If you've seen your friends die or already dead when you got to them, can you block it out or does it keep coming back forever?

yes, and it has been comming back daily since july 17 1991.

Yep. It's a serious memory.

If it's coming back on it's own, like it's haunting you, there may be other reasons.

Just more distant.  It never really goes away.

The death in his eyes. Cant shake it.

Had a fellow guide walk into a prop as the plane was approaching the shore.
He stepped out of the plane onto the floats and stepped forward as the motor was on its last few revolutions. Two blades of a three blade prop caught him.
It was a long 40min flight to the closest town. We had some really freaked out clients after that.

Cruizer

Boss's 4-year old daughter got severe burns when she snuck into the kitchen during shut-down (fast food restaurant).  She backed into a vat of hot oil that was draining from the fryer.  I turned around and pulled her out immediately, but the damage was done.  We immediately stripped her down and started coating her with flour to draw the heat out (no sick jokes, please).  She said there was no pain, but the burns were 3rd degree.  The next day, her internal organs started shutting down and she was dead at around 3 pm.

She was forbidden from the kitchen, but came in to show me a toy she just got.  She shouldn't have been there and I should have been more vigilant.  Very painful memory.  [:(]

How long has it been since it happenned?

You'll have dreams too, that's normal. Well, I did anyway. Some weird, some like he was still there and part of your life.

Ive seen a few of my friends die violently and a number of people I didnt know well.
I recently was involved in trying to revive a friend who was dead on impact and its been kinda preying on my mind lately.
I bust out crying sometimes when I see his eyes.

1. Yes.

2.If your lucky.

3.Yes.

Yes, my mother. March 7 of this year. It's been very difficult. I've drunk more since then, than the last 5 years combined.
It stays with you, but eventually the sharpness fades.
Give it time and you'll be alright.

January 2003,


My grandfather's house burned down so they came to live with us untill repairs were complete.  2 weeks after living with us, he died in my living room, in (MY) reclining chair, as i was heading out to a blind date.  

Waited till the medics got there, and left to tell my date i couldnt stay since i didnt have her # and i did not want to be rude.  On the way home to find out where my grandpa had gone to the ER, my dad called and told me he died in the ambulence on the way.

I did CPR for 20 minutes waiting for fire-rescue to arrive.

The only consolation I had was there was nothing - absolutely nothing - anyone could do, and it was quick. Embolism, went in the space of a heartbeat - I saw the light in the eyes go out.

You'll learn to cope with the memory. Not being crass, but you'll go bonkers otherwise.

The house that burned has been totally remodeled and changed.  My parents and most the family want me to go see the new look.  I continue to refuse to go because I'd rather keep what I remember about the house in my mind instead of mixing it up with the new changes.  Is that weird?


Also I kept my grandpa's glasses that i picked up that night. there in my room right now. I donno why i did that......but i still have them. weirder huh?

I saw my first fatality in 82. It was girl I had just met. She went in with nothing out on frozen ground and I was the first one there. She was obviously dead.
I have seen several since. Some were close friends, some werent.
Martin though, has hit me closer than the others.
Maybe cause I was helping to revive him. Maybe cause my bottle is full.
I just need to vent here tonite.

1984.  It's been a long time, but I gradually appreciate the tragedy of it even more as I mature with age -- especially when my son was 4.

My prayers for you.

I can't offer much more than that.

You will always remember, but you will be able to get through the times.

Keep venting here if you need too. We don't mind.

dave

When I was in 7th grade, my best friend died of a brain tumor.  I was there with him when he died, he lasted about 7 months later than anyone thought he would.  It was, by far, one of the darkest moments of my life.  However, I cherish the moments we had when times were good.  RIP, Tom Zofcin.

Dude,
I can relate somewhat.  As a railroad conductor, a train I was a crewmember on ran over and killed a guy.  He was passed out drunk on the tracks, I saw the guy go right under the train.  Turns out that the guy was out at the bar all night and was depressed/suicidal.  Left behind a wife and some kids.  I replayed that scene in my mind quite a lot over the next couple of years.  I wound up quitting railroading for awhile.  Costed me a relationship with a great girl too.  I felt really bad.  In the end though, you have to realize that there was nothing you could have done, if there was, you would have done it, right?  I personally feel that "our time" to go is between each individual and God.  Therefore, it's out of our hands and the only way to deal with it is to let it go.  It gets better with time.  Talk to friends about it, as much as you have to.  To this day, once in awhile the subject will come up over beers.  7 years later, it still saddens me, but nothing like it did the first year.  

Seeing as it was a friend, I HIGHLY recommend some grief counseling.  You'll be OK in time.

Neither of the above are 'weird' at all.  Not to me anyway.  You want to remember someone as they were, and as they were in their home.  I have my grandfathers single barrel shotgun.  As a gun it ain't worth a shit.  But it was his.  It was the first gun I shot a squirrel with when I was about 4.  He fashioned a piece of metal over the rear sight notch to make an aperture sight.  I vividly remember the hole I poked in his screen door with it.  

It's a part of him that I still have with me.  Just like you have that pair of glasses.  Nope, nothing weird about that at all.

I have not lost any of my grandparents that I was really close to yet.

Being an "Army brat" my entire life I've never really gotten much of an oppurtunity to really get close with my great grandparents. This may sound weird/cold but I'm saddened by their passing but it really doesn't effect me that much. I've just really gotten the oppurtunity to get to know them.

One thing that did effect me was seing an accident between a kid from my high school and a Dodge Neon. What I saw will live with me for a long time. I remember getting a call that a kid was hit on a dirtbike and they needed help. Well we drive down to the end of the road (We live out in "The country") to an interesection and I see a friend from school laying in a pool of his own blood. We approach and I see him laying in a shallow pool of his own blood, with a small stream of it running off of the road. I manage to wimper out "It's Kyle" and we immediately rush up to his house to inform his brother who is in my grade. Well turns out their parents are out of town. He had just gotten the dirt bike (XR250R) and their parents told him not him to ride it because he didn't have a helmet. Well he is (No he didn't die) reckless type of kid and I'm sure he got on it came screaming down that hill and saw tha approaching Dodge Neon and locked up the brakes but it wasn't enough. They almost missed but the front shocks split jabbing into his femoral area and he was thrown over the car where he smashed his unprotected head off of the road.

He was bleeding out of his ears, nose, and a wound in his temple area. I actually picked up the front wheel which had little chunks of his flesh hanging off of the rim to make way for the ambulance. I now know to never move anything on the scene of an accident.

Well they had to to surgery to remove bone fragments from his brain, and the spoke missed his femoral artery by milimeters. He is truly one lucky kid. He seems perfectly normal now at school. I haven't gotten the oppurtunity to talk to him much about it.

The thing that broke me down the most was how I've ridden my dirt bike on the same roads. I cried my eyes out thinking that if only he had a helmet on he may have gotten out of it with just the wound in his leg and nothing more. '

Just my story... I'm sure it doesn't compare to some, I thought I'd share.

I know till this day I remember vividly that dirtbag who hit him sitting in the grass saying "I feel sick" I wanted to kick him in the face and scream "HOW DO YOU THINK HE FEELS UNCONCIOUS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD!" This guy was obviously speeding and not paying attention.

I now realize they were both at fault but it was just a shitty thing to say.

I remember when his brother got into his truck I picked up Kyle's crumpled hat off the road, yelled to Kirk, and handed it to him.

Ok enough for me tonight....

I have seen very close friends die in my childhood, through my teens, in the military both in combat and during peacetime. The last person that died in my presence was my father. I have also seen many people get killed that I did not know. Death has been in my presence all through my life, and I am only 40 years old.

Yes, I can block anything out of my mind when I want to. I have learned to do this very well from a young age.  
Not very often, but once in a while, I will relive the moment of someones death in a dream.
And it always is one of the more gruesome deaths. Do I allow these dreams to haunt or impede on my life? No.
Do you forget deaths? No, you never really forget. But you can not allow yourself to dwell on them either. You have to keep moving forward.    

Vent away [b]cap'n[/b]. That's what we're here for.

Yes, I watched my brother-in-law (who was a hero to me as a kid growing up) die a long death in an ICU bed. From the time he really started to go downhill it was about a day and a half until he finally gave up the ghost.

He hung on until his both his wife (my sister) and his mother told him it was okay to go. After he got the okay and goodbye from them, he was gone just a few minutes later. After hanging on for so long, he let go. Damn he was strong.


I wouldn't want to forget.

No friends, one of my shipmates in a stupid accident that a little more paying attention on several folks parts would have prevented, My Dad died while I was on my way to ER.  Haven't blocked that out yet, doubt I ever will.

Will it go away, Yeah, sooner or later, depends on the circumstances, not go totally away, some of it's part of your growing up.

You'll find a lot of combat vets won't talk about things, lot of it is buddies getting killed, you never forget buddies.

Youngsters have a death denial complex, lots of people now don't get exposed to death at a young age so it hits harder the first time.  

Hang in there Pard  You aren't alone

I was at my fathers bedside when he finally gave up after almost 3 years of fighting cancer.  That was 4 years ago.

I lost someone even closer once, but I wasnt there until seconds after they were gone.

Deal with it almost everyday in some small way.
Life changing events.

My best friend was diagnosed with cancer last july. He died at the end of september. I take flowers to his grave every month.

Machinery Repairman 3rd. Class David Mathweig, U.S.S. Yellowstone. We where in the machine shop and I miss him to this day. 8 years later and the pain still there, not as sharp as it used to be ,but still there. Sometimes I will be doing something and like a flashback I will remember something we did together.

God speed and Anchors aweigh Dave I hope your son is well.

Yes to many of them.

Man, I know where you are comeing from.

Im a Vol. FireFighter, in my first year, A girl that was my neighbor decided to get upset with her mom, She mixxed OTC Psych Med's and Booze. I heard it go out as a unresponsive female over my pager. I ran across my backyard and met another neighbor who was also a Vol. (we all went to school together, and did the kid stuff like toilet papering the neighborhood) When we got into her room, she was still able to mumble words, The medic unit showed up about 5 min later, in that time myself and my other buddy kept yelling at her and trying to clear her airway of vomit, and pills. All that time her mother and father were just a total wreck telling me and my buddy to help her. That is the hardest part, and today I can still hear her beg us to save her. I was a total wreck that night and I was only 23 years old, I had seen death before because I was a Medic in the army and in the national guard at the time, also had about 6 years of search and rescue under my belt, due to the lack of manpower at the time we decided to scoop and run after about 10 min of CPR, I had to drive the medic unit the 3 miles to the hospital, I should have never been allowed to drive that rig! I remmember the whole time looking in the rearview mirror, and I don't know how I made it to the ER without hitting something or some one. She died on the way. not even 6 months later a buddy (not really a good friend, but a good guy that I have known for years) His dad went out into the shop and tried to suckstart a shotgun. That was a real mess, and I think the second most nasty thing I have ever seen. I have never said a word to Matt ever since, and I don't know why, he just has never said anything to me I guess. and the worst thing I ever saw was a long time buddy that went away into the Marine Corps and just got out. This guy was a great guy, Not into  drugs, Booze, just went out and got his first Harley, I was working with his dad at the local prison, and all 3 of us had been on the search and rescue team for years. ("J" and myself were in search and rescue at the age of 15) and his dad had been in for years, anyway I kept telling his dad that I would like to hook back with "J" and go rock climbing or something. Well I guess he got into a fight with his wife (neat lady) over something about the kids. He went to the bar and started in pretty heavy for a guy that was not a drinker, whatever happended he decided to go off into the woods and sat up against a tree and shot himself in the head with his pistol, I never even knew who he was until the M.E. pulled out his I.D. In the last 8 years I have been very lucky that no one I know has left this world for any other reason other than normal cycle of life reasons.  all of these have given me things to think about and a few times each year something I see or do causes me to see the nasty pictures in my head, but It does get better over time. I still have not talked to "J" Dad or mom, I don't even think they are around anymore, and The girls parents have split up in a nasty divorse, The mom is a wreck, and She still goes out and lights candles every night, the dad sold his jeep and I really don't know what happened to him after the youngest son got went on to college.

Dude if you need to vent let it go, you have given me a reason to vent out my story and I thank you for that!.

About 4 years ago my grandpa had a heart attack. He was in the hospital for about 2 weeks. One night I was sttin at home messin around on AOL and I got disconnected. The phone then started ringing, it was the fire department. The man on the other end told me that my mom, grandma and aunt had been in an accident. My heart hit the floor. I asked him how bad it was, I asked how bad the truck was(brand new Yukon 4WD) to get an idea of what was going on. He said it was totaled. I knew it was gonna be bad after that. I got the info on where they were taking them and I ran upstairs to tell my stepdad about what had happened. I then grabbed my now wife and headed out. I called bro and sis on my cell and told them too. We all got there about the same time. My aunt was sitting there waiting, she wasnt wearing her seatbelt and didnt get a scratch. She said my mom had to be cut out of the truck and my grandma was pretty bad. To make a long story even longer. My mom ended up in ICU for about 3 weeks really messed up. To this day she cant return to work but she is still alive thank god.

My grandma however wasnt in the best shape.I remember sitting in the ICU room with my mom and everyone else. I walked across the hall to see my grandma. She was unconcious but I was talking to her. This was the first time I went to see her in ICU. I told her I loved her, and immediatley after all these monitors started going off. The nurses and doctors ran in and threw back the curtains. It was so movie-like, all I can remember is me walking backwards while people were running in and working on her. She died right there.

We didnt want to tell my mom because she was in such bad shape, but she knew. She immediatley started crying.

The worst was when my grandpa had finally gotten out of the hospital for his heart attack. He had been there while my grandma was still alive. But it was the most awful thing to hear the doctor tell him that his wife of 49 years was gone. I could see that he wanted to go with her right then. This was the most awful thing I have ever had to deal with.

I long time ago, I think I was about 9 or so (i am 24 now). My dad commited suicide. My uncle was in the house when he did it. I have still never talked to him about, I probably never will.

The one thing I regret, is not talking to my other grandpa while he was unconcious from a stroke. He died the next morning. We were best friends.

It is good to talk about these things. It clears your head up. Good luck.....

"Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me, Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts. Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form. Then have I reason to be fond of grief."

SHAKESPEARE

PooBoy he was just closer to you than the others,those kind of feelings can't be denyed!

How you deal with them will make you strong,as some day someone that close will carry your living spirit with them also!

No pure element or even partials of energy are ever destroyed just transformed into other elements or energy!

That person lives within you,make peace with that energy and then they will live within  you forever!

Capt. take charge of the good thoughts and good spirits that you have on your own will let recede in you for they were robust in life ,and would want you to let them be robust now in death(of this body) as well!

In memory they live so try to remember the  way they lived,not the way they passed!

My condolences    Bob

I watched my brother die, I still see it and he passed in 1998.
I felt like I had a big hole in my chest for weeks. Now it is just a hole in my life.

I was with my Father, when he died from Cancer in 1994. Four years later, I held my Mothers hand when she slipped away in 1998. I believe this will be with me forever.

EricE

not wierd at all. its only been a few months, but i have my dads RH5 jacked, his pillow from when he has at albany medical getting the cancer removed, his onl 303 british that hes owned since he was a kid. my uncle had posession of it for years, and it has no bolt. there is a little pitting on the outside of the barrel, but inside is in a1 shape. the stock had been cut down, and refinished. all in all its an ugly piece of scrap metal.

one day i will rebuild it, just like i told him i would years ago.

anyone know where i can get a barrel chambered in .308 and threaded for the enfield action?