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Posted: 11/19/2003 8:19:37 AM EDT
We've all done it. Hit the commode and drop a bomb that threatens to peel the paint off the wall.

Light a match, however, and the stinking cloud you've proudly created magically disappears. Works like a charm.

Is it because of the flammability of your self-brewed methane...it gets attracted to the match and burns itself away...yet the concentration isn't high enough to ignite and blow the house apart?

Similarly, has there ever been a documented event where some disgusting slob really stinks up the joint, lights a match and VOOM! looses copious amounts of body hair?
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:26:56 AM EDT
I keep a canary in there as a safety measure.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:29:32 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2003 8:30:10 AM EDT by BayEagle]
an urban legend, but a heck of a story...


Gerbil Rocket
1998 Urban Legend
(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.



Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:31:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By rn45:
I keep a canary in there as a safety measure.



So if the canary dies, do you run out without wiping your ass and your pants around your feet? I can just see it now in the papers

"Man Trips and Suffocates on Own Gas While Attempting to Extract From Hot Bathroom"
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:38:33 AM EDT
No...I have to hold my breath. My wife would tell you that the poor canary doesn't stand a chance.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:54:13 AM EDT
Then it just smells like I shit a pack of burnt matches.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:02:11 AM EDT
My current girlfriend didn't know about the match trick. Every time I finished my buisness on the pot, she would ask me if I smelt something burning.

I finally let her in on the shit smell cover-up a couple of weeks ago and she asked why the match covers it up. I told her, "I don't know, but I do know it works and I can promise you that you would rather smell a bonfire in the bathroom than the alternative.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:03:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BayEagle:
an urban legend, but a heck of a story...


Gerbil Rocket
1998 Urban Legend
(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.






Gerbil guns. I bet they would be legal in CA.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:04:41 AM EDT


The threads you read around here sometimes!
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:07:02 AM EDT

Originally Posted By osprey21:
Then it just smells like I shit a pack of burnt matches.





...!
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:11:55 AM EDT
I usually light a candle before sending ordnance downrange. However, I tend to hang out on the hopper until my legs fall asleep, especially now thanks to wireless networking. The problem come when standing up, trying to hike up the trou, blow out the candle, maintain control of the laptop, all with Christopher Reeve Autograph Edition lower limbs. Very graceful, indeed.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:57:27 AM EDT
One of the bathrooms in my house is tiny...basically enough room so that my knees don't hit the vanity when I'm sitting on the throne.

I rolled in their under duress one night (was watching tv in the adjacent room when I got that "hit the bathroom in 10 seconds or less feeling) out of nowhere. Couldn't make it up or down, so I used this little bathroom.

I had to hold on to the seat to avoid being propelled upwards when the explosion vented...and the attendant stench was life threatening, even to me. I searched frantically for some relief...Glade, matches, anything...then I spied my salvation...a 1/2 liter sized little glass tube with some pot pouri (probably been in there from before my mom died...I had forgotten about it).

I yanked off the top, stuck my nose in, and was greeted by a sweet cinnimon smell that just *may* have saved my life!! It was several more minutes before I could breath the air in the bathroom hehehe.

Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:07:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
all with Christopher Reeve Autograph Edition lower limbs.





Damn, thats a classic!


Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:12:17 AM EDT
I've never done it for myself in the bathroom but my girlfriend has a black lab that likes to wandr into the woods sometimes during hunting season. As you can imagine she gets ahold of the entrails and wreaks for several days. One time her mom had to light 5 matches to cover the smell.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:14:33 AM EDT
I have a video of a guy lighting a fart on fire and it made a nice little fireball. From the sound he was making it looks like he burned his hand a bit too.

I tried it and only blew out the match. I guess I wasn't potent enough.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:20:07 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
I usually light a candle before sending ordnance downrange. However, I tend to hang out on the hopper until my legs fall asleep, especially now thanks to wireless networking. The problem come when standing up, trying to hike up the trou, blow out the candle, maintain control of the laptop, all with Christopher Reeve Autograph Edition lower limbs. Very graceful, indeed.



I would never admit to something like that!



No matter if it is true!

BigDozer66
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:28:56 AM EDT
I HATE the smell of matches. I'd rather smell crap.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:29:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Dredd308:

Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
all with Christopher Reeve Autograph Edition lower limbs.





Damn, thats a classic!





Damnit! I hardly ever really laugh out loud at something I read but I just about choked on my pizza as I was reading it.

Cruel, but an instant classic line to go down in ARFCOM history to be sure.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 11:43:29 AM EDT
The wife always comes in afterwards and sprays some sort of pine scent air freshener.

To me it then just smells like someone took a shit in the woods though.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 3:12:52 PM EDT
Ohio blue tip matches.The only shithouse deoderant a real man really needs.Why do people call it a bathroom when sometimes there is no-where to take a bath.Like in a gas station.In that kind of shithouse I never light a match unless I know the person waiting to use it after me.Nothing like hearing the gagging and retching sounds that come from a "freshned-up"sheiss Haus.So....you don't smoke....have some batgas.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 3:18:29 PM EDT


You just gotta love some of the discussion on the forum. Great stuff just keeps me coming back.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 3:42:59 PM EDT
Absolutely right. I found this forum when I was shopping for an AR-15. Then I started coming back when I was bored. Then I started contributing. Hell, I thought the gun discussions were fascinating. But.. I have to say, to find this discussion lurking here like a snake in the grass blew my mind. I have been surfing since 28.8 modems and I have never anywhere on the internet found a discussion of eliminating bathroom smells. Not Like this.
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