For the first 3 years I paid "family support", when everything was said and done of just under $1,800 a month.  That's combined alimony and child support (2 kids) and additional entitlements.

After the 3 years it dropped to just child support.  The base is a bit over $700 per month but California requires that half the expenses required for child care for her to work or train for job related skills to be covered by me.  I also pick up half the kids health care premiums.  So the total is $1,165 per month.

My ex was a stay at home mommy because that's what she wanted.  After we went our separate ways she didn't bother getting a job for almost 3 years.  When my payments dropped off then she was forced to.  What did she do?  Go back to day care at 7 bucks an hour.

Her parents are the type that wouldn't lend you a dime to call an ambulance so no help from that end.

Last time I talked to her boyfriend (we get along great and he's terrific with the kids) she was still massively in debt (even though I paid off my half in cash when we split).  It’s so bad that at Christmas I got an email from my son telling me that an e-bay deal for a PS2 fell through and she couldn’t afford the 200 bucks to buy one retail, her credit cards were maxed and she didn’t have the cash.  I stepped in to get one for them.

In short, I despise paying the money.  Mostly because she got exactly what she wanted in the marriage: she stayed at home and played mommy, I worked my butt off to keep a roof over their heads.  I got the infamous "I'm just not happy" speech which boiled down to "My biological clock has been dealt with, I don't like the way my life turned out, you must somehow have caused all this to go wrong.  Go away.  Oh, but you have to pay me tens of thousands of dollars for the next decade or so for the privilege of not staying in a marriage that I don’t want anymore."

I didn't fight, I just gave in because I knew that ultimately the kids would have suffered if I did.

Sorry for the length/rant.  It’s still a very touchy issue for me… made more so each month when another check for $1,165 goes out the door.

Bad bad subject dude...

I do not pay any alimony, when it came up during the divorce, I told her tough sh*t, get the SOB you are screwing with to support you. I did get stuck with paying an outragous child support payment..($500 a month/ 1 child). Now the stupid fat cow is claiming that I owe her $5200 in missed CS. To bad for her I keep a copy of every check I wrote for CS the last 3 years. The look on her face will be priceless in the courtroom, stupid,lying, fat ass cow, bitch, whore....

remind me to never get divorced

I paid $500.00 a month for one child,continued to have to pay that when my income went from $70,000.00 a year to $0 a year (In Oregon your overtime is computed into the equation, even though there is no gauruntee of it, and it was extra time). Just now reduced to $300.00 a month, even though I have my son at least three days a week if not four or five.

I would love to have him full time, but not a chance of that here in Oregon, my only hope is when he is older the court will let him have a say (he already wants to live with me all of the time).
S/F
Flyingrhino

PS
My son is with my ex girl friend, who went off of the pill, to get pregnent, so I would be forced to marry her. I decided I could be a good father, and not be married to a cold blood sucking bitch (sorry for the rant). I always here it is not about the money, but it really is.

Remind me to never get married. [noclue]

Never divorced (Thank God) but the worst case I have personal knowledge of was an E-7 I was in the Army with.

He got divorced in some liberal East Coast state, unfortunately for him; I think it might have been Maryland. I do remember that he called the judge a "man-hating, castrating bitch." I do not remember the exact amount, but his combined alimony and child support for three kids were so high that they left him with only about $230 a month in income, and that was only because he had a couple of special duty pays that the court wasn't allowed to touch, I think his language proficiency pay and overseas pay. He lived in the barracks and ate in the mess hall, and was one of the most terminally bitter people I ever knew. I was surprised he still had a security clearance with that kind of financial burden.

I had my child support ($560 for two) taken out of my check and deposited in her checking account before I even got my check.  That way it is always on time,  and besides my paystub, the bank and my work both have the payment on record.  

Dude,

I can relate. Wife and I have been married for 8 years. I'm trying so hard to avoid the situation that you're in. Just doesn't seem fair that they want to stay home and be mommy, and then when THEY want to leave, you're supposed to have to retrain them for the job market.

Hang in there. Hope it turns out OK eventually.

Ed

That won't save you.  Celibacy or getting sole custody is your only salvation.

About 75% of the guys I work with have been divorced at least once. Many of them twice and a few are on their third or fourth marriage. Some of them take home less than $100.00 a pay after deductions. They live (barely) on off duty cash jobs. That's not counting the ones who have children out of wedlock.

It's difficult for me to be sympathetic. Many of them put themselves in that position.

You know this is a touchy subject…I do want to say not all women are money hungry after divorce.

It was my decision for my divorce.  I walked away with the only thing that was important to me – my two children.  He received the proceeds from our house and I was fine with that.  I actually, accept lower CS payments than the state guidelines say I should receive. I strongly feel that they are my children too and I also need to provide financially.
As far as alimony, I never wanted it – I have to pay taxes on it.  He wanted to give me more alimony than child support – I had a huge problem with this. My attorney never understood why I did not want it.  I finally agreed to a lower alimony of $800 a month.
Also, the State of Ohio says my ex-husband is behind $22K.  I will be going to court to say that he does not owe us this amount and has always paid the amount that was agreed upon.

BTW, Airwolf:  I do not know how your ex-wife survived as a stay at home mom on $1800 a month.  This is the total that I receive a month (which basically covers our rent & groceries).  I have to work and I love working...

Who pays the most?
Not me.

My wife tells me the only way she'd let me leave her is if I was in a bodybag.....so I guess I'm lucky...ummmm yeah, lucky [;)]

My wife was previously married, and she requested no alimony, but was 'awarded $25 a week' for child support. The scumbag was a deadbeat, and she was lucky to see that - by the time all was said and done (and he signed away his rights to our daughter) he was behind close to $2,500 between the $25 a week and misc. legal fees.

We had about $20k in debt (not counting the morgage) when we split.  I paid her $10k in cash that was stipulated to be used to pay off my half of the debt.  I also gave her $4k in "contingency" money to be used of "in case" situations.  I was really thinking about the kids when I did that.  Based on the fact that she's still up to her ass in debt, I assume that she used the cash for living expenses and continued to charge the cards (they were all in her name).  She got her car (which was a gift from my parents in the first place) the house and all the contents (execpt for my computer and clothes).

The mediation attorney that handled the divorce was very firm and specific about the use of the "family support" payment.  He said that it is not to be used for her to sit around the house, it was to be used for her to get back on her feet, to get some training and get back in the work force.  Good advice of which she took none of it.

I'm always amazed by the fact that someone would allow themselves to be SO dependant on someone else.  Her world would implode if I missed a payment.  We divorced in '97 and she just barely has her head above water.  Sad state of affairs.

Well, Guys, I am sorry for you that got screwed.
When my ex- decided she wanted a "better" life, she thought we were going to just "live together" until she was ready to move out(yea, right[rolleyes]). Instead I filed the paperwork two days later, and she was out of the house by the end of the week! No kids, so that part was easy. We came to a financial agreement,I kept the house, the dog, the stocks, 11 of the 12 cars, the business, and all the mutual friends. I took an equity loan on the house, wrote her a check, and I have never seen or heard from her since (7 years!)
The funny parts were; I got half of her "retirement" earnings,in cash, that she accumulated while we were together. And she got half of what I accumulated while we were together, but she can't touch that until I'm 55! And I won't be calling her to let her know, either! [:D]

Oh yeah, I did find out back then, that within a year she was knocked up, but the guy didn't marry her until the 7th month, and only because she needed his insurance coverage.

What cars?

[nuts]

what kind of cars?

I pay 1200 a month plus medical expenses. I set the numbers she agreed to them, she got the house, cars, cash and retirement.

I got my duck dog, clothes, guns and freedom. We remain friends and I get the kids when ever I want them no questions ask.

With the exception of my last girlfriend the others have bitched about it like it was their money which is why they are gone. If you want money get a fucking job dont count on mine.

I accept full responsibility for my kids and think we should castrate those who dont. But on the same point the poor slob who makes minimum wage shouldnt have to pay what I do, it has to be fair - what ever that is?

Flame away, Ropes

Never want to go though a divorce.

Divorce rate keeps going up, at about 50% by 7 years.  Hope it gets better soon.