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Posted: 5/11/2001 6:42:22 PM EDT
I have three pratical jokes I have played that I think are pretty good.1.Because nobodt was hurt.2.They were hillarious at the time.3.To this day 18 yeares latter in two of them I am suspected but never proven I did it. Heres the first one.In May of 1982 just before graduation me and a friend had a little drink. I was lookin at three elm tree stumps about 5 to 6 foot in diameter and 31/2 foot tall.I said I cant split these so wouldnt they look good in the principals parking space.we load them in the back of the truck and by that time we are sober.So we drive em up to the high school.As were driving by we see some others in the parking lot.We drive around back and unload. Go back around to the pit .Which is what we called the parking lot.We sit around around and drink a little while.We notice a couple of the others start pulling pranks after they found out what we did.Staking trash can ect.Then some of them start getting a little destructive.Me and my friend decide its time to leave.The truck wont start.I go to use the phone and five police cars pull in.My friend is sitting in the truck.One of the cops knows his dad and is going to let him go.As he was leaving the chief pulls up and stops him.Im watching all of this from the football field.Well after about a half hour I fiqure they might send a car up along the back road and spot the field.Soon as I stand up I get nailed with a spotlight.Either I go directly to their car run to the park on the side which I mshure to get nailed there because i know theres a car down there.So i decide to run straight to were every one is in the pit.Most had been hauled in by now so I run right by the cop cars across the road between some houses.One cop started after me when I hit the creek I noticed the bank was undercut so I crawled up under it.The cop shines his light around for about 10 minutes and calls for help.They look around for another 20 minutes and leave.I fiqure it might be atrap so I stat till dawn.Go back to the truck which I fiqure they have already run and it starts. Then I remember we had about six Wiedamen beer in there.I start driving wondering what he did with them.I open the glove box and there they are.As much as it pained me I threw them gently on a nce lawn were I knew they would be picked up.Well someone ratted and we all got fined.Someone had painted a dingus on the school redbird on the roof and someone else bent some antennas when they ran into them.Forget how much the damage was but we were to split it equally.Except me and my friens said 45.00 a piece-for stump removal.Seems everyone elses was over a 130.00.The principal found out the story somehow.He latter told me he thought the stumps was the only funny part.He said it was so much because they had to hire a liitle crane to pick up the stumps.He said he knew it was me anyway.I said how.He said it might be FIREWOOD FOR SALE on the side of my truck.Even with around 500 to600 kids he knew everones name and who the real problems were.This was the same principal who let me buff a revolver in JR high a few year before. I got a couple more to post latter.Any one else have any?
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:27:58 PM EDT
When I was young and... well... young - some friends and I pulled a good one on a restaurant owner that was a real jerk and had fired a buddy of ours for missing work to take care of his mother who was very sick (father was KIA in the Pacific - WWII) OK.... a group of us went in and were seated at a table in the middle of the restaurant. One of group put a couple of cans of beef stew in a hot water bottle taped to his chest with a length of thin surgical tubing running up under his chin attached to the mouth of the bottle. He wrapped a scarf aorund his neck to hid the tubing. After our meal we were sitting there talking and at a prearranged signal we all started saying "Man are you alright?" drawing attention to our table - the place was packed. Our mule started moaning and holding his gut and suddenly "threw up" all over the table. That was bad enough - people started turning a bit green but to nail things shut - a couple of us waited just long enough for effect and picked up our forks and started eating the stew. You never saw a place empty out so fast. Some people just crumpled under tables and booths. Almost everybody in the place ran out without paying their bills and it took weeks for business to pick back up again. Put the hurt on them real good! I can't believe I am telling this.... Geez - I must be getting old... [sniper] [b]The Sniper
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:32:46 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:43:58 PM EDT
surveliance cameras were installed at all four corners of our workplace, checking out the parking lots etc. we printed out these large signs saying "please spank me' and hoisted them up on extendable painting poles. then placed them directly in front of the cameras. boy, it didn't take long for the bosses' to find em' either, being as the secretaries were the ones designated to watch all the monitors. no one got busted either, kinda hard to prove who 'dunnit'.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:45:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/11/2001 7:45:37 PM EDT by lordtrader]
Jokes I've played on someone in the past: Saran wrap on the top of the toilet bowl. Keeping the salt shaker top loose Golf ball in the tail pipe Have sent numerous pizza's over to someones house Have sent a male stripper to my best friends work for his b-day We once got so drunk on new years eve and crashed out at a buddy's house. He made the mistake of not waking up with us. We decided to lift the couch to the curb with him still sleeping in it. Another buddy got drunk and past out. We put a peeled banana in his shorts. He rolled around in it thru the nite. When he woke up he thought he shit on himself and would not get up until we were gone. For people that have done me wrong: Sugar in the gas tank Brake fluid on the hood Taking one lug nut from each wheel Taking a key, putting crazy glue on it, sticking it in the front door and breaking it in the lock. T.P. the house and sprinkling water on it to make it difficult to remove.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:49:50 PM EDT
had a guy I worked with years ago, you know the one every thing he has is better or newer. he was always bragging about everything and just bought a new travel trailer and needed a bigger and better truck to keep up with the joneses. will after his talk about what he wanted I put a truck ad up on the bullitin board at work just what he wanted and priced just about right but he's bragging about he's going to buy this truck and talk the price down a little. well after about a week and a half of trying to reach bob at the vfw hall and never catching the one who had the truck for sale he even went down there a couple of times I told him in front of everyone what a ass he was and what I did. never bragged in front of me again.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 7:54:59 PM EDT
Several years ago when I worked the midnight shift in the Patrol Division I found my buddies sleeping spot. One early morning (late night) I caught him holed up takin a snooze. I went out and picked up a junk tire at the city service center, went back and put the it on top of his cruiser he never woke up. Come quitting time I made sure I told as many of the guys that I could find. We all waited and watched for him to come to Hq. Sure as shit here he comes at 0700 on a weekday driving up to Hq with a junk tire on top of his car. We laughed our asses off as he got out of the car and saw the tire up there. He was mad as hell which only made it better. He got the message and as far as I know he does'nt sleep on duty anymore.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 8:01:10 PM EDT
A few years back my daughter was scared by a friend of mine who threw a rubber snake at her. She vowed that she would get revenge. At Christmas time this guy loved m&m's, and he is deathly afraid of mice. She took a large Christmas jar, as well as a life like white mouse with red eyes. She filled the jar half full of m&m's, then the mouse and positioned it where the mouse would appear as if it was climbing out. My friend is probably one of the most paranoid individuals that I know. He carried his 1911 everywhere, and when he watched tv it was on his lap. Well she gave him his Christmas present, and was he ever excited. He went home he called a little later. It seems that he was eating handfulls of m&m's when he took a handfull and looked down. There was the mouse, and there went the jar, m&m's and mouse. He drew down on the rodent, and almost put several holes in his living room floor. As he was spitting and sputtering she calmly said "gotcha ya". The boy never took anything from her again that he didn't inspect and check the area first.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 8:01:42 PM EDT
Then there was the time I put a dead cat in the back seat of another guys car. put a dead carp under the seat of another guys car. He found it when he inspected the car after roll call by feeling under the seat for anything that might have been left there by an arrest the prior shift. when the donuts don't sell they throw them out. I took a 33gal can full of donuts put them in trash bags and emptied them in the back seat of a guys cruiser. I've gotten as good as I've gave. Cops have alot of fun especialy the midnight shift.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 8:17:59 PM EDT
As a kid my friends and I tied a fishing line to a wallet and tossed it out in the road while hiding around the corner, when someone stoped, well you know the drill. (yank). modified this one for the kids in the mall, they love it. used to hide in the ditch next to the road, when a car drove by we would roll out a hub cap, the driver would stop, check all four wheels, shrug then get back in while we were laughing. best of all we loved mooning the cops
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 8:35:22 PM EDT
Nobody beats the infant seat on the car gag on Jack Ass. I nearly pissed myself.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 8:40:05 PM EDT
Did one almost purely by accident once. A guy at work kept leaving his work boots lying around. One day I decided to kind of hide them in the bathroom stall. Later another guy came along and put pants on them. It looked like someone was on the john. Well, by luck, the guy took the next day off work. This is a garage and he is the only one working during the day. So that afternoon, the security guard comes over to let the maid in to do her regular cleaning. She comes in sees the pants, goes about her business, checks again, still there. Waits and checks again, knocks on the stall door, no answer, knocks again, still not answer. Runs screaming to the security guard that Russ, the guy that was off on vacation, has had a heart attack in the bathroom. Guard comes and checks, also female, knocks, no reply. Runs and gets the company nures, nurse calls the service center manager, all come running over to his aid. They knock and scream at him but no reply. The guard gets a broom handle and pokes at his feet but he does not move. Finally the manager climbs up on the urinal to have a look, no one ever thought to open the door, it was not latched, no one was in there. He has a hissy fit and says someone is going to get into trouble over this. That evening, when we come in, our boss and his boss were there in the office. Well they tell us to sit down and close the door. They look at each other, tell us the whole story, thats how we know what happened, and could not do it with a straight face. They thought it was pretty funny too, but said that they told the manager that they would talk to us. To this day, once every year or so, for some reason, that story will come up and I still cannot tell it without laughing and it happened about 13 years ago. CH
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 9:13:33 PM EDT
Once shared a house in Phoenix with 3 other guys. Once the practical jokes started there was no stopping them. here is some of the shit that happened there: One guy who owned a Pinto got his rear wheels put up on blocks just high enough that they would spin. He thought his car was broke when he couldn't back out of the driveway no matter how hard he stepped on the gas. Guys sneaking into the bathroom to douche other roomates with a bucket of ice water when they were in the shower. Shaving cream on the fan blades. When you turn the fan on it looks like a snowstorm just hit. Short sheeting beds. Painting a passed out drunks toenails (definately not fashionable in AZ in the early 80's) Coloring the rim of a guys coffee mug with black magic marker. Only works good on dark colored mugs. It leaves a nice ring around his mouth when he drinks. Laxative in the coffee pot. Then put the "out of order" sign on the bathroom door.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 9:25:37 PM EDT
When I was younger I lived close to a police station. Some of my friends and I picked some phone numbers of some people we didn't like and called thier parents late at night when we knew they would be out partying, and said that they were in jail and to come a bail them out. At most we were able to get 6 parents at the same time to come screaming down to the police station, only to find their kids not there. We were able to do this quite often with random people to keep the laughs going. I think a couple of times the parents were arrested for something but their cars did not leave for a while.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 9:37:11 PM EDT
put a couple of bolts in my work leaders hub cap one time. put fine sand down into a couple people I did not get along withs defroster vent below the windshield. blows fine sand for years to come. great in cold area's. went hunting pigs in northern ca. and killed a nice rattler and put it in the back of the truck in a gunny sack (no head) when we got back to the house that night and everyone was just setting around talking about the day I said the only thing I killed was that 5' snake in the back of the truck . well the guy said I was full of shit so I went and got the snake and dumped it in his lap. everybody else was getting out of the way as they saw the snake still moving in the bag(they do that for awhile after you kill them. guys dinner and himself went over backwords. funny as hell. there was another guy I worked with that was sneeking out everyday so I started putting the clock ahead aboput 10 minutes a day untill he was leaving over a hour early for a few days . must of really screwed up his schedule because when the boss put him on report he did not think it to funny.
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 9:37:58 PM EDT
I go for the mental ones (no property damage no one hurt). This is kind of complicated so bear with me; there are 6 people involved. Gary and Brad (young guys work for Stan) Stan (business owner and boss) Laura (Stans wife) Don (lesser partner in Stan’s business and older guy) Me (Stans friend and sometimes worker for Stan) Stan calls me; so Warren can you come up and help me this weekend? I need you to paint a truck. Me; Sure thing see you Friday evening. Stan; Oh buy the way, Gary and Brad think they are playing a joke on me and Don already told me about it so I’m going to string them along for a while to get even. So don’t let on you know about it if they say anything to you. They took a old mattress and lounge chair and a bunch of candy bar wrappers and booze bottles and put them in the storage shed to make it look like some wino is sneaking around and living in there. So I’m just going to pretend that I don’t know it’s a joke and start acting like its driving me crazy. Cut away to Friday evening (Me working on truck, Gary working with me, Brad sweeping floor, Stan left for home) Gary; So Warren did Stan tell you about the wino living in the storage shed? Me; No what are you talking about? (With straight face) Gary; (he explained to me what him and Brad did and that Stan thought there was a wino living in the shed) Me; So who all knows about this joke? Gary; Just you and me Brad and Don. Me; If I were you I would tell Stan before Don tells him, You know that Don can’t keep a secret. Gary; So what, the joke would be over sooner but it wouldn’t be a big deal. Me; (With my best acting face on) Gary I don’t know if anybody told you but Stan can’t take a joke worth a shit! I know that Stan is all jolly and shit but if you play a joke on him he gets madder than hell! When did you two play this joke on him? Gary; Monday. Me; Well if its been that long I wouldn’t tell him. There ain’t no telling how mad he will get. Well maybe Don won’t tell him. Gary; Brad! You better come here, I think we need to talk. Saturday Morning. (Brad, Gary, Stan and me sitting around table) Stan; (to me) Did Brad and Gary tell you about the bum living in the shed? Me; Yea, they said something. Stan; (after brief explanation for the benefit of Brad and Gary) I came back last night after you guys left, about two in the morning. But there wasn’t anyone there. I think that tonight I’m going to sleep out there with my gun and shoot the SOB if he turns up! Sidelong look between Brad and Gary. Two weeks later at Christmas Dinner at restaurant. (talk turns to wino) Laura (to Stan, She is in on joke) Sara said that she saw some bum walking from the tavern in the direction of the business. Stan; Well, I guess I’m going to have to spend another night out there and try to catch him again. Two more weeks pass and Stan finally told them that he knew from the first day because Don told him. They told me they were relieved it was over and said, He can’t take a joke Huh?
Link Posted: 5/11/2001 11:51:31 PM EDT
When I was young, we used to get wild pie mellons and carve things like jackolanters or beer names and such in them and drop them in people's yards. We would unload maybe 15 or 20 into the likes of the high school english teacher or principle. People couldn't figure it out and thought it was wierd! We piled some up in the intersection (yes my town only had one stop light) for the benefit of passers by. Don't think the law looked to favorably on that. But, what would they charge us with? Assault with a vegetable?
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 12:46:18 AM EDT
The welding shop I worked at when I was younger was pretty small about 10 of us in the shop and 5 office guys. Our foreman was a cool cat but a little harsh. One Christmas when my mom was making Christmas cards with her card making software a idea came to me. A week later the last working day before Christmas vacation my foreman received a real pretty card with "Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" and a picture of Santa Claus on the front. When he opened it there was a picture of Santa mooning him (caricature cartoon I had my brother draw) it had "KISS MY ASS HOMO" written accross the top. Every single member of the shop and staff including the owner signed it, except the chicken$^$* new guy. The look on his face was absolutly priceless.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 1:06:15 AM EDT
Here is a good one to play for you cubicle geeks like myself. Do this one to your favorite computer fearing individual. 1. go to intended victims computer and minimize all windows so you are looking at the desktop. 2. hold down and at the same time then close all open programs/windows. 3. open up My Computer then C: and create a new folder. 4. Open up the C:/new folder and drag all of the desktop icons into it (there are a few that you can't move though dont worry about them.) 5. open start then programs then accessories then paint 6. open edit then select paste (it will say "the image in the clipboard is larger than the bitmap Would you like the bitmap enlarged?) Select yes. 7. select file then set as wallpaper(centered). 8. watch the fun begin when victim tries to open up programs/windows and nothing works.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 2:41:34 AM EDT
Originally Posted By lordtrader: Jokes I've played on someone in the past: Saran wrap on the top of the toilet bowl. Keeping the salt shaker top loose Golf ball in the tail pipe Have sent numerous pizza's over to someones house Have sent a male stripper to my best friends work for his b-day We once got so drunk on new years eve and crashed out at a buddy's house. He made the mistake of not waking up with us. We decided to lift the couch to the curb with him still sleeping in it. Another buddy got drunk and past out. We put a peeled banana in his shorts. He rolled around in it thru the nite. When he woke up he thought he shit on himself and would not get up until we were gone. For people that have done me wrong: Sugar in the gas tank Brake fluid on the hood Taking one lug nut from each wheel Taking a key, putting crazy glue on it, sticking it in the front door and breaking it in the lock. T.P. the house and sprinkling water on it to make it difficult to remove.
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LT, you are one treacherous dude. Brake fluid on a paint job smells like MONEY to a body man. V/R, Rigger
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 3:40:22 AM EDT
Back in HS we had a teacher who drove a VW. Near the parking lot were two trees that were just the right distance apart so we picked up the car and reparked it...between the trees. Another time this guy was always saying how fast his car was, every morning he would drive off spinning the tires. Well one morning we took a heavy chain and tied it to a tree and his back axle...didn't get too far before he left it behind. Ron
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 4:02:45 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 5:14:28 AM EDT
At a software company I used to work at, I created a fake memo from the company president (an x-IBM Wall-Street-Journal-reading super-conservative prick) that said "We understand you are trying to organize a union in this office, and anyone doing so will be subject to disciplinary action." Blah Blah Blah.... "Please contact Karl Marks in the Legal Dept. for more information." Dated the memo 3/30 and distributed it to the entire staff on April 1st. Oh, what an interesting day in the office!
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 5:45:33 AM EDT
I uesd to work at a large tire shop and we has one salesman there who was a real prick. We used to do all sorts of things to this guy (such as duct taping him to the sign out front) He used to piss us all off on an almost daily basis, but one day he must have really gotten under the skin of one of the mechanics. The mechanic came up to me shoved a handfull of wheel weights in to my hand and said "put these on Steve's front wheels" along with a few other choice words. I knew exactly what that would do and headed out to this guy's car and banged them onto about half the radius of the inside of the rim opposite og the regular wheel weights. Appearntly, he came back that night and begged the owner of the shop to look at his car because "it is really messed up!" They put it up in a lift and Bob looked under thr thing for a few seconds before comming back out and asking Steve who it was he pissed off this time. From what I hear he thought the suspention was about to drop off...
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:04:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2001 7:04:20 AM EDT by Ken]
When I was working as a service advisor in the auto industry(Ford dealerships), I had this one guy on my team who would always be trying to scam his jobs. One day I gave him a couple of fuel tank jobs(replacing sending units). I put a M-80 on a cigarette fuse under his work bench. Wouldn't you know it went off just as he was dropping a fuel tank. I will leave his reaction to your imagination. I think he had to change his drawers in the mens room. Another time I put a rubber snake in the microwave and waited for my wife to open it.....Yow!
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:12:04 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2001 7:12:19 AM EDT by Striker]
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:30:15 AM EDT
printed out some very professional looking envelopes. one from saint mary's mental institution, fake address in san francisco, and large words stating 'outpatient information enclosed'. then another from the 'national gay and lesbian society' with another fake address, and large words stating 'membership card enclosed'. finally one from the 'small condoms corporation' fake address, and stating 'requested sample enclosed' then took a small balloon and rolled it up and taped it to a card. easily felt through the letter. these i sent one at a time to various individuals i work with, addressed to the front office, so they had to go through all the secretaries----boy the shtf for a few weeks after that!
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:37:49 AM EDT
Was working at a construction site with a real asshole electrician. Since he always backed his truck up to the fence, I put a sign on the tailgate that said free enemas with his phone #
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:46:04 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Paul: I took a life size stencil of a Colt 1911 and used it to cut out 10 layers of aluminum foil. I then taped them together and hid them in the lining of the brief case an idiot who was traveling from Diego Garcia British Indian Ocean Territory to the United States via Singapore and Japan. I wonder who caught him first? [:)]
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HAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude, you may be an idiot at times, but T_H_A_T was good.... McUZI
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:55:06 AM EDT
The college I went to to study fire suppression had a working engine company run by the students. We pulled rotating shifts and slept in the dorm, one student had a bad habit of going to bed early so one night we decided to have a little fun. We had a guy on my shift who would do all kinds of wierd sh*t in his sleep( act like he was driving, walk around talking to people, etc.) So we get a 1000cc iv bag and cut the end off the tube, I crawl under the guys rack with the bag and Lance, the sleepwalker, drops his pants and runs the tube up under his pecker. AS I start squeezing the bag up comes the guy who goes to bed early screaming YOUR PEEING ON ME YOUR PEEING ON ME! GOOD TIMES.[}:D]
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:58:46 AM EDT
Once, REAL ERIC had completed the required Forms for his very first NFA weapon transfer. He was on pins and needles, not knowing what to expect. I took an FBI agent's card that I was given in a criminal case. Wrote on the back - 'Sorry, I missed you, I'm doing an on-site investigation re: recent NFA purchase. Will come back later.' and left it on his door.[:D] Eric The Hun
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 11:10:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2001 11:10:03 AM EDT by Strider_]
Practical Jokes can also be done in cyber land...... http://armalite.fan.wasarrested.com/IL/Chicago/ps This really upsets some people because they think there's a web page out there with this info in it (Not), even though it's obviously a practical joke. Just click on "arrest a friend". Then Email the URL to them..... "phantom shitter" "serial masterbator" "sheep molester" "crack dealer" I've been hit with two of the above. Cheers! Strider You'll have to cut and paste the URL.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 1:54:30 PM EDT
[url]armalite.fan.wasarrested.com/IL/Chicago/ps[/url]
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 1:56:09 PM EDT
Damn I guess I should have looked before I made it a link.I didnt even see the armalite part.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 2:22:15 PM EDT
This one may get you shot............ Went duck hunting with a co-worker who likes jokes. He hopped out of blind to take a leak, I winked at the guide & replaced the shell in his chamber with a bird scare shell, they're a little 'popper' charge that propells something like an M80 out abt. 50 yds, then kaBoom! He got back into the blind, the guide told a crummy juoke so that we'd have a chance to laugh instead of strangling ourselves......... Some ducks came in, Bud stands up, shoots, and pop......KABOOM! He lowered his shotgun, looked absolutely flabbergasted, and mumbled something like "That's the damdest misfire.." The guide told him it's illegal to use anti-aircraft shells while we tried not to wet our pants laughing.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 2:59:08 PM EDT
Our high school band teacher drove a MG Midget so one day the FFA guys picked up the car, lifted it over a 4ft chainlink fence and set it down inside a lot with only a walk through gate. The teacher had to call out the maintenance guy from the house to come take the fence down. Then there's my sgt. at work who likes to sleep (on hoot shifts) he has a bad habit of taking his left boot off and hanging his foot out the window while he sleeps. We slipped up the car one night with a length of stiff wire and reached in through the window and snagged the boot, put it on top of the car and then had the dipatcher give him a bogus call. Shoulda seen him tryting to find his boot, of course we were laying on the ground in the shadows laughing our butts off.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 3:06:18 PM EDT
Originally Posted By slugbait00:The college I went to to study fire suppression had a working engine company run by the students. We pulled rotating shifts and slept in the dorm, one student had a bad habit of going to bed early so one night we decided to have a little fun. We had a guy on my shift who would do all kinds of wierd sh*t in his sleep( act like he was driving, walk around talking to people, etc.) So we get a 1000cc iv bag and cut the end off the tube, I crawl under the guys rack with the bag and Lance, the sleepwalker, drops his pants and runs the tube up under his pecker. AS I start squeezing the bag up comes the guy who goes to bed early screaming YOUR PEEING ON ME YOUR PEEING ON ME! GOOD TIMES.[}:D]
View Quote
hahahahaha!! almost pissed my pants reading that!!!
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 3:26:46 PM EDT
Get a big old lady's hand bag and knock a hornets nest down into the bag and close it up. Set in the middle of any intersection. When I was working at a funeral home/ambulance service we used to have to carry these beepers that voice messaging that would just come out over the speaker. I was at bar with one of my buddies/co-worker and he started stirking up a conversation with a couple of hotties. I excused my self and go to the pay phone and beep him; BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. "Hi. My name is John Dumbrowski and I'm a homo."
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 3:41:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 4:08:01 PM EDT
When at work, never leave your computer unlocked with your e-mail accessible! On several occasions, co-workers that were jokesters have left theirs unattended. At that point all you need to do is fire off a resignation with some colorful language to the boss's boss's boss. Or maybe some gay love propositions to the boss's boss's boss. The "reply to" info is hard to refute! Only do this to people that "got you" in the past, and never admit to it. It also helps to delete your note from their outbox before you walk away so they don't know what happened until the boss's boss's boss calls.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 5:12:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2001 5:12:00 PM EDT by slt223]
Here's a good one that was posted on the old board. I forgot who posted it, sorry. For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know! Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Mike So-and-So and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a Jackass!" The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.] The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy, I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of Jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park. A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.)
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 5:12:29 PM EDT
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes." "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution. First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "You're a jackass!" but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "What's your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your *** ." "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up. Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious! If you want to watch two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the evening news.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 7:57:48 PM EDT
Heres another one ,not one of the three though. I use to work at York Steak house during and right after high school.weel they opened a new one and the manager left to run it.He asked me to go with him and help with training.Well one of the girls aked me how to close the dinning room.Showed her the varios things to do.Then I said you need to water the plants in the garden room every other night.This went on for a while.Well I fiqured she would stop when she noticed they were all fake. Three months later Im there in the morning and the contractors there.It seems the corporation was mad that there was water coming in a new million dollar building.I said where is it coming in at.He says the room with all the fake plants.Well the girl finally says something,man was the guy pissed.
Link Posted: 5/12/2001 8:31:23 PM EDT
Some of my "pranks" I can't really talk about publicly. The one I can was the one for senior year we stole a pig from this guy's farm. Greased it up and let it run loose in the schools hallways right about the time 2nd period let out. Pig wasn't doing much of anything till people started trying to catch it. Then it got to running around like crazy. I thought it was pretty funny. So did the animal control guys for that matter.
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