Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 5/10/2003 8:47:13 PM EDT
Should be signing off on the divorce in the next week or so. My attorney (and myself) were not happy with some of the language that wife's attorney had put in the final sign off, so we'll be going down to wifes attorney's office Monday to try and hash it out. I shouldn't be too bummed out, I have 50% physical and joint custody of my two daughters, I get to see my kids all the time and I'm having a ball with them, my child support payments to her are extremely low, etc. Went out with another woman tonight. Although stupid ass me, I just had to drive by my wifes apartment and see what was going on. Saw her boyfriends pickup truck in the driveway. Why the hell do I do this to myself? Talk about taking a stick and jabbing it in your eye and then wondering why you're bleeding. What a dumbass. Will be going out with another woman this upcoming Friday, but I think I'm kidding myself.....I don't think I'm ready for all of this yet. I tell myself if I have my own squeeze that forgetting about my wife will be easier, but I'm not so sure now. I guess a person can't be married for almost 10 years and then just turn the switch off. Thank God I've kept up with my running, lifting weights, eating right because it has helped my ego/pride quite a bit. I look great (well, for what I have to work with!), feel great.....just wish I could find a way to turn that damn switch off in my guts. Pussy rant off. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 8:52:51 PM EDT
I personally would sit tight for a while before dating again. Get your head straight so you don't make a mistake you might regret. Good luck.
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 8:55:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/10/2003 8:56:19 PM EDT by Citabria7GCBC]
i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 8:57:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/10/2003 8:58:11 PM EDT by Nimrod1193]
Dude, don't feel that you need to be jumping into the deep end of the pool right away. You've just been through the wringer emotionally, and it's going to take time to get back up to speed (Welcome to Nimrod1193's metaphor extravaganza!) Seriously, take things one day at a time and enjoy what you have going for you (namely two terrific daughters.) God bless, brother.
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 9:03:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
View Quote
Don't be in such a rush to marry the wrong woman, young Padwan. It took me 22 years to find the woman that God had placed on this earth to be my wife. It was worth the wait. I've been married to her for 15 years, and we have three sons that any man would be proud of. Take your time and make sure that the woman that you choose to share your life with is the right one.
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 9:07:43 PM EDT
I guess I'm going to go to bed. Have my 2 daughters sleeping in their bedrooms (my weekend to have them) right now. I'll be walking into their bedrooms to check on them before hitting the hay, make sure their blankets aren't kicked off, tuck them in, give them a kiss on the cheek.....and just look at those two precious kids for a minute. Man, I wish I could find a way to make it right with them. Since tomorrow is mother's day, I'll be dropping them off tomorrow morning at 9:00am. I'll have to pull my panties up for the minute or so it takes to drop them off, put that "everything is ok" look on my face, smile, be upbeat, etc. while I drop them off. I think I'd feel better if I would just puke. Well goodnight. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 9:08:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/10/2003 9:10:18 PM EDT by Aimless]
Link Posted: 5/10/2003 10:36:33 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 12:43:19 AM EDT
I can totally understand some of the things you are going through. I was just recently divorced on Feb.28,2003 and my ex-wife is getting remarried to the guy she cheated on me with today May 11,2003. It is amazing the different range of emotions one goes through when they are going through a divorce. Keep you head up man, and dont worry about dateing to soon. Go out, meet new people, make new friends. I can understand the desire to want to be with someone because there is a void there, but be smart, grieve through your lose of dreams,hopes,desires,friendship, and companionship, and move on. You will be a better person on the other side of it all.Cry your gutts out, you will feel better in the end. Forgive yourself, and your ex, be at peace with yourself. Take stock in the things that went wrong in your relationship, and change yourself to be a better man. Marriages take two to make it, and two to break it. We can all learn a thing or two. Keep around good friends and family members, support structure is important. Above all, enjoy your new life, have fun. Life is to short to get hung up on things of the past.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 12:47:53 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
View Quote
How can you be 18 and have a "long time ago." [;)] Now for the advice: DON'T GET MARRIED. Seriously. At least for a long time and until you've had at least three long term relationships. Learn to enjoy being by yourself first. You are looking for someone to make you happy and that is not the way it works. You will find youself married and resenting your wife because you are still unhappy, because only YOU are responsible for your happiness. Plus when you develop your inner sense of happiness the girls beat a path to your door because people like being around happy people, not needy people. Sorry if I'm reading too much into your statement, just trying to help others avoid mistakes. vmax- sorry for the pain and grief, glad you have shared custody of the girls. Might be a good time to lay off the ladies for a while and focus on the kids. Emotions are a bitch to deal with, and until you get yours sorted out it is probably not fair to your dates or yourself to keep dating. Hell, these times were made for PC games and porn on the internet. [;)] Good luck, you know we're here for ya. [:)]
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 12:57:49 AM EDT
You got 2 kids and an x-wife, me too. Its gonna kick your ass for years to come. It will diminish as time goes by tho. Good Luck and stay single for a while.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 1:27:58 AM EDT
I was married 18 years before I divorced. BEST thing I ever did! Not getting much pussy, but WAAAAAAAAY happier than I ever thought I could be. Its great being free for once. And my kids are much more fulfilling to me. My advice, just concentrate on each day and not the divorce. It DOES get better. Just dont compare whoever you are with to the ex. It will ruin your life.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 2:51:47 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/11/2003 1:10:26 PM EDT by rain]
Here where I am (Upstate NY) it seems like the woman are out of control, at work many are fooling around, many are "unfufilled" and not happy, Blah blah blah. The ones that I know more than casually are married to decent, hard working, faithful guys who appear to be trying hard and be interesting and fun husbands. If it were just a few you would naturally think that there was something wrong that you didn't know about. But there are too many and we are talking about modern guys who are supportive and actively participate into making sure that their spouses achieve their stated goals and wants. One friend’s family physician (female doc) told him it was like an epidemic. She has seen many failed relationships that just don't make sense. I firmly believe that our culture/society is the root cause of this and that we are f*cked until the pendulum swings back. My divorce is about to celebrate its 4th anniversary (after 21 years with the Ex, 17 married. She cheated.), and I am about to celebrate my 3rd of living together with my lady. She treats me like gold, takes great care of me (which is a first.) is fun to be with, in short lets me know in everyway that she is happy that I am there with her, and yet I still hesitate. Why??? As I said, it’s an epidemic and until I am very sure, or until society regains some sense I don’t believe that any of us should just leap in and fuel the frenzy. You may not be the cause, but despite “equal rights” you males will pay the price, and believe me it is more than half of what you earned when you were together. It’s half + of everything you ever had, and in many cases for years to come. They used to chant “what if they gave a war and nobody came?’ We should be chanting, “what if they have a wedding and the groom doesn’t show?” Be careful and be sure, or “just say no”. If we don’t fight back it will never get right and we will keep paying more than what is just.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:05:24 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:27:53 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
View Quote
At 18 you're at least a decade away from even beginning to THINK about marriage. Marriage, especially from the female's standpoint, is a business decision. Pretend you're an atttorney and a client comes to you for advice regarding a business proposition he's considering of taking on a new partner. He describes it as such: I own the business. I have the inventory. I maintain the physical plant of the business and the inventory. I am responsible for all debts incurred by the business. Upon taking on a partner that individual is immediately entitled to 50% of the assets from the business, very likey 100% of the building and maybe 100% of the inventory if said partnership should dissolve. Would YOU advise your client to enter into a contactual arrangement like that? Well, that's mariage!
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:38:36 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:39:02 AM EDT
Have to get the kids up and get them over to their mothers place. Glad I've got a lot of things to do today since I hate not having the kids on "special days"...even though it's their mothers day, this was my weekend to have them and I don't like taking them back early for something like this. But, Father's day isn't too far down the road, so she can return the favor. I just thought I would be doing much better with this by now. I think what it is I thought she would have seen all the improvements in me and come back. Guess I was kinda counting on her coming back. I am a fairly competetive person (like most guys are) and I feel like I lost.....I hate losing. Gotta go, but I do appreciate the help. This is very tough. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:44:28 AM EDT
All women are either HO's or bitches, for better or worse, richer or poorer, another crock of catholic guilt shit(18yrsCathSchooled), When was the last time for richer or better the whench wanted out? RARELY!!....but poorer or worse, yep, you bet!. Seriously why do women gravitate toward men?, good breeding stock, provider = $$$$$$, or Stability in their life and a father for their children........NOTICE EVERYTHING listed here is for THEM! F'm...literaly, then show'em the door it only gets worse after you F'm.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:56:14 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/11/2003 4:58:04 AM EDT by Kevin_M4]
Originally Posted By David_Hineline: You need to let your hatred/mistrust, and comtempt for women develop for a while before you get sucked back in by thier charms.
View Quote
Sounds like great advice. Be very thankful:
Originally Posted By vmax84: I have 50% physical and joint custody of my two daughters, I get to see my kids all the time and I'm having a ball with them, my child support payments to her are extremely low, etc.
View Quote
I felt like a heal for divorcing my ex-w and I gave in to what ever she wanted : too much child support, more of the bills, half the 401, more of the proceeds from the sale of the house....I was able to see my boys all the time, then she up and took them 700 miles away...now I only get to see them 4 to 6 times a year and I paid and still pay out the ass.....being a nice guy gets you screwed in more ways than one... Be sure you get everything the way you want it in the divorce, once the ink is dry it's damn hard to change....
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 5:38:11 AM EDT
VMAX 84 you did alot better than I did because my ex-wife was teaching Sunday school and screwing her boyfriends on the side and she got custody of our two daughters and a whole lot of real estate and money. I am an Army Officer, and did not have the time to do the detective work to catch her because I was the only one making a living to support the whole family. This happened ten years ago, and it still chaps my ass about lawyers, courts, judges, and the entire process. It sounds like you are getting a good deal - at least as good as one can in a divorce. Take care and keep the spirits up. redfeather.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 6:29:19 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 6:44:20 AM EDT
whatever you do stop hurting yourself by driving by the old place. That will only bring up some bitter memories and if the ex see's you she may call the cops and tell them your'e stalking her. good way to stop that is, everytime you feel like driving by her place is to get a hammer and hit one of your toes as hard as you can.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:17:52 AM EDT
Here's a few pointers from someone who's also been there (a divorce and the "stuff" that follows). Stop driving by her house. She'll get pissed and you might find yourself looking at a restraining order. You creamed her in court and she'll look for revenge. What in the world are you dating for??? Ready to recommit or just looking to make sure she knows that you're dating? Spend time on yourself before involving another person in your recently disrupted life. Your self-worth does not depend on another person...
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:26:55 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 9:52:34 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
View Quote
Dude!!! At your age you shouldn't have that on your mind at all. Enjoy being single think about getting married when you are ten years older. Personaly I am 26, got married when I was 22 got divorced when I was 24..will never do it again. I am too independent and I shoot from the hip. I am enjoying the ability to just pack up and go somewhere for a weekend without telling anyone where I am going. The money I earn is MINE and the money I spend is MINE....I will never put my self in the same hellish situation that I went through again. that being said vmax84....you need to stop going by the ex's house. While keeping in shape is a good thing you should also participate in activities that take away your thoughts of women/booty ect. I would also recommend staying away from the womenz right now. It only complicates the thoughts in your head (it did to mine) I know it is rough esp. with the kids but in time things will get better Good luck!
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 12:23:58 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 1:13:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Citabria7GCBC: i did the same thing...to my ex g/f a long long time ago.....never go back. although i am single riight now.....and i wish i had a wife. i;ve never been married. ( i am 18) but i cant wait to get married! just wish i had someone to marry :(
View Quote
[url=http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=186057]so as not to hijack[/url]
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 1:20:15 PM EDT
I'm in a somewhat similar sitution in that a relationship where I lived with a woman is ending because (on the surface) she chose to leave me for someone else. I have no kids or a divorce to deal with, but we did own a house together which we had to sell. Couple of random thoughts.. -She didn't really leave you for him. In her heart she left you before she ever met him. Women are like monkeys though, and they won't let go of one vine until they have ahold of the next one. It's documented fact. -Stay away from her house. If you're like me at all, seeing the new dude could be hazardous for everyone's health and well being. -Date if you want, but I agree I'd wait until the final papers are signed, just to be on the safe side. My relationship ended in January, and now I'm seeing 3 girls. It might be self destructive, or mean to them, or whatever, but fuck 'em, I don't care. None of them think they're the only one, so it's not my problem. -I don't know how much shooting you've been doing, but I've found that's been a great release for me. I shoot in IDPA twice a month, and with a private group of guys once a month. It's good to be around a bunch of dudes, and not have to worry about impressing the ladies or trying to get laid. It's good relaxation time for me. -One down side of dating, if you're not ready, they can just remind you of what you miss about the ex. Personally, since my goals in dating right now aren't marriage, it doesn't really matter.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 1:31:38 PM EDT
vmax84; I've been there twice. Guess I'm pretty boneheaded, but you got to make the most of where you are right now. Enjoy every minute with your kids and concentrate on them and YOURSELF. Time will take care of it, but waiting sucks. Think of all the things you couldn't do with your ex around and do them now. You need to think about yourself and do the things you want to do, be selfish, it's okay, it's your life and you deserve to be treated decently by someone, if not your ex, then yourself, until someone comes along who will do it for you. Good luck and hang in there.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 2:43:48 PM EDT
Originally Posted By vmax84: ....I shouldn't be too bummed out, I have 50% physical and joint custody of my two daughters, I get to see my kids all the time and I'm having a ball with them, my child support payments to her are extremely low, etc....
View Quote
Take a break, be responsible and set a good example for your girls. Woman come and go, but you will only have one chance with your kids. Take a year sabbatical from dating, (consider it a penance for making poor choices.)
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 2:50:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/11/2003 2:52:29 PM EDT by KODoc]
Originally posted by QCMGR: Take a break, be responsible and set a good example for your girls. Woman come and go, but you will only have one chance with your kids. Take a year sabbatical from dating, (consider it a penance for making poor choices.)
View Quote
or you can: Be responsible. Set a good example for your girls. And bang everything with a pulse, just don't introduce any of them to your kids. I vote my method. You're already being punished enough without piling on the penance. [;)]
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 2:56:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By KODoc:
Originally posted by QCMGR: Take a break, be responsible and set a good example for your girls. Woman come and go, but you will only have one chance with your kids. Take a year sabbatical from dating, (consider it a penance for making poor choices.)
View Quote
or you can: Be responsible. Set a good example for your girls. And bang everything with a pulse, just don't introduce any of them to your kids. I vote my method. You're already being punished enough without piling on the penance. [;)]
View Quote
Then again, the man seems to have a good point.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 3:22:58 PM EDT
Just got back from my sister's place. Had a decent day helping her out with some of her projects. My folks drove over with us (sister, the youngest of 3 sisters) lives about an hour from here) along with another one of my sisters. Had a good time. I should clarify the "drive bys".....I can drive down the street behind her house and see into her backyard, to see what's going on. She would never see me doing it since the street I'm on is a busy street and it's a major "artery" in the city anyway. I know, that doesn't make it right and all I'm doing is torturing myself. What an idiot. I know I'm not ready to date. I'm actually seeing a psychatrist (sp?) and he said the same thing, that it's way too early for me to start dating. He basically has said the same thing that you have been saying (well, most of you!!), that I need to work on me, the kids, etc. I told him I thought I should start dating to "get back at her" and he basically just said that's inmature and that she won't care anyway. I'm hoping I'll start feeling better once the financials (retirement money, property, and real estate) are settled. What really sucks is that I live across the street from her parents, so I feel like I'm always being watched. They are good people, but, it is still living across the street from them and I just hate it. My wife had wanted to move for years, but for some reason, I just couldn't hear her.......man, I hear her now. Gotta look over the "final" paperwork on the divorce, get my thoughts/concerns down on paper, and then fax them over to my attorney (who's also my cousin). Billy has been great to me, is a great lawyer, and keeps telling me not to worry that he's taking care of all the nasty stuff. Just hang tough, things will get better he says. He hasn't been wrong yet on anything in this divorce, so I shouldn't start doubting him now. Anyway, thanks again for your words of encouragement. I never thought this whole thing was going to set me so far back on my heals. I fly a small cargo airplane for a living (Cessna Caravan) and would rather pick my way thru the thunderstorms, fly with a load of ice on the plane, or whatever than go thru this crap. But I guess the old saying that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger will hopefully apply in my case. Thanks again. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 3:53:46 PM EDT
I got divorced last October after twelve years in hell.. errrr... marriage. If you're like me, you'll find that after all those years you don't have the same attitudes about sex/dating that you did before you got married. Best not to get too involved at this point, regardless of what the bitch... ahhhh... ex wife does. Take some time and think about what you really want. Don't settle for less. And don't get yourself in a position where you might settle for less. My $0.04. Because my advice is worth twice what the rest of these numbnuts' advice is worth. Which still isn't much.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:38:40 PM EDT
VMax- sounds like your suffering from AIDS (Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome) I went through a similar situation a few years ago, and I can only agree with you. It set me back way more than I thought it could. It still haunts me a little, though I'm married and all together MUCH happier. Only thing I can say is: expect it to get worse before it gets better, remember that you are better off in the long run, and try not to let it interfere with your work. Being in the same line of work- I do remember not being completly focused. At least icing season is behind you, and you can't forget to put the gear down. And yes, it will make you stronger. Be careful out there- for your daughters sake
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 4:41:23 PM EDT
I'm not having any trouble what-so-ever meeting new girls. Like I've said, I'm still lifting, running, going to the tanner (and I tan like a mutha'!!)......I mean, physically I'm really starting to kick ass. But, and it's a big but, emotionally I know I'm not ready for it. My counselor is right, I am just being inmature about wanting to date someone just to piss her off, try and make her jealous or whatever. I just feel I need some type of pay-back, to get even. I know it's not right, but that's how I feel. She really hurt me and in a way, I want an "eye for an eye". To make her feel a little bit of what I'm going thru. I know, that type of thinking is wrong, but she really hurt me, she split my family up, etc. But once again, the counselor is making me see who the real culprit is.....it isn't her, or her boyfriend, it's me. I was the one who pushed her away from me into someone else. I'm the one who needs to look into the mirror. I've got a long way to go. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 6:23:30 PM EDT
Originally Posted By vmax84: I'm not having any trouble what-so-ever meeting new girls. Like I've said, I'm still lifting, running, going to the tanner (and I tan like a mutha'!!)......I mean, physically I'm really starting to kick ass. But, and it's a big but, emotionally I know I'm not ready for it. My counselor is right, I am just being inmature about wanting to date someone just to piss her off, try and make her jealous or whatever. I just feel I need some type of pay-back, to get even. I know it's not right, but that's how I feel. She really hurt me and in a way, I want an "eye for an eye". To make her feel a little bit of what I'm going thru. I know, that type of thinking is wrong, but she really hurt me, she split my family up, etc. But once again, the counselor is making me see who the real culprit is.....it isn't her, or her boyfriend, it's me. I was the one who pushed her away from me into someone else. I'm the one who needs to look into the mirror. I've got a long way to go. vmax84
View Quote
don't let that shrink tell you it's your fault dude. Did you change? If you were the same asshole the day ya'll met as the day she left, then it's her that's fucked up. As long as you were true to yourself, nothing else matters. Whether you're a jerk, or stupid, or an asshole, or insensitive, or over-sexed, or under-sexed, or too smart, or lazy, or whatever other bad thing she says pushed her away, as long as you were true to yourself, and honest wtih her, then it's her fault for lying to herself. When my ex left, I asked her if I had changed, or tricked her, or led her to believe I'm something I'm not. You know what she said? she said "no, I just thought I could either change you, or learn to deal with it". That doesn't make it my fault, it's hers for being fake. Now with that said, if you weren't true to yourself or honest with her, then it is your fault, and you need to learn to be upfront with who you are. It's not that you need to change, or that you don't, you just have to let people know who they're dealing with, so they can never blame you later.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 6:42:36 PM EDT
I killed my chances of ever getting back together with her and all it took was about 15 seconds of my big mouth. Here's what happened: About 6 weeks after she had filed on me, I was getting extremely impatient/agitated with her since I had gone and seen a shrink, got on an anti-depressant, jumped thru this hoop, that hoop, etc. Did the typical begging/pleading that some of us woos-asses do. Anyway, she was across the street at her parents talking to them and I'm sitting on the sofa slamming 4 beers on an empty stomach. The combination of being in a really crappy mood, empty stomach, and then slamming 4 beers set me up for what was without question the beginning of the end. She finally came back from across the street, I had just finished slamming my 4th beer and then calmly asked her to reconsider us, the family, etc. beg beg plead plead speech I gave her. She didn't say much, just that she didn't think it could work out and it was too late. I got up off the couch, pissed, and started to walk out of the room. But being in such a crappy mood, I just couldn't let it go. I walked back across the room to where she was sitting and in a loud voice (not yelling, but I was louder than normal) said some pretty nasty stuff to her, along the lines of "you stupid bitch, I screwed you the first date we went out on, you fu$$$$' whore, you can kiss my ass you fuc.....she was really surprised as you can imagine. She simply said "alcohol finally brought out the truth in you". I don't know how I can ever forgive myself for that and for screwing my kids over. I can't let it go and deserve what I'm getting. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 6:50:50 PM EDT
Vmax, right now you're in a world of hurt. You said things you regret. You would have done things differently if you had the chance. There is not a man among us who could not make the same claims. But you do NOT deserve what you're getting. If she was the kind of woman who was interested in keeping the family together she would look past words said in booze-laden anger and frustration and and try to work to set things right. Her actions reflect her own self-centered wishes. Stop taking the blame for everything and laying an unwarranted guilt trip on yourself.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:02:42 PM EDT
Geeze what we need on ARFCOM is a relationship board. vmax84 One of the things that I learned about myself during my divorce is that things DO change and only relationships that have like changes can last...You are not the same person that you were when you were 25 if you are now 30 or if you are 35 and so on. Not your fault (so long as you didn't cheat) Do not become self absorbed with "getting even" It is not healthy and if you were to find someone who you think is your match you are liable to turn them off. Keep your mind off women for a while....shoot, reload, hunt, fish, golf, garden, hike camp, get a dog ..whatever but don't let the idea of booty enter your mind...it will only set you back in the long run. One everything becomes final you should probably sell your home and move else where. Shit happens but don't let it get you down..... Life will get better, hang in there.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:06:18 PM EDT
I think much of my problems stem from the type of job I do. I fly for a living. I'm responsible for just about everything that happens with the flight. From how much fuel I need, to how much freight I can take, for figuring out what my best course of action should be in regards to the weather, for every dang thing or aspect of the flight, "I'm the man". Even though it's a small airplane and argueabley the easiest airplane to fly in the world, I take a lot pride/enjoyment out of being "my own man" out in the world and flying in just about whatever Michigan weather can dish out to me. Where the hell was I going with this?? Oh, like most guys, I am somewhat reluctant to ask for help. I don't like doing it. I do ask for help on occassion (I do swallow my pride when it comes to my company's 1+million dollar airplane they have entrusted me to fly) when I need it, but sometimes I hesitate for a second or two before asking for help. Relating the flying to my marriage, I viewed not having to ask for help in flying the plane to not having to ask for help with my marriage. I didn't think I needed to ask for help in fixing my marriage, that I could fix it on my own. So that's why I'm beating my head against the wall on all of this. I was just too damn arrogant/hard headed to ask for help. It could of been so easy, but I dropped the ball and now my kids have to grow up in a split up family. I just don't know how I can make it up to them. I'm going to bed. Wish I could sleep. vmax84
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:09:07 PM EDT
Originally Posted By VTHOKIESHOOTER: Geeze what we need on ARFCOM is a relationship board. vmax84 One of the things that I learned about myself during my divorce is that things DO change and only relationships that have like changes can last...You are not the same person that you were when you were 25 if you are now 30 or if you are 35 and so on. Not your fault (so long as you didn't cheat) Do not become self absorbed with "getting even" It is not healthy and if you were to find someone who you think is your match you are liable to turn them off. Keep your mind off women for a while....shoot, reload, hunt, fish, golf, garden, hike camp, get a dog ..whatever but don't let the idea of booty enter your mind...it will only set you back in the long run. One everything becomes final you should probably sell your home and move else where. Shit happens but don't let it get you down..... Life will get better, hang in there.
View Quote
In time you will stop focusing on your ex-wife unless it is in regard to her dealings with your children. Moving away to distance yourself from her will only result in your distancing yourself from your children. Maintain your sense of self, be a good father to your kids, (your absolute number one priority) and time will take care of the rest.
Link Posted: 5/11/2003 7:22:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/11/2003 7:24:06 PM EDT by smokycity]
Originally Posted By vmax84: Should be signing off on the divorce in the next week or so. My attorney (and myself) were not happy with some of the language that wife's attorney had put in the final sign off, so we'll be going down to wifes attorney's office Monday to try and hash it out. I shouldn't be too bummed out, I have 50% physical and joint custody of my two daughters, I get to see my kids all the time and I'm having a ball with them, my child support payments to her are extremely low, etc. Went out with another woman tonight. Although stupid ass me, I just had to drive by my wifes apartment and see what was going on. Saw her boyfriends pickup truck in the driveway. Why the hell do I do this to myself? Talk about taking a stick and jabbing it in your eye and then wondering why you're bleeding. What a dumbass. Will be going out with another woman this upcoming Friday, but I think I'm kidding myself.....I don't think I'm ready for all of this yet. I tell myself if I have my own squeeze that forgetting about my wife will be easier, but I'm not so sure now. I guess a person can't be married for almost 10 years and then just turn the switch off. Thank God I've kept up with my running, lifting weights, eating right because it has helped my ego/pride quite a bit. I look great (well, for what I have to work with!), feel great.....just wish I could find a way to turn that damn switch off in my guts. Pussy rant off. vmax84
View Quote
I hear ya. I'm in the exact same boat. (See Searchfortruth's post about engagement.) I think I'm President of the He-Man Woman Haters Club right now. [booze] [cuss]
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:51:10 AM EDT
I'll join in with the others who have advised you to take some time and "decompress." A marriage breaking up is an emotionally traumatic event, although at times we try to put up a macho facade. One of the biggest reasons second marriages fail is problems from the first one that weren't resolved. Don't get in a hurry. Find somebody who has their head screwed on straight that you can talk to. One thing that helped me resolve the issues from my first marriage was a singles group at church that was geared toward people who used to be married and aren't anymore. Look around and see if there is something like that in your area. Do NOT go there looking for a relationship! Go looking to learn, understand, and heal. I'd even advise setting a period of at least 1-2 years of avoiding a serious relationship. It's a temporary sacrifice, but when the right one comes the investment will be worthwhile. Wishing you well...
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:14:43 AM EDT
Originally Posted By vmax84: I don't know how I can ever forgive myself for that and for screwing my kids over. I can't let it go and deserve what I'm getting. vmax84
View Quote
change shrinks right now. Either this one has worked over your head badly, or they're not doing your job. She was already cheating on you by this time right? Then it was done long ago. Anyone who takes back a cheater is a fool, and THEY deserve what they get. You had the good sense to sabotage any chance of getting back with her, and thus saving you a life of total hell. I've known more than one guy that took back a cheating bitch, and more than one woman that took back a cheating asshole. They ALWAYS cheat again, and the relationship is NEVER healthy after that. Either the cheater owns the other 'cause the other is afraid to get left, or the other owns the cheater, 'cause the cheater always feels guilty. Either way, the thing that led to the cheating to begin with is the fact that the cheater had already ended the relationship in their mind anyway.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:26:19 AM EDT
Originally Posted By MinuteMan3: I can totally understand some of the things you are going through. I was just recently divorced on Feb.28,2003 and my ex-wife is getting remarried to the guy she cheated on me with today May 11,2003.
View Quote
Here is the positive side to this one. Neither one will be able to let the other one out of their sight comfortably. They each know what the other is capable of. Every time he has to work late or play's golf etc.. she will wonder if he's screwing around on her. Think of it as slow and long revenge.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 10:03:26 AM EDT
Dunno the rest of the details in your divorce agreement (sorry if i missed it - tried to scan every post)but makes sure there is something there regarding her not being able to move out of state or a certain distance away without your consent. joint physical custody will not do you any good if your 2 daughters are 6 hrs away (or more). A lot of great advice here - i would just add that your kids should be first in everything you do. We all know its never their fault but sometimes they end up blaming themselves because their 'rents cant get their act together. God bless, DD
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 1:06:11 PM EDT
Vmax84-check your IM.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 2:00:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2003 2:02:42 PM EDT by Ghostchild]
hey Vmax, try not to be too hard on yourself about the kids, when my parents got divorced (i was ten) i was sure that it was my fault and that everything was ruined. looking back (at 22) i've still got a long way to go(in learning life's lesson's), but I promise it did more good then it did bad. just make sure they know you love them, and focus all the self inflicted bullshit on being the best dad you can, and take there concerns about the whole thing to heart, even if it is totally ridiculous it is bothering them enough to talk about and it is important enough to reassure them.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 2:01:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2003 2:01:56 PM EDT by Ghostchild]
oops.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 2:05:09 PM EDT
Vmax, Im going through somthing similar, Check your email.
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Top Top