About a week after Colombine, the liberal do-gooders down the street appeared at my door offering me a whopping $100 gift certificate from Toys R Us if I turned in my match AR.
When I asked them if they would be willing to write me a check for $1600 to make up the rest of my loss, they went off on me and PERSONALLY blamed me for the doings at Colombine.
A few months later, Bob, my neighbor, invited me to his annual Taint party.(T'aint thanksgiving,T'ain't Christmas)
Guess who showed up? He seemed calm, she seemed whacked out on mood elevators. I really don't like this pair too much. Besides boring me, she's always telling people about their personal business that really isn't anyone's concern.
All of a sudden, she shouted that she had to make an announcement. Holding her hubby's hand, she announced in a sing-song voice, enunciating every syllable: "My hus-band has start-ted to at-tend the same church I do. Now we are both wor-shipping as a cou-ple."
I looked at Bob with a look of total awe.
"Holy $hit, Bob, She must be dishing out some pretty powerful pu$$y if it's strong enough to make a man change gods!" I said.
Bob took me by the arm and led me into the kitchen, and his boss followed us in. The boss took my drink and poured it out and looked at Bob. Bob nodded, and the boss reached into the cabinet under the sink. He produced a hidden bottle of Glenlivet 12 year old single malt and poured about 4 inches into a glass, added ice and a small splash of water. Bob handed it to me.
Just then, Bob's wife walked in. "Give Piccolo another drink and turn him loose again," she said.
The do-gooders left a few minutes later and the party took off.