Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Posted: 5/22/2003 11:51:37 PM EDT
To you whom that are married, do you have one? Everytime I talk about this with my g/f she goes nuts and says I dont trust her and all that bullshit. Also my last two when we hypothetically discussed marriage they also didn't like it. What is it with wemonz that they dont want to keep what they earn and I keep what I earn. Whenever they say that "its not right" I always say "Dont you believe in equal rights?" Anyway enough with my rant. Any of you guys out there smart enough to get one? And DONT LIE EITHER!
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 11:58:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 EDT by Garand1911]
Leykis 101 mode -- Prenup's should LEGALLY REQUIRED to get a marriage license in every state. imagine how much easier and smoother divorce would be with it, the divorce vultures ..err lawyers wouldnt like it too much. might even free up some judges to put people in jail. 50% of marriages fail, thats not good numbers for anyone. and NO im not married [:D]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 12:06:11 AM EDT
Check it! I suggested it, my g/f went crazy. Same deal. "You don't trust me! That's the dumbest thing I ever heard! F-you! I would NEVER do that.". 4 years later she is screwing her sister's husband's cousin and dumping me like a radioactive dog turd. Gee, go figure. I think any woman will object to a prenup, for women it really does translate into "I don't trust you". Well, too bad. Do the prenup. If she is decent, she'll forgive you. If not, she'll eventually leave...but you are protected. The way I see it now, if she leaves because you wanted a prenup, she would have left someday anyway.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 12:10:08 AM EDT
Those are good words you speak TheKill. I am never getting married without a prenup you can bet on that! I consider it an "Insurance policy for both of us"
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 12:14:50 AM EDT
Roger that. I really saved my ass though. After we got married, I kind of saw some shit I didn't like so I decided that we were NOT going to combine our finances. I kept them seperate the whole time....checking accounts, savings accounts, credit cards. I had two credit cards in my name only, I paid the bills, when she helped out with rent/mortgage or food she would give me cold cash and I always handled the bills out of my accounts. She handled her play money and car payment out of hers. When we split, there was no mad ruch to save the accounts, cuz she never had access to them. Thank God!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:34:09 AM EDT
Pre-nups are contracts for divorce. Just ask my first wife.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:47:30 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Green_Furniture: Pre-nups are contracts for divorce. Just ask my first wife.
View Quote
You were married before? I have always thought you were a pretty young guy.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:54:57 AM EDT
I'm a very young 33. I was 24 when I got married. 26 when I was freed from that prison in hell.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 2:38:13 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 2:47:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 2:48:55 AM EDT by M4_Aiming_at_U]
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: If you think you need a prenuptual agreement, then you shouldn't get married.
View Quote
Come on now, thats like saying "You shouldnt need a bug out bag because one day something really bad might happen in your area and you may need to bug the hell out." "If you think you need car insurance then you shouldnt drive, because you must not be a perfect driver" Also, how many times has a person been madly in love and 100% trustful of their mate but yet their mate totally shits on them, cheats and divorce the guy and wants everything she want all after she totally fucked his emotional state
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 3:20:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 3:34:36 AM EDT by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 3:50:06 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: When you are preparing for SHTF, YOU aren't planning to fail, you are preparing for something else to fail. When you buy insurance you aren't planning to wreck, you are planning on the other guy to wreck.
View Quote
Exactly, and a prenup is preparing you for when the women you are comitted to decides to stab you in the back, sleep with someone else, and they try to take everything you have ever worked for! At this time, based on my past relationships I don't trust any woman enough to enter any type of lifetime agreement without a safety net. Women lie, cheat, and leave. You can be 100% committed and 100% in love with someone, but if they say you aren't what they want for their life at that time then they are gone. Your level of commitment doesn't matter if your partner does have and keeps that same level.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 4:06:00 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 4:15:58 AM EDT by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 4:15:37 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 5:01:56 AM EDT
If I am ever stupid enough to get married again, a prenup will be required. If she doesn't like it, she can walk. It would hurt, but I'd rather take another emotional crash than lose what is rightfully mine. I went from working retail to the computer biz. I went from $40K in debt to having my own house built and seriously considering picking up an RX-8 next year. I'll be damned if I give that up to anyone for any reason. A guy I worked with had a prenup. I never knew until after some stuff went down that he was worth some $$$$. He took jobs because they were interesting and decided on which ones on a whim. Anyway, she was a great looking woman. Kept in shape, always perfect in appearance, etc, etc. She was also very smart and they seemed to be perfectly in love. Then he found out she was screwing some fitness instructor. After the divorce she had to go back and live with her mother as she did not get one cent out of him. And guys, even if you can prove that the wife was cheating on you, you can still lose it all. Happened to a relative of mine.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 5:04:16 AM EDT
Current divorce rates are running almost 80% for first time marriages. A marriage is a binding legal contract that enables the participants to divide marital and pre-marital assets. These assets are split up according to the haggling of attorneys who exploit conflict that is present and create it if the participants are currrently amicable. The male typically gets the short end of the stick with regards to kids and dwelling. A prenup strengthens the marriage. It confirms for the husband and wife that their marriage endures because of their mutual love and respect for each other, not for fear of financial reprisal. If a marriage is going to fail it will do so independent of a pre-nup. And when that time comes,its all about the Benjamins. You will sleep a lot better at nite knowing that at least your pre-marital assets have been protected. If you don't have shit you need to protect wealth you may build or acquire in the future. If you come into the marriage with money its absolutely essential. Pre-nups are thrown out when one of the participants has not availed herself/himself of legal counsel or when the pre-nup is strongly skewed to favor on individual with regards to post-marital assets. If it's constructed well it's a lifesaver for you and your kids (think higher education costs and the investments that have to be in place now for those assets to grow to cover or take a dent out of the costs. There is no guarantee your loving wife will have any intention of providing for your children in that regard regardless of what she claims now.) Wear your seatbelts. Lock your doors at nite. And by all means, get a prenup!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 5:04:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 5:07:43 AM EDT by SWIRE]
Originally Posted By TomJefferson: For like SWIRE said enter into a lifetime agreement. Agreement for what, to sleep together. You don't need a marriage license for that. Not being an ass, I really don't understand it. I guess part of my problem in understanding is that my marriage was a religious thing and the legal aspect never entered into it.
View Quote
It is a religious thing. It's a lifetime agreement to be committed to each other, one that you make in front of witnesses and God. But if your partner decides they have enough, becomes violent, or any other number of things to destroy the marriage, are you just supposed to just stand by and smile as the person tries to take everything you have and destroy you because they are not happy? The older and more successful someone becomes the more this becomes an issue. I recently heard about a guy who lives down the street that highlights this. He got married about 14 years ago to a woman who had a young son. They got along great and he raised that kid as his own and brought him up right. The kid did very well in high school and was on his way to college. The women he married then said, thank you for raising my son, I'm leaving to go have fun now, since I was never able to do that because of raising my son. The guy had built a large real estate portfolio during those 14 years. She got half. As far as why get married then? Right now I'm not sure that I would want to get married. Having a 50/50 chance of it working, with the MINIMAL loss being 50% of everything I have, I don't like the odds.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 5:16:13 AM EDT
Most normal people go into marriage thinking it's forever, but seeing how my current brother-in-law was basically RUINED by his previous spouse, I think you'd have to be a fool not to have a pre-nup, but of course the woman will naturally be hurt if you say so. They look at marriage as some sort of romantic perfection, instead of the "business deal" it should be regarded as. The only way I think she wouldn't be offended is if you were very wealthy and she understood the only way she'd get to marry into that money is if she signed a pre-nup. I've also seen friends' and families' spouses change for the worse after marriage, sometimes in a mattter of weeks after the wedding. Seen seemingly perfect marriages come apart after 20 or so years, because the kids left home or whatever and staying together seemed pointless. You just dont know what the future holds. If she can't understand your fear of being royally screwed over in divorce court, should it happen, well.....she 1. Isn't realistic about the failure rates of marriage today and 2. Doesn't seem very capable of seeing your concerns through her own eyes.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 5:29:20 AM EDT
I have one...However my wife has money (and 3 children) from her prior life. Woulda been wrong for me to get 1/2 of her loot...It would negatively affect the kids.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 6:08:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 6:17:17 AM EDT by Richardson]
Originally Posted By M4_Aiming_at_U: Everytime I talk about this with my g/f she goes nuts and says I dont trust her and all that bullshit.
View Quote
I'm married, to my first wife. So, why would you marry a woman that you don't trust with your guns? Remember the line in "The Shawshank Redemption", where the inmate asks the guard, "Do you trust your wife"? Why would you make the vows if you don't know her well enough to trust her. Or are the "vows" mutually recognized as foolishness. I think the divorce rate is so high because people are taking marriage casually... after all, you can always just get a divorce, right? I don't want to be a statistic, so I waited until I found a woman who lived her committments (mainly to God). We've fought, but divorce is not an option for us. That gives us the security we need to be caring & honest & to work through any difficulty. If I thought I had to get a pre-nup, I would walk away. We've got 12.5 years into it. We've had bad times, but we meant our vows. I'm convinced that almost no marriages would last without an absolute committment to work through anything. BTW, the high divorce rates cited have to do with the number of marriages, and do not reflect on the number of married couples. Multiple divorces by a few people drive up the rates. Most people you see are not divorced, and have stuck with their first wife. Richardson
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 6:18:53 AM EDT
From a woman's perspective, I can understand that she would be offended. It would make a person feel that they didn't trust you. If she demanded that you sign a pre-nup, you would not feel that she thought you were out to get whatever material possessions she had? That your feelings for her were not relevant? Personaly, I would not have a problem signing a pre-nup. I do not believe that anyone should have to give up what belonged to them before the marriage. I would not want to risk half of everything I have worked so hard to accumulate. I may not have much but it is mine!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 7:52:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 7:54:28 AM EDT by TomJefferson]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 7:53:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 10:32:26 AM EDT by u-baddog]
I didnt do a prenup cause we have a much simpler agreement. She knows me pretty well and when the preacher said "Till death do you part" she grinned at me and I smiled back. I would not have married her if for 1 second I if though she would screw me over. I know she feels the same.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 8:17:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 8:19:16 AM EDT by whisper300]
The pre-nup thing came up once years ago in my life. My wife (then girlfriend) was neither for or against it, just curious, as we both had nothing of any value. Thinking back to it now, we were both very young 21 and 22, I laugh. Everything WE have in life, We have done and built together. We have been thru hard times and good times. We seperated once but were BOTH to blame. We realized our stupidity and now 9 years married and 14 years total together we have a stronger marriage than ever. A marriage is based on many things; teamwork, love, respect, faith, trust, patience, tolerence, acceptance, accountability, compatability, etc. There may be a time and place for a pre-nup, just not in my marriage. After being in love with my spouse for 14 years she deserves more than half of what WE have built TOGETHER. In my eyes it will never come to this, but if it ever did she may take and I will have no regrets. Material things are fine and dandy, and I care for all of mine with respect because WE worked hard to earn the money to buy them, but when all is said and done what I value most is the companionship I have had for the past 14 years. No amount of material things can make up for that. Find the right person in life first, and then worry about your stuff. Simple words for a very complicated situation. Good luck to all of you, may you all find a partner as close to perfect as my own!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 8:51:00 AM EDT
When my ex left, so did a preban Bushy CAR, a preban Olympic CAR, a MAK90, an SKS, a Sig 229, a Yugo AK underfolder, and the list goes on. Of course, I bought all those while we were married in a community property state, so a prenup probably wouldn't have made any difference anyway.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 9:27:31 AM EDT
I'm wondering how much age has to do with the responses on this thread. I'm fairly young, 27, and the women that I see are nothing like they were when my parents dated and got married. Girls my age are not only empowered but they take whatever they want whenever they want and won't think twice about manipulating a man to get it. I have seen a girl date multiple guys at the same time and then play them against each other to see who can buy her the most things. She didn't even care about either of them, she just wanted their money and attention. I'm sure there are nice caring girls out there but when you go to college and see girl after girl playing guy after guy so they can get more attention, more gifts, more power...and so on, it really makes you question how trustworthy and committed they are. Then, even if you do find a nice one, if any of her friends fall into the above category watch out because they will influence her. They will start saying things like, why doesn't he buy you more stuff, why doesn't he take you out anymore...and so on until they start believing it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 9:45:50 AM EDT
I'm sure there are nice caring girls out there but when you go to college and see girl after girl playing guy after guy so they can get more attention, more gifts, more power...and so on, it really makes you question how trustworthy and committed they are. Then, even if you do find a nice one, if any of her friends fall into the above category watch out because they will influence her. They will start saying things like, why doesn't he buy you more stuff, why doesn't he take you out anymore...and so on until they start believing it.
View Quote
I realize that when you see all of these girls basically just using guys to get what they can out of them, you can become very cynical. But not all females are that shallow or materialistic. I have NEVER dated a guy because of what he had (possessions). I recall when I was a teen it used to make me so angry when girls would only date a guy based on what kind of car he drove. Keep looking - you will find someone that loves you and not your possessions.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 9:50:01 AM EDT
Ogre_4070, the this is mine and that is your in my mind is the root of the issue and one of the reasons I'm following this thread. When I got married the two of us had but the threads on our back. What we have now is OURS for we got together. I've known many a couple who totally separate what is ones from the other to include bank accounts. You would think this would mean the marriage doesn't work out but that is not what I have observed nor is the opposite. I guess played right, it is part of the game played to keep a relationship alive much as jealousy, romantic evenings, and gifts. One thing I do know, don't play the game and take each other for granted and it's doomed and I will take that bet anyday.
View Quote
I agree 100%.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 10:05:57 AM EDT
I'm 32, married two and a half years and never even considered a pre-nup. I'm with TJ, if you think you need one, you shouldn't get married.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 10:31:38 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 11:03:13 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Ogre_4070: I realize that when you see all of these girls basically just using guys to get what they can out of them, you can become very cynical. But not all females are that shallow or materialistic.
View Quote
I wasn't trying to imply that all females are that way, just I saw enough of them that I am exactly as you described, very cynical.
Keep looking - you will find someone that loves you and not your possessions.
View Quote
I have also very particular about who I date. I can spot someone who wants a guy for what he has vs who he is from a mile away. I have never dated anyone that wants me for my possessions, mainly because I'm not very materialistic and don't buy things to attract girls. The one's that I've gotten serious with took me for who I was. They just decided to move on instead of trying to stay committed and work things out, which makes me very cynical about committment, especially a life long one. I'm sure someone will come along that will change things for me but for now, I'm just taking time away from any type of committed relationship and plan on enjoying the summer by meeting as many people as I can.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 11:24:10 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TheRicker: Marriage is based on trust. A pre-nup is a contract based on lack of trust.
View Quote
Almost. Marriage is based on trust. A pre-nup is a contract based on experience.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 11:57:57 AM EDT
We didn't have much when we got married 20 years ago. I don't think you need one in that situation. Unless you have a decent amount of holdings I don't think it's wise. If the wife died and I got remarried I would have to get one to protect my kids. Bottom line is what you consider alot holdings. If it's not alot, no need.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:21:32 PM EDT
You've got to understand, if you've got a fair amount of assets it is quite daft to get married and not have an agreement. Of course 50% of all marital assets are tangible in a split, it's what you came into the union you have to protect and what you're going to get after the union as well. Remember more than 40% of all marriages end with a divorce.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:46:15 PM EDT
To all those who state that if you love each other you don't need a pre-nupt, or "a marriage should be based on trust", your dooming it etc.,etc.,etc. BULLCRAP!!! Open your eyes and look around you. I don't believe that what I am seeing here where I live is very different anywhere. There...is...something...going...on...in...today’s...society. Many women are simply not honoring their marriage vows. I cannot believe the number of women willing to cheat on their spouses and it is not because of some awful condition in the home. It's because they want to. I will never again watch my life go down in flames, including everything I had before I met someone, simply because they "want some excitement". It never seems to occur to them that they too are "the same old same old" yet we manage to keep our pants on out of respect for them. I now have a wonderful woman for a partner and I do want it to be forever, but if and when we do make it legal, I will have a pre-nupt. And my advice for all is "do not leave home without it." They may be wonderful people that you partner with, but something is happening out there, and way too many lose their way home. Trust me on this, the betrayal is punishment enough for whatever your contribution to the failure. You do not need to ante up whatever you had before you entered your partnership in addition to the rest. NEVER AGAIN.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:49:23 PM EDT
No prenup.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 1:56:53 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TitaniumT: No prenup.
View Quote
= no marital contract.[;)]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 2:04:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/23/2003 2:05:54 PM EDT by TitaniumT]
Originally Posted By mags:
Originally Posted By TitaniumT: No prenup.
View Quote
= no marital contract.[;)]
View Quote
I got married without a prenup. Would I again, no. TT [wave]
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 7:05:22 PM EDT
I did it once without a prenup, and made out OK, but as I get older and have more assets, I'd never do it again without one. Every man who considers marriage, needs to read, "the predatory female" looking back it, it's allmost scary how much of it is true. "mine will never be like that" Ya right!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 7:43:09 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Dr_Nimslow: "mine will never be like that" Ya right!
View Quote
Well said!
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 10:57:22 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M4_Aiming_at_U:
Originally Posted By Dr_Nimslow: "mine will never be like that" Ya right!
View Quote
Well said!
View Quote
Fuckin' A! "There is something going on in today's society.." That is totally spot on. My lawyer and I were talking about it when I first met with him. He said the majority of divorce cases he has seen over the last few years are due to the wife cheating. My brother in law has a woman lawyer, and coincedentally, she said the same thing to him as well! Generally speaking, it seems that with the legal system and societal attitudes in their favor, as a class women now have the upper hand, and they have no problem taking advantage of it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2003 11:30:19 PM EDT
how does the saying go ? women hope men change, but they dont men hope women never change, BUT THEY DO why dont women want a pre-nup for there men??? it would be an insurance to make sure the kids are provided for, and for the man to provide for the woman over a certan amount of time. or the woman could have written into the pre-nup that if the man is caught cheating, the pre-nup is null and void.
Link Posted: 5/24/2003 6:11:03 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/24/2003 10:19:47 AM EDT
My GF and I had this discussion just a few weeks ago. She said she wouldn't have a problem with a prenup so long as it had a clause that stated if I was found guilty of infidelity then the contract would be null and void. That being said, I am the only heir to my family's estate. I am an only child. So I look at like this. I have some cash and she is basically broke. So what is to be held over her head to keep her in line? I simply told her that I could not gamble/risk what my family has taken 200 years to accumulate. Either sign without stipulations or it's a no go! [peep](Hides from Ar-15 womenz)[peep]
Link Posted: 5/24/2003 10:34:14 AM EDT
Originally Posted By 321Bang: My GF and I had this discussion just a few weeks ago. She said she wouldn't have a problem with a prenup so long as it had a clause that stated if I was found guilty of infidelity then the contract would be null and void. That being said, I am the only heir to my family's estate. I am an only child. So I look at like this. I have some cash and she is basically broke. So what is to be held over her head to keep her in line? I simply told her that I could not gamble/risk what my family has taken 200 years to accumulate. Either sign without stipulations or it's a no go! [peep](Hides from Ar-15 womenz)[peep]
View Quote
Based solely on your above statement, I would say it should be a no-go now. TT
Link Posted: 5/24/2003 10:50:40 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TitaniumT: Based solely on your above statement, I would say it should be a no-go now. TT
View Quote
Most of my friends would @gree with you. As for me, the jury is still out. Although this is sounding more like a wise decision every day.
Link Posted: 5/26/2003 1:01:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 321Bang:
Originally Posted By TitaniumT: Based solely on your above statement, I would say it should be a no-go now. TT
View Quote
Most of my friends would @gree with you. As for me, the jury is still out. Although this is sounding more like a wise decision every day.
View Quote
Before I got married, I would have said a prenup is planing to fail. After a little hard won experience, I'd say not having one is failing to plan. As for the provision rendering the prenup null and void if you go astray, just remember this: There is no worse adversary than someone who used to love you. There are no depths to which some people will not sink when a relationship goes bad. Don't think you can't be manipulated or set up. Of course, there are people out there who would never do such things. Only problem is that when you're in love, you tend to overlook things.
Top Top