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Posted: 11/27/2003 12:40:20 PM EDT


film.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,12589,1094482,00.html

Cat in the Hat: 'Asshole in Fur'

A selection of reviews of The Cat in the Hat, the $90m Mike Myers film based on the Dr Seuss book, which opened in the US at the weekend:


Thursday November 27, 2003
The Guardian

"An abomination, impure and simple."
Joe Morgenstern, the Wall Street Journal

"Like being run over by a garbage truck that backs up and dumps its load on top of you. It's a sloppy and vulgar burlesque, one of the most repulsive kiddie movies ever... aggressively unpleasant... With his genius comic radar, Myers must have sensed the slant was wrong but couldn't turn back. Even under all that hair you can detect the expression of someone flapping his arms to keep a lead balloon aloft... The movie's grim subtext is the wreck of [co-star Alec] Baldwin's career - how puffy he looks, and how he never manages to rise above his material."
David Edelstein, Slate

"If the producers had dug up Ted Geisel's [Dr Seuss's] body and hung it from a tree, they couldn't have desecrated the man any more."
Ty Burr, Boston Globe

"Charmless, pointless and all but witless adaptation, with even less charisma than that flesh-eating virus of holiday films, 2000's How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Take someone you hate... Perhaps the worst holiday movie ever made."
John Anderson, Newsday

"'It is fun to have fun,' the Cat famously warned, 'but you have to know how.' This movie... is a remarkably thorough demonstration of how not to... A squad of frantic screenwriters throw in disparate elements out of sheer laziness, concocting a gruelling, chaotic stew of forced whimsy that utterly lacks imaginative integrity or visual spark... I am tempted to say that this Cat should be tied up in a sack and drowned, but I wouldn't want to condone cruelty to animals, even metaphorically. Cruelty to classic works of children's literature is bad enough."
AO Scott, New York Times

"The Cat in the Hat comes scarily close to being the most unendurable Hollywood creation of the last dozen years... The jokes, even the shit-dick-puke-balls bits aimed at titillating teens, are mortifyingly witless... Thanks to [director Brian] Grazer's evil-genius demographic scheme, The Cat in the Hat isn't fit for preteens, and it isn't digestible to adults. Teens, it needn't be said, should have better things - drugs, humping, Matrix sequels - on which to squander their weekends."
Michael Atkinson, Village Voice

"They might as well have skipped the hassle of securing licensing rights and simply called this mess Mike Myers: Asshole in Fur."
Gregory Weinkauf, Dallas Observer
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 12:52:01 PM EDT
I figured it would be no good, when I saw that the gave it a PG13. Good grief, it's an adaptation of a children's story.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 1:46:19 PM EDT
Those are some harsh critiques.... the movie must blow major. -HS
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 2:08:45 PM EDT
If the producers had dug up Ted Geisel's [Dr Seuss's] body and hung it from a tree, they couldn't have desecrated the man any more." Ty Burr, Boston Globe
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Ouch! That was good! Some stores are best left in books.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 2:08:54 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2003 2:11:17 PM EDT by KA3B]
You know when a movie is complete shit when three weeks before it's released all of the companies tie their advertising to it. I am fucking sick and tired of "Cat in the Hat" based advertising.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 2:14:01 PM EDT
Originally Posted By KA3B: You know when a movie is complete shit when three weeks before it's released all of the companies tie their advertising to it. I am fucking sick and tired of "Cat in the Hat" based advertising.
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I thought i was the only one who noticed and was annoyed by that.........
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 7:16:52 PM EDT
I saw it with four people and none of us liked it. There were a couple good jokes but they were inside that the kids didn't get. On the plus side, the sets were cool and the art design was much like the old TV special. It still wasn't worth $6.50. It might have been the worst movie of the year in my view.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 7:24:11 PM EDT
Originally Posted By KA3B: You know when a movie is complete shit when three weeks before it's released all of the companies tie their advertising to it. I am fucking sick and tired of "Cat in the Hat" based advertising.
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I am fucking sick and tired of Mike Myers. He's irritating. He's not funny. "Asshole in fur" seems to cover it pretty well. [;D]
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 7:28:41 PM EDT
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh! I told ya. well I said the cat in the hat is creapy in my opinion, but the movie previews had me grinching. If they are even slightly close to right in their reviews I still wouldn't see it on someone elses money. If I see the Cat in the Hat, I will beat him with a bat, I will beat him on his head, I will beat him till he's dead. I do not like him Sam I Am, I would grind him into jam!
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 7:28:44 PM EDT
I won't say I wasted my money, because my 7 year old liked it. And any time spent with my children is never wasted. But I do think the movie blew chunks. The reason I love Dr. Seuss is for the rhymes and the made up names for characters and such. I hate the way hollywood is trying to make all the cartoons we new as children into real life movies. I heard they are making a Jetsons movie. WHY?
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 7:56:58 PM EDT
Originally Posted By bri26064: .... I heard they are making a Jetsons movie. WHY?
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To show off a couple new hotties [}:D] (Jane (his wife) and Daughter Judy) [sex]
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 8:06:10 PM EDT
If I see the Cat in the Hat, I will beat him with a bat, I will beat him on his head, I will beat him till he's dead. I do not like him Sam I Am, I would grind him into jam!
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[lol]
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 8:10:17 PM EDT
Mike 'Yeah, Baybe, Yeah' Meyers is on my personal PITA actor list... The only ones worse than him are Jim 'Allrightee Theen' Caery, and Leslie 'Naked Gun' Nielsen... If he's in it, it's sucked quite badly (and yes, I hate Austin Powers)...
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 8:14:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Furner:
Originally Posted By KA3B: You know when a movie is complete shit when three weeks before it's released all of the companies tie their advertising to it. I am fucking sick and tired of "Cat in the Hat" based advertising.
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I thought i was the only one who noticed and was annoyed by that.........
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me too!
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 8:21:09 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dave_A: Mike 'Yeah, Baybe, Yeah' Meyers is on my personal PITA actor list... The only ones worse than him are Jim 'Allrightee Theen' Caery, and Leslie 'Naked Gun' Nielsen... If he's in it, it's sucked quite badly (and yes, I hate Austin Powers)...
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So you just hate Canuck actors then is it? [:D] Hey, least we don't have the Baldwins [;D]
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 8:44:48 PM EDT
So tell me...who's actually responsible for the Cat That Shat In The Hat? Who's to blame? Who deserves the flame? Whom shall we maim? CJ
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 10:44:30 AM EDT
what?? you dont like the use of the "bling bling" in the burger king commercials for the ass in the hat christmass tree ordiments?
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 11:10:11 AM EDT
Ok here is my take on it... I have a buddy that *cough *cough downloaded it. Me the wife and kids set down to watch it last night. The kids lasted about 5-10 Min's(got up and walked off). Wife lasted about 12 Min's. I sat there for a 1/2 hr. The whole time thinking to my self WTF/WTH were these guys that made this thinking? This Has to be the worst movie I have ever had the mis-pleasure of seeing. I got up at the 1/2 hr mark. Retrieved the disk from the drive and promptly snapped the son of a bitch in half! Thank God I didn't pay to see that thing. Id be pissed!
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 4:10:06 PM EDT
I'd almost want to see it just to see how bad it could really be. So far, the absolute, hands down, drop-dead worst I've ever seen was a Fox TV movie adaptation of the X-men series comic book "Generation X" (I THINK that was what it was called) and I honestly couldn't watch it for ten minutes. Changing back to it from time to time always resulted in my changing back to something more interesting, entertaining, and well executed...like the test pattern...in a matter of seconds. Second worst was some awful movie called "Munchies", with Harvey Korman in it. That alone should have tipped me off that it wasn't worth watching. The only movie that ever survived his presence was Blazing Saddles. CJ
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 4:13:31 PM EDT
Guys, the book had what, 225 words? You are going to make a movie out of 225 words? They have reached new lows.
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 4:18:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/28/2003 4:25:13 PM EDT by DzlBenz]
Originally Posted By cmjohnson: I'd almost want to see it just to see how bad it could really be.
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I'm right there with you, brother. I mean anything that gets panned this bad has got to be a blast to rip on while it's playing - MST3K-style! [img]http://uncensored.citadel.org/pub/bitbucket/mst3k.gif[/img] Bring the pain! Sorry - couldn't resist. Look, it could be worse, guys. They could have put to film one of less-popular Seuss books, like one of these: [list][*]One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch [/*] [*]Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert [/*] [*]Fox in Detox [/*] [*]Who Shat in the Hat? [/*] [*]Horton Hires a Ho [/*] [*]The Flesh-Eating Lorax [/*] [*]How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day [/*] [*]Your Colon Can Moo---Can You? [/*] [*]Zippy the Rabid Gerbil [/*] [*]The Cat in the Blender [/*] [*]Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out! [/*] [*]Are You My Proctologist? [/*] [*]Yentl the Lentil [/*] [*]My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket [/*] [*]Aunts in My Pants [/*] [*]Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff! [/*] [*]Horton Fakes an Orgasm [/*] [*]The Grinch's Ten Inches [/*] [/list]
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 4:26:03 PM EDT
I'm still waiting for the "[red]Official AR15.com Pros From Dover Critique[/red]" where the book and movie are painstakingly compared for accuracy and original intent...!
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 4:29:55 PM EDT
My wife and some of here family went to see it the other day. I said,"I am going to go home." Today I asked her what she thought and she said,"you were right to go on home..."
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 5:21:23 PM EDT
That's really too bad... I had an opportunity to see it with my 2 year old (well, he'll be 3 in December) for free. When I saw it was rated PG I decided to pass. That struck me as quite absurd, a movie based on a Dr. Seuss book that says "Parental guidance, may not be suitable for children." No thanks!
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 5:53:00 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DzlBenz: Sorry - couldn't resist. Look, it could be worse, guys. They could have put to film one of less-popular Seuss books, like one of these: [list][*]One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch [/*] [*]Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert [/*] [*]Fox in Detox [/*] [*]Who Shat in the Hat? [/*] [*]Horton Hires a Ho [/*] [*]The Flesh-Eating Lorax [/*] [*]How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day [/*] [*]Your Colon Can Moo---Can You? [/*] [*]Zippy the Rabid Gerbil [/*] [*]The Cat in the Blender [/*] [*]Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out! [/*] [*]Are You My Proctologist? [/*] [*]Yentl the Lentil [/*] [*]My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket [/*] [*]Aunts in My Pants [/*] [*]Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff! [/*] [*]Horton Fakes an Orgasm [/*] [*]The Grinch's Ten Inches [/*] [/list]
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I don't know why I find this list so funny but dude, I'm CRYING!
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 7:12:24 PM EDT
I'm laughing so hard my lungs hurt [ROFL2]
Originally Posted By DzlBenz: Sorry - couldn't resist. Look, it could be worse, guys. They could have put to film one of less-popular Seuss books, like one of these: [list][*]One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch [/*] [*]Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert [/*] [*]Fox in Detox [/*] [*]Who Shat in the Hat? [/*] [*]Horton Hires a Ho [/*] [*]The Flesh-Eating Lorax [/*] [*]How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day [/*] [*]Your Colon Can Moo---Can You? [/*] [*]Zippy the Rabid Gerbil [/*] [*]The Cat in the Blender [/*] [*]Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out! [/*] [*]Are You My Proctologist? [/*] [*]Yentl the Lentil [/*] [*]My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket [/*] [*]Aunts in My Pants [/*] [*]Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff! [/*] [*]Horton Fakes an Orgasm [/*] [*]The Grinch's Ten Inches [/*] [/list]
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Link Posted: 11/28/2003 10:15:34 PM EDT
[b] Horton Stomps a Who If I Screwed the Zoo The Shit Faced Sneetches Chop up Pop Fox Licks Cocks Did I Ever Tell You How Fucked Up You Are? Horton Fries an Egg Horton Stuffs a Who up His Ass The Butthole Battle Book I Can Suck Off Thirty Tigers Today, and other stories (Roy: Take note!) I am Not Going to Get It Up Today (Because I'm Hammered Shitless) I Wish That I Could Fuck Sheep The Queer Book The Foot Fetish Book CJ
Link Posted: 12/7/2003 10:06:40 AM EDT
Originally Posted By HillBillySasquatch: Those are some harsh critiques.... the movie must blow major. -HS
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BLOW MAJOR is the correct term. I took my 3 year old to see it and I am glad that he wasnt any older because he didn' understand the humor when Mike Meyers was calling a hoe "dirty hoe" and pretending to lick it. Whoever let this movie fly was SMOKIN CRACK
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