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Posted: 6/3/2003 8:49:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/5/2003 9:32:59 AM EDT by piccolo]
STFU without winding up in the slam? Last night's yap a thon came to a screeching halt when she asked me for suggestions for saving money. "If you'd hang your panties on the bedroom door more often, I could save a fortune in prostitutes." Peace in the valley. Not a word since!!! God, I can be sarcastic.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:51:24 AM EDT
yeah right.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:51:45 AM EDT
My friend, you need to give her something else to do with that big trap aside from talk. You know what I mean?
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:22 AM EDT
depends on if this is a woman you'd like to have relations with later on or not (i.e. wife, girlfriend, mother). If not, it's easy, just make them cry.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:52:49 AM EDT
Develop Narcolepsy. She still may be ranting, but you are asleep so you dont care
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:54:06 AM EDT
Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:55:12 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:55:35 AM EDT
It's like traveling faster than the speed of light. It can't be done.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 8:56:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
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OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk...
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:00:38 AM EDT
it sure sounds like you guys need to train your women. a fact of life is that the more you act like you dont care about your women, and that you pretend like they're are better women out there, but still show your women some lovin every now and then, the more she will want you. This results in being trained to not even here her pointless ramblings, and she will want you more for it. More sex, no women rambling. It is true.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:00:45 AM EDT
Train your SEC to attack her whenever she talks for more than 2 minutes. Should work.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:02:46 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Greywolf2112: Train your SEC to attack her whenever she talks for more than 2 minutes. Should work.
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Can't. She feeds the little guy while I'm at sea. He's not stupid enough to bite the hand that feeds him.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:05:42 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Belfry_Express: Develop Narcolepsy. She still may be ranting, but you are asleep so you dont care
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I'm gonna try this one.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:07:16 AM EDT
Qualudes.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 9:14:49 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
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Nope. Obviously, you haven't figured it out either- not that I have.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 10:21:36 AM EDT
BE A MAN !!!!!!!!!!!! I have found a great way to stop the nonstop yak yak yak....... Look at the women in question right in the eye's. Step back a couple of feet, lean forward, raise both your hands up with the index finger pointed out like a gun. Look her right in the eye and repeat this over and over very fast.......laalaaalaalaalaalaalaalaalaala keep repeating this as you stick you fingers in your ears. Listen, can you hear her now , NO . You win. [d:]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 10:25:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 11:24:07 AM EDT
Originally Posted By illigb:
Originally Posted By Pangea: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
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OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk...
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If you had one in the first place ya pansy... [:D]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 11:37:36 AM EDT
When you do...let me know please. [;D]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:08:07 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:14:30 PM EDT
I don't think they have an off switch; you can change channels but they are always "ON". Wear your earplugs.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:15:51 PM EDT
just yell at the top of your lungs. "please for the love of GOD just Shut the F-ck for five minutes".
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:17:16 PM EDT
I just tell her to be quiet for a minute. Works every time. Y'all need to work on the training methods you're using I guess.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:25:46 PM EDT
Just ask her if she prefers a Browning HP to a Colt 1911.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:29:48 PM EDT
[img]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 12:35:56 PM EDT
ROFL! Love the pic, and so does my wife. "What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing - she's been told twice already." "What's the problem with abused women?" (While slapping the back of your hand into your other palm) - "They JUST DON'T LISTEN!"
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 1:05:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cyanide: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url]
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man thats not f*ckin funny. [:(!]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 1:09:00 PM EDT
Wolf I have been married 20 years, never have I lifted a finger to a woman, let alone my wife (AKA-my best friend) I have taught the kids and grandkids the same, very early in life. [b] But I do have a warped sence of humor[/b]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 1:23:40 PM EDT
You mean you're listening? My wife is the only thing that's keeping me sane these days but she *does* have a terminal case of yapaholism. Back when I thought I was funny, I tried asking, "Aren't you afraid someone'll call the ASPCA on you for beating that dead horse so much?" Yeah, not so funny. Now I just try to notice the "Don't you think?" and "Know what I mean" pauses. If I can't check the subconscious conversation logs and figure out what she was talking about, I fall back on the "Oh, my God!" stare and ask her if she remembered/forgot/checked on whatever she's most recently been obsessing over. Example: Her: "Blah, blah, blah-blah, blah. Don't you think?" Me: [Long pause, wide stare] "Holy crap. It just dawned on me - did we ever change that furnace filter? I totally spaced it! Isn't it, like, a month overdue? Damn!"
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 1:37:29 PM EDT
Duct tape.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 1:43:09 PM EDT
And we have a winner.......
Originally Posted By theseacow: a fact of life is that the more you act like you dont care about your women, and that you pretend like they're are better women out there, but still show your women some lovin every now and then, the more she will want you. This results in being trained to not even here her pointless ramblings, and she will want you more for it. More sex, no women rambling.
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[b]BTW[/b] The pic was some twisted funny shit.. I too have never hit one and think ONLY Pussies have to resort to that. Wanna fight? Find a man, leave the women & children alone....
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 2:36:20 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 2:48:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cyanide: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url]
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Damn, that's cold. [:|]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 3:02:57 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cyanide: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url]
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Apparently, not only was she beat, she was beat with the ugly stick. Like Chris Rock says.. "I'd never hit a woman.. but I UNDERSTAND it!"
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 3:11:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By QBit:
Originally Posted By cyanide: [url]http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-6/141064/wifeabuse(2)mod.jpg[/url]
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Damn, that's cold. [:|]
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Of all the domestic calls I've answered, there has been one common denominator: the abuser could not hold their own with someone of their same size. For those who don't understand that, let me rephrase; Only pussies who can't kick real ass beat-up on little girls and children.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 3:25:59 PM EDT
you got to pay extra for that........Oh wait, I re-read the last part of the question... my mistake
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 3:44:15 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AimSmall:
Originally Posted By illigb:
Originally Posted By Pangea: Say something like, I just want to hold you and be quiet for a while. Chicks dig that kind of sappy shit.
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OK... turn in your 'Man' card at the front desk...
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If you had one in the first place ya pansy... [:D]
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Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo?
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:09:49 PM EDT
Have them work 2 jobs, so you can retire.[:D]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:15:12 PM EDT
Woman - An animal found in the vicinity of man, with a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. Some authorities maintain it can be taught not to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary. Having four daughters, let me assure you that there is no way (short of homicide) to get them to stop talking. Whenever the doctors have given them heavy knockout drugs for one reason or another, they just talk in their sleep. You might as well try to put a cork in the Mississippi River. The answer is to learn to say "uh-huh" by reflex. Her talking really has nothing to do with you most of the time -- she just has to do it for the same reason that chickens peck everything they see. Just go on with your life, ignore it like you would a radio that has been left on too long, and give her an occasional "uh-huh."
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:19:23 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Pangea: Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo?
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Is your wife on this board? It is a shame to waste that kind of bullshit on us if she isn't. Or did you mean that you had a fistfight right after the wedding that is still going?
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:30:52 PM EDT
Do you guys mean to say that you've NEVER done something so wrong in the little woman's eyes that she gave you the silent treatment for several days? Just remember what it was that you did that caused her to do that, and then...DO IT AGAIN! Blessed silence. That, or wear your custom fitted range plugs all the time. Last year, I gave my girlfriend a muffler for Christmas. It mostly works great, but every time she yells at me, it backfires. Let her rant, and encourage her to keep doing so. EVENTUALLY she'll shear a pin. (Or develop laryngitis...this happens faster if you can get her screaming at you for a while.) Interrupt her diatribe by dropping your pants and saying "Are we going to f**k now or not?" There's no WAY she's going to be able to stay on track when you pull that one on her. Get into her cabinet full of her favorite knickknacks. Smash one on the floor, and in the stunned silence that follows, tell her that you will smash another one the next time she opens her mouth unless it's to ask when you want dinner, what you want for dinner, or if you want your clothes pressed. Get her passed-out drunk. CJ
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:38:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By wolfman97:
Originally Posted By Pangea: Wow! You must be right and I must be wrong. I've been married over 25 years to the same LADY and we are as happy as we were on day 1. And you, Romeo?
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Is your wife on this board? It is a shame to waste that kind of bullshit on us if she isn't. Or did you mean that you had a fistfight right after the wedding that is still going?
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Yawn. Whatever.
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 4:48:30 PM EDT
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 5:46:44 PM EDT
Originally Posted By cyanide: [b] But I do have a warped sence of humor[/b]
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Really? And you posted on one of MY serious minded threads? You don't say!
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 6:13:50 PM EDT
Just say this when she is going 90 to nuthin': Baby I see your lips moving but I can't hear a GD thing your saying....... then duck [:D]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 6:21:03 PM EDT
what a bunch of sexists haven't you read the conduct code? [lol]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 6:24:17 PM EDT
I am really good at tuning out incessant chatter and making the person think I am listening. Or maybe you could push her into the arms of some lonely SOB who would be willing to listen to her.[;)]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 6:46:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: There is an art to living with a big mouth woman. It's called "Light Switch"! You just learn to tune her out in your head like flipping a switch. Drives em crazy when after ranting for half an hour you say, "Did you say something dear?" After a couple three years they give up on the ranting.
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Man, you been reading my mail. I learned that trick years ago when under the stress of something that is out of one's control. Just visualize turning-off a light switch and the sound going away with it. It takes a few tries to get it right And, it drives them batty!
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 7:04:40 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 308wood: just yell at the top of your lungs. "please for the love of GOD just Shut the F-ck (up) for five minutes".
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See, this shows your sensitive side and evokes a sense of her need to nurture you for the torture she's putting you through, and maybe ending in a 'make up F-ck... Good plan!!! [;D]
Link Posted: 6/3/2003 7:40:22 PM EDT
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