Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
Member Login
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Posted: 12/9/2002 5:43:25 PM EDT
So, a situation that started out as something I didn't take seriously has gotten serious and I need advice. I dated this woman for about 18 months. Things ended, and ended badly. She wanted to get married and that is not something I am looking for. I told her this in the beginning (several times) and I guess that didn't matter. Now, she has been contacting my family, telling them that I am a terrible man and that I beat her (which is completely false). To make matters worse, she has said that she plans to file a police report claiming that I beat her. To add to my worries, she has: 1> Threatened to kill me 2> Threatened to kill my dog 3> Threatened to kill my family 4> Threatened to burn down my apartment 5> Threatened to contact family and co-workes with false claims And, what's even better, we work for the same company, in the same office. What do I do now? Are there any steps I can take? What do I do if she files a police report claiming I beat her? Any advice?
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:46:36 PM EDT
file a Police report now!
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:47:37 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:48:17 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 5:49:54 PM EDT by Ire]
On what grounds? Don't I need a reason? She hasn't done anything yet - just threats
Originally Posted By 308wood: file a Police report now!
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:49:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 5:49:56 PM EDT by 82ndAbn]
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:50:31 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 5:50:49 PM EDT by bunghole]
Isn't a threat enough to file a report?
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:51:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:51:46 PM EDT
sounds like you were smart in getting out when you did
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:51:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:52:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ire: On what grounds? Don't I need a reason? She hasn't done anything yet - just threats
Originally Posted By 308wood: file a Police report now!
View Quote
View Quote
Dude...she's threatened to kill you. Get a restraining order, that would be the best thing that you can do now. You do know that it's against the law to threaten to kill people right? Tell the cops everything that she's said, about lying that you beat her and her calling your family. Paint her as a psycho and get it all in the report. If something happens later you'll have the upper hand. Call the cops now!!!!
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:53:00 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:53:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 5:54:27 PM EDT by SSD]
Originally Posted By Ire: On what grounds? Don't I need a reason? She hasn't done anything yet - just threats
Originally Posted By 308wood: file a Police report now!
View Quote
View Quote
Threats [b]are[/b] an action!!!!!!!!!!! [b]File a Police report now![/b] SSD
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:53:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:54:10 PM EDT
Originally Posted By 82ndAbn:
Originally Posted By 308wood: file a Police report now!
View Quote
You forgot the exclamation points. File a police report now!!!!!!!!!!!
View Quote
Hold on.... [size=6]NOW!!![/size=6] It is extremely improtant to let the local cops now what is going on so they have some frame of refernce in the event something goes sour to the point that they HAVE to get involved. Call them, or go the PD tongiht if you can.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 5:56:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:02:24 PM EDT
I had a buddy that had that problem a few years back with his wife. The usual he beat me blah blah blah. She even threw herself down the stairs and blamed it on him. Basicaly it was her word against his so naturaly who do you think the cops believed? Then my buddy got smart and started carrying a small tape recorder with him. He eventualy got her to admit everything on tape. It may not be that easy but it got him out of the ringer. Hell it even got him custody of his two girls. Good luck and file that police report![}:D]
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:05:10 PM EDT
[size=6][b]Get a restraining order NOW!!![/b][/size=6]
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:14:18 PM EDT
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Tell us the truth, did you lead her on? Even a little?
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:19:12 PM EDT
In no way did I even hint at getting married. In fact, early on, I mentioned to her that I have no desire to get married and if that is what she is looking for, she won't get it from me.
Tell us the truth, did you lead her on? Even a little?
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:19:31 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:19:37 PM EDT
[size=6][b]...and get the entire gun collection to Dad, (or Mom, Brother or Sister, etc.) ASAFP!!! Do a legal bill of sale, FOID transfer, whatever is necessary![/b][/size=6] At least you can have visitation rights that way! When you get through with this, you can double the money they gave you by giving them $2.00 for the entire set!
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:21:11 PM EDT
You should try to score with her one more time.[:D]
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:22:09 PM EDT
Well, thanks for all of the advice. I think I am going to go ahead with a restraining order and talking to a lawyer (although not in that order, lawyer first, then police report). How does a restraining order work, considering we're in the same office? OH: She just left a message on voice mail telling me about the terrible Christmas cards she is going to send to my family. Wonderful.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:23:18 PM EDT
Originally Posted By trickshot: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Tell us the truth, did you lead her on? Even a little?
View Quote
Completely irrelevant. He could have tag-teamed her mother and sister in front of her and it still doesn't warrant death threats. Like those above, get the drop on her. If she gets to the police first, you are definitely screwed.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:24:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:25:03 PM EDT
Is this really the case? I am in Illinois - does that matter? Do you loose the RKBA forever?
If she obtains an Order of Protection against you, you lose your RKBA. You are on VERY shakey ground. Also see an attorney. It would be best to do that before you see the Police. Good luck.
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:25:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Jeapers: I had a buddy that had that problem a few years back with his wife. The usual he beat me blah blah blah. She even threw herself down the stairs and blamed it on him. Basicaly it was her word against his so naturaly who do you think the cops believed?
View Quote
Most police don't want to see dead women (nor do I) on the six o'clock news because they erred on the side of freedom and let the perp go. A difficult situation, and I understand now why police officers used to stay miles away from domestic disputes.
Then my buddy got smart and started carrying a small tape recorder with him. He eventualy got her to admit everything on tape.
View Quote
NOT something I would advise anybody doing any longer, since so many states have adopted laws that forbid one-party recordings of conversations without both parties' knowledge. MA is one of those states, and a few years back, a private investigator from MA, who as a boy had been abused by a Catholic priest (Father Porter, for anybody who remembers the case), found the now ex-priest in Minnesota, and got him to confess to him on the phone one day when the PI called him up out of the blue. Point: the PI had to call from Rhode Island, where, at the time, it was still legal to record conversations without the other person's knowledge and/or consent. (Father Porter then got, on the basis of his unwitting confession, a trial and the opportunity to do some HARD TIME....)
It may not be that easy but it got him out of the ringer. Hell it even got him custody of his two girls. Good luck and file that police report![}:D]
View Quote
I agree wholeheartedly with the last part- beat her to the punch, talk to your lawyer anyway, AND keep written track of your movements, times, and whom you associate with- you may need witnesses and alibis to disprove some wild accusations from this wackjob-ette.....
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:27:08 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ire: Well, thanks for all of the advice. I think I am going to go ahead with a restraining order and talking to a lawyer (although not in that order, lawyer first, then police report). How does a restraining order work, considering we're in the same office? OH: She just left a message on voice mail telling me about the terrible Christmas cards she is going to send to my family. Wonderful.
View Quote
I second the transfer of your firearms to a family member. Get a bill of sale documenting all weapons, serial numbers, and get the transfer witnessed by a third party. As far as the voicemail goes, save it. Save everything and give your lawyer copies along with the police. She sounds like a complete nutcase and you have to make sure you're completely covered. If you're not in the office, do not meet with her alone under any circumstances. [B]DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THIS ONE!!![/B] Don't let a moment of weakness or compassion give her the opening she's looking for. Good luck brother.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:31:14 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ire: ... OH: She just left a message on voice mail telling me about the terrible Christmas cards she is going to send to my family. Wonderful.
View Quote
Save a copy of that for the PD/lawyer/DA's office! And any other like correspondence! Hurry up...the clock is running! Only she knows what will happen next! Surround yourself with friends, family, clergy, and other reliable witnesses who can account for your constant whereabouts. CYA!
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:31:14 PM EDT
Holy shit!!!! Keep those phone messages! Gather statements from anyone who has heard any message on your phone from her or in person!!! Buy lots of cassette tapes for it!!!! Keep all written and softcopy messages!!!
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:35:03 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:36:36 PM EDT
Restraining Order
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:37:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 6:38:48 PM EDT by Ponyboy]
Yes, get rid of all of your weapons. That way when the psycho shows up to your front door after eating a bottle of pills washed down with a bottle of Jack and decides that it's time to make due on those threats with a gun of her own, there isn't much chance of her getting harmed. What's wrong with you people? When you receive death threats you [b]don't[/b] get rid of your guns. Is it opposite day or something and nobody told me?
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:38:30 PM EDT
This unfortunate instance brings too mind the rule right after "never sell a gun"... [b]Never date anyone you work with![/b] With that said, best of luck and take all the sound advice offered here so far.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:58:08 PM EDT
Well, I'd much rather lose a single handgun that I retained for protection than losing my entire collection just because you "never thought it would go this far." Just MHO.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 6:59:43 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ponyboy: Is it opposite day or something and nobody told me?
View Quote
Except in the scenario SHE is painting for everybody, he is more likely to come home to find a sheriffs deputy serving an order of protection, than her stewing up the pet bunny in the kitchen. If the threat level is real enough, do keep one (that you won't mind losing altogether, much less sitting in an evidence room until this is resolved) for personal protection, and send the valuable collector's items and family heirlooms that can't be replaced to a good home until this is over.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 7:08:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RipMeyer: [size=6][b]Get a restraining order NOW!!![/b][/size=6]
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 7:10:35 PM EDT
Lots of good advice, I'd like to emphasize some of it. 1. Call and file a preliminary report tonight, as of RIGHT NOW!!! Even if you just file an info case over the phone. It's a race bub, one you cannot afford to lose. 2. Be sitting on your lawyer's front porch when he shows up in the morning. Protective order, restraining order, specify work, home, church, supermarket. Everywhere you go. Include relatives. 3. Change phone numbers. Your relatives too. Ensure she does not have access to your property. (House key, garage door opener, whatever you gave her in the past, change or disable it.) 4. Inform all your neighbors. Ask them to watch out for her, give a description of car and fruitcake. Beware of packages on your doorstep you did not expect. 5. WORKPLACE!! You know, where all those "Going Postal" cases happen? Where she is darn sure of finding you at a certain time and unarmed? Inform you boss. (assuming it isn't the boss lady after you) Don't be around her without another coworker present. Ask to be moved if the company is big enough. She has made "Terroristic threats" against you, family members, and who knows who else. That'll land her a year in jail or involuntary mental commitment in Texas. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 7:13:08 PM EDT
I don't know much about this stuff, but I hope you turn out fine, sir!.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 7:46:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 7:57:47 PM EDT by prk]
Be sure your lawyer is 2nd amendment savvy in the sense of making sure you don't wind up in a mutual restraining order that would cause you trouble just as one she took out on you. I would not change your phone number yet, but instead talk to your attorney (a family law specialist) about the legalities of taping conversations when you are the subject of harassment or death & other threats, and other strategy. Maybe you'll be advised to have a second line installed for calls from your lawyer and other trusted people, and let her continue to leave messages on your current number that can be evidence later. Also discuss whether you should use voicemail vs a machine and if a machine, whether it should use a tape, memory, or what, and what about caller ID?. You would want equipment which has a large capacity and the ability to easily copy / offload the messages in a form you can present in court. Will the machine lose messages if the power is cut off? Find out how to reliably preserve voicemails at work; I can tell you from experience that the voicemail systems can be volatile and the documentaion & their reporting capability be lost on old activity, even if the messages are not lost. In one case, a person took over a number and on a saved message, the forwarder's name was changed. A tape made at the time of discovery was the only proof. Does your message equipment have a password? Change it. Also talk to him about what kind of complaint/report if any you/he should file with your HR department at work, or not. If she is known to carry something that could be a weapon, whether at some point Have a buddy with you whenever possible, don't ride the elevator with her, even with others inside if you can avoid it. Think about the stairs. Also remember that calling 911 from a cell/PCS phone does not tell them where to come if you're under attack, and often at work someone will have to direct them to you. Time to notify credit companies, banks, etc. in writing that she is not to be allowed to transact on your accounts (maybe you need new account numbers), and write to the credit reporting agencies? Also consider how you might get the Postal Office, creditors, etc. to be on the lookout for phony address changes submitted in your name. You can get the credit reporting agencies to do alerts and freezes in some cases, but that has possible side effects for you, possibly hindering things you WANT. Talk this all over with your attorney.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:03:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RipMeyer:
Originally Posted By RipMeyer: [size=6][b][red]Get a restraining order NOW!!![/red][/b][/size=6]
View Quote
View Quote
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:15:41 PM EDT
All this over a pissed off woman. Take the advice you've been given and then tell her to kiss your ass.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:17:39 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:39:01 PM EDT
Based on what you said, you could get a restraining order. That means any contact, i.e, phone, in person, letters 500 ft, etc. Also include all family members, and bring some of those family memebers to sign onto the restraining order. Sounds like she will violate that. Once she does, it will get the ball rolling, and it will be on your side. But DO NOT HESITATE. She may do the same thing. You also need to let your employer know you have a restraining order against her. Protect yourself. Don't let her do it to you first.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:40:36 PM EDT
Sounds a wee bit psycho to me. Definitely get a restraining order before she does out of spite. If you get one, your company will have to move her to another office, away from your area. See if you can get her on tape (such as your answering machine) evidence is evidence. If she is truly crazy, next time she threatens you, say "Yeah, whatever, let me see THAT in writing!" If she is psycho, you will get 500 notes in her handwriting telling you what evils she will do to you. You will be swimming in them.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:54:02 PM EDT
Do the world a favor and put her six feet under. You need to do something but not that drastic. You can't let a woman threaten you. No sir! Call the police ASAP. CRC
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:54:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 9:16:26 PM EDT by cretescreeder]
[B]To add to my worries, she has: 1> Threatened to kill me 2> Threatened to kill my dog 3> Threatened to kill my family 4> Threatened to burn down my apartment 5> Threatened to contact family and co-workes with false claims And, what's even better, we work for the same company, in the same office. What do I do now? Are there any steps I can take? What do I do if she files a police report claiming I beat her? Any advice?[/B] Sorry, I just can't help it. [:)] What the fuck would you do if it was, oh, any one else that, [B]1> Threatened to kill me 2> Threatened to kill my dog 3> Threatened to kill my family 4> Threatened to burn down my apartment 5> Threatened to contact family and co-workes with false claims[?B] Suck it up dude! Never had anyone threaten you before? Never lost a job? Never had anyone talk shit about you? Never had a women leave? If I where you, I would run and hide like a muther fucker. A pissed off women will kick your ass every time!! Get some balls dude! I'm through---------[:)]
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 8:56:20 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Ire: On what grounds? Don't I need a reason? She hasn't done anything yet - just threats
Originally Posted By 308wood: file a Police report now!
View Quote
View Quote
You should still file the report, it then becomes a record that can be verified if a situation occurs and the police are involved. any time someone makes threats, that you believe will be carried out, the threats should be reported.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 9:09:30 PM EDT
I was in the same situation once.Just goes to show when Dad tells you not to bring em home from the Bar youd better listen.Im not saying you did but I did and after we split the sheets it got bad fast.She claimed I beat her.Talked chit about me for awhile.Tried to turn my buddies against me.I was served an Ex Parte.About the same as a restraining order.No big deal really.Couldnt buy a gun while I had it.If I remember right it lasted 3 months.Heres the problem as I see it.Restraining orders/ExParte orders cost money.Here in Mo they do anyway.Will she pay it just to spite you?Is she gonna get a Lawyer when it goes to court or just drop it and lose the money she spent to get the ExParte/Restraining Order.You can talk to a Lawyer but that will just cost you more money too.When I was served the Deputy that served it talked with me about it.Said it wasnt a big deal and she (actually said most wemon)probablly wouldnt show at court and it would expire.The LEO see this kind of thing daily.It really boils down to is she yanking your chain and trying to get you to spend some money on lawyer and court expenses,trying to make you loose your cool and beat the chit out of her or is she really goofy as hell and wants to play these kind of games?I think my X just wanted me to beat the chit out of her.Seems all her Xs did and I think she must have liked it.Its really up to you on how to handle it.You know her and after being with her for as long as you were you should know how to proceed with the advise that youve been given.Later,45B10
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 9:10:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/9/2002 9:14:10 PM EDT by Kroagnon]
Originally Posted By Ire: On what grounds? Don't I need a reason? She hasn't done anything yet - just threats
View Quote
It's illegal to threaten bodily harm against another in Illinois. File a police report. If you don't you risk getting a Restraining Order (and you know what that entails). Unless you have evidence it will be your word against hers and in that situation you will have had the advantage of filing first. It also will send her the message that you are serious about the repercussions of escalating the issue. Edited to add: missed your stuff about the phone messages, save and make WAV/MP3 files of ALL phone / written messages you have. It's evidence.
Link Posted: 12/9/2002 9:33:24 PM EDT
In approximate time sequence: 1. File a complaint with the police so there's a paper trail with today's date on it. Even a phone call tonight is better than nothing. 2. Lawyer next to learn your options. 2nd Amendment friendly, but otherwise meaner than hell. 3. Save that voice mail to a tape recorder. She *knew* she was being taped and voluntarily allowed it. Quick fix: casette recorder with external microphone jack, suction cup type microphone from Radio Shack that you attach to the outside of the handset, play back the message and make your recording. 4. Future tape recordings depend on laws in your state. I'm allowed in my state, Linda Tripp wasn't allowed in hers. 5. Print out your own post from today and save it in a safe place. 6. Actually, threats are a good sign. She will continue to try to control you with words rather than actions. 7. Restraining order may not be available unless you are already married to her. Makes no sense, but that's how it works in my state. See Step 1. 8. Talk to HR Department at work in the morning. 9. Depending on lawyer's advice, consider hiring a private eye to gather evidence against her. He can skirt the edge of the law in ways you don't dare. Technicality: let the lawyer hire the PI, that way the info is protected by attorney-client privilege. CYA and keep us posted.
Arrow Left Previous Page
Page / 2
Top Top