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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:51:24 AM EDT
[#1]
yeah right.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:51:45 AM EDT
[#2]
My friend, you need to give her something else to do with that big trap aside from talk. You know what I mean?
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:22 AM EDT
[#3]
depends on if this is a woman you'd like to have relations with later on or not (i.e. wife, girlfriend, mother).
If not, it's easy, just make them cry. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:27 AM EDT
[#4]
My remote control seems to always be low on batteries.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:49 AM EDT
[#5]
Develop Narcolepsy. She still may be ranting, but you are asleep so you dont care
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:54:06 AM EDT
[#6]
Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:55:12 AM EDT
[#7]
Develop a compelling argument that overwhelms hers. If it's just going to be a verbal slugfest, you need to leave the room.
If you're with a woman that would call the police during an argument, you need to find a different type of woman. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:55:35 AM EDT
[#8]
It's like traveling faster than the speed of light. It can't be done.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:56:06 AM EDT
[#9]
Quoted: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit. OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk... |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:00:38 AM EDT
[#10]
it sure sounds like you guys need to train your women.
a fact of life is that the more you act like you dont care about your women, and that you pretend like they're are better women out there, but still show your women some lovin every now and then, the more she will want you. This results in being trained to not even here her pointless ramblings, and she will want you more for it. More sex, no women rambling. It is true. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:00:45 AM EDT
[#11]
Train your SEC to attack her whenever she talks for more than 2 minutes. Should work.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:02:46 AM EDT
[#12]
Quoted: Train your SEC to attack her whenever she talks for more than 2 minutes. Should work. Can't. She feeds the little guy while I'm at sea. He's not stupid enough to bite the hand that feeds him. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:05:42 AM EDT
[#13]
Quoted: Develop Narcolepsy. She still may be ranting, but you are asleep so you dont care I'm gonna try this one. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:07:16 AM EDT
[#14]
Qualudes.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 9:14:49 AM EDT
[#15]
Quoted: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit. Nope. Obviously, you haven't figured it out either- not that I have. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 10:21:36 AM EDT
[#16]
BE A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!
I have found a great way to stop the nonstop yak yak yak....... Look at the women in question right in the eye's. Step back a couple of feet, lean forward, raise both your hands up with the index finger pointed out like a gun. Look her right in the eye and repeat this over and over very fast.......laalaaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaala keep repeating this as you stick you fingers in your ears. Listen, can you hear her now , NO . You win. [d:] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 10:25:15 AM EDT
[#17]
Quoted: BE A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!! I have found a great way to stop the nonstop yak yak yak....... Look at the women in question right in the eye's. Step back a couple of feet, lean forward, raise both your hands up with the index finger pointed out like a gun. Look her right in the eye and repeat this over and over very fast.......laalaaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaala keep repeating this as you stick you fingers in your ears. Listen, can you hear her now , NO . You win. [d:] [ROFL2] Bwahahahah! |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 11:24:07 AM EDT
[#18]
Quoted: Quoted: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit. OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk... If you had one in the first place ya pansy... [:D] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 11:37:36 AM EDT
[#19]
When you do...let me know please. [;D]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:08:07 PM EDT
[#20]
See what happens when you let them have shoes and come out of the kitchen. You need to get her retrained [:D]
mike |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:14:30 PM EDT
[#21]
I don't think they have an off switch; you can change channels but they are always "ON". Wear your earplugs.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:15:51 PM EDT
[#22]
just yell at the top of your lungs.
"please for the love of GOD just Shut the F-ck for five minutes". |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:17:16 PM EDT
[#23]
I just tell her to be quiet for a minute.
Works every time. Y'all need to work on the training methods you're using I guess. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:25:46 PM EDT
[#24]
Just ask her if she prefers a Browning HP to a Colt 1911.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:29:48 PM EDT
[#25]
[img]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/img]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 12:35:56 PM EDT
[#26]
ROFL! Love the pic, and so does my wife.
"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing - she's been told twice already." "What's the problem with abused women?" (While slapping the back of your hand into your other palm) - "They JUST DON'T LISTEN!" |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 1:05:12 PM EDT
[#27]
Quoted: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url] man thats not f*ckin funny. [:(!] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 1:09:00 PM EDT
[#28]
Wolf I have been married 20 years, never have I lifted a finger to a woman, let alone my wife (AKA-my best friend) I have taught the kids and grandkids the same, very early in life. [b] But I do have a warped sence of humor[/b]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 1:23:40 PM EDT
[#29]
You mean you're listening?
My wife is the only thing that's keeping me sane these days but she *does* have a terminal case of yapaholism. Back when I thought I was funny, I tried asking, "Aren't you afraid someone'll call the ASPCA on you for beating that dead horse so much?" Yeah, not so funny. Now I just try to notice the "Don't you think?" and "Know what I mean" pauses. If I can't check the subconscious conversation logs and figure out what she was talking about, I fall back on the "Oh, my God!" stare and ask her if she remembered/forgot/checked on whatever she's most recently been obsessing over. Example: Her: "Blah, blah, blah-blah, blah. Don't you think?" Me: [Long pause, wide stare] "Holy crap. It just dawned on me - did we ever change that furnace filter? I totally spaced it! Isn't it, like, a month overdue? Damn!" |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 1:37:29 PM EDT
[#30]
Duct tape.
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Posted: 6/3/2003 1:43:09 PM EDT
[#31]
And we have a winner.......
Quoted: a fact of life is that the more you act like you dont care about your women, and that you pretend like they're are better women out there, but still show your women some lovin every now and then, the more she will want you. This results in being trained to not even here her pointless ramblings, and she will want you more for it. More sex, no women rambling. [b]BTW[/b] The pic was some twisted funny shit.. I too have never hit one and think ONLY Pussies have to resort to that. Wanna fight? Find a man, leave the women & children alone.... |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 2:36:20 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted: Quoted: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit. OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk... WTF are you TALKIN' 'bout? We don't need to revoke his 'MAN' Card just because he doesn't have a moron card like most of us guys. His reply is EXACTLY what I like to do in these situations!!! It quickly flips an ANNOYING/BITCHY situation into a ROMANTIC (in her mind) situation, because she thinks you're showing sensitivity and loving desire (something she likes). Little does she know that you're NOW going to turn the silent cuddle-fest into caressing. Then SLOWLY from caressing into sensual play, then into kissing, then SLOWLY undressing her, and transitioning into SEX! [sex] THIS WORKS, BELIEVE ME!!! (the trick is to be patient & slow to keep romance, but if she speeds up the situation, GO WITH IT) It's not being "unmanly" it's called being [i]SMOOTHE[/i]! [:P] And TRUST ME, it works well... [;)] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 2:48:21 PM EDT
[#33]
Quoted: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url] Damn, that's cold. [:|] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 3:02:57 PM EDT
[#34]
Quoted: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url] Apparently, not only was she beat, she was beat with the ugly stick. Like Chris Rock says.. "I'd never hit a woman.. but I UNDERSTAND it!" |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 3:11:50 PM EDT
[#35]
Quoted: Quoted: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url] Damn, that's cold. [:|] Of all the domestic calls I've answered, there has been one common denominator: the abuser could not hold their own with someone of their same size. For those who don't understand that, let me rephrase; Only pussies who can't kick real ass beat-up on little girls and children. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 3:25:59 PM EDT
[#36]
you got to pay extra for that........Oh wait, I re-read the last part of the question... my mistake
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Posted: 6/3/2003 3:44:15 PM EDT
[#37]
Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit. OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk... If you had one in the first place ya pansy... [:D] Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo? |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:09:49 PM EDT
[#38]
Have them work 2 jobs, so you can retire.[:D]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:15:12 PM EDT
[#39]
Woman - An animal found in the vicinity of man, with a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. Some authorities maintain it can be taught not to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary.
Having four daughters, let me assure you that there is no way (short of homicide) to get them to stop talking. Whenever the doctors have given them heavy knockout drugs for one reason or another, they just talk in their sleep. You might as well try to put a cork in the Mississippi River. The answer is to learn to say "uh-huh" by reflex. Her talking really has nothing to do with you most of the time -- she just has to do it for the same reason that chickens peck everything they see. Just go on with your life, ignore it like you would a radio that has been left on too long, and give her an occasional "uh-huh." |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:19:23 PM EDT
[#40]
Quoted: Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo? Is your wife on this board? It is a shame to waste that kind of bullshit on us if she isn't. Or did you mean that you had a fistfight right after the wedding that is still going? |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:30:52 PM EDT
[#41]
Do you guys mean to say that you've NEVER done something so wrong in the little woman's eyes that she gave you the silent treatment for several days?
Just remember what it was that you did that caused her to do that, and then...DO IT AGAIN! Blessed silence. That, or wear your custom fitted range plugs all the time. Last year, I gave my girlfriend a muffler for Christmas. It mostly works great, but every time she yells at me, it backfires. Let her rant, and encourage her to keep doing so. EVENTUALLY she'll shear a pin. (Or develop laryngitis...this happens faster if you can get her screaming at you for a while.) Interrupt her diatribe by dropping your pants and saying "Are we going to f**k now or not?" There's no WAY she's going to be able to stay on track when you pull that one on her. Get into her cabinet full of her favorite knickknacks. Smash one on the floor, and in the stunned silence that follows, tell her that you will smash another one the next time she opens her mouth unless it's to ask when you want dinner, what you want for dinner, or if you want your clothes pressed. Get her passed-out drunk. CJ |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:38:47 PM EDT
[#42]
Quoted: Quoted: Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo? Is your wife on this board? It is a shame to waste that kind of bullshit on us if she isn't. Or did you mean that you had a fistfight right after the wedding that is still going? Yawn. Whatever. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 4:48:30 PM EDT
[#43]
There is an art to living with a big mouth woman.
It's called "Light Switch"! You just learn to tune her out in your head like flipping a switch. Drives em crazy when after ranting for half an hour you say, "Did you say something dear?" After a couple three years they give up on the ranting. |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 5:46:44 PM EDT
[#44]
Quoted: [b] But I do have a warped sence of humor[/b] Really? And you posted on one of MY serious minded threads? You don't say! |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 6:13:50 PM EDT
[#45]
Just say this when she is going 90 to nuthin': Baby I see your lips moving but I can't hear a GD thing your saying....... then duck [:D]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 6:21:03 PM EDT
[#46]
what a bunch of sexists
haven't you read the conduct code? [lol] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 6:24:17 PM EDT
[#47]
I am really good at tuning out incessant chatter and making the person think I am listening. Or maybe you could push her into the arms of some lonely SOB who would be willing to listen to her.[;)]
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Posted: 6/3/2003 6:46:04 PM EDT
[#48]
Quoted: There is an art to living with a big mouth woman. It's called "Light Switch"! You just learn to tune her out in your head like flipping a switch. Drives em crazy when after ranting for half an hour you say, "Did you say something dear?" After a couple three years they give up on the ranting. Man, you been reading my mail. I learned that trick years ago when under the stress of something that is out of one's control. Just visualize turning-off a light switch and the sound going away with it. It takes a few tries to get it right And, it drives them batty! |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 7:04:40 PM EDT
[#49]
Quoted: just yell at the top of your lungs. "please for the love of GOD just Shut the F-ck (up) for five minutes". See, this shows your sensitive side and evokes a sense of her need to nurture you for the torture she's putting you through, and maybe ending in a 'make up F-ck... Good plan!!! [;D] |
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Posted: 6/3/2003 7:40:22 PM EDT
[#50]
Get a second:
Television so she can watch what she wants in a different room. Car so she can drive herself around alone. Job so you can be away from the house longer. Woman so you can visit her while the one that yaks all the time is busy chatting with her girlfriends. Mine's the quite type. Years ago I had an advancement party at my place. A couple of guys tried to talk to my wife. They came to me afterwards and said "Did you know your wife doesn't speak English?" (she's from Thailand). I said I never noticed. Each morning I wake up and grab my crisply ironed uniform, cook myself breakfast and leave the dirty dishes in the sink. I kiss the wife good morning and go to work. I come home for lunch and there's a great Thai lunch cooking on the stove. I sit down she serves my plate and a drink. We watch a bit of television before I head back to work. After work I come home and the house is clean and dinner is cooking. I read the mail from the sofa and wait for dinner. Afterwards I browse the Internet, read a book, or watch a movie. Come bedtime we have wild and passionate sex nearly everynight. And so the cycle goes. [:)] Now she's learned English and we talk a bit more often but I still spend all the money, make all the decisions, and set policy. We share cooking duties as I love to make pizza and run a good barbeque. She does all the cleaning, the laundry, and the dishes. In 15 years I've only been allowed to help clean apartments for the final inspection and clean my truck. I've never done the laundry after teaching her how to run the machine nor done more then run the water to fill a dirty breakfast skillet. We have a perfect understanding of our roles and there's never any argument over who's in charge or who does what. We've had just two arguments in those 15 years. I love her with all my heart and wouldn't leave her. |
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