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Posted: 5/15/2003 12:17:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/15/2003 11:07:28 AM EDT by TheKill]
Well guys and girls, my default divorce hearing is at at 0940 this morning. Lawyer wants to meet me there 15 minutes early. I would share more but I am going to wait until after the hearing is over and everything is final before I talk too much. I want this over, yet I STILL have mixed feelings about the whole divorce concept.....those pesky Judeo/christian ethics. I am glad to be rid of her, yet still have that nagging feeling of failure. Whatchagonnado? Wish me luck or say a prayer if you are inclined. I'll post tomorrow with the scoop! **updated** Everything was fine until question 10. "Are you pregnant?" Answer: "yes". Court ordered a Guardian Ad Litum be appointed and a new hearing scheduled. She told the judge it isn't mine, but the judge felt that some sort of advocate for the child's interest should be involved apparently. So much for simple. My lawyer says it doesn't really change much, just a delay and it will cost some more money. We havea signed and filed settlement agreement, so more waiting. Bummer!
Link Posted: 5/15/2003 12:19:18 AM EDT
Sorry guy, I think I will be going thru the same pretty soon, if there is anything I can do just drop me a line.
Link Posted: 5/15/2003 1:01:26 AM EDT
Good luck. Hope it all turns out well. Or, I hope at least you don't get totally reamed. I'm on the edge myself here at home, may be headed down the same path. Wishing for the best.
Link Posted: 5/15/2003 2:16:59 AM EDT
Good luck today! I've been there and it isn't any fun. Just stay calm and collected throughout the proceedings. The feelings you are having are normal and will pass with time. Hang in there!!!
Link Posted: 5/15/2003 2:35:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/15/2003 2:37:55 AM EDT by vmax84]
Mine was suppose to be final March 20th, so you might be "lucky" and have it keep dragging on as well. Hope you're not so "lucky". Kinda like having bamboo shoots shoved up your fingernails. Since my wife figured out she was not going to get that much in the settlement (my parents gave me a bunch of cash last year and that figure is backed out of the money she would receive), she is now after one half of the stereo, snowmobiles, ammo, and GUNS!!! Damn her. Really got personal when she started coming after the firearms. Good luck, man. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 4:41:04 AM EDT
Damn!! Kill, she sure put the icing on the cake with that one. Hang in there and stay cool. It will be rough for awile but it does get better with time. My divorce was about as ugly as they get but I can honestly say I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. Be strong and keep your head.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 4:55:26 AM EDT
Originally Posted By TheKill: Everything was fine until question 10. "Are you pregnant?" Answer: "yes"....We have a signed and filed settlement agreement, so more waiting. Bummer!
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What do you mean bummer? At least it isn't yours and you aren't stuck paying child support for it for the next 18 years. You should be happy.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 5:00:24 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 5:03:01 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/16/2003 5:03:42 AM EDT by TUMOR]
HAH!!!!!!!! My "Wife" did the same thing!!! She was 6 months pregnant (she got knocked up by one of her community college STUDENTS!)when it got close to the court date for the divorce. She "hinted" that she could cause me trouble by showing up with "the big belly" and tell the judge that "he kicked me out when he found out I was carrying his child". She just wanted $$$$. I arranged for all of "our" friends and associates to be in court to testify that the kid wasn't mine and that it WAS her students! Her family tried to counter my move by letting me know that they would all be there to testify that the kid was mine. "Go ahead and testify." I told them....."that's what DNA tests are for! My DNA profile has already been logged.....all we need is the kids and hers to compare to. What time would she like to be scheduled for the test?" It helped that my buddy was editor at the local paper and promised me "good press" if it was needed. They all finally backed off. On the court date, court conviened at 9:30AM and I was divorced at 9:35AM. PAYBACK'S A BITCH! She called me shortly after delivery, North Carolina had a law that if you birth a child within 9 months of a divorce that the only name you can put on the birth certificate is the ex-husbands. I informed her that if she put my name on the BC that I'd sue her socks off and drag it into the newspaper. She backed off, the NC law was for real! She wound up paying my attorney over $600 to get the necessary documents drawn up absolving me of any responsibility and getting her "Stud Student's" name on the BC. He later dumped her! Once a Stupid Bitch.......ALWAYS!
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 7:05:30 AM EDT
I'm glad that mine quickly dissolved. We had to be seperated longer than we were married before a divorce would be granted. If I made the kind of money back then (just a few short years ago) as I do now, she'd probably would have tried to take me for everything. I've been thinking of dropping her a "look where I am at now" letter since she never thought I would amount to much.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 7:49:01 AM EDT
You MUST get a paternity test done as soon as possible, otherwise you could get stuck with child support. Of course it could backfire on you if the baby IS yours. However, if you are 99% certain the baby isn't yours, get the test done. Even if she stipulates in court that the baby isn't yours, she could change her mind later and come after you for child support. That scenario is LIKELY if the child's real father bails on her and she can't get support out of him. She will go looking for the next best wallet...yours. So get the paternity test ASAP to eliminate the possibility. On the other hand, if the child IS yours, you have a Sacred responsibility to take care of that child, forget the legal responsibility, you have a Moral responsibility that supercedes the legal. So make sure the baby is or is not yours.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:03:02 AM EDT
As far as the Whatchagonna do and the feeling of failure is concerned... I got married at 22 or so and was only married a couple of years before it became painfully obvious things had gone down the outhose hole. We divorced fairly amicably and that was that. Hell, I continued to work for her father for 18 months or so after we split. For a few years I had this feeling of failure, that I failed to make the marriage work. Actually I suffered from that for most of the two years we were married (things weren't real good from the beginning). I got over it though. What you've got to tell yourself is that Everything happens for a reason, even if you don't understand what those reasons are. There is no such thing as chaos, only complex order that we don't yet understand. Everything that happens to you contributes to the person you are becoming. Your responsibility is to try to take your experiences and use them to become a better, wiser person. Ultimately these experiences will help you find better relationships down the line and eventually, be a better husband and father when that time comes. Good luck and God bless. BTW, "god" only forbade divorce when the popes decided they could exercise political power by controlling dynastic unions and relationships in the Middle Ages. Henry the VIII's shenanigans were fairly common before that time. The Jews married and divorced fairly easily after all, and early Christians considered themselves Jews and lived according to Jewish practices for the most part. God is more interested that we treat one another well and respectfully, not that we slavishly follow the rules of men who claim to speak for Him. The Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about divorce. So learn the lessons from the experience, treat your soon-to-be-ex-wife respectfully (even if she doesn't deserve it) and move on.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:08:20 AM EDT
Originally Posted By icemanat95: ...Even if she stipulates in court that the baby isn't yours, she could change her mind later and come after you for child support. That scenario is LIKELY if the child's real father bails on her and she can't get support out of him... So get the paternity test ASAP to eliminate the possibility.
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Sound advice! I'm surprised the Judge didn't order you to pay for the Guardian Ad Litum anyway - so watch out - whoever the court does appoint as one will no doubt be sending you a letter (as well as other behind the scenes tricks of the lawyer trade) prying into you and your finances. I can think of nothing worse than having to pay for ANOTHER lawyer to represent the interests of a unborn child that you had nothing to do with in the first place. Now is the time to lower your body into a blade stance, bring your hands up a little, and start scanning (if you know what I mean).
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:09:44 AM EDT
*oh* ...and a prayer inbound your location!
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:23:09 AM EDT
TheKill, I hate to tell you this but even some lawyers don't know this and I only know because it happened to someone I know, If she gives birth and you are still married to her you could be held responsible for that child even though it's not yours ,some state laws kali and a few other have these nutcase laws on the books so that kids don't go unsupported and the state would have to pick up the tab,think I'm nuts ,look it up. I couldn't believe it either.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:24:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Dolomite:
Originally Posted By icemanat95: ...Even if she stipulates in court that the baby isn't yours, she could change her mind later and come after you for child support. That scenario is LIKELY if the child's real father bails on her and she can't get support out of him... So get the paternity test ASAP to eliminate the possibility.
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Sound advice! I'm surprised the Judge didn't order you to pay for the Guardian Ad Litum anyway - so watch out - whoever the court does appoint as one will no doubt be sending you a letter (as well as other behind the scenes tricks of the lawyer trade) prying into you and your finances. I can think of nothing worse than having to pay for ANOTHER lawyer to represent the interests of a unborn child that you had nothing to do with in the first place. Now is the time to lower your body into a blade stance, bring your hands up a little, and start scanning (if you know what I mean).
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I know exactly what you mean. My lawyer stated that he was going to do everything he could to get the county to pay for it, since she testified that it's not mine and the judge wanted to appoint the Guardian anyway. I haven't even seen her since January, so depending on how far along she is (I was so blown away I forgot to ask) I will get the paternity test done. No use leaving any doors open for the future if I am not responsible. At any rate, I asked him if this was a severe complication, he stated "not really, she is emphatic that it's not yours, so it just means another hearing, delay, and you are going to probably run over your retainer". In 4 years of marriage, we never used any contraceptives. I can't even remember the last time we has sex, it was last year around August/Sept at the latest. And it was one time that whole month. Just enough to make me paranoid *chuckle*. This is just so screwed up my head feels like it's going to explode. Over the last 6 months, my blood pressure has hovered around the 150/90 mark. Gee, I wonder why? Oh yeah...if it is mine, I will do right by the child, as best as I can considering the adversarial circumstances. That is a fact. Also, thanks to all for the thoughts and prayers, they are very appreciated.
Link Posted: 5/16/2003 8:29:27 AM EDT
Originally Posted By jrzy: TheKill, I hate to tell you this but even some lawyers don't know this and I only know because it happened to someone I know, If she gives birth and you are still married to her you could be held responsible for that child even though it's not yours ,some state laws kali and a few other have these nutcase laws on the books so that kids don't go unsupported and the state would have to pick up the tab,think I'm nuts ,look it up. I couldn't believe it either.
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Researched all night, but I couldn't find a specific case example from WI. I do know that here in WI, if born before the divorce is final, I am responsible for it, it will get my surname, and I will be listed as the father on the Birth Certificate. I am relatively sure the reason for the Guardian Ad Litem is to make sure paternity issues are settled before the divorce is final.
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