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Posted: 12/16/2003 10:19:00 PM EDT
Don't know what to say but wife handed it down tonight. It is a mutual thing but I feel like a failure.

Before you go on about the barmaids and all that, it has nothing even remotely to do with any of it. And I could not care less about my belongings, I'll probably have to sell most of them to survive until I find a higher paying job. She doesn't want any of it. We agreed that I take "my" things and she gets the rest. We have no house and no kids so there really isn't much anyway. I have a truck that she financed so I don't know how that will work out but it is my only worry as I need a vehicle.

I forged a family with her parents and brother and for some reason I am ashamed I failed. Why I got married I'll never know. I wish I would have listened to everyone who told me that it will make an iffy relationship worse rather than better.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:22:31 PM EDT
Sorry to hear it..I hope everything works out for the best.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:24:06 PM EDT
Sorry to hear it. The feelings you describe are nearly universal among people going through divorces. I guess what I have to say is what the honest dentist says: "This is gonna hurt like hell, but you'll survive."
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:25:07 PM EDT
... Always sorry to hear about divorces, but I'll testify that it all works out eventually.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:25:32 PM EDT
Sorry to hear that. At least it's under a mutual understanding and on good terms. Nothing worse than a eye scratching, fur flying break up.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:27:14 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Gunslinger808: Sorry to hear that. At least it's under a mutual understanding and on good terms. Nothing worse than a eye scratching, fur flying break up.
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Well neither of us are happy. I guess it is my fault as i just plain fell out of love with my wife for whatever reasons. She tried, I treid but we were never on the same page or even the same chapter.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:27:34 PM EDT
The best part of this is that you and her are not welded at the hip and checkbook by kids. The rest will sort itself out.
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 10:30:44 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... Always sorry to hear about divorces, but I'll testify that it all works out eventually.
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Hope you're right.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 12:45:15 AM EDT
Originally Posted By ProfessorEvil:
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... Always sorry to hear about divorces, but I'll testify that it all works out eventually.
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Hope you're right.
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Yeah.. good luck, it could go ugly in a heartbeat.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 12:56:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/17/2003 12:57:07 AM EDT by Airwolf]
Been there and you have my heartfelt sympathy. You're going to be on an emotional roller coaster for quite a while. Failure is something that comes back to haunt me even 8 years later. Count your blessings there are no kids or other complication involved. In that you are a *very* lucky man. Move ahead. Things will get better in the long run.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 12:58:19 AM EDT
That's too bad man, sorry things have come to that.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 2:00:38 AM EDT
I feel for you my friend Valkyrie, can I call you my friend? but its always one side gets "absorbed"" into another family. LONGGUN45 says the kicker. Dont feel your not good enough, THIER (women) are LOOKING FOR A COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLE......Y the F should you support hers wants and needs and forget yourself. I was in the same boat......a babe 11 yrs my younger wanted a DADA for her 6 yr old and all that that entails, plus I'd have been ABSORBED into HER family of 9 brothers, 3 sisters, and ME in last place primarly paying her bills.......NOT ME!!!![red] LOOK FORWARD..........it'll all look better[/red]
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 3:22:40 AM EDT
Sorry to hear that. Having been through it, it is a very low time in your life, but it WILL get better. You said it was a iffy relationship, so there is a good chance that you will be better off in the long run. I suspect you will look back in 10 years and realize that you are happy with how things worked out, all things considered. There will always be thoughts and you will always miss some things...but you will have good days again.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 3:44:12 AM EDT
I truly sorry to hear this....Yeah, I know, I said "I hit it" with the barmaid thing but that was me. When thing does not work, I move forward and I don't look back. You mentioned that you have no kids which is a good thing, otherwise it will be even harder.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 3:46:10 AM EDT
Sorry to hear it. Things happen for a reason.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 3:52:15 AM EDT
sorry to read that pal, been there, done that, 25 years ago, lost every damn thing i owned except my truck & the guns i had in it !!! if you need financial assistance, i'll be looking for your name in the EE forum.........
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 4:12:21 AM EDT
So ends one chapter in your life and now a new one begins. You get to make it whatever you want. No matter what, always take the high road.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 4:28:52 AM EDT
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 4:33:18 AM EDT
Your not alone.As I am going through the exact same thing.I actually feel better about myself now. BTW:Your're NOT a failure.Don't let your emotions control or affect your life.It's not worth it.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 4:54:24 AM EDT
Life is too short, not to be happy. Maybe it is in both of your interests :(
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 5:05:38 AM EDT
That sucks, at least you werent blind sided. Learn from your mistakes.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 5:10:33 AM EDT
Another one reporting in to remind you that you aren't alone. Sadly, there isn't a "Friendly Divorce", make sure you have a lawyer help you out with the fine print. Secondly, good luck, and get ready for a rollercoaster for the next year or two. Otherwise, it is mostly a simple and painless process. My condolences, keep your chin up, and just look at the future when times are bleak. (or go to the range) This may seem 'rude', but I am going to post it here anyway, for I only found this site after I was divorced (and taken to the cleaners a couple times over).... There are many "mens divorce support sites" on the web, I recommend you check a few out.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 7:05:29 AM EDT
I was in pretty much the same place as you are in. We both wanted out and for a long time, neither of us was willing to give in, finally we realized it was over and we were just prolonging the agony. I was working for her dad at the time and continued to do so for over a year afterward. I was still welcome at her parents' house and still got on well with her sister and brother and cousins who I saw regularly. We had no common property and no mutual debt, so that wasn't a problem, all we wanted was a clean break. I basically left with what I came in with plus a few bits of gear that I had acquired along the way and could only be used by me. One lawyer, simple document, we sat down and split up the property without a fight then walked away. The feelings of failure are perfectly natural, but unfounded. You didn't fail at marriage, you failed at dating. You both picked the wrong person from the outset, either because you didn't know yourselves well enough or didn't know how to judge people better. The bottom line is that you have to look at all this as a learning experience. You need to do an after action review of your relationship and roles in it and figure out what you might be able to do better next time around. You may not agree with all your ex-wife's assessments of what you did wrong, some of them will be unfounded, but others may bear some thinking about. Learn from it and try to walk away clean. If it turns into a fight, there is no way to walk away clean. So try to keep from turning it into a fight. Sounds like Alimony won't be a problem as she apparently has more money than you, so barring abuse or infidelity (don't go messing around now either) you shouldn't be in bad shape when its all over. Good luck to you and keep your head up. The story isn't coming to an end, you just turned the page to a new chapter.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 7:09:55 AM EDT
Please pay heed to this advice: I know it hurts and you don't want to fight, you just want it over BUT make sure you don't let her screw you in the divorce. Don't just give in and give up everything to her. It happened to me and it's happened to many friends. Good luck and God bless.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 2:07:16 PM EDT
Just got divorced in August. Worst experience of my life. I really wanted my wife back. My first attorney gave me some great advice: Don't give her anything!!!! I thought if I just give in to her, give her the stereo, give her the furniture, etc., she would "see the light" and come back. Great piece of advice. I feel for ya, man. Keep your chin up, you're a good person who probably made a few mistakes (like all of us), WORK ON YOURSELF (such as running, lifting weights, etc.).....things will get better. I still have my bad days, but with two girlfriends now I guess it ain't so bad!! Hang tough, we're with you. vmax84
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 2:14:46 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Emoto: No matter what, always take the high road.
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This is great advice. I have been doing this all along and it has helped me tremendously. No matter how mad you get, how pissed you get, simply smile and be like a duck....let the water roll off your back. Always stay in control. vmax84
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 2:34:52 PM EDT
Hang in there pal and rest assured that us ARFCOMERS are always here for moral support. Tj
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 4:29:08 PM EDT
Sorry to hear about it, mate. Remain strong. BTW, WHY is it that F-ing women decide that a week or two before Christmas or New Years is a GREAT time to break up or ask for a divorce? What kind of twisted shit/mind just cannot wait another couple of weeks? Or is it their desire to inflict as much pain and suffering at an otherwise joyous time of the year? RANT MODE=OFF (This happened to me 3 times when I lived in Kalifornistan. Break-ups, thankfully not divorces)
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 5:02:55 PM EDT
You had better see about doing whatever might be prudent about your firearms now. If abuse charges are made, it will be illegal for you to possess firearms.
Link Posted: 12/17/2003 5:22:57 PM EDT
Oh yeah-forgot about that. It's COMMON practice for HER attorney to file a restraining order, ever if you two are still laughing, kissing and playing hide-the-salami. If they do that, bad things happen with the firearms. Get an attorney. Keep yer ass covered. If she wants out, NOW'S THE TIME TO START WORRYING ABOUT YOURSELF. NO MORE "MR. NICE GUY".
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