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Posted: 12/13/2003 7:15:30 PM EDT
well not really, but if they did this would be in the paper the next day:



Local man arrested for Explosives and Assault Rifle posesion.

At 5 am Saturday morning the local police department with assistance with the FBI and ATF raided the house of a local man on suspicion of

Police raided the house of 28 year old Army Specialist The Cheat. Cheat was arrested following the raid for possessing a M16 style assault rifle and other military style equipent.

Tipped off by a neighbor that stated she saw Mr Cheat enter his apartment with a long unmaked cardboard box. The witness, who wanted to remain anonymous stated" I saw him go into his apartment with a long plain cardboard cardboard box, at first I thought it was curtain rods or something, but then I the next day I didnt see curtains up, so I knew he was up to no good, so I called the FBI"

Uncovered in the raid in the raid were 12 pairs of military style camoflauge uniforms, boots, cold weather type gear and field gear, the type of equipment soldiers wear when they go into combat and 2 deadly military style assault rifles.

"He had camoflauge uniforms in his closet, 12 sets to be exact, much more then anybody needs to have" a Police spokeman said. "Although Cheat is in the Army he has not been deployed to a desert area in 2 years, but authorities have uncovered 6 set of desert camoflauge uniforms "The army makes you turn in your uniforms when you get back from a deployment, He was obviously keeping them for some reason, we are just unsure of what that is. Since he had desert camoflauge uniforms we think he was planning something in Nevada or California.

By far the most disturbing items found in the raid were an two M16 style assault rifles, the type used by military soldiers and of the type used by the D.C. Snipers last year. "We found two rifles, a short carbine type that can be easily concealed and a longer type that is used to hit targets at longer ranges." Also found attached to the shorter concealble rifle is what authorities have called a night vions goggles and a red-dot laser scope. "This type of scope is really what makes us worry, you just have to basically look through the scope and put the red dot on your target and pull the trigger, its not a toy, this is a serious night time killing instrument."

Found in an adjeacent closet was a Porter Cable power drill and drill bits "We found a drill and drill bits that can be easily used to make these rifles fire fully automatic, all you have to do is drill 1 hole and the rifle becomes an even more powerful killing machine"

"it makes me sick" Said one woman who lives down the street from Cheat. "I let me daughter play in the street in front of his house, to think he could have just blown away my daughter at any time and with the night vision thing, he could have done it at night"

Authorites have also found some awards and medals from a militia group that calls themselves the CMP. The local police department have turned that investigation over to the FBI

Other items found in the raid were more than 30 high-capacity rifle magazines "These high-capacity magazines have been banned by a law passed by the Clinton administration. these clips allow you to shoot almost an endless stream of bullets without stopping to reload, just like in the movies"

Also found in the raid is what authorities have labeled as a M16 magazine and grenade carrier. "We found 2 of these pouches, each holds 3 of the high-capacity type clips, what is most disturbing is that these pouches also have small sleeves on the sides to hold grenades" said Sgt. Cocksucker "He obviously had these pouches for a reason, people don't own grenade holders without a grenade, it doesn't make sense to us, we have to find these grenades where ever they are and get them off the street before a child gets hurt"

Neighrors are stunned to hear the news one woman who works across the river in the Soccermon Inc. office complex said "to think I work in my office, 2 miles away, he could have killed me anytime he wanted, he has a direct view of my desk"

"With all the uniforms and 2 deadly assault weapons and gear, he was obviously planning something" said Lt. Dickfuck the local police chief. We're just glad we caught him in time."

Injured in the raid was Sgt. Homo. Sgt Homo recieved a papercut while going through Cheats file cabinet. It is not yet know if Cheat will be charged in the injury of Sgt. Homo.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:20:44 PM EDT
heh heh. Lt. D...F... and Sgt. homo actually we've talked about this kind of thing. we used to take pictures of our rifles and us standing on the deck, on the range but decided not to. paranoid? probably too much. but with the news media's tactics, its not too far fetched.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:22:54 PM EDT
Good ridance! The CHeat was a troll and a nuisance. We are better off with out him Sgt[;)]ar15
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:31:05 PM EDT
The Cheat couldn't do anything in CA. Assault weapon stuff is illegal here. CW
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:32:56 PM EDT
as the PR agent for your local ATF office i just wanted to say thanks. You just saved me a lot of typing. All i have to change is the date to next sunday [:D]
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:33:56 PM EDT
This reminds me of Enemies Foreign & Domestic in two ways. They use some of the antis' language when it is required, to a level of sickening humor. Even with the satire, the plausibility is scary.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:42:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/13/2003 7:45:20 PM EDT by Airwolf]
I’ve often wondered how something like this would get written up if it happened to us. A safe was found in the living room with 2 High-Powered Sniper Rifles (Savage 10FP and Tikka Whitetail) a High Powered Military Style Semi-Auto Combat Rifle with deadly Military style laser scope (M1A Scout w/Aimpoint), a Military-Style Shotgun (Mossberg 590-A1), a Hyper-Velocity Sniper Rifle (Marlin 17V), 8 Semi-Auto handguns all loaded with rounds in their chambers and some even in door mounted holsters. To add to the terrifying list there was a locked cabinet (Homak) found in the bedroom with several High-Powered Military Style Rifles (Mauser, Mosin-Nagant) and even a Military Style Assault Rifle (SKS). A Semi-Automatic shotgun (Verona) was also included in the deadly arsenal found hidden in the unassuming home in the seemingly peaceful suburban neighborhood. The occupants were also found to have loaded handguns beside their bed as if the arsenal of destruction at their fingertips weren’t enough firepower to hold off an army or start a civil war. Further investigation found copious amounts of Gun Paraphernalia strewn about the home (cleaning gear, accessories, holsters, books, catalogs, cases, mags, etc…) and a veritable disaster waiting to happen when a mountain of over 5,000 rounds of ammunition was found in the garage, all of it carefully stored in marked containers, ready for instant use (ammo cans with P-Touch labels). Even more suspicious was a closet in the home found to be filled with Military uniforms and survivalist type gear (we are in Civil Air Patrol and used to do SAR). A search of records obtained by the FBI confirmed that residents spent much of their time on “questionable” Internet sites relating to both political issues and weapons. (Drudge, ARFcom, Pre-Ban, news.google.com, Midway, Brownells, etc…) Yup. Think about what many of us have and how it would be perceived by someone with an agenda.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:47:18 PM EDT
[size=6][red][b]FREE THE CHEAT![/b][/size=6][/red]
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:52:50 PM EDT
go ahead and laugh it up now, while you still can.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 7:56:04 PM EDT
On one hand it is funnier than shit. On the other it is all too plausible. I still liked it I like sick crap like that.
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:00:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By sgtar15: Good ridance! The CHeat was a troll and a nuisance. We are better off with out him Sgt[;)]ar15
View Quote
Agreed. The...Cheat? who? who is that?
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:00:53 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:14:03 PM EDT
Around here, anyone who is arrested with more than two guns, has an [b]arsenal[/b].
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:17:17 PM EDT
"... During the raid, FBI agents located a full set of SCUBA gear in the same cabinet which housed many pieces of military style equipment including a vest which is designed to hold up to 12 M16 clips and other ammunition. Attached to the vest was a military knife with a blade over 6 inches long. It is clear that Mr. 214 planned to approach a secure location from the water and carry out an attack on a political figure or perhaps even a hollywood movie star; at this time, it is unknown exactly who he was plotting against..."
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:21:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Cypher214: "... During the raid, FBI agents located a full set of SCUBA gear in the same cabinet which housed many pieces of military style equipment including a vest which is designed to hold up to 12 M16 clips and other ammunition. Attached to the vest was a military knife with a blade over 6 inches long. It is clear that Mr. 214 planned to approach a secure location from the water and carry out an attack on a political figure or perhaps even a [red]hollywood movie star[/red]; at this time, it is unknown exactly who he was plotting against..."
View Quote
I keep telling you, assault weapon shit is banned in CA. CW
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 8:22:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Cypher214: "... During the raid, FBI agents located a full set of SCUBA gear in the same cabinet which housed many pieces of military style equipment including a vest which is designed to hold up to 12 M16 clips and other ammunition. Attached to the vest was a military knife with a blade over 6 inches long. It is clear that Mr. 214 planned to approach a secure location from the water and carry out an attack on a [red]political figure or perhaps even a hollywood movie star[/red]; at this time, it is unknown exactly who he was plotting against..."
View Quote
In our case he would be both. CW
Link Posted: 12/13/2003 11:20:07 PM EDT
Good thing they didnt find your secret meth lab and animal porn collection. Or you really would have been in trouble.[;)]
Link Posted: 12/14/2003 12:01:38 AM EDT
Damn...That is a lot of BDU's...[:D]
Link Posted: 12/14/2003 12:05:56 AM EDT
Who is this The Cheat you're referring to? Never heard of him. ______________________________________________ [url=www.nra.org][b][red]NRA[/red][/url] [url=www.nra.org][blue]Life Member[/blue][/url] [url=www.gunowners.org][b][red]GOA[/red] [/url] [url=www.gunowners.org][blue]Life Member[/blue][/url] [url=www.saf.org][red]SAF[/red][/url] [url=www.saf.org][blue]Supporter[/blue][/url] [url=sas-aim.org][red]SAS[/red][/url] [url=sas-aim.org][blue]Supporter[/blue][/b][/url]
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