Frank is 21 or so & has no real life experience. He is still full of the love forever stuff that sounds great. The truth is you have been married to the same woman almost as long as he has been alive. If you count dating, you probably have. Frank also just lost his Grandfather & told a little of his runaway father. His expectations of the rest of us may be drawn from these situations. No excuse for him pushing his beliefs on you, just an observation. I feel your pain however. My wife is not fat, just doesn't need sex as often as I'd like. We have changed a little, and I have considered an affair as well. I don't love her any less, but I want what she doesn't seem to be willing to give. I'll try to work it out, as I understand that companionship will eventually be more important. That said, I don't think anyone owes anyone else a shit load of unhappy years just to fit someone elses idea of what the "right" thing to do is.
Scott

Frank may be young, but he's not stupid.  I'm 39, married 5 years.  My wife is 5' nothing and about 170.  No, she ain't beautiful but she is to me.

Half of all marriages in this country end in divorce.  Maybe that's because over half the people in this country don't know what love is, and marry for convenience, or comfort, or whatever.  

If she's your best friend before you marry her, she should be your best friend forever.  A marriage is something you have to work at.  It takes two to make it work, and only one to screw it up.

I'm with you Frank.  Don't let them tell you different.

Women are easy to understand.  Here is the explanation, friends.  When a little baby girl is born she needs care and feeding as an infant.  She will develop in childhood and be kept by generous amounts of love and attention.  As she goes through the hormone charged teenage years she is looking for excitement where ever she can find it.  The young lady in her twenties lives and breathes romance.  The career and family woman of her third decade seeks after recognition.  A woman in her forties will desire acceptance.  After fifty, all she wants is cash. [:D]

Interesting perspective from the men....however, how many men that have responded to this thread are in the shape that you "desire" your wife to be in??  Do you not think that women seek an attractive mate as well?  Do you honestly think women crave the ever elusive "beer gut" derived from some?

Love should be "inside out" -  unconditional.  It sounds as though you need to investigate the other issues that obviously plague you.  This "weight" thing seems to be a peripheral item to the real circumstance.

SigChick, you can count me as one who is pretty much in top shape.  Although, it seems I may be younger than most of the reponses to this thread.  That I'm not really sure about, though.  

I work out at the gym almost everyday for up to three hours with non-stop intensity.  Going from one machine to another without stopping except to stretch some more or drink water. Sometimes I get carried away and hit the gym twice a day!  That is the reason I would prefer a woman who is also in good physical shape.  It does not mean that I do not find heavy women attractive,(far from it), but a woman who works out heavy will be more compatible with my own lifestyle and the bonding would more likely be stronger between the two of us.  [:)]

Although, if my future wife were to gain weight and she for some reason could not lose it, I would stick to my vows and keep loving her!

Thanks, phrigid for the comment.

Ha ha Steve in VA, no caffeine or roids. Good music in the gym keeps the motion going.  Other hobbies?  May be going into extreme sports with college buddies sometime in the future.  [:)]

(Edited because I needed to add some more. Earlier I pulled to the side of the road in a bad part of town and had to be on my toes)


[b]-RoadDog[/b]
 [img]http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/Gif/scooby1.gif[/img]

You sound to be in top shape Road Dog...But I think Sig was getting at something else.

I can just see it:  "Must continue work-out . . . no time to . . . stop . . . need 2.3 centimeters of deltoid muscle to meet this weeks muscle quota . . . [stretch] . . . must press on . . . [water break- uh oh, gurgle in lower GI] . . . no time to . . . fart . . . must work tris and bis before hour 2 is up . . . breathing optional . . ."

Dude, have you considered other hobbies?  Do you have a job?  Might want to consider laying off the roids and caffine for a while! [;)]

I never fell in love because of them, but that doesn't mean they should be discounted either. :)

RoadDog-

You are right to pursue a woman with like interests.  That's a no-brainer!  I simply was responding to the guys who have a double standard...they know who they are! :)

Good one Steve in Va!!!  

There's three rings in marriage. 1 engagement ring 2 wedding ring 3 SUFFERING

SigChick, uh...a no-brainer?!

Oh, reeeeeaaaaaaalllllyyyy...[img]http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/new/Topbrain.gif[/img]

He he  I'm not offended, SigChick.  Really, I'm a mellow type of guy in real life.  [:)]

[b]-RoadDog aka [u]NoBrainer[/u][/b]
[img]http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/newbrain.gif[/img]

A successful long-term relationship is where each partner understands that their responsibility is making sure the emotional needs of the other are met.  

She wants to hear you say, "I love you" more often?  Screw what you think, just do it!  She wants you to quit going out with your friends?  Screw her, she's not the person for you!  If you can reasonably meet her "needs", then there's no excuse not to do it.  If her needs are unreasonable and you don't plan on trying to meet them, then you're in for a long world of hurt.  Same goes for her, if you need for sex to feel good, then she should make the effort.  If she doesn't, then you might look elsewhere, or just leave.  

Men and women both need to understand this basic concept.  Take care of your SO's needs or it won't work out as a happy fulfilling relationship.  [BD]

You want to know how to make a marriage work?  It's simple - you just have to understand your job.

Your job is to keep the other person happy.  Period.

As long as BOTH parties work at their jobs, you have a marriage that works.

If ONE of you stops, it's in trouble.

If BOTH of you stop, it's over.

It's a damned shame that so many people get married thinking that the [i]other[/i] person is there to make them happy, but fail to realize that they have the same job.

[sniper]

Deerslayer,
 It will be hard but you can do it. You have to take control for the food coming in the house (Grocery shopping) and cook healthy meals. You have to take walks with her and talk about good things when you guys walk. Hopefully the walking can lead to more excersice. You have to lift her up emotionally. Tell her good things about herself, tell you love her and what you admire about her.
 It will be hard because she will not believe you or forget, so you will have to do it and say it over and over again. You will get mad because of different reasons or what she puts you through, or you feel she has given up. It will be hard because guys usually don't talk about their feelings or talk much in general. I am guilty of this. Women need a lot of talking and attention. However, I feel it's easier than losing your two nuts. It sounds like you love her dearly and Good luck.

Hey, this is more good suggestions than I thought.  I appreciate the positive and negative comments.  I'm not trying to start a flame war folks.  My wife is an excellent companion.  It's just that the gain affects us both. If love wasn't there I wouldn't be with her now.  We have been through alot together.  I have tried to get her to exercise.  We have had thousands of $$$ of exercise equipment and none have helped.  I have this high dollar monstrosity in my computer room now and it is dying from unuse.  She's just not intrested in looking good.

DeerSlayer, glad to hear you still love her!  Eighteen years of marriage is higher that I can count early in the morning!  Good luck with everything.  

You're cool and Frank is cool!  Frank was just temporarily possessed by the evil Ewok in his closet.  

And please don't give up part of the family jewels for exchange and desire for your wife to lose 50 pounds!  If you do, we won't talk to you anymore.   [:)]

[b]-RoadDog[/b]
[img]http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/Gif/scooby1.gif[/img]