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Posted: 11/19/2003 7:07:59 AM EDT
found myself involved with a beautiful, sweet woman- divorced, 3 kids. (heaven help me! )
she was married 15 yrs. guy ,of course, wants her back. don't have a lot of detail yet, as near as i can gather your typical horror movie ex-husband: large, not too bright, self centered, construction worker. i'm imagining lots of forearm tattoos and a little dribble of saliva running down his chin.
she did get a restraining order during her divorce. she is afraid of him.
he dosen't know about me yet, but the kids know (17, 13 and 2) and they will be visiting dad today. i asked her if he would come to my shop to try to make trouble for me (bad choice for him). she said, "no, but if he kills me at least i got to know you"!!!

not really sure how serious she was about that yet...

i took the boy scout motto to heart... and cut and run is not in my blood. i guess i need some pointers from guys who've been through this.

i knew i could count on you guys.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:15:46 AM EDT
My rule of thumb is if a girl has kids, I rule out developing any kind of relationship. I dont want to be in a situation where the father will, in all likelihood, always be a factor in her...and subsequently my...life.

Cut her loose. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:16:59 AM EDT
Get one of the Lorcins Clean_cut Advertised and call him to your shop (you think the rest )

NsB
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:17:25 AM EDT
I haven't got an opinion for you, but your lady friend has 17, 13 -AND- 2 year old? One thing for sure, if you want to continue the relationship, you've got your work cut out for you. Do you have any children?
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:23:29 AM EDT
I was in the same position you are 13 years ago. She had 3 kids, a little older then what you said. Her Ex was in the teamsters union. He called me and said He would have some of his union buddies come to see me if I didn't quit seeing her. I told him whatever. I started carrying my Glock all the time. The boy told his dad I was carrying a pistol and I never heard anything else about it. I've been married to her for almost 12 years now. No problems out of him.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:31:32 AM EDT
I have been married to a divorced woman for the past 4.5 years and I would not change a thing. She has a child from her marriage, he was 15 when we began dating and is now 21. He and I had a couple of rough spots early on but we were able to work things out to be in between a great friendship and a parental relationship. I am so proud of him and all that he is accomplishing....and he calls me Dad. I love him as I would my own child. So do not be turned off because of the kids, these new relationships can be extemely tiring but are also very rewarding.

As far as the jealous ex goes, I was confronted by hers in the beginning. He is an alcoholic and as most alcoholics, when he gets drunk, he gets mean. She was also afraid of him and my baby is not afraid of many people at all. He called me up a few times to put the fear of God into me and to drive a wedge between us. As we were already married, I felt extemely comfortable in my position and told the loser-ex to come on over and we would hash this out once and for all. He declined my offer and the threats and calls eventually stopped.

I was able to work a new gun into the mix as a purely defensive purchase.....a new Sig 220!

Bottom line- keep your head on a swivel and as quickly as you can decide if this relationship is worth getting involved in a situation where you may need to kill her ex in self-defense. As far as the kids go and establishing a relationship with them, you and their mom need to sit down, early on and hash out your responsibilities where her kids are concerned. Do this early so when the little darlings are visiting your house and one of them begins to act up in your home, the appropriate course of action has been authorized by their mom. If you do not settle this kid issue with Mom before hand, you will surely lose the battle and maybe even the war. Being a positive male role model to our youth can be a very rewarding experience IF the proper ground-work is done beforehand.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:40:20 AM EDT
I had closed to the same thing. No kids just a stupid EX.

He told the ex wife at the divorce hearing he was going to kill me.

I called him and ask him if he said it and WHY because I didnt have a damn thing against him.

He said I was the reason he couldnt get his EX back . I told him I took his threat to heart and I would make sure he wouldnt hurt me. He asked what I meant by that. I said what ever it takes I was will to do. If it meant I needed to act first I would. I said again I didnt have anything to do with him being able to get her back but I would take any threats as real and I wouldnt wait to have them carried out. I had already filed a report with the cops so IF anything happens to me HE WOULD BE THE FIRST person they would come after. He said fuck it He didnt want her anymore.

I always packed a gun and the house was sercured by a fence with dogs. So while I was at home it was fine. But I was on the look out for him for a couple of months after that but nothing ever happened.

He got his first peice of after divorce ass and forgot about us.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:52:41 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2003 8:03:03 AM EDT by pbrstreetgang]

Originally Posted By wiggy762:
Bottom line- keep your head on a swivel and as quickly as you can decide if this relationship is worth getting involved in a situation where you may need to kill her ex in self-defense. As far as the kids go and establishing a relationship with them, you and their mom need to sit down, early on and hash out your responsibilities where her kids are concerned. Do this early so when the little darlings are visiting your house and one of them begins to act up in your home, the appropriate course of action has been authorized by their mom. If you do not settle this kid issue with Mom before hand, you will surely lose the battle and maybe even the war. Being a positive male role model to our youth can be a very rewarding experience IF the proper ground-work is done beforehand.



good advice. thank you.

more info: she has 3 girls *whew*. i have no children, though i am divorced too.
no ccw in ohio yet. (ohio residents know what a truly f-d up situation it is.) i do have 40hrs handgun and shotgun training from TDI in west union ohio.(great place, highly recommend it!)

of course, she hates guns. not a problem, tackled that problem many times. i just may need more time...

if i'm there, and on solid legal ground- i'm capable. but what is the solid legal ground in ohio? and what if i'm not there?

edited to add: as soon as i catch sight of this guy, i will file a police report. i run a small retail store. i have been threatened many, many times, and filed a police report for each of them. if i have to act, i want there to be a record of the threat. period.

and again, i don't run. i'm going to see this out. one way or the other.

Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:56:02 AM EDT
Do you love the woman? If so, stick it out, if she has a restraining order against him, you are almost always going to be in the right if you have to kick his ass. If he comes around illegally, first call the cops, than stick your foot up his ass.

If you don't lover her, cut bait and run like hell, it's not worth it.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:03:38 AM EDT
Remember that Mama and the kids come as a package deal. If you can't establish a positive relationship with them life will most likely be pretty miserable until they grow up and move out.

My wife had a daughter from a previous marriage. I treated her (the daughter!) like she was my own. There was some normal teenage stuff, but it all worked out.

As for your interest in firearms, be prepared to either work it out with her or make the tough decision. I mentioned to my first wife that I was thinking about getting a motorcycle. She was vehemently against it. About 5 years afetr that marriage failed I met my current wife. One of my first questions was, "Do you like motorcycles?"
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:43:17 AM EDT
no ccw in ohio yet.

There wasnt any CCW in Va at the time either.

All laws arent right and whats right is not always the law
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 9:52:55 AM EDT
Woman with kids is no problem, little girls tho can be a bit tricky tho.....the whole puberty thing hits them pretty hard and they go a bit wacko....but at least you can count on that once a month.

A complete understanding between you and the father of the kids that he is welcome in your house to see his kids as long as he behaves himself and that he will defend the lives of the kids and the mother at all costs. Usually, anyone with half a braincell will take this to mean you are armed. If he still doesn't get the point, a good cleaning of the firearms during an arranged visit will usually get the point across.

Be nice to the man. He just feels threatened that his wife and kids are going somewhere else instead of his own home. If he knows you are a good man and can take care of his own kids, he'll move on to the next piece of ass that comes along.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:01:41 AM EDT
I'm marrying a woman whose ex-husband used to beat her severely. There are stab wound scars on her back. She's lucky to be alive.

When I first met her, she was already divorced, but her ex stalked us and came up and said that she was "his wife". He spent ALL of his time stalking us for six months in violation of the restraining order. Let me tell you, those things are only worth something if he doesn't leave when you make the call.

Paid a lot of money to have her background and his investigated - turns out she was telling 100 percent of the truth about him, and he's a lying abusive POS.

He set fire to my father's house while we were visiting there, and we barely escaped with our lives. Now the POS doesn't know where we live, and we hear he's been harassing her relatives in the hope of finding out where she is.

He's already been told - if he shows up again and violates the restraining order, two things will happen: 1. We'll call 911. 2. She has a CCW permit and a 357 that I've taught her to shoot quite well. He won't be leaving the scene except in a body bag.
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 6:58:19 AM EDT
btt
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 7:04:02 AM EDT
I always wonder what makes a woman choose to have kids with a barbaric asshole....he couldn't be the only one fucked up in this scenario.


-HS
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 7:19:03 AM EDT
That could go several ways.
In my case, I got along great with the Ex's boyfriends but she didn't like that.
Be cautious, await details and don't jump in with both feet yet.
Hook up with her where you control the environment, if she don't mind a "lump" under the pillow.
Good luck on that one, I hope she's worth it.
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 7:55:57 AM EDT
PBR

look at your post above again, you can figger this out yourself...


of course,


Of course?? why? do you always choose people who disagree with you?


she hates guns. not a problem,..


This is a VERY fundamental difference in your world views. How many others are there?


.. tackled that problem many times.


And, obviously you've NEVER been successful, or you wouldn't be doing the SAME thing YET again!! Sounds like it IS a problem!!


i just may need more time...



One definition of insanity? "Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, each time."

This chick spent 15 years in a dysfunctional relationship, has 3 GIRLS in that relationship, has FUNDAMENTAL differences in philosophy/spirituality,

And you are attracted to her exactly why???


Examine yourself, is my advice.
How long have YOU been single?? Her??
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 9:23:53 AM EDT
What the hell are you doing in that relationship anyways?
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 11:37:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pbrstreetgang:
found myself involved with a beautiful, sweet woman- divorced, 3 kids.................(17, 13 and 2) and they will be visiting dad today. i asked her if he would come to my shop to try to make trouble for me (bad choice for him). she said, "no, but if he kills me at least i got to know you"!!!

not really sure how serious she was about that yet...

i took the boy scout motto to heart... and cut and run is not in my blood. i guess i need some pointers from guys who've been through this.

i knew i could count on you guys.




well here is my advice, dump this woman.....with 3 kids, she is looking for someone to take care of them, pure and simple....and she'll take any fool with a steady paycheck. why on earth you would want to get involved with a woman with 3 kids, when there are plenty of other woman out there already that might have not have emotional, and kids baggage, is beyond me.....but it's your life, you can screw it up if you want.
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 11:46:46 AM EDT
Walk away, bro....walk away.
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 12:00:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By liberty86:
PBR

look at your post above again, you can figger this out yourself...


of course,


Of course?? why? do you always choose people who disagree with you?


she hates guns. not a problem,..


This is a VERY fundamental difference in your world views. How many others are there?


.. tackled that problem many times.


And, obviously you've NEVER been successful, or you wouldn't be doing the SAME thing YET again!! Sounds like it IS a problem!!


i just may need more time...



One definition of insanity? "Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, each time."

This chick spent 15 years in a dysfunctional relationship, has 3 GIRLS in that relationship, has FUNDAMENTAL differences in philosophy/spirituality,

And you are attracted to her exactly why???


Examine yourself, is my advice.
How long have YOU been single?? Her??



That's a really harsh way of putting things, but it also looks to be pretty reality-based. PBR, I'd think long and hard about this.
Link Posted: 11/20/2003 12:01:13 PM EDT
Walk away. Sounds like a lot of trouble, and the gun thing doesn't sound good.

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