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Posted: 12/15/2003 1:31:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 1:33:15 PM EDT by The_Beer_Slayer]
have that not so fresh feeling? My dad sent me this link. i don't want to know how he found it.


www.buttcandle.com/index.cgi?op=Home

from the FAQ section....

Q: My spouse has a hairy backside, will this interfere with the process?
A: It depends on just how hairy this backside is. An average amount of hair in this area presents no real problem. If you're still concerned, however, you can use a plant mister to moisten the area beforehand. If we're talking about a really hairy bottom there is some risk of folicular ignition and special caution must be exercised. Certainly use the mister first.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 1:41:32 PM EDT
IBTL. The account should definetly be locked too! [;D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:00:05 PM EDT
Q: Should I be concerned about bodily gas? A: The unique design and shape of the ButtCandle . allows for any natural gas to either dissipate or burn w/o fear of personal discomfort or injury.
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[LOL] Is this for real? CR
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:05:02 PM EDT
wtf????? [rofl2]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:33:07 PM EDT
We've made a conscious decision to not include any drawings or photographs of actual ButtCandle ® usage on this site. Our fear is that a few bad apple pranksters would make a mockery out of those images. With every order, we include a free 18 minute VHS video as well as printed instructions.
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I'm not sure which is worse... that someone actually makes this contraption, that TBS posted a thread about it, or that I was dumb enough to click on it...
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:37:06 PM EDT
[puke][puke][puke][puke][puke][puke][puke][pu­ke][puke][puke][puke][puke][puke][puke]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:38:19 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: ... My dad sent me this link.
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... Yeah, riiiiight [;D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:41:30 PM EDT
A free 18 minute video?????? An 18 minute video on how to shove a candle up my ass. [LOL][LOL][LOL]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:45:03 PM EDT
Bizarre…
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 2:48:11 PM EDT
Can I post some non-gay shit to balance this out?
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 4:06:57 PM EDT
Hoo Boy...[rolleyes] IBTL! [banana]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 5:54:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 5:56:35 PM EDT by Ikari]
"At no time should you permit the lit match to come in contact with your bodily parts." They sell T-shirts, too.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:04:07 PM EDT
Q: What about hemmeroids? A: This is where ButtCandles . out-performs other rectal candling products
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[LOL] Someone has got to buy one, try it and report back![LOL]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:11:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 6:11:53 PM EDT by Green_Furniture]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:11:29 PM EDT
Instructions # Thoroughly shower or bathe; it's best to leave the backside somewhat damp. # Squat, or lie on your back, to insert the ButtCandle ® to a depth of no more than 3 inches. If you encounter resistance, do not shove ... rather, gently twist while applying firm and steady pressure. # Upon completion of insertion, lie on your back and pull knees to your chest. # Strike the 10" wooden match that is provided. The lighting process, due to anatomical differences, is easier for women than for men. Men need to reach around their thigh to light the wick; whereas women will find it easier to reach directly between the legs. At no time should you permit the lit match to come in contact with your bodily parts. # As the candle burns, a vacuum will be created within the rectum and thereby draw out the stubborn fecal material. A gurgling sound and sensation is not uncommon or cause to worry. The candle will snuff itself after approximately 5 minutes. # If, at any time during the process, the need to void becomes urgent simply go to the toilet as normal; the candle will instanteously go out when it becomes vertically oriented and, furthermore, the candle is 100% soluble and septic-safe so there's no need to dispose of it in any other fashion. # The used ButtCandle ® should not be handled by anyone and kept out of reach of small children and household animals. # Many people find it relaxing to take a warm shower upon completion. Word of mouth is our best advertising. We urge you to recommend this procedure, and our product, to your friends and family. A 15% discount will be creditted to your next purchase if one or more people mention your name while making their own purchase!
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TBS, I dont want to pay full retail, could you IM your Dad's name so I can get the discount? [LOL]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:12:30 PM EDT
WTF? "rectal candling" There are some sick and twisted people out there.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:22:42 PM EDT
what's disturbing is at least 16 of you guys checked out a site called buttcandle.com [:D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:23:40 PM EDT
I = in B = butt T = then L = light
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:25:03 PM EDT
OMG y'all have to read whats in the "Voice of the Customer" Tuesday, June 22, 1999 - 07:45:10 pm: Message from bobweaverhawaii@hotmail.com: I tried your "butt candle" and unfortunately, had eaten beans earlier that day. I farted and created a flame that extended 6 feet, ignited my curtains and proceeded to burn down my house. I hate to ask, but in the ensueing fire, my butt candle melted. Do you guys think you could replace it, for say half-price?
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:25:38 PM EDT
The used ButtCandle ® should not be handled by anyone and kept out of reach of small children and household animals. [ROFL2]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:29:37 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 6:32:17 PM EDT by DigDug]
"# The used ButtCandle ® should not be handled by anyone and kept out of reach of small children and household animals." Wow, even the Buttcandle has a warning label! If my ass is gurgling, I got bigger problems... EDIT: What I want to see is an extreme sport involving Buttcandles. Maybe some type of tossing or shooting contest...
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:32:28 PM EDT
YUCK!
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:34:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SGTIMAK:
Q: What about hemmeroids? A: This is where ButtCandles . out-performs other rectal candling products
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[LOL] Someone has got to buy one, try it and report back![LOL]
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Maybe we can talk steyraug into a group buy! if they work well goatboy could put them in the arfcom store [rofl2]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:40:19 PM EDT
They would need the logo on them. Maybe have them made in the shape of an AR.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:45:50 PM EDT
Tail Lights?[lol]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:49:05 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Diss_ipator: OMG y'all have to read whats in the "Voice of the Customer" Tuesday, June 22, 1999 - 07:45:10 pm: Message from bobweaverhawaii@hotmail.com: I tried your "butt candle" and unfortunately, had eaten beans earlier that day. I farted and created a flame that extended 6 feet, ignited my curtains and proceeded to burn down my house. I hate to ask, but in the ensueing fire, my butt candle melted. Do you guys think you could replace it, for say half-price?
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OMFG[ROFL2]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:53:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 6:58:37 PM EDT by 8531sgt]
FearFactor Buttcandling.....How long can YOU hold it in??? Actually thought that was Cletus the backwoods proctologists way of gettin a look see. Shove a bright enough light up there an see whazzup..
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 6:57:17 PM EDT
ARMEGGEDON!!!! ARMEGGEDON!! BOOOOOOOM! [rofl]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 7:06:56 PM EDT
Ok, Here's the poop on the extreme sport of buttcandle launching: 1) Each a large lunch at Taco Bell. Extra beans on everything. 2) Digest for approx. 3 hours. 3) Follow instuctions on buttcandle for use, but(t) attempt to hold the candle in place the longest. 4) When pressure is maxed out, launch the candle for distance. 5) Scoring is based on the time before release, distance candle is launched and the length of the skid mark on the field of play.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 7:16:37 PM EDT
maybe we should hold a candle light vigil in honor of those folks over at DU mike
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 7:25:08 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: maybe we should hold a candle light vigil in honor of those folks over at DU mike
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[rofl]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:25:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: maybe we should hold a candle light vigil in honor of those folks over at DU mike
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[rofl]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:28:30 PM EDT
I enjoyed reading the PROCEDURE page.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:37:19 PM EDT
The candles are fairly large, measuring 8" in diameter [:D]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:41:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: maybe we should hold a candle light vigil in honor of those folks over at DU mike
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Give em a candle, they'll hold a vigil for themselves
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:52:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2003 5:54:01 AM EDT by DoubleFeed]
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: have that not so fresh feeling?
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[red]photo of the poster's turds edited out. GEEZ! -DF[/red]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 8:58:22 PM EDT
A membership should be given to the first person that tries one out.[:D] IBTL
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:00:34 PM EDT
OMFG Ripmeyer, double IBTL [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2] [ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2][ROFL2][LOL][ROFL2]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:12:18 PM EDT
Oh that is so wrong on so many levels.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:17:07 PM EDT
Squat, or lie on your back, to insert the ButtCandle ® to a depth of no more than 3 inches. If you encounter resistance, do not shove ... rather, gently twist while applying firm and steady pressure. This just so.. Wrong.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:23:34 PM EDT
Professor Evil just IM'd me.......someone got a buttcandle STUCK and needs back up asap. Apparently "Cadberry" (nickname to protect him)and "nogras" just innocently "playin" around with it when it "accidently" got one end got shoved inside Cadberry and the other side in "nogras" @ss. To make things worse cadberry was too cheap to just buy an authentic buttcandle, so he and his buttmate made one out of 25 pressed and shaped triox fuel bars. Now, apparently they are currently having a hard time extinguishing the flames although the fire dept has been dispatched at this time...standby for further details.... I'm thinkin this is a lillte fishy but evil apparently got it all on tape so we should have a link soon.....hmmm, whaT WAS EVIL DOIN THERE?
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:32:06 PM EDT
I can see it now, I'll have to explain to my co-workers what a "butt-candle" is after I start calling them one tomorrow. Or maybe I won't explain it.
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:33:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/15/2003 9:40:04 PM EDT by Leisure_Shoot]
[image]http://www.tradeshop.com/idea/temp-gallerys/Temp19-Image-Gallery/preview/buttcandle.jpg[/image] [image]http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:X1YZV7RMV80C:www.grandio.com/2020.jpg[/image] [b][red]Thanks Google.[/red][/b]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 9:45:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/16/2003 5:55:00 AM EDT by DoubleFeed]
Originally Posted By RipMeyer:
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: have that not so fresh feeling?
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[red]link to RipMeyer's turds edited out. -DF[/red]
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Rip-Meyer, the "Scatman" for the New Millenium. A BIG IBTL!!!
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 10:02:54 PM EDT
Kinda gives a whole new slant to the idea of a romantic dinner by candlelight. [shock]
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 10:13:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By rainman: I = in B = butt T = then L = light
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YOU BASTARD!!! thanks a lot! i will spend the next 20 minutes removing my drink from the monitor. (i haven't laughed that hard in a long time. thanks).
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 10:14:27 PM EDT
In the "interesting flammable things to stick in you ass" department i give you.... [url]http://www.chinahorde.com/product.jsp?pid=181[/url] [url]http://www.chinahorde.com/product.jsp?pid=333[/url] [url]http://www.chinahorde.com/product.jsp?pid=0[/url] [url]http://www.chinahorde.com/product.jsp?pid=510[/url] UNDERDOG
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 10:19:08 PM EDT
the turd pic thank you for the at all my friends got a email christmas card with that on it .... thank you again. hunter I titled it..."Think you got iy rough this christmas.." added link to buttcandle.com
Link Posted: 12/15/2003 11:57:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf:
Originally Posted By The_Beer_Slayer: ... My dad sent me this link.
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... Yeah, riiiiight [;D]
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Exactly my thoughts !!!! ROTFLMAO !! [ROFL2] MN
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 12:00:12 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Diss_ipator: OMG y'all have to read whats in the "Voice of the Customer" Tuesday, June 22, 1999 - 07:45:10 pm: Message from bobweaverhawaii@hotmail.com: I tried your "butt candle" and unfortunately, had eaten beans earlier that day. I farted and created a flame that extended 6 feet, ignited my curtains and proceeded to burn down my house. I hate to ask, but in the ensueing fire, my butt candle melted. Do you guys think you could replace it, for say half-price?
View Quote
Ohmygod! you kill me! [ROFL] MN
Link Posted: 12/16/2003 5:44:14 AM EDT
Quality posts and nice thread for a family board.
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