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Posted: 5/20/2003 6:04:03 AM EDT
My wife ran across these 4 little haha's on the web, & thought we all would like to read them. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. Two animal rights protesters were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death. Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:12:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:22:17 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 9:49:37 PM EDT
btt for the night folks.
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 10:37:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2003 10:42:00 AM EDT by Searcherfortruth]
Drive-Thru Fun Fun ThingsTo Do At The Drive-Thru 1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order. 2. Ask prices of everything on the menu and then order something that you did not ask the price for. 3. Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window. 4. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped. 5. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in. 6. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on. 7. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup. 8. Ask how they fit into that little box. 9. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on. 10. Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said "May I take your order?" 11. When asked if they can take your order say "Why, can I take yours?" 12. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you. 13. Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away. 14. Tell them you have to use the bathroom. 15. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it. 16. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene. 17. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it. 18. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare. 19. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight. 20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line. Have Fun! From JokeMonster.com
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 10:41:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2003 10:42:08 AM EDT by Offspring]
[url]www.ilovebacon.com[/url] Guaranteed to get at least a giggle out of ya.
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 10:44:23 AM EDT
That is so darn funny these things never get old.
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 11:00:19 AM EDT
..but they still don't get any more true! from [url]http://www.snopes.com/humor/lists/fakenews.htm[/url] This laundry list of "true news stories" began circulating on the Internet during the spring of 1998. Just in case you were having a "bad day" . . . The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an ax leaving her mentally retarded. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his walkman. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. And finally . . . Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. Your day's not so bad, is it? Though the list now most commonly takes the form quoted above of five tales of unspeakable irony, earlier versions listed seven incidents. Here are the missing two: Trying to keep warm in freezing weather, a 50 year old Cypriot huddled over his paraffin heater. Accidentally overturning it, he set himself on fire, screaming in pain as his clothes were engulfed he ran out of his abode and jumped into a nearby reservoir, where he sunk like a stone and drowned. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off. None of the seven tales is a true story. The one item that comes closest to having something to it is the entry about the luckless flagpole sitter -- Frank Perkins, the man named in the bit, set a pole-sitting record of 399 days in 1976 in San Jose, California. However, the horrific results he supposedly weathered were not reported in the media, leading one to believe a real name and achievement were used to dress up a fanciful tale. The self-bombing Iraqi tale was reported as a news item in the 27 November 1994 issue of The People. Two things to be kept in mind when considering the validity of that cite: The People is notorious for printing tall tales, and no other news agency carried this story. Interestingly, a 1966 Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoon titled "Sugar and Spies" contains a segment where the coyote attempts to mail a letter bomb to his nemesis. The rigged package marked "postage due" is returned by the road runner disguised as a postman. But of course the coyote opens it, blowing himself up.
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 12:07:50 PM EDT
I do number 17 at the drive thru all the time and its usually trash from another fast food resturaunt. Keving67
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