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Posted: 11/5/2003 4:02:52 PM EDT
what are the usual results/ramafications?
he hasn't paid room and board since june. he had a short stint as a contractors assistant, but basically hasn't had gainful employment and isn't trying too hard to find it. he doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's untill he pukes.
i thought that going in the army was going to square him away, even if it was only the reserves. after graduation, he never got orders to report to his duty station.instead of calling to see what was up, he made no effort and made them come looking for him, somehow they didn't seem too concerned when he finally did report. he got only about 3 drill weekends under his belt before he started to blow them off. they told him he was allowed a certain amount of absences, and he sees nothing wrong with not going "just because". he blew off a second month in a row. he says it's not the way it use to be, that it's easy to get out. he thinks this is all one big joke and that nothing bad can come of it, that he can just walk away. i tried with the whole responsibilities/ oath/ contract thing, to no avail.
i don't dare say what he calls the potus and the government in general.
i'm frustrated because he's an adult and i can't "make" him do anything that he doesn't want to.
i have to just watch all this play out. i want to know what they generally do to,ahem....."soldiers", ahem...that just walk away from it , such as he is doing?
thanks for letting bend your ears.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:11:49 PM EDT
Reserve a place for his stuff out by the trashcan.

As far as I'm concerned, he obligated himself to 6 years of service.

I'd bet that the Reserve unit he go hooked up with doesn't care if he shows up or not, but probably prefers not, because they don't want anyone there that doesn't want to be there. It's less trouble for everyone in the long run.
The only complication they have is the question of his early discharge.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:12:59 PM EDT
Sorry, but he sounds like a shitbag the military would be better off without.

Aviator
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:22:24 PM EDT
when you say graduation do you mean high school or graduation from basic training?

or does the reserves make you show up to drill before you ship to basic?
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:34:01 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/5/2003 4:35:14 PM EDT by SGTIMAK]

Originally Posted By AeroE:
Reserve a place for his stuff out by the trashcan.

As far as I'm concerned, he obligated himself to 6 years of service.

I'd bet that the Reserve unit he go hooked up with doesn't care if he shows up or not, but probably prefers not, because they don't want anyone there that doesn't want to be there. It's less trouble for everyone in the long run.
The only complication they have is the question of his early discharge.



I agree. When only %10 or so of the unit works there full time, there can't be a lot of time to deal with people who don't want to be there. I know of people who have gotten out of the Reserves early, aparently the process is not too difficult.

Perhaps a talk with his Chain of Command (those that work full time)would help? Maybe the threat of disciplinary actions will get him into gear, either to start going to his drills or start the process to be discharged, either of which would be better than the current situation. He may also have to pay back any bonuses, financial aid, etc.

Another thing, most Reserve units have provisions for soldiers to come in during non-drill workdays to make up missed drills/training. I have a friend who worked for his reserve unit for 3 weeks while inbetween jobs.

I have never sen a reservist get in any real trouble for missing drills. I suppose it all depends on the chain of command. There is definately the potential for serious consequences especially with a war going on.

...and if it were me... my house, my rules. As far as I'm concerned you can make him do whatever you want, if he wants to live there. No rent? No job? Pack your shit.

Oh, one more option... the process to go from the reserves to Active(THE REAL) Army is a very easy one. Maybe a few months in a combat zone will shape him up.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:34:09 PM EDT
We have had a few that just stopped showing up in the 5 years i've been in the reserves. There doesn't seem to be to much by way of consequence for those fucks as far as I've seen. I think the USNR just rolls them into the Inactive Ready Reserve or finds a way to admin sep them. The Marine side gets their gear back. After that, I'm not sure what happens to them.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:38:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Mak762:
when you say graduation do you mean high school or graduation from basic training?

or does the reserves make you show up to drill before you ship to basic?




My hubby is Reserve and in basic now, he did attend drill for 6 months before basic.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:42:15 PM EDT
I am no expert but a sgt in the natinal guard said if you don't show up for a couple months they will send MP's after your ass.

don't know if its true or not but I cant see that the military would just let you miss drill.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:52:13 PM EDT
As an Army Reserve Company Commander, if one of my soldiers behaves in this manner, we call first and go pick them up if necessary. If we cannot contact, we will code them as U on the sign-in roster and continue to call. If they accumulate 9 U's in the course of the year, they are discharged. A half day is one UTA, so they can miss 9 UTA's before they are discharged. He can miss basically a little over two months and then he's gone. If he's received any kind of educational benefits, he can expect that to be recouped from him. The same with any bonuses he received.

In the Army National Guard, if someone was AWOL, which is what your step-son is doing, we would call the sheriff and have them arrested. For some reason, we can't do that in the USAR. Wish we could, but we can't. I have no use for someone that behaves the way your step-son is behaving. Tell him he's going to have further problems down the road if he doesn't shape up pretty quick. The kind of discharge he's going to get doesn't look good to employers. If he lies about it, that could mean some jail time. Good luck, your're going to need it.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 4:56:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By redleg13a:
In the Army National Guard, if someone was AWOL, which is what your step-son is doing, we would call the sheriff and have them arrested. For some reason, we can't do that in the USAR. Wish we could, but we can't. I have no use for someone that behaves the way your step-son is behaving. Tell him he's going to have further problems down the road if he doesn't shape up pretty quick. The kind of discharge he's going to get doesn't look good to employers. If he lies about it, that could mean some jail time. Good luck, your're going to need it.



thats weird, seems like the reserves are pretty lax about showing up.

why is the guard so much different they are both part time but the guard will send the cops after you!
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:00:23 PM EDT
by graduation, i meant from basic.
i sent him letters up the ass to encourage him, told him we were proud of him, drove to fort knox,ky. from N.H. to give him some moral support before he went to ait.
i'm not perfect, but i try to somewhat lead by example. i started on a shovel and a broom and went to a whole string of classes to get licensed in a trade,and kept it up till i was doing ok for myself. i show him to get an education of some kind, work hard, pay the bills. i gave him the old "time and place for everything" speal. i don't run around on his mom.
it's all about personal responsibility, but i just can't get him to pick up on that.
heck, i offered to wipe out $400 worth of room and board debt if he would keep my yard raked clean for this fall, he wouldn't do it because he "hates raking".fuck, i only own 1/4 of 1 acre, and my house takes up part of that.
i'm only letting him slide till the new year. i love him and all, but then he gets the boot and can get a taste of real life.
when i was his age, i smoked pot, drank till i puked sometimes,and had experimented with a couple of other drugs,BUT....i had already learned to run bucket loaders,gotten my tractor trailer license, and was working a mess of overtime on a regular basis. i took care of things and got messed up outside of my obligations.i did what i had to do, that's the thing i can't get into his head, that he also has obligations to meet.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:03:35 PM EDT
Sounds like he needs to learn the hard way.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:05:44 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/5/2003 5:08:30 PM EDT by sgtar15]
Kick his ass out!! Sit down with his mother and tell her that he needs to follow the rules of the house, and the rules are he either has a full time job or a full time at school. If he does neither than he needs to go.

Beiung the fact that your wife, and him may not view you as a real athoratize figure is probably the larger issue here. So either you let the mother control him and you or you control them.

Yes marriage is a two way street but sometimes there can be only one leader.

Sgtar15

PS AND STOP LETTING HIM SLIDE ON HIS BILLS!! Why should he work hard if you keep letting him off the hook?
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:06:47 PM EDT

Originally Posted By gunsanplanes:
by graduation, i meant from basic.

he wouldn't do it because he "hates raking".fuck, i only own 1/4 of 1 acre, and my house takes up part of that.
i'm only letting him slide till the new year. i love him and all, but then he gets the boot and can get a taste of real life.
when i was his age, i smoked pot, drank till i puked sometimes,and had experimented with a couple of other drugs,BUT....i had already learned to run bucket loaders,gotten my tractor trailer license, and was working a mess of overtime on a regular basis. i took care of things and got messed up outside of my obligations.i did what i had to do, that's the thing i can't get into his head, that he also has obligations to meet.



what a punk, is the job still avaliable that sounds like easy money!

anywho he can't be too lazy if he made it thru basic and AIT from what I hear Knox is pretty tough, but maybe the army has changed??

whats his MOS if you don't mind me asking?
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:10:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By gunsanplanes:
what are the usual results/ramafications?
he hasn't paid room and board since june. he had a short stint as a contractors assistant, but basically hasn't had gainful employment and isn't trying too hard to find it. he doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's untill he pukes.



You DO know what that means, don't you? How does mom think about this?? STEPson, is touchy. How old is he??


i thought that going in the army was going to square him away, even if it was only the reserves.


Has he always been a fuckup? How long have you been on the scene?


after graduation, he never got orders to report to his duty station.instead of calling to see what was up, he made no effort and made them come looking for him, somehow they didn't seem too concerned when he finally did report. he got only about 3 drill weekends under his belt before he started to blow them off. they told him he was allowed a certain amount of absences, and he sees nothing wrong with not going "just because". he blew off a second month in a row. he says it's not the way it use to be, that it's easy to get out. he thinks this is all one big joke and that nothing bad can come of it, that he can just walk away. i tried with the whole responsibilities/ oath/ contract thing, to no avail.
i don't dare say what he calls the potus and the government in general.



Stop the bus!! Is he a fuckup, or having conscience problems?? If he's politically aware, and against the war, it's a horse of a different color, whether you agree, or not.


i'm frustrated because he's an adult and i can't "make" him do anything that he doesn't want to.
i have to just watch all this play out. i want to know what they generally do to,ahem....."soldiers", ahem...that just walk away from it , such as he is doing?
thanks for letting bend your ears.



Do you love this kid?? Do you "take" him as your own?? Does he know you love him?? What about mom??

I need more info...
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:11:17 PM EDT
he should do what he signed up to do
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:12:26 PM EDT
What's his MOS? What unit is he in? He is MOS qualified I take it. If he got a bonus, he'd better expect to lose it pretty quick. Is his unit on alert for deployment? If so, he'd better get his head on straight. If the unit is mobilized and he bails, I hope he's ready to be Bubba's girlfriend because if the unit mob's and he's not there, they will send the cops after him and they will throw him in jail. He will be brought up on charges under the Uniform Code of Military Justice and found guilty (most likely). We as commanders do not take that lightly. Just because he's lazy and inconsiderate means we go to combat with one less soldier which hurts unit effectiveness and morale. He may be a dirtbag, but because he was sitting in the slot that means I can't fill it with someone else.

Hope his commander has the balls to do what needs doing. Sounds like they are carrying ghosts on their roster to try to make their numbers look better. Hope not, but that's what it sounds like.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 5:53:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/5/2003 7:28:52 PM EDT by gunsanplanes]
redleg- thanks for responding. in don't know the actual mos title, he is a storekeeper.
he goes to what was fort devins,ma. the base was officially closed but they maintain a small presence there. he said that they aren't even an "active"reserve unit and he claims that they won't even do the two week deployment/year deal.

librty86- i met him when he was 5.he lived with his grandmother till she died this may.my wife got dragged out to cali by her 1st husband and was abandoned out there by him when her son was only 5 months old. she had no job or money to suppert her son. she called her dad to fly them back and so that her son wouldn't grow up on welfare, she signed him over to her mother and father. she lived in the same town and saw him/was involved on a regular basis.her father died before i met her, and her mother formed a stronger bond with the wifes' son. i enter the picture and want to do what's right, however, the grandmother didn't want to give him up so that he could move in with us and be a familly. my wife didn't push it because she saw him all the time and had it easy because he wasn't under our roof.it was all bullshit to me, but i was powerless to alter things, but i did try.
his life was ok, but he had no male role model because he didn't live with me. i tried so hard to adopt, but he wanted no part of it.
he thinks bush is a "dictator". he thinks we as a country are wrong to be in ANY conflict.
he has never really been made to be held accountable for anything. he was always given a free pass. he isn't a thief, drug user, getting anyone pregnant,etc. he did graduate high school. he has potential, but he shirks responsibility.
gotta stop here for a few. on the job and have to go take some readings. back in a bit.
editted to answer if i love him and take him as my son. i do. when i met my wife, she told me of being abandoned out in cali.she was jaded on men and had gotten her tubes tied/cauterised so that she wouldn't have children with all different last names(fearing future abandonment, i guess). i was young and didn't give that to much weight. i should have. the biggest hole in my life, to this day, is not fathering and raising a child. i can't change that now, and all i can do is try the best i can with him. i tried as best i could, considering the bizarre living arangements that were beyond my control. untill this last may, though, at the end of the day, he was sleeping elsewhere.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 6:00:24 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SGTIMAK:
Sounds like he needs to learn the hard way.



Yep. Making big ones into little ones at Levenworth sounds appropriate.

-T.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 6:08:30 PM EDT
Warn him first.

Tough Love.

Kick him out.

Watch him fall flat on his face.

Don't help him up.

Link Posted: 11/5/2003 6:08:39 PM EDT
The problem is that it is easier to shitcan him than keep him in the unit. At least when I was in Navy Reserve, Your unit Readiness Ratings (and we lived and died on Readiness Ratings) took more of a hit for a no show than an empty billet. But not much.

Unfortunately a bad paper discharge from the Reserves may never arise to haunt him. The only time it might show up is if somebody does a complete background on him. Like for a Law Enforcement job, a Defense Contractor job that requires a clearance and some financial jobs that get background type investigations because of the $$ handling. Doesn't sound like any of those are in his future.

Step 1 is to chuck him out. If Momma won't do it, you need to grow a set and it's you or him. there's no reason you need to be supporting a no-load. No more bail-outs.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 6:36:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By gunsanplanes:

librty86- i met him when he was 5.he lived with his grandmother till she died this may.my wife got dragged out to cali by her 1st husband and was abandoned out there by him when her son was only 5 months old. she had no job or money to suppert her son. she called her dad to fly them back and so that her son wouldn't grow up on welfare, she signed him over to her mother and father. she lived in the same town and saw him/was involved on a regular basis.her father died before i met her, and her mother formed a stronger bond with the wifes' son. i enter the picture and want to do what's right, however, the grandmother didn't want to give him up so that he could move in with us and be a familly. my wife didn't push it because she saw him all the time and had it easy because he wasn't under our roof.it was all bullshit to me, but i was powerless to alter things, but i did try.



Thanks for responding to me.
Could it be possible wife did not push it then, to have closer relationship with you?? Have you been able to "get real", with this youngster??
Could you get away with him now, and show him who you are, without condemning him? Do y'all share spiritual beliefs?? (Evenly yoked?)



his life was ok, but he had no male role model because he didn't live with me. i tried so hard to adopt, but he wanted no part of it.


Why? Did he think real dad would return for him some day?? How close could you have been, when he was living someplace else?



he thinks bush is a "dictator". he thinks we as a country are wrong to be in ANY conflict.
he has never really been made to be held accountable for anything. he was always given a free pass.



Do I "sense" some resentment? Have the "wimmen", been sheltering him?


he isn't a thief, drug user, getting anyone pregnant,etc. he did graduate high school. he has potential, but he shirks responsibility.


You said, that when he drinks, he does it till "he pukes". He IS a drug abuser.



gotta stop here for a few. on the job and have to go take some readings. back in a bit.
editted to answer if i love him and take him as my son. i do.



Would he say the same of you?


when i met my wife, she told me of being abanded out in cali.she was jaded on men and had gotten her tubes tied/cauterised so that she wouldn't have children with all different last names(fearing future abandonment, i guess). i was young and didn't give that to much weight. i should have.


If you love her, that really doesn't matter. Sounds like you two have at least 16 years together. How is it today? Is this situation causing conflict??

She sounds like she SHOULD be a "man hater". Has she tried to power trip you?? (during the marriage?)

(Shit, we ARE gettin personal!! )


the biggest hole in my life, to this day, is not fathering and raising a child. i can't change that now, and all i can do is try the best i can with him. i tried as best i could, considering the bizarre living arangements that were beyond my control. untill this last may, though, at the end of the day, he was sleeping elsewhere.


Why was he sleeping elsewhere?? Previous conflict?

Don't beat yourself up, and don't "blame" anyone. It is, what it is. You say you love this man. Now he needs you to stand by him. There are political/national issues, but bottom line, this is family. This man is really a kid, and a drunk one at that. As Redleg pointed out, it's a serious game now. I played it after two tours in 'Nam, I KNOW how serious it can
get...


Bottom line??

It's family....

He needs you now, more than ever before. This could be for all the banannas!!
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 7:16:12 PM EDT

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
his life was ok, but he had no male role model because he didn't live with me. i tried so hard to adopt, but he wanted no part of it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Why? Did he think real dad would return for him some day?? How close could you have been, when he was living someplace else?

he never thought that, he was too young to remember , but knows his dad just walked out.
i wasn't as close as i could have been.worked 12hr nights, slept days, but we visited when we could. this was the situation i adopted when i fell in love with the wife.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
he thinks bush is a "dictator". he thinks we as a country are wrong to be in ANY conflict.
he has never really been made to be held accountable for anything. he was always given a free pass.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Do I "sense" some resentment? Have the "wimmen", been sheltering him
no real resentment other than them not going through with threatened punishment for when he was bad.he might have learned that actions have consequences.

You said, that when he drinks, he does it till "he pukes". He IS a drug abuser.
no arguement.though not right, most people who drink as an adult have gone through an "episode" similar, when they were young.
editted to answer if i love him and take him as my son. i do.

Would he say the same of you?
yes

She sounds like she SHOULD be a "man hater". Has she tried to power trip you?? (during the marriage?)
only by threatening divorce if i buy another gun.lol. we do the give and take thing pretty darn well.


Why was he sleeping elsewhere?? Previous conflict?
answered in my 3rd post.to long to re-type.
i'm not beating myself up.i see something going down that i want to stop. i can't. this thread was really as easy as "what happens to you for not going back to your reserve unit", but people ask questions, and i don't mind answering.usually.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 7:50:58 PM EDT
You might try calling the unit and getting a drill schedule. Every drill weekend, give him a chance to go to drill. If he doesn't, call the unit and speak to either the First Sergeant or Commander and tell him your son is at home blowing them off. This works much better if you speak with the First Sergeant. Don't tell the your son you called. Let them see the look on his face when they show up at his door. When you call, ask that a non-commissioned officer be the one to come pick him up. Or better yet, an officer. Ask him to give your son a direct order to report to drill. If he disobeys that order, he's toast.

He has to start learning and accepting responsibility somewhere. May as well start here. Then maybe he'll start acting better in other areas of his life. If not, it's his life. You have to live your own. He's a big boy and is capable of making his own decisions. Although they may be poor decisions, they are still his to make. Love him, but don't run his life. Someday he'll learn. If not, not your fault.

BTW, if he doesn't think he can be in the military, support our country and otherwise enjoy the freedoms we have because of the sacrifice of others, buy him a ticket and put him on a plane somewhere. Or, just tell him to go spout his mouth off at a VFW meeting. Problem solved.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 8:05:45 PM EDT
thanks redleg13a, i may just do that.
i won't be able to check back till monday night. i don't post from home and this is my long weekend off.
this is the part that makes working twelves the balls, out at 0030 hrs thursday, not back till 1830 hrs on monday. well, every other week anyways.
take care.
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 8:14:41 PM EDT
redleg13a
I know you are being factious, but here is part of the problem in this country - 18 and 19 year old's aren't "big boys", they are old enough to act like men, complete with all the responsibilities implied by the title.

gunsanplanes
It ain't much, but you might be able to take solace knowing that you aren't alone in your predicament; there are many others with the identical problem with their offspring.

Why anyone behaves this way is beyond my understanding, and what are they thinking, that it will just all work out?
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 8:19:02 PM EDT
Best of luck in your circumstance.

Once I graduated HS, I was told that, if I wanted to drive mmy folk's car, I needed to provide the $ for gas and insurance.

Wound up with p/t job that helped pay for college (after I blew a partial scholarship, but more about that later).

Once I graduated, Mom and Dad told me "now that I was in the real world" that I needed to pay rent. (token I think it was $250.00/mo). So I got myself a job.

Once I got a "real" job, 2 years later, they upped my rent. I found my own place for only about $50.00 more per month, so I moved out.

You may not be able to "make" him do anything he doesn;t want to, but that's no excuse for him making you do things you don;t want to... like letting him sponge.

I know it's difficult, but the only person you're protecting him from is himself. He won;t rake leaves because he "hates F*n raking?"

Flip burger or drop fries then, pal. Let's see how you like that.

And paying for your lodging.

And transportation (is he still bumming your car?)

You don't earn Airborne wings by staying in the plane.

Wish him well, but send 'im.

Link Posted: 11/5/2003 8:27:00 PM EDT
I'd be so hot that I'd be on the phone to EVERYBODY trying to get him called to active duty, and to a shithole nobody wants to pull duty at, too. I'd be on his commander, his commander's commander, and so on and so forth, all the way to the Army Joint Chief, if need be. And my congressmen.

You don't blow off your reserve obligation unless you're a 100 percent grade A shitbag or you're in the hospital recovering from a traumatic amputation or something equally major.

CJ
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 8:48:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/5/2003 9:00:35 PM EDT by sfcret]

Originally Posted By Aviator:
Sorry, but he sounds like a shitbag the military would be better off without.

Aviator




pretty much hit that on the nail.


Originally Posted By gunsanplanes
........he hasn't paid room and board since june. he had a short stint as a contractors assistant, but basically hasn't had gainful employment and isn't trying too hard to find it. he doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's untill he pukes.
i thought that going in the army was going to square him away, even if it was only the reserves




you aren't the only "parent" or "parents" that came up with that bright idea.....when I was a Squad leader and Platoon Sergeant I came across those same type of kids that were dumped on me because "parents" failed miserably in rearing them, and passed them off to the Army so someone else can straighten out their failures.

needless to say they didn't last too long, before I got fed up with them, and sent them packing back home with a general discharge in their hands.

The Military isn't there so parents who made a mess of their kids, and failed to do the right thing in rearing them can send him off so someone else can rear them.

Link Posted: 11/5/2003 9:10:18 PM EDT
my step dad really turned me around. thankfully, mom and i moved in with him when i was 15. it took him a couple years of love and tough love to give me some back bone. hearing about the step son sounds just like i was. thankfully, i did take my committment to the USAR seriously when i was a kid. even if i did pass my CO with an additional 80 mph on the freeway to drill one morning...

my background before step dad was that dad was whoring around on mom the whole time. then when i was 8 or 9, mom got cancer and dad bailed. i was left to take care of mom through her care. when she got better, divorced dad, moved away, then married my step dad.

good luck... it's only been since may, i'd say stick with the tough love until next summer. that way he won't freeze when he sleeps on the streets. don't take him back in until BEFORE it starts getting cold. don't let him think you're soft.

chris
Link Posted: 11/5/2003 9:24:42 PM EDT
Tell the POS that if his unit gets mobilized, he could be charged with desertion, and during wartime, people don't like deserters.
Link Posted: 11/6/2003 1:41:41 AM EDT
Most of us don't particularly care for them in Peacetime either.

I've probably had contact with about half a dozen deserters in my time. 3 surrendered to my Dad at home. My Dad was a Police Lt., LTC MP Corps USAR, and former neighbor/old family friend of one's wife/Driver's Ed teacher/and kinda Father figure to one's ex-girl-friend and we had played a lot of street softball in years past.

They were primarily a thinking and maturity solution, the hard reality of what they had done and were facing finally sunk in. All Marines, Two drove themselves from there and turned themselves into the Provost Marshal at Tustin. One we drove down.

One Army type tried to surrender to me at the Market where I was working while in ROTC. He was flaky for years and never should have been let in in the first place. I gave him directions to Ft. Mac and his brother took him down. His brother didn't like him either.

Two took off from my ship and later came back. One was a druggie, couldn't understand why the MAA had cleared out his locker. He floated onto the Quarterdeck during my Watch one day, pretty loaded. "Hey, Jones, where you going?" "Oh Hi, Mr. Danby. going to get stuff out of my locker." "Didn't you take off about a year ago?" "Well yeah, but I wanna get my uniform on to turn myself in. Oh and some cigarettes too." Called the CMAA and he took it from there. I had to clear the Q'Deck, they were gathering a crowd,he couldn't understand that his stuff was put in storage, and was trying to convince us that he needed his uniform to surrender in.

The other guy was getting screwed over by his girlfriend and her boyfriend, paying for the apartment and getting tossed out and he kept paying for her to throw him out. He had a variety of thought process problems.

All caused a lot of problems to their units.

We had one guy in my reserve unit get sent back to involuntary active duty when he decided he wasn't going to drill anymore. Heard he went over the hill from there too.
Link Posted: 11/6/2003 3:53:31 AM EDT
If he misses 3 consecutive drill months, he can find himself another job. We don't need guys like him in the Guard.

E7
NYARNG
Link Posted: 11/6/2003 5:15:49 AM EDT
Eventually the military will get around to correcting the problem and your stepson will at the least be looking at a discharge under less than honorable conditions. This limits his rights in a number of areas from gun ownership to getting a loan for a house one day. He's doing something he will regret for the rest of his life.

It's easy for us to say tough love but you have to deal with his mother and this has to be taken into consideration. Her involvement is key to keeping your marriage together.

IMHO, being an adult is not age dependent and your step son is no adult for an adult handles responsibility. As a child, he needs to be taught responsibility by rewards for achievement and consequences for failure. The rewards and consequences should be geared towards age. In this regard, it's alot easier and less expensive when they are very young. Being supportive isn't always just saying you did good but saying you did bad.

Whatever you have tried up until now is not working so it's time change tactics. Try the opposite for a while and settle somewhere in the middle or whatever works.

Good luck, tough position you are in.

Tj
Link Posted: 11/6/2003 5:16:05 AM EDT
options:
1. If the Guard/Reserves paid for any schooling or signup bonuses he better get his ass to work or its payback time plus a dishonorable.

2. If non of the above apply then he can talk to his 1sgt and CO. Sign a 4187 requesting a discharge and get the hell out.
Link Posted: 11/26/2003 6:13:26 PM EDT
is there any new info to update on this? anyhow... good luck, gunsanplanes.
Link Posted: 11/26/2003 6:51:53 PM EDT
He may find himself in a Federal Prison. If he just doesn't go he is subject to arrest. He could also be activated and sent to war. If he is an American Soldier talking bad about the President of the United States then I hate him already and hope he is locked up or activated or discharged soon.
Link Posted: 11/26/2003 7:49:44 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: ...This limits his rights in a number of areas from gun ownership to ... {snip}
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Please feel to correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't only a dishonorable discharge have repercussions to firearms ownership rights? I know someone who just wasn't making it in the service and got an "uncharacterized entry level separation" with less than six months time in service. He was advised that this has no ramifications to any of his rights as a citizen, and by itself doesn't even preclude him from rejoining the service...even the same service...if he decides to do so. Please elaborate on this. CJ
Link Posted: 11/26/2003 8:35:13 PM EDT
near me is MCAS Miramar (formerly NAS) and there is a Brig on that base. it would seem that a lot of the occupants of said federal level minimum security detention facility are those who were UA and then AWOL. they get pulled over by a LEO years after "leaving" the military and their name comes up in the computer. they get arrested, interned into custody, then are transported to the brig and wait for trial. then they go to trial and go back to brig until their time is served. i want to think that it's usually 90 days, but i can't remember. IIRC, most get BCD, which is not DD, and i think does little to impact them in the future. shore duty can be an eye opener sometimes.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 1:02:48 AM EDT
As a Peace Officer, former Marine and former ARNG Soldier, I can tell you that it gives me great satisfaction to arrest a deserter. Those of us who are veterans will go to great lengths to track down a deserter when we know there is one in our city. I am very proud to say that over the years, I have arrested 4 deserters. In this time of war, I hope the armed forces get tough with these shit birds and start sending them to prison.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 3:32:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2003 3:36:03 AM EDT by TomJefferson]
Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: ...This limits his rights in a number of areas from gun ownership to ... {snip}
View Quote
Please feel to correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't only a dishonorable discharge have repercussions to firearms ownership rights? I know someone who just wasn't making it in the service and got an "uncharacterized entry level separation" with less than six months time in service. He was advised that this has no ramifications to any of his rights as a citizen, and by itself doesn't even preclude him from rejoining the service...even the same service...if he decides to do so. Please elaborate on this. CJ
View Quote
The undesireable discharge carries the same less than honorable conditions notation. In my day, anyone who did not show up or kind of quit was given a undesireable. In fact, knew a guy who had one and took him about ten years to get it reversed. Navy Definition: [b] UDFE -- Undesirable discharge, fraudulent enlistment[/b] Tj
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 4:40:44 AM EDT
When I first went in the reserves I partied too much and blew off a few drills. After 3 years of waisting time there I went active army. That straitend me out fast. Got myself in a bit of trouble to start, but after a few months and a few reality checks, I grew up fast.
Link Posted: 11/27/2003 11:46:22 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TomJefferson:
Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: ...This limits his rights in a number of areas from gun ownership to ... {snip}
View Quote
Please feel to correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't only a dishonorable discharge have repercussions to firearms ownership rights? I know someone who just wasn't making it in the service and got an "uncharacterized entry level separation" with less than six months time in service. He was advised that this has no ramifications to any of his rights as a citizen, and by itself doesn't even preclude him from rejoining the service...even the same service...if he decides to do so. Please elaborate on this. CJ
View Quote
The undesireable discharge carries the same less than honorable conditions notation. In my day, anyone who did not show up or kind of quit was given a undesireable. In fact, knew a guy who had one and took him about ten years to get it reversed. Navy Definition: [b] UDFE -- Undesirable discharge, fraudulent enlistment[/b] Tj
View Quote
OK. I don't think that would apply to my friend with the entry level separation. It essentially means that things just didn't work out, come back when you've fixed your maturity issues and/or figured out what you want to do in life. CJ
Link Posted: 11/28/2003 6:54:18 PM EDT
Used to be that when you had a shitbag in the guard or reserve and you wanted to straighten him/her out, you put them on active duty for 12-18 months. That is what a friend of mine did when he was a 1st Sgt in the Utah ANG. Maybe you can't do it anymore, but he said he do do it a few times and usually just threatening to it usually straightened them out.
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