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Posted: 5/19/2003 8:47:02 PM EDT
I need some advice... To make a long story short... My life is FUBAR. I haven't been working the last 2+ months due to a buldged disc(s) in my back. I am supposed to be getting disability pay, but my employer is jerking me around to put it nicely. My mom is depressed and has been abusing alcohol. She was in for treatment in march, but soon started to drink. Saturday night, when no one was home, she was alone, drank a bunch, and passed out walking to her bedroom. She fell hard and broke her nose and got knocked out. My sister came home to find her laying in a pool of blood. She is now in the hospital, and it doesn't look like she will be coming home anytime soon. They think she may have had a mild stroke. There is a history of strokes at a young age in the family. She hasn't been going to work, so I fear she has lost her job. She looks like someone beat the shit out of her, her whole body is bruised and she can hardly sit up on her own. My sister is just graduating HS this summer, so she has no source of income. She has probably been hit the worst by all of this. My mom has told her she (my sister) is the reason she drinks, blah blah blah... I haven't been seeing my girlfriend for very long. Just going on 4 months, but she has always tried to be there for me. Its always been so helpfull and calming for me to just be with her. I am starting to get an overwhelming feeling that I don't having anything to offer her as I have no money, and pretty much no job. I'm afraid I'm getting so attached to her, that if I lost her, I would be done for. I'm not sure she feels the same way about me. Due to the lack of funds, my insurance lapsed on my truck, and I was involved in a minor accident. I'm now getting sued for vehicle damage and bodily injury (which is bogus beacause I hit the guy backing up at about 5 mph in the rear of the vehicle.) Its all just getting to be too much. I'm only 20 years old and I feel like I'm about 55. Its getting to be such a drain, I dunno WTF to do. Here I am, stuck with the house payment, utilities, car payment, etc etc with no income to speak of. WTF am I supposed to do? Anyone ever been in a similar situation? What can I do, if anything? Any help would be greatly apprecieated. Thanks in advance. -Jared
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:04:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/19/2003 9:15:35 PM EDT by DrFrige]
PvtJoker, man I am sorry for your rut that you are in but you know what? They are all reversible and fixable. You dont have terminal cancer, you dont have a sick child, you have a roof over your head, you at least HAVE A TRUCK you can drive. You OBVIOUSLY have a computer. My best friend says "Aint nothing but a thing" I am not saying your problems arent real...they are. Wanna feel better about yourself? Take a walk through the cancer ward or heart ward at a children's hospital. [b]Because THAT my friend IS ROCK BOTTOM.[/b] Your mom is an adult and responsible for her own actions. What she did to your sister is not cool (About she is the cause of the drinking) And that shit hurts your sister Im sure. Of course it bothers you that your mom is drinking but PvtJoker, she did that. Take care of yourself FIRST otherwise you are NO GOOD to the ones you love. hopefully her fall will wake her up. But be ready that it didnt. I wish you the best.
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:05:50 PM EDT
When it rains , it pours .... I really wish I could be helpfull , but I have my doubts . I've been through some tough ones myself and I guess the only thing that I can say with any certainty that may mean something to you , is that it doesn't last ....sooner or later things will get better ...it's just the way life goes ...but rest assured things will get better ... just keep your head together , find people you can rely on and keep pluggin' away ... I feel like some jaded old man when I say all of this , and I can imagine what my reaction would be (I'm really not much older than you) I am personally just coming out of some really hard times and it is funny how it does all seem to come at you at once...Stand by yer Ma , do not let that shit(drinking) get on top of her , she might not want to hear it but you are her son and you got a right to do something about it. Be glad you have a girl around , that can be a real blessing , if she causes you more problems , well then that will tell you something... Anyway , I've gone on long enough , hope some of this babbling meant something to you... t p.s. where in Wi. do you live ?
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:10:27 PM EDT
Dude, how old are you? Where are you in WI? Back when I was 20 (1991), my girlfriend dumped me, my mom got sick and moved home, and my brother and I got put on the street. I backed into my neighbors brand new Pontiac and caused $1000 worth of damage, I didn't have any insurance. I got sued and my license suspended (I was a taxi and pizza driver). My cat got run over and killed. All in the space of a month. I know what you are talking about. I have had really good times, and really bad times since. I am currently in a bad time, but also have some really great things going on. It's all part of life. I trust in God to be there. While I am not one of these guys that will throw myself into a burning house and say "God will protect me" (God doesn't tell us to be stupid anywhere I can find), I do know that when I look to him for answers and guidance, and try to do what is right, things work out for the best. Give Him a try, turn it over and He will help. So, all I can tell you is, there are others here who have been there (and then some). We made it, and so will you. Trust us. Life is not a bowl of cherries, but buried in the ups and downs lie treasure for anyone who figures out what is truly important. Good Luck! Geoff
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:11:44 PM EDT
The most important thing you can do is to just hang in there! You and your sister can provide each other with emotional support. Sorry to hear about your mom, but she will have to straighten her own self out, she is the one who is responsible for her station in life, not you or your sister. I'm not trying to be harsh, but with the facts presented, thats the way I'm gonna call it. I hope you understand. Don't worry about the accident, they can't take what you don't have. Do what you have to in order to recuperate your back. I happen to have the same injury and I am able to keep it in check by taking large doses of Motrin when it flares up, and by doing crunches and a few other low impact exercises to keep my abs in reasonable shape. Let your girlfriend know that you appreciate her sticking with you through this tough time. You should not have to buy her any gift to show your appreciation, but a sincere hand written, hand delivered letter and a few nice words should mean quite a bit to her. This is the most important bit of advice I have to give. Get a close and personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. He will help if you ask him. It might not be done just the way you ask, but He will help all who ask. Hang in there! We are here if you need us!
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:12:42 PM EDT
Well, you are in a tough as heck situation. If it were me, I'd turn to prayer first. Get to a quiet place, and ask God, (daddy), for help. When we are overwhelmed is a good time to turn to Him. Another thing to keep in mind, is when you're at rock bottom, there's only one way to go....up. This will pass, six months, and it'll be a memory. Mom needs to get to an AA meeting, or she's prolly toast. She doesn't drink because of youe sister. She drinks because she WANTS to, and alcohol is more important to her than your sister is. It is reprehensible that mom blames HER own disfunction on her daughter. Mom is very sick, and you can do nothing, only she can. Good luck. God Bless you.
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:13:19 PM EDT
Seriously, I look at the good times. Sometimes I write about them and share them. God has given me a way of dealing with the humor and pathos of life, and God knows how, I can usually find the humor in almost ANYTHING. God knows, some of the funniest times I've ever had, were really some of the worst, just put into a different perspective.(It's probably an Irish thing) My SEC stories are just pathos in a different light........ Find the lighter side. A good book to read is 'Angela's Ashes' by Frank Mc Court. Hang in there, buddy. BTW, when I was 30, I was living in a camper.
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:18:05 PM EDT
Hey guys, I know there are worse off people out there. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. Thats the last thing I want to do. I know I could handle these problems one at a time. But like they say, When it rains it pours, and its pouring like a bitch out there right now. It just helps to know other people have been in similar and worse situations and made it through. I've got a feeling I'll need to be looking for a job, if I ever get back to work. Thats only going to make things worse.. TheKill, I'm in Menasha, Where are you at? I'm 20. Thanks for the support guys. I need all I can get. I've never been one thats easy sharing his feelings. I find it a little easier to type it out. -Jared
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:22:19 PM EDT
I hear you. I've been so down before I couldn't even see the bottom. Stay close to your sister and girlfriend. Talk all this out with them, and don't shut yourself out. Your mom has her own row to hoe, but your sister will be there for the long haul. Talk it out with your girlfriend. A friend of mine had a ruptured disk and horrible problems, so I have an idea of what you are going through. He is an indian and got it fixed without much cost to him, though. Do you go to church? A talk to the pastor might be in order. The church group might be able to help out, financially or legal.
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:35:41 PM EDT
Try to think objectively. Right now it seems as your world is collapsing but it really isn't. All your problems have solutions and they are waiting for you to find them. #1 get to a therapist ASAP. You are going down a road that another one here did. He wasted himself over a bad marraige. Get your back straightened out. You are 20 years old! Fuck the disability shit! If you can sit and type on AR15.com you can get a data entry job for $8/hour which is better than nothing. Get motivated. I had 2 bulged dics and went through Navy bootcamp, worked out on a regular basis, etc. Take care of yourself first, if you don't get yourself in order your chic WILL leave you or worse CHEAT on you. Girls for the most part want stability and security in a relationship, not some broke, emotionally distressed, basket case. Take the insurance hit as a lesson learned. Don't repeat the same mistakes. Don't fucking drive uninsured. What if you backed over a kid on a bike at 5mph and killed the kid? You are lucky it was a fender bender!!!! Get it? If your mom wants to get better she will, if not she won't and you can only worry about it because it is all up to her. Get yourself and your sister to a counselor. There are plenty of free ones to talk to. You are suffering from depression which is an illness that can be treated and CURED. You need to get these things fixed first. At your age life has not begun yet. I'm 32 and made some stupid mistakes, been through the ringer with women, financial problems, injury, employment problems, everything and worse than what you described. Understand this is life and it doesn't get easier. You have to learn to deal with what gets thrown at you. As for your disc problems, I went to a doctor who advised me to take up an exercise routine that would strengthen my lower back and relieve the disc compression causing the bulge. That was when I was 19, two months from bootcamp and not an ache since so you can do it too. Don't wallow in self pity and depression. They are self perpetuating. Get up, get a job, see a professional and get yourself in order, I'd give anything to be 20 again, you have the world at your feet! If I seem harsh it is because I'm trying to be that way. I know what it is like to be in your shoes and I wish somebody would have put a shoe up my ass. Youth is wasted on the young for sure. Take advantage of it. You get yourself feeling better and back to work and you'll be right as rain for sure. Trust me, I know on this one!
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:38:32 PM EDT
1 Get a lawyer for you workers comp injury. 2 Stop thinging you can change other peoples lives 3 Focus on yourself before you try to help other. Sgtar15
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 9:50:42 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 10:20:43 PM EDT
Jared, Hang in there...people DO care about your well being. Back pain is the worst. I herniated some discs last year and I empathize completely. When I was hurting my life was dominated by negative emotions and I put on 20 lbs...which didn't help the back pain. For this reason I highly reccomend trying to get active. Profesional Phys Therapy isn't necessary...you can do everything you need with some really light weights and some bungee cords and maybe a gym membership. Start walking extended periods...and light stretching. Rehab will take time and you may never get back to 100%. Rehab can be painful but I promise you are doing more damage by staying sedentary than by gettin some excercise. You probably can't DO anything for your mother other than give her your love. Alcoholics have to help themselves and will not accept help unless they want it. It sucks to sit there and watch it. For your sister...get her out of the house and in a healthy environment PRONTO. A healhty environment is not shacked up with boyfriend or whatever... The armed forces come to mind as a place for her to develop away from the potential harms of your mother. I can't offer legal advice on your accident. The "victim" probably called a lawyer they saw advertised on daytime television or their insurance is trying to make hay. If you can't pay...make sure none of the family property is in your name. Good luck...let us know how things go...we are all here for YOU. If you want some back rehab advice drop me an IM with the details of your injury and your present physical limitations. (ie: range of motion, type and intensity of pain etc) Travis
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 10:33:07 PM EDT
... What ever you do, avoid [b]David_Hineline[/b]
Link Posted: 5/19/2003 10:45:21 PM EDT
Keep your head up bubba. Don't let it get you. Everybody has times they feel like the whole world is against them. It'll wear you ragged if you let it. Find a way to keep from letting it drag you down in depression. Everybody's different and you have to find your own motivation. Myself I use anger. I get mad at my problems and think to myself that they can "go Fuck Themselves" cause "they can't beat me!" Other folks find comfort in seeking professional advice, talking to theier pastor or whatever. First order of business is to get your workers comp claim straightened out. Sgtar15 suggested you get a lawyer. I suggest you [b]at least[/b] contact someone and get some legal advice on this. Keep your wits. I'll be hopeing for better days ahead for you.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 3:42:43 AM EDT
You guys haven't left me much to say! I'll just double up on a couple of points. 1. There is a bottom. When it's reached don't stay there. Move forward/up. 2. Get with God on this stuff. He knows where you are and cares more than you can comprehend. Partner with Him (that's what "covenant" means) to walk though it and look to Him to guide you. 3. Sit down and do some serious thinking about where you want to be vs. where you are now. Then map out a plan to get there and make it happen. 4. Look at all of the above posts. You're not alone. Now, git on with yer life, lad! Don't ferget t' have some fun along the way, too!
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 5:55:05 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... What ever you do, avoid [b]David_Hineline[/b]
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YUP. Jared, Prayer is very powerful. Hang in there. I hope things get better for you soon.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:11:28 AM EDT
#1 Take care of your back. Your health HAS to be you first priority.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:12:04 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... What ever you do, avoid [b]David_Hineline[/b]
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lol
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:35:41 AM EDT
Since sgtar15 did the thinking for me, I'll just copy 'n paste that. 1 Get a lawyer for you workers comp injury. 2 Stop thinging you can change other peoples lives 3 Focus on yourself before you try to help other. Point #3 translates into: A Get your back fixed. B Get a job, any kind of job, but NOW. Hopefully your struggle to get cool again will inspire the rest of your family (of course your sister will have to get a job to help the house income once graduated -or even before that, just don't let her quit) Best luck to you young man! NsB
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:40:00 AM EDT
Pvt Joker, First off, hang in there. I think we all can relate to your situation on one level or another. Don't think of how bad things are...look for the good things. You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Like it was stated before, if you can pound out messages in here, you can do order entry or transpose data at a place like Banta or some other local business. Talk with your sister. Stay close to her. She knows exactly waht you are going through. Find things to do that you enjoy that don't cost too much. Go fishing, go play cards, go plant flowers....do things outside if possible. It is amazing what sunlight and fresh air can do for your spirits. Go to church! Take it slow at first. God has a way of helping you through things like this. What he is doing is testing you. Sometimes you have to feel your worst, just so you can appreciate the better times to come. I am not joking about this. God and prayer has helped me through some really tough times in my life. Talk to your friends. Let them know EXACTLY everything that is bothering you. getting it off your chest helps lighten your load. Get another cat, or dog...hamster, bird or whatever. Talk to them if you have to. Seriously. Talk to them out loud. Sometimes hearing yourself talk about your problems helps you see other aspects of life. Don't shut yourself out of other people's lives. Sit your g/f down and ask her if she will help you get through this. You WILL get through this, and in a few years, you will use it as a point of reference. The old saying about getting darkest right before dawn holds true in life. You gotta feel bad in order to feel good. And feeling bad is temporary.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:43:18 AM EDT
PvtJoker most of us have been down a dark road or two and the only real advice i can give you is ,"there's only one way to go after you hit bottom", Thats up and you will make it back up if you keep trying. I have went broke completely twice in my life the first time I was 25 grand short of having a million dollars put away,it went to shit so fast I'm still not sure WTF happened. The second time when I was 33 I owned a large bar and lost it all again,(600K) now it took me 10 years to recover from that one and now I made it all the way back to where I should be. It's all part of life and you take it and stand aginst it and you overcome all that would drive you down. You can do it ,lessor men have , you need to know that you can overcome this shit storm in you life.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 6:51:06 AM EDT
I know very well what it feels like when it seems that everything is thrown at you at once. It is very overwhelming to say the least. You will have to accept that you can not change some of these things and others you will learn from. Try dealing with one problem at a time, beginning with your own problems. Find a pastor or someone to talk to about this.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 7:39:47 AM EDT
And one more thing- learn everything you can from this period of your life. If you approach it properly you come out stronger. These trials produce character. Then, one day you may be the one giving advice to some young guy going through a tough time. I've had some experiences in my life that were horrible. However, later on I was able to go to someone going through the same thing and minister to them, saying, "I know what you're going through- I've been there." Heck- I got a feeling things are turning around for you already.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:12:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By piccolo: Seriously, Find the lighter side. A good book to read is 'Angela's Ashes' by Frank Mc Court.
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I saw the movie. It was excellent!!
Hang in there, buddy. BTW, when I was 30, I was living in a camper.
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I lived in a camp trailor at age 50..... Not anymore..[:D] We have lots of similarities, you and I..
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:31:10 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... What ever you do, avoid [b]David_Hineline[/b]
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Not to mention Cerebral_assassin.....
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:39:36 AM EDT
Simplify. Prioritize. Execute. Be, do, have, in that order. #1. Personal health/spirituality (which includes personal time to deal with stress from all of this) #2. Sister #3. Lawsuit/attorney #4. Income #5. Mom Girlfriend doesn't get a spot on the list since it is assumed that she will be there with you through the whole thing if she's worth a salt. If she can't walk with you through this, she'll never walk with you as a wife. Mom is last on the list for a reason. You cannot and should not co-enable her addiction. She has to want to recognize her mistakes and genuinely want to change her life. You and your sister are just starting out. You must do what you have to do in order to achieve your potential and goals. As a 20 y.o., long-term planning represents 3 months. As a 30 y.o., long-term planning represents 3 years. Set goals accordingly. Don't set unobtainable goals. Set 1 week goals. 30 day goals. 90 day goals. 180 day goals. 12 month goals. 24 months goals. 36 month goals. Focus on the short term and your daily regimin. Visualize who/what you want to be. Start with yourself. Shed all of your previous ideas about who/what you are. Get rid of bad habits and negative influences, including friends and even Mom if need be. Don't be afraid to 'wake up and be someone else'. The only person who can change is you. Discipline your life to the minute. Wake up on time, eat healthy, exercise (as your health permits), go to bed on time. Focus on the goals, nothing but the goals, only the goals. Plan time for stress relief (party, whatever), use it as a reward for staying on course. Give yourself room to mess up, but get right back on track when it happens. Adopt the attitude that 'problems' are 'goals' and solving problems (attaining goals) is just cause for accomplishment and reward. Deattach your emotions from your tasks. Emotions are evil spawn of Satan and will destroy anything and everything if given the chance - hence the old saying, an idle mind is the devil's playground. You will succeed. There is no other option. In 12 months, you will have a completely different set of goals (problems), so the ones you have today are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 9:09:29 AM EDT
Originally Posted By liberty86:
Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf: ... What ever you do, avoid [b]David_Hineline[/b]
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Not to mention Cerebral_assassin.....
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Does the name 'Avon Lady' ring a bell?
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 9:41:54 AM EDT
kudos for most of the responses you got here. they seem pretty spot-on. I'm in a hard spot right now, too, but it doesn't sound as bad as yours. mine's almost completely financial. it's tight. it's hard. but I'll get over it. "don't sweat the small stuff. and remember: it's all small stuff" like was mentioned, when you hit the bottom there's nowhere to go but back up. unfortunately, misery really does love company, and it only breeds more misery. I was in a really horrible emotional state a few years ago. I wanted help, and I wanted out of it, but all I would ever do about it was to make it worse. It was bad enough that my closest friends were tired of talking to me because all I'd do was to bring them down. then someone told me about Jesus, and I suddenly had hope. I wasn't healed, but I had hope. after about a month I started to feel down because the situation didn't fully go away, and was starting to come back. then I got baptized. literally, as soon as I came up from the water I felt great, the self-esteem problems were gone, the depression was gone, the pain was gone. years later I have never fallen to that place again. have I gotten discouraged, knocked down, and feeling kinda down since then? yes, but nowhere nearly as bad, and nothing self-destructive or anything. why? because it says in the Word that we will be struck down, but not destroyed. we will be persecuted, but not abandoned. "This, too, shall pass." take the advice given in the above posts. especially about turning to God. but when you turn to God, don't take it lightly. He asks for a lot. He asks for everything. He wants to take your back pain. He wants your troubles, your finances, and your relationship with your sister. He wants your truck, your job, and girlfriend. He wants your mind, heart and your soul. He wants your future and your life. and He accepts nothing less than everything. if you give Him less than everything, you may as well give nothing. but if you yearn to give everything, He will help you to do it. it's not easy, it doesn't happen all at once. He will ask for things you don't want to give away. but for everything you give Him, He will give back to you a hundred times over. and ultimately, you have to remember it's not about you. it's about Him. it's for His Glory. it's to advance His Kingdom. you will benefit from it, but that can't be your motive. because when the judgement comes, your motives and thoughts are weighted just as much as your actions, if not more. so when you get out of this situation, remember to praise God for lifting you up. remember to give Glory to God for rescuing you. remember that you did not and could not do it on your own, but that you were, are, and will be eternally dependant on His Will and Grace. and no matter how you feel, always remember that you are loved. remember that you are loved so much, that God chose to submit Himself to the trials and temptations of being a man, and took upon Himself all of your transgressions, pain, and suffering to die on the cross just so that you would have the opportunity to talk with Him. and know that He would do it all again, just for you.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 10:01:52 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2003 10:05:02 AM EDT by u-baddog]
[b]What to do when your about to hit rock bottom ? [/b] You are not rock bottom yet. 18 years old 1 week out of HS Living on the street No money No friends No car I think that was my rock bottom. 20 years later I look back and smile, someday you will to. Just hang in there and remember GOD helps those who help themselves, dont wait for him. BenDover had the best advise so far. It worked for me. Oh, I still kept some of the bad habits
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 2:33:44 PM EDT
Guys, I really apprecieate all the advice. Its helping... My injury is not work related. I am suppposed to get disabilty pay, but they are dragging their collective feet. I finally snapped today and called them and basically asked WTF is going on. I did do so in a much calmer, nicer way. :-) I just got an email from my aunt. She is a nurse. She sent an email to the whole family saying that my mom is in Room #544, and if you want to see her alive, you better go visit tonite as she is getting discharged tommorow. I dunno WTF that is supposed to mean. I did not get a single minute of sleep. Things seem like they are getting worse. I sure as hell don't need to go to my moms funeral anytime soon. -Jared
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 7:45:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2003 7:47:52 PM EDT by bobbyjack]
Jared I'm not that wealthy but post an address or PO Box and I'll be glad to send you a little something to help you out! I turned 18 walking guard in Korea while my parents were going through a divorce(first Christmass away from home),and JFK got blasted and I had to wake up the CO to tell him this! Things can be as bad as they can get,but keep your head and chin up,you have Brothers here that care about your future! Bob BTT
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:21:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2003 8:27:14 PM EDT by gman552]
PvtJoker, BenDover has excellent advice. Your aunt (the nurse) has probably seen a lot of situations like this, and what I think she means is: "Your mom is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. She will go home and kill herself, next week or next year, deliberately or accidentally, with booze, pills, by falling down the stairs, or driving off a cliff." [:(] I pray that your mother wakes up and turns her life around. Hang in there.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:53:20 PM EDT
As far as your mom's drinking is concerned, she drinks because she WANTS to. I'm sorry to say that I'm pretty inflexible when it comes to alcohol abuse. I hate to send referrals to the legal profession, but a lawyer could probably help you with your employer. Also, do you have alot of credit card debt? In your situation, bankruptcy may not be a bad idea (and it's easy. Trust me). It may also help with your lawsuit. Some (if not alot) law firms offer free consultation or pro-bono work for folks in your situation. It's mostly a way to get new lawyers some experience. It's not the best help, but it is help. Good luck!!
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 8:58:11 PM EDT
I think rock bottom is officially described as when you lock yourself in room with a loaded gun and a bottle of whiskey. Or as cotton hill called it, the test of manhood. Don't worry you'll be alright, let your mom worry about the drinking. Theres nothing you can do, only she can help herself. If you yell at addicts they just get depressed and do more. As for your sister, help her find a job, shes gonna need it. As for court worse comes to worse you file for chapter 11. Least that way you keep a few possesions. I know kids walking around major cities with all their possesions in bookbags. Pray alot.
Link Posted: 5/20/2003 9:33:22 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/20/2003 9:36:43 PM EDT by thesacrifice]
I'm down on luck as we speak too. I'm 22, recently got laid off due to "cutting back". Well a week after getting laid off, my car got broken into. The theif got off with my stereo, jacket, over 60 cds and more. Insurance covered none of it, it cost me $188 alone to replace the broken window he used to enter my car. Then I broke my toe, really mangeled it and had to go to the emergency room, well guess what, laid off = no medical insurance... bam $750 emergency room cost. On top of that I had to withdraw from school, couldn't afford the current quarter. My work laid me off with notice, told me in the last 5 minutes of the work week that I wouldn't be coming back. Phew.... What to do what to do? I'm getting unemployment right now but once it expires ill work some grunt jobs until I can get things rolling again. A lot of people have recommended "god", but churches burn everyday. Pull through with your own might, itll make victory that much better
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 6:27:47 PM EDT
Thanks for the advice guys.. Keep it coming.. I sure can use all I can get. Seems like things are getting worse. As far as bankrupty. I've got about 2 grand in cc debt. What would that do as far as if I ever wanted to buy a house? -Jared
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 6:57:52 PM EDT
Couple of things: Don't drive until you get insurance. If you have to, sell some stuff to cover bills. Guns, ammunition, accessories, books, record albums, comic books, stamps, or whatever to help smooth out the financial situation. Don't go bankrupt over $2000. It's not worth messing up your credit for 7 years. To control spending cut up your credit card, don't charge anything until you pay it off. Make the minimum payments ontime until you get a job.
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 7:21:38 PM EDT
BenDover laid it out pretty nicely. I can’t remember the artist, but I can’t help thinking of a country and western / religious song titled “One Day At a Time”. Even if you’re not religious, the concept in the title is really valid. If you worry about everything at the same time, you’ll be overwhelmed. Some things will just have to wait. Suggest you take the things you can do later, or that you can’t do anything about anyway, and just mentally set them aside. That's worked for me. Good luck.
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 7:25:57 PM EDT
None of your problems are insurmountable. Just do everything you can, everyday, to learn from them and to make sure they are temporary. What does not kill you makes you stronger. REALLY! Prayer worked for me, and will work for you if you are sincere. Leastways it can't hurt.
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 7:36:47 PM EDT
Son, you are not at rock bottom yet. It's close, so remember this: Tough times dont last, tough people do. Go after the disability insurance you have paid for, and look for a job you CAN do. As far as your mother is concerned, she is the one ith a drinking problem, and doesnt care enough for her children to stop. You cant save her, she has to save herself. YOU have to save yourself. What is happening is tough, but not insurmountable. Rock bottom is when you find yourself loading magazines in the basement, and you arent going to the shooting range.......... Ops
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 10:38:15 PM EDT
You post an address so some of us can send you some help! Bob [:D]
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 11:13:37 PM EDT
Keep your head up man! Right now I'm in it up to my eyeballs too dude. You are gonna be fine. Time will pass and you will be okay. You are not alone and we all have problems. For instance, I have been laid off since late Feb., marital strife, money problems, and to top it all off I have a daughter that is suffering so badly I cry when I think about it. But guess what? I'm one tough motherfucker and there aint nothing gonna beat me down, ever! I can win every battle I undertake even if that means enduring hell for the short term. I have a military reserve career, a wife, a damned good head on my shoulders and with just that I'm a rock. I will tell you that it wasn't always like that. 6 years ago I was so distraught over the women problems, the new baby, no real job, felt helpless so I sat down with a loaded Beretta 92FS cocked the hammer and put the barrel in my mouth. And somebody said to me "You have things to do.". I put the gun down cried a bit and I went to see a counselor to just tell her about all the things I was suffering. I never understood what that thought meant until this shit with my ex started worsening. There are people that need you. My daughter needs me. She needs me to be strong. She needs me to be solid as a rock and not to back down anymore, ever! When I feel helpless in this quagmire I recall the day she told me I was her hero! That gives me strength to move mountains man. I have never been so determined ever in my life as I am at this minute. I know that I will be okay and I know you will too. Wade into that. Often I wonder what I have done to deserve all of this strife or why I am given these burdens to bear. I am scared often that I won't be able to carry these weights, then after some searching I realize why I'm given these burdons to bear, because I can. I'm not a real religious person but I think God puts the heaviest loads on the strongest mules, know what I mean? Someday you will be married, have kids etc. You will look back and remember how bad it felt and then you will realize that nothing is insurmountable if you are determined.
Link Posted: 5/21/2003 11:58:03 PM EDT
Tell your sister to get a job and move in with you to help defray the rent.
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 7:13:49 AM EDT
Bobby, I didn't come here looking for monetary help. I do need help in that way, but couldn't just ask random people that I don't know. I whole heartedly apprecieate the offer though. I am amazed you would even offer without knowing me. Your a great person, along with all the other guys that are giving out advice. Thanks alot... -Jared
Link Posted: 5/22/2003 9:58:50 AM EDT
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