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Posted: 6/2/2003 8:22:30 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/3/2003 6:57:14 AM EDT by dave223]
On my watch, the my two oldest left their markers out. They have been told a million times to keep them put away (read: hidden). They have been grounded, spanked, and written tons of sentences to drive this point home. I failed. The little one (3) got hold of said markers and wrote on mommies brand spanking new sectional couch that she has wanted for 5 years. Well, of course, my children instantly knew of the imminent danger that faced them. In order to clean said mess they retrieved the Clorox Kitchen Cleaner WITH BLEACH and sprayed the mess hoping to conceal the damage. I was only occupied for about 15 minutes outside when this occurred. God Help ME. [img]http://images.andale.com/f2/112/111/7410906/1054569828726_Stain.jpg[/img] This being a gun board, I included my shooter grade M1 carbine to highlight the stain. I hope she shoots me with it, as the hell I am sure to endure will be much much worse. The pic does not do the magnificence of the stain justice. Just wanted to give you guys an idea of what I am facing. FOR THOSE WHO CHOOSE NOT TO READ THE ENTIRE THREAD: [b]MY THREE YEAR OLD NEVER HAD ACCESS TO BLEACH. AM I DUMBASS? YES! BUT MY CHILDREN ARE SAFE![/b]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:24:49 AM EDT
Dead man...
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:25:00 AM EDT
... No problem. flips said cushion over; better hide the M1 carbine just in case though.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:26:00 AM EDT
The cushion does not flip in this area.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:26:25 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2003 8:28:00 AM EDT by thebeekeeper1]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:26:39 AM EDT
Sounds like a cover-up story to me. That looks more like leaky Depends stain! [:D]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:28:04 AM EDT
Good luck. May your death be mercifully quick.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:30:45 AM EDT
Dude....you are soooo screwed! Good luck.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:31:40 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2003 8:32:53 AM EDT by Mugzilla]
Rent a carpet steamer. Instead of soap, mix in SPRAY AND WASH GEL BLEACH. (Powerful stuff that won't leave a bleach-yellow color...) Steam the whole couch, making the whole thing the same color. The logic: It's already f-ed up. Go big or go home! You have a chance to make it all the same color. She'll notice. DO NOT try to play it off! Just tell her the kids spilled stuff on the couch, and you cleaned it. Might want to "febreeze" the whole thing afterwards so it doesn't smell like bleach!
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:32:38 AM EDT
Now would be a good time to practice the old SHTF drill. Grab your ditty bag, rifle, and HEAD FOR THE HILLS!
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:33:33 AM EDT
Can I have yer carbine?
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:34:25 AM EDT
Find the manufacturers name and order another cover or whole cushion. Thats how I got out of my child induced grape juice stain prison. [:D]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:35:41 AM EDT
1. Trip the breaker to that room. 2. When she discovers the light not working, tell her something about how good she looks and how bad you need her right now. 3. When you have her on the sofa and your doing the deed spooge all over the sofa and beg forgiveness. 4. Hope that you carried out #3 good enough to make her not care hope that she doesn't notice how it left a discolored place on her trophy sofa. 5. See a lawyer before shee does. Good luck.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:37:05 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:37:05 AM EDT
Spray bleach the whole couch [;)] then she might not notice. Then insist,"Honey are you OK? The couch has always been this color."
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:44:24 AM EDT
Ok, after thinking about this, here's what you do: Sit on the couch, right on the spot. DO NOT MOVE. EVER. If you move, you'll be sleeping there anyway.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:47:19 AM EDT
Wow great kids. They even cleaned up their mess! I actually prefer the lighter color. TT [coffee]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:48:55 AM EDT
I could take the punishment like a man. Afterall, after 14+ years with my wife, I have taken a few licks before. But this situation is far more serious than any recent ones I can remember. I am thinking FIRE. If I set it up to look like a gang kicked in the front door and burned the couch down........you know, while we were at the park or something.....
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:50:30 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:51:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2003 8:57:35 AM EDT by DzlBenz]
Your ass is salvageable, as is your couch. Since this is a brand-new piece, the upholstery fabric should still be available. You will have to have a new cover made. This will NOT happen before Mrs. Dave223 comes home, but should not be a huge deal. If something like this happened at my place while I was gone, I'd use the M1 on my spouse - not because of the stain to the couch, but BECAUSE THE 3-YEAR-OLD GOT HOLD OF THE CLEANER WITH BLEACH! Good luck, and put those cleaners out of the reach of children. I do like a previous posters "spooge camo" idea. Has a certain flair to it. Pecker tracks conceal all.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:53:28 AM EDT
Oh boy... You're hosed.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:56:44 AM EDT
Originally Posted By DzlBenz: Your ass is salvageable, as is your couch. Since this is a brand-new piece, the upholstery fabric should still be available. You will have to have a new cover made. This will NOT happen before Mrs. Dave223 comes home, but should not be a huge deal. If something like this happened at my place while I was gone, I'd use the M1 on my spouse - not because of the stain to the couch, but [size=6]BECAUSE THE 3-YEAR-OLD GOT HOLD OF THE CLEANER WITH BLEACH![/size=6] Good luck, and put those cleaners out of the reach of children. I do like a previous posters "spooge camo" idea. Has a certain flair to it. Pecker tracks conceal all.
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Just some clarification. My house is child proofed for the 3 year old. My OLDEST SON (12) was the one with the brilliant idea to bleach the couch. He got the bleach from the child locked cabinet below the sink. My little one is unable to get to it alone.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:58:35 AM EDT
Man, I feel for you. Years ago, my 3 YO did a similar act with a jar of vaseline. It's suprising how much surface area a jar of vaseline will cover. Wifey was upset for a few hours. Unfortunately, it gave her an excuse to have the sofa reupholstered. We still have a good laugh at the expense of my now 17 YO daughter.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 8:59:59 AM EDT
Originally Posted By dave223: Just some clarification. My house is child proofed for the 3 year old. My OLDEST SON (12) was the one with the brilliant idea to bleach the couch. He got the bleach from the child locked cabinet below the sink. My little one is unable to get to it alone.
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Roger that, Dave. Original post edited to not be quite so alarming. By the way, is it possible to go back to the plae you bought the sofa, and buy (at a hugely increased "emergency" price) another cushion? Oh, man, you're gonna hurt.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:01:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:02:13 AM EDT
You are screwed. It looks like you will be buying a new couch instead of ammo and guns.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:02:42 AM EDT
Post an address to send flowers. We enjoyed having you on the board. You'll be missed.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:03:43 AM EDT
Here is a note my daughter hung on the door of her room just now. I explained to them after the incident that the couch was very expensive. LOL....I love my kids. [img]http://images.andale.com/f2/112/111/7410906/1054572722654_note.jpg[/img]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:04:26 AM EDT
[wave]Nice to know ya.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:04:34 AM EDT
[b]My boys just did the same thing to my in-laws brand new carpet this past weekend![/b] [size=4]Oh freakin well, life goes on[/size=4]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:04:43 AM EDT
Rub some dirt on it, might buy you some time. [;)]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:05:23 AM EDT
Question comes to mind here, did you pay for the couch or did she? The best defense is a good offense. As soon as she comes in, start screaming, "Look what the kids did to my new couch". That will throw her all off.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:10:40 AM EDT
You are so screwed.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:15:02 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2003 9:15:16 AM EDT by DK-Prof]
Change the locks on your house and pretend you don't know her when she comes home and tries to get in. [:)]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:18:32 AM EDT
Dead man walking...
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:22:40 AM EDT
I saw a few options in this thread, some of which can be combined. 1) Return to store to [s]bribe[/s] purchase another cover. 2) Clorox the whole damn thing.(I have 4 sisters, women can notice very small shade differences, I personally like this option, but she [b]will[/b] notice.) 3) Deny & make counter accusations- Why didnt she make sure neither kid could get to such dangerous stuff? 4) Give your soul to the Creator, cuz your ass is hers.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:22:50 AM EDT
The note from the kids will go a long way toward her forgiveness. All 3 of you should be balling your eyes out when she gets home. Make a much bigger deal of it than she would and she MIGHT just say, "don't worry, it'll be all right." Nah, you are all screwed.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:24:32 AM EDT
so long pal
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:29:28 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 6/2/2003 9:31:22 AM EDT by Pat-Riot]
Go out right now and Buy the book "the G-Spot". Do the thing about the circuit breaker, but this time the mess will be hers not yours, AND she won't give a damn about no ding dang ol' couch. Oh, better send the kids off to friends houses first, she could get a little loud before SHE ruins her couch like that. Or blame it on anarchist G-8 hippie protestors. But if she does kill you, we're splittin your gear as punishment to the kids, on your posthumous behalf of course.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:30:18 AM EDT
THINK LIKE A WOMAN, DAMMIT! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF AND THINK LIKE A WOMAN!!! No matter how hard you have to twist the facts, find some way to blame it on HER instead of YOU. For example: "If you hadn't picked out this couch and we had kept the old one, this never would have happened." Women have been doing this for eons. It's time we all learned how too! [;D]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:32:00 AM EDT
Is there a bugler in the house? We need a TAPS request!!!! See ya on the other side!
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:40:28 AM EDT
Originally Posted By dave223: Here is a note my daughter hung on the door of her room just now. I explained to them after the incident that the couch was very expensive. LOL....I love my kids.
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That's cute Dave. Check and see if you have a 'Furniture Medic' in your city. They repair furniture for cheap. Also, I'm with the other guys. New seat cushion and it's good as new. You may be able to get one from the manufacturer for relatively cheap (check the tags for info on who to contact and try the store). Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:40:40 AM EDT
keep yer shirt on. From the pic it looks like only the cushion got fubar'd. Go to where you bought it and see if you can either get another cushion or have it recovered. You're still gonna catch hell, but maybe you can get out of this a whole lot easier than it looks...... Ask me. BTDT.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:41:51 AM EDT
Stick a fork in ya, you're DONE!!!!!!!!!!Can I have the combo to your safe? I promise I'll provide a good home for them....
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:48:22 AM EDT
Did you buy the 20.00 40.00 scotch guard stain treatment when you bought the couch ? if so you are covered. Think hard sometimes they just slip it in and you dont even notice. Just call the store and inform them. They will fix it. If not call the store and get the person they use for repairs and get an est.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:57:31 AM EDT
can i have your guns? [:D]
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 9:59:59 AM EDT
Originally Posted By u-baddog: Did you buy the 20.00 40.00 scotch guard stain treatment when you bought the couch ? if so you are covered. Think hard sometimes they just slip it in and you dont even notice. Just call the store and inform them. They will fix it. If not call the store and get the person they use for repairs and get an est.
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U-b has it right. Many sofas sold today come with various stainproof gurantees. You may be able to do something with it that way.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 10:02:30 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Emoto:
Originally Posted By u-baddog: Did you buy the 20.00 40.00 scotch guard stain treatment when you bought the couch ? if so you are covered. Think hard sometimes they just slip it in and you dont even notice. Just call the store and inform them. They will fix it. If not call the store and get the person they use for repairs and get an est.
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U-b has it right. Many sofas sold today come with various stainproof gurantees. You may be able to do something with it that way.
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I haven't seen a fabric stainproof warranty yet that covers bleach stains, but you might be able to sneak it through. Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 10:05:26 AM EDT
Trying to conceal the problem is a mistake...this sort of stink doesn't fade with age, it just gets worse and worse. So tell her right away and tell her when the new cushion or cushion cover is expected in. Make certain she knows you have no expectation that the couch will remain so damaged and that you have the solution already in process. It'll be fine. Just be honest and get it fixed.
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 10:20:37 AM EDT
wife[chainsawkill]you
Link Posted: 6/2/2003 10:41:58 AM EDT
Originally Posted By GodBlessTexas:
Originally Posted By Emoto:
Originally Posted By u-baddog: Did you buy the 20.00 40.00 scotch guard stain treatment when you bought the couch ? if so you are covered. Think hard sometimes they just slip it in and you dont even notice. Just call the store and inform them. They will fix it. If not call the store and get the person they use for repairs and get an est.
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U-b has it right. Many sofas sold today come with various stainproof gurantees. You may be able to do something with it that way.
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I haven't seen a fabric stainproof warranty yet that covers bleach stains, but you might be able to sneak it through. Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...
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The warr. comapny didnt care what kind of stain it was. They sent someone out to clean it. I had to call again and let them know it didnt work. They sent someone out to repair it. It still didnt look right. They replace the whole cushion , it was not a removable type cushion. I was happy and the wife was most pleased [:d] CALLL TTHHHHEEEE SSSTTOOORRREEE
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