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Posted: 6/25/2003 7:59:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/27/2003 7:22:01 PM EDT by Valkyrie]
I have posted much about the problems I have been having with my ex over our daughter. I am in the preliminary stages of starting a custody suit. So she is pregnant and due in August. She found out today that her baby has Hydrocephalous(sp), water on the brain. Apparently it is pretty severe. She is devestated and we have been on the outs as of late but I feel horrible and really hurt that she is in this situation. The baby will need a "shunt" inserted in it's head soon after birth. She asked my wife not to tell me as she thought I would gloat in her misfortune. I felt like crying when I heard. I do have a soft spot for her when she is really down and even though there is much about her that I cannot stand, she is my daughter's mom and we shared a good many years together, on and off. I feel bad for her. Just had to vent a bit. I don't know much about this except I knew a girl in grade school and her brother had the same thing. He was funtional but had very bad eyesight, a deformed head, and he was mentally limited. This really sux!
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 8:15:45 PM EDT
I knew of two guys in school that had this problem...Clifford and Stanley. Make of that what you will. When I worked in the Surgical Services Dept. of THE major hospital here, my 'boss' was a really sweet and humorous RN. When she'd get flustered, she'd say, "That really pumps my shunt!" My sad attempt at levity in a dire situation. Thank God your daughter is 'normal'. The ex's child will not have that blessing, but, will be loved just the same and blessed in different ways. I don't know what else to say.
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 8:31:35 PM EDT
Thanx! I feel horrible for her. Wish I could give her a big hug right now. It takes a lot for her to cry so when she does I know it's really hurting for her.
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 8:39:41 PM EDT
The shunt is used to decrease the amount of cerebral spinal fluid in the ventricles of the brain. Nobody can predict how the child will turn out, too many variables. I would offer her support. I think it would be the right thing to do and if nothing else might soften her outlook on you. Have her look at the two websites. The second one I think is more along the line of something that might help her. [url]http://www.hydroassoc.org/[/url] [url]http://www.hydrocephalus.org/[/url]
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 9:02:57 PM EDT
Cripes don't write the baby off yet - I've seen and known dozens of children with shunts to drain excess spinal fluid, and the vast majority were indestinguishable from anyone elses kids. Jeeze get informed. Also, what makes humans different than the rest of the mammals in this world, is our ability to have and act on a wide range of emotions. This is the mother and soon to be grandmother of your daughter's baby - this is not your ex-wife. You need to get that mindset and draw the "family" together for the sake of your daughter and the baby. Put the ex stuff aside and rise to the occasion. That attitude will do more for your relationship with your daughter and ex-wife than any thing else you could do. - have a family meeting - no pressure, just a get toghter to make sure that you are all on the same page - keep your past with the ex out of it - you are both there for your daughter.
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 9:25:22 PM EDT
Xanadu, I believe it is Valk's EX that is pregnant not his daughter. Valk, I will keep you and yours in our prayers. LB
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 9:31:46 PM EDT
Well I hope all is going to well for her. We were never married but that doesn't matter. We have been at each others throats for so long I forget why sometimes. I don't even understand what we seperated for to begin with.. When something like this happens, and given, the child isn't even mine, all the other BS seems so small and insignificant. Yes, she has done some really fucked up things lately. Yes, she has jeopardized my daughter. Yes, she has tried to cause me grief in any way possible but I find it difficult to maintain a standoffish attitude toward her right now. I am really pissed at her looser BF. He still has no car, no real job and hasn't tried to get one. My wife and I transport her back and forth to the DR's office while he sits around getting high and watching TV. I hope everything turns out okay and this is all a big mountain of a molehill thing because she has no real support from this dude. He is a bum. I would love to say I hate her and don't care but truth is I find that although I'm not in love with her, I do love her very much ebvn if she's a huge source of problems for me. Why I feel this way I don't know but times like these kind of clears away the years of shit we've put each other through. I do not understand what transpired between us to become so alienated from each other. She hates me but I've never done anything to her to hurt her other than leaving.
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 9:38:42 PM EDT
Andy Warhol had hydrocephalus. There have been cases where people were of normal or above normal intelligence when they had less than 25% of functional brain tissue as a result of the disease.
Link Posted: 6/25/2003 10:42:23 PM EDT
Valkyrie - get your daughter out of that situation as soon as possible (you already know this). No disrespect intended but your daughter should be your primary concern, not your ex-GF's baby and her bum BF. Regardless of the title of this thread, you are NOT the asshole in this deal. Good luck
Link Posted: 6/26/2003 4:49:47 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Tonkaman: Valkyrie - get your daughter out of that situation as soon as possible (you already know this). No disrespect intended but your daughter should be your primary concern, not your ex-GF's baby and her bum BF. Regardless of the title of this thread, you are NOT the asshole in this deal. Good luck
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Most excellent advise!!!
Link Posted: 6/26/2003 12:55:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/26/2003 12:57:47 PM EDT by xanadu]
Originally Posted By USMC_LB: Xanadu, I believe it is Valk's EX that is pregnant not his daughter. Valk, I will keep you and yours in our prayers. LB
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Ohhh... well I screwed that one up.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 7:26:46 PM EDT
Well the ex went to the DR and had a nother ultrasound done. It turns out the Hydrocephalos is not as severe as initially diagnosed and most likely a shunt will not be neccessary. However, there is still excess fluid in the baby's skull. Apparently 1-2 millimeters more than normal. The DR told her there is a 1 in 10 chance of a mental/physical deficiency or the baby having Downes Syndrome. I feel nuch better but am still worried. She has to go back every 2 weeks until she delvers in August to monitor the baby's fluid levels. My ex refuses to have an amniocentesis. She is 35 and the DR recommended that she have this done but she is afraid of the proceedure. Just wanted to give an update.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 7:30:29 PM EDT
One of my coworkers had the same problem as a child, and has a shunt in his brain. Aside from the scar that you can see when he buzzes his hair, he's as normal as anyone else. While it's something to be taken seriously, it very likely isn't a threat to the child.
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 7:42:40 PM EDT
You are way too concerned about your ex, her soon to be child, and her looser/doper boyfriend. Move on man. My ex-wife's family was full of drama and they loved to pull people into their shit. I finally had to break off all contact. Thankfully, we had no children. Bob
Link Posted: 6/27/2003 7:45:40 PM EDT
KY-Bob, I really don't have that option as a I have a 24/7 reminder that has blonde hair, blue eyes, and likes to ride on my shoulders when she gets tired of walking at the amusement park! Besides, we spent the better part of the last 8 years together. It isn't so easy. I wish it was though.
Link Posted: 6/28/2003 2:25:13 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/28/2003 2:27:06 AM EDT by freeride21a]
good luck, get your daughter out of that situation asap...and I hope that the unborn child comes out ok...nothing worse than an innocent child in a messed up situation. my mom was 35 when she had my little sister, who has down syndrome. [url]http://000buck.d2g.com/special[/url]
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