[#36]
LMAO. I knew that was coming eventually. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 4:13:20 AM EDT
[#37]
Now isn't that the truth!! |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 4:27:26 AM EDT
[#38]
Some days don’t have to do anything on purpose; the wife’s going through bouts of Menopause. You young guys just wait your days are coming the best you can do is suck it up and live with it cause it will get better I hope?
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 5:00:00 AM EDT
[#39]
LOL I do this one too, she HATES it. sometimes when she's getting close to the car I go forward a foot or so, repeat as needed. by the time she gets in I get a well deserved smack in the head.
LMAO. CrashBurnRepeat, we but be brothers seperated at birth. I do this to my wife all the time as well. I usually get the same results once she does get in, or at least that dirty I wanna kill you glare.LOL. I've found that using the "I was doing it in the name of your physical fitness" helps. That or gets you a "What does that mean, you think I'm fat don't you?" Ah marriage, is'nt it grand? |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 5:24:40 AM EDT
[#40]
When my wife starts to tell me all the things I need to do, say or handle my x-wife. I reply at least I won't have these same issues when you become my next X. No kids between us and I have a prenup.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 5:31:59 AM EDT
[#41]
so your wife watches you post here, does she? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 5:38:17 AM EDT
[#42]
I asked her. She's still thinking..........
Rick |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 5:48:53 AM EDT
[#43]
He really is a mongoloid. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:03:04 AM EDT
[#44]
My wife is aggravated all the time, about everything. Next question.
AB |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:10:06 AM EDT
[#45]
I run 400 rounds of dirty burning powder thru HER AR and put it back without cleaning it. It really pisses her off.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:16:42 AM EDT
[#46]
Have a pulse.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:20:25 AM EDT
[#47]
She's making a list
Rick |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:37:39 AM EDT
[#48]
Not sure how she is doing me any sort of favor. The lid is ther for a reason, so why not use it. Otherwise why do they even sell shitter seat with lids. I have tried to reverse it on her by leaving the seat up as well, but I can't do it. I'm too OC to leave it like that. Even when I am on my meds. I can assure you she does not piss standing up. |
||
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:41:46 AM EDT
[#49]
Annoying her liberal, anti-gun sister by walking through the house carrying an evil, black weapon whenever she visits us from Kalifornistan. That always leads to a heated dialogue.
Not "listening" to her enough. Now for you single guys, "listening" in the married female lexicon has exactly the same meaning as obeying! Making snide "comments" about HER TV programs. Nothing pisses her off more than for me to say something sarcastically TRUE about whatever she's watching on Oprah or Lifetime. It is as if I am saying something evil about her family. She REALLY takes that TV program shit personally. |
|
|
|
Posted: 9/5/2004 6:59:30 AM EDT
[#50]
I breathe.
|
|
|
Win a FREE Membership!
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.
I hope she doesn't see this.