Quoted:
I Am Done With Getting My Heart Broken – It’s Time For New Rules


I realize that it is almost impossible to protect my heart completely but I am going to do my best to lower those odds of it getting broken.
One of the toughest truths to dating and coupling.  Chance is a real thing. There are odds, not guarantees.  
I am just exhausted from going through the same scenarios all over again.
If it "keeps happening", she's gotta solve it.

I sometimes admire myself, and all the women who have been in my shoes. We’ve fallen so many times but we find a way to rise again. Stronger, bolder and more determined to push forward.
After being broken so badly, being strong is actually the only thing you have.
Pause right here.
She likely had dating options that included emotionally committal men.
If she selected one of those guys, and put him in clothes she liked and got him a gym membership, she'd not only be happy, but she'd have a few kids running around.  
"The only thing I have is my pride"

Please. She'd have a husband and a family.

As you are building yourself up, you realize that you actually learned a lot from your experiences.
She just said the same thing keeps happening  
It’s just a matter of transferring your knowledge into actions.
Hot take: I think she's used to chasing men above her SMV, and they're attractive and have game. "Fuck Boys", one might call them.
She's fighting her attraction to these men (that she cannot have).  
And though it’s not as simple as it sounds, sometimes it’s inevitable. There comes a point in every woman’s life where she has to demand to be treated as she deserves.
For women who found a good one early, realized what they had, and married early, she probably never had to say it.  



That’s why I established some new rules that I am sharing with you just in case you were or are heartbroken, as I once was:

1) I won’t date a man I can’t trust
If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything.
Couldn't agree more.  
That’s one of the most important things to keep in mind but I seemed to lose track of it way too often.
LOL WAIT WUT  

Trust has to be earned. I know that not every guy will be the cheating bastard or manipulative asshole that I am used to…
But they will have to lower their pace, take things slowly and give us a chance to get to know one another before we go from dating into a relationship.
Pause here. RomCom has 2 victims largely. Not just the sorta beta guy trying to "nice" his way onto a woman's radard.
It's also the THOT who thinks Chad will change

Chad, swimming in an ocean of pussy, simply decides the career woman that yells at him was a good one, and gives up his player ways.
RomCom logic hurts this woman by making her think the player will settle down.   If she's still in her 20s, oof good luck with that.

2) I will be more selective about the type of men I date
Fantastic  
I am done with toxic men. I can smell them a mile away now because they pretty much sum up my love life.

I am able to recognize all the red flags and all the warning signs.

I know I will get things wrong sometimes too. I know that there is a chance I will get hurt again but at least I will know what I should never put up with.
Clues: Men, when dealing with women they really want, don't have "reasons", "Stories", maybes, "idks", "I'm not sure where this is going."
She isn't a secret. She isn't hidden from the family, or facebook. She is public and for the world to see.
"This is my woman."

She isn't a stunner, but she isn't a landwhale. IME, she likely has had men interested in her, she's just been ignoring them.
The guys who she isn't really nice to, but message her the second she signs online.  
THAT ^ is what it looks like when a guy likes a lady.  


3) I will ignore the messages that come too late
I will resist the urge to answer a message that comes when it’s already too late. When my heart is broken and my dreams are shattered.
I will ignore messages that come late at night and that are clearly a booty call. I will never send a follow-up message after getting no reply.

Badboy leftovers.  
That's what this says.  If a man HAS dating options, he's very weary of this kind of woman.
No idea what kind of mileage and trauma she has.
She likely needs a therapist to work through a lot of this.

4) I won’t be anybody’s toy
Fantastic.
I am tired of playing games. I don’t want to be taken for granted or messed around with. The only way I will prevent that is if I don’t allow it.
I want someone who is consistent. Someone who texts, calls, shows up and makes time for me.

I don’t want empty promises or lame excuses. I want to know that somebody cares about me as much as I do for him.
So here's the sad thing, and why the sexualized culture stuff isn't victimless fun - it's idiocy we've normalized.

How many of those guys were calling her girlfriend? Making it public? Introduced her to the family?
She probably wasn't even in a relationship in many/most of these cases.



5) I won’t chase after love
There’s no point in chasing after love. Love has to go both ways. All the affection, attention and investments have to be reciprocated.
I am done being the one who gives more and gets nothing in return. I am done being with somebody and feeling alone.

I want someone who makes the efforts. Someone who matches my investments. Someone who cares and isn’t afraid to show it.
Another thing RomCom logic has hurt people with.
For men, most of the initial beauty pre-selection stuff is visual.  That's not what get's a woman married, not the only thing we love about her - but in order to get on her radar, we have to notice her and like what we see.

99 times out of 100, if a woman is "chasing" a man, she is not his type, not on his radar, it is beauty related and she often cannot fix it.  
Chasing men is a bad idea.
Chasing a "consensus pretty" man with dating options that's hoeing around? Even worse.
It's literally jumping IN FRONT of the shark to get yourself eaten.

I would also bet these guys she was "investing" in (whom she likely was not dating) were handsome with great game.
(ie: the guy every girl wants. )
She wasn't looking at a guy with bodyweight and a taste in clothes she doesn't like - both of those things are fixable.
She wasn't making a project out of a man who might actually like her and marry her, why do that when she can collect trauma and make more rules for the next guy?



6) I will be my own priority
It’s hard to admit but I used to lose sight of myself because of love. I was so focused on that other person.
Hormones. She had physical/chemical attraction.
From the sounds of it they did none of the boyfriend things.
Gifts, making her official, etc.
He was exciting. She figured her verbal tools were good, she is Somebody^TM, why wouldn't he stay? that is her level.

I was focused on their needs and forgot all about my own. And I repeated that same mistake more than once.
Badboy leftovers for sure.  
It took me a long while to realize that I am needed too, that I matter too and that I am worthy of love. But first, I have to give that same love to myself.
I rebuilt my life. I have my interests, dreams, and goals. I have a life. I know now that loving somebody should never exclude self-love, it should empower it.
This statement read as it is, hey okay. Self love is good. Self respect is great.
BUT to me this has the faint odor of becoming calcified.
This is what KS means when he talks about it.
She's getting "rules" built for her lifestyle.
Yes, she should be more restrictive about her mating in terms of: Not jumping on Chad.

What she shouldn't be doing: Decreasing her options pool of qualified men (which I would bet she has done), and creating checkboxes for those mates (Shrinking the pool), and conduct rules for good guys who might like her- because she hopped onto badboys.

THIS is what KS means when guys are looking for (usually younger) women who were more restrictive maters.
They don't want to fix this woman or deal with her conditions.


7) I will establish standards and hold on to them
I won’t tolerate being treated badly anymore. I know I deserve better. I won’t stick around when I know I have to walk away. I refuse to be strung along.
I would FUCKING BET that in the heat of the moment she called this all choice, and empowering, and told her female friends who were "Getting married too early" at 22 that they were wrong.
This is 100% the type of girl that does that.  

I won’t allow anybody to mess with my feelings and complicate my life. There is someone out there who will show me that love should never make me suffer.
I will add to this list as time goes by, I am sure. All I know is that with these new rules, things are already getting better.
I think women should be choosy maters, I will always support this.

However.... "I will add to this list as time goes by"
Calcification in progress.

The biggest takeaway is for her to have ONLY selected amongst emotionally committal men.
...oh wait, they're less handsome, less verbally bold, and don't dress as nice? Don't have the over-confidence? Oh ya don't say.  
OOPS! those are her real options.

BUT that might not have been what she's thinking about. IMHO she's "list-building", and often times this goes out of control.
But she might be best off being single a few years to figure that out. When this happens to women in the early 30s and they need "a few years to figure it out"?
The might figure it out at 34.

If she's too proud to date a man 5+ years older, her pool of men who might wife her and try for a kid in one year? Might be small if she isn't super attractive to that man she relaxed for.
Very sad in a way - I don't wish "missing out on having children" on people, it's a shitty thing. But if the timing is bad, and the "Several years to heal" process happens in the early to mid 30s?
poof, may not get to have kids. It happens.
Chance and life are awful sometimes.

I am more satisfied with myself and my life. And that’s where it all begins. Within me.
I am not closing myself off from love but I am guarding my heart for now. I am keeping it as safe as it can be until somebody who deserves a chance to be there comes along.
So she's traumatized pretty bad, IMHO.

Men want women who had the wisdom, early on, without being told - or figured it out quickly,
"Wait, this guy is not staying. He never talks about "us", he only calls at night, this is a problem." At an early age.

Those women have a clean carfax report, and it's insane to suggest that men don't recognize that and assign extra points .
Will it make a 3 into a 9? No.  It keeps a 9 a 9. Of the man who finds her attractive, she is of wife quality.

That gets you scooped off the market fast.




bolding mine

SHE BELONGS TO THE STREETS


"I sometimes admire myself, and all the women who have been in my shoes. We’ve fallen so many times but we find a way to rise again. Stronger, bolder and more determined to push forward."

Quoted:


After seeing her photo, she might be what KS calls the "eternal 7"
Jumping on Chads and a few say yes 1 time when drunk =/= Chad will marry her.
She isn't a terrible cave troll, but she's not in that "pretty/beautiful/gorgeous" class.

She needs therapy and to understand what male attraction actually looks like Re: a man a woman would marry.
Then she needs to cope with the fact that these men are usually less sexy/player-esque than the men she couldn't have (and likely won't stay faithful to their wives anyway ).
That second one is a tough process.

Quoted:


the easiest way to deal with women like this is not to commit to them, and definitely don't marry them

chances are they haven't done the therapy and self-work to fix themselves and become good girlfriend/wife material

ohwell

Quoted:



That is true, that is the easiest way of dealing with them, by far
However with our declining birth rates, IF this lady can get herself emotionally fixed up?

Hey lets say you've got a dude that's 42, he was fat his whole life, whooooooole life, had to work on it.
Did, dropped weight, is now eligible to date. He largely had to fix just that.
He's got a good job, hobbies, etc. Would LOVE to have a wife, dude's basically been alone for 20+ years of his dating.
He'd love to have a kid too - saw all his friends go off and do that, he's going last.
Guy's just thrilled to be at the dance

Remember, women tend to have 1 offspring historically, men, 2 or none.

This lady at 35? Hey she might like living in a house and a dude that adores her. In the 9th round of the draft, I could 100% see this girl going off with someone suitable.

Quoted:


and because she (and the vast majority of others like her) hasn't gotten therapy and done self-work, chances are decent she'll end up divorcing him because she'll feel like she's settling DOWN and will be resentful of that

he's better off without her

if he's improved that much, chances are decent that he has better options

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It works for men too. The pathetic little faggots they’re turning out now make the old dudes look like Odin.

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where are the fine examples of manhood you raised?

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I could see that. But after reading all the PUA nonsense about only communicating once for every 3-4 times a woman reaches out, making sure to wait X days between communication, and all those other stupid ‘rules’ for gaming women, I’d be wary of anything that smacked of PUA games. Major red flag.

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Yawn. Another chick who thinks she’s the heroine of some epic journey of discovery.

What makes them so pompous?

Quoted:
as I said in another thread, it's not that those women want Bad Boys, it's that they want an exciting man -- and Bad Boys are exciting.  Too many young men today were raised by single moms who raised them to be placid, quiet, and unexciting, basically chicks with dicks.

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White knighting did young boys?

Looks like I hit a nerve.

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"If you didn't want me in your prime, I don't want you in your decline"

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I think you nailed it. She’s the female version of the “nice guy” who vows to implement PUA rules so he can have dating success.

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HO-LY-SHIT

https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/144599/1523307546899_jpg-1903352.JPG

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That is gonna leave a mark!

Quoted:
The fact is, ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE.

You like what you like.

Women are typically hard-wired to like the bad boys.  

Quoted:


I disagree with that bold part.  I agree they tend to like exciting men, and bad boys are exciting, but bad boys are merely one subset of the totality of exciting men.

Quoted:
Occasionally I lose my mind and think, "I'm going to go visit PlaneJane."  Then I realize I'm too scared.

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Just because there’s apps, do you have to use them? Because even with the young people I know who use apps to get dinner paid for, they still rely on in-person meetings of friends of friends to get boyfriends and girlfriends.

I’ll never date again, but if I were looking for a man, I’d use in-person social networking 80s style to do do it. I’d go do things where men are like the range and classic car meetups.

I just don’t get this idea that now apps are the only way to meet a love interest.

Maybe I’m very old and out of touch.