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Posted: 12/10/2002 11:16:06 PM EDT
First off, I have a decent sized backyard for suburban California. It's not too small, not huge. We live on a hill, so it's terraced into three parts. The upper part you can't really see from the back door. Lately (six months or so) I've been seing raccoons around. I worry a bit since I have my two dogs (Bullitt and Stumpy) who are not the brightest creatures on the planet and love to protect "their" yard from all creatures, from cats to squirrels to birds to 2 legged varmints. So I'm a bit worried about them trying to see if they can have a coon play tug of war. Nonetheless, they've managed to avoid any direct confrontations thus far. This is too good to be true and I was awaiting the day they truly get stupid and find a raccoon. Until last night. Wife got home around 6:30. We block off the hallway and go to her office to work on some floor boards (dogs love to see what you're doing while you hammer nails for some reason...not always a good thing). This is going well for about 15 minutes until I hear the dogs barking outside. Usually not a problem till 10pm, but it sounds less than playful. I go check to see what's going on. I start calling the boys inside as well. By the time I get to the back door (40 feet or so) it's sounding like a fight is in progress. Well, they finally got a coon, I think. I grab some shoes real quick just about the time Stumpy comes rushing in the door. He's barking up a storm but not going back out. Smart boy...I would have been pissed if he had. He looks ok, so I go outside, where Bullitt is still going at it with something in the upper half. I grab the shovel and trot up the stairs, telling him to go inside (he keeps ignoring me). When I reach the top step the smell hits me. A Skunk. Oh Crap. Bullitt is still jumping in and out at the thing and I'm slowly approaching the tree which is covering them in shadows. Between Bullitt's frantic barking and me telling Bullitt to go inside I hear the thing scamper off. At this point I get Bullitt in arm's distance and drag him back. Once inside I block the doggie door off and drop the mutt. He's smelling downright AWFUL. Of course once he's down he runs onto the carpet and gets it muddy. Crap. Finally grab him as the wife comes to see what smells, and she almost barfs once she walks into the living room. I throw the dog in the shower and go online to try and find a good remedy (you do know tomato juice doesn't really help, right?) She leaves for her meetin', so she won't get sick from the stench. Now I get to go scrub an upset dog with baking soda and peroxide....which we're out of. Crap! I rinse off the poor dog, who's now realizing what a world of shit he's in, grab my keys and rush to the store. On my way to the car I realize I have skunk smelly stuff all over my arms, shirt, and sweats. Oh boy. Get my supplies, and hit the line. Cute Blonde Gal is checking (she is H O T HOT!). She looks at me and asks if everything is alright. I just laugh. "If it smells like skunk, well, that's just my lame dog." I don't think she'll flirt with me ever again. Once home I have to drag Bullitt back to the shower (he's not dumb...one's enough per quarter, right?). We BOTH get in, with a bucket of solution in tow. After rinsing us both off he's crated again (so is Stumpy). Then I realize....my house smells so bad it's almost a biohazard. Then the headache hits. I start lighting matches...No luck Spraying the wife's "floral essence" spray.....no luck. Finally, I go get her damn incense box. I hate this shit. It gives me a headache when I come home and smell that she burned it two hours ago. Incense helps. And my headache is going away. Lastly, I boil a mixture of 2cups water, 1Tbs Oregano, 1Tbs Basil (fresh, too), some garlic and cayenne. This helps immensely, and smells good, too. I'm never letting my dogs out in the back yard again.
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