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Posted: 11/19/2002 2:27:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 7:20:14 PM EDT by TheKill]
Hi guys. I haven't been around the board much, I am going through a divorce as some of you know. Well, it's getting pretty tough. She hasn't filed yet and neither have I. We split up, and in the course of things I figured out a lot of what I did to screw things up, and decided to try and work it out, and get some outside help involved if possible. Like a dummy I decided to try and talk things out with her. When I approached her about it, she became real secretive, I caught her not coming home a few nights, and she grabbed some clothes and left the house for good Friday. My phone bill came Saturday, and shows a call every night after I left for work to a cell phone, I called it, some guy named Justin. I have consulted with my family, her family, and saw my pastor today. She obviously got involved with and slept with this guy, and is avoiding me like the plague. I know she feels guilty, and I am all torn up inside. I am praying my butt off and trying to look forward but this is the most hurt I think I have ever been. I look around at the farm, the dogs and cat, all the blessings of marriage that I let fall. And in the end I was willing to recommit, and stay true to the vow we made despite the problems, only to find out that she had done the easy and convenient thing to meet her needs and moved on, while hiding it from everybody. Please say a prayer for me, I sure need it. If any fellow christians can spare a moment or two, I can be reached at 920-262-8920. Thanks my brothers. You guys are a real blessing.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:34:00 PM EDT
Hold on my friend.... I went through all the same 10 yrs. ago. Hard to believe, but things will get better. I didn't think so either, but it's true...And: take it easy on yourself. We know you did your best. Prayer on the way. Talk to ya' later......
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:45:35 PM EDT
God's got a plan.....
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 2:54:10 PM EDT
A lot of us here have been through this and I know it feels like you will never be happy again. Believe me you will but it will take time. I didn't realize it at the time but my divorce from my first wife was the best thing that ever happened to me because now I am married to a woman who really makes me happy. Prayers sent.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:12:16 PM EDT
Just got my papers a couple weeks ago. Nothing but time can heal your wounds. No matter how bad you feel today, it WILL pass.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:19:02 PM EDT
First off, my prayers are with you. When I was deployed, I met this boy named Ijpe (pronounced "eepuh"). He was seven years old. He told me about how "bad people" (Serbian Troops) came and killed his father and grandfather, and his mother was taken away (to the Rape Camps most likely). He ran to his grandmothers, and together they climbed through 1000 ft high passes to get away from the Serbians. The finally made it to a refugee camp where his grandmother died of sickness. He was all that was left of his family. Every time I think my life is bad, I think of Ijpe. He was a boy who should have been in the 3rd or 4th grade in school, but instead had been through more pain and terror than anyone I have ever met. I look around and see that I have family and friends who love me and who I love very much. Do the same. Stick close to your family in this tough time. Stand tall, suck it up, and drive on. There's a lot of your life to get on living, so don't hold back. We're all by your side in this.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:21:01 PM EDT
Sending one up to the Big Boss for you right now. Keep your chin up. MM419
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:22:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2002 3:25:32 PM EDT by DonR]
Just keep in mind that you have 25,000 brothers and sisters. Edited cuz I kant spel
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:28:20 PM EDT
Prayers were just sent. Keep ahold of your faith and let time heal all wounds.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 3:50:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TheKill: I look around at the farm, the dogs and cat, all the blessings of marriage that I let fall.
View Quote
It is easy to think that but don't beat yourself up. It is not your fault People change and it takes commitment to keep a relationship alive. If she does not have it you will find someone who is committed.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 4:01:34 PM EDT
Evaluate the time, and be honest. If things can't be healed, then don't go sour. Shoot alot and take good care of the dogs and cats. They are happy to see you every time you step into the door yard. Council with good friends, and get involved with something new. Most of all, hold your head up and remember it took the two of you to get to this point. The best to you, man. Hang in there.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 4:07:16 PM EDT
I lived through it...you will too. Try to smile 1x a day.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 5:30:36 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 6:09:23 PM EDT
Prayer sent, candle lit! Hang tough it gets better each day. Things happen for a reason but we rarely get to know till much later on if ever. btw: women=Cant Understand Normal Thinking
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 6:31:11 PM EDT
Prayer sent brother. From what I can see here, you tried to do the right thing. You looked yourself in the mirror and saw where you had made mistakes (all of us make them), and then you made the attempt to correct your mistakes (rarely does ANYONE do that). It looks like she made a big mistake too, but she is trying to run from it. I'm sure it is hard to do, but you need to just let her go. Spend the time and effort on your needs, make time for your dog and cat, they will always love you for just being you. Protect yourself! Get a lawyer NOW and file a restraining order on her BEFORE SHE DOES IT TO YOU! Use the legal system to your advantage, the best defense is a good offense! Remember, we are here to help. Keep your wits and your humor, and you will emerge from this forge stronger then ever before!
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 6:37:02 PM EDT
I just went through a divorce myself. Don't put all the blame on yourself. And take the advice here - make sure you get some good legal counsel.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 6:39:58 PM EDT
The Lord works in mysterious ways, my friend. I was married for 11 years, all told my ex was part of my life for almost 20. We gradually grew apart, ended up basically room mates. After we finally called it quits I didn't see anybody at all for 5 years. Then one day last summer this girl (I can call her a girl 'cuz she's 15 years younger than me) ends up in my life out of the blue. Three months later I asked her to marry me, because we're so right for each other it's almost scary. She's got a 4 year old daughter who's cute as a button, even calls me "Dad" and means it. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, and it just gets better every day. Before I met Dianne I was seriously beginning to wonder if I'd ever meet anyone again, or if I was destined to die a lonely old man. The good Lord apparently thought otherwise. You'll come through this trial just fine, and if my journey is any indication your future is truely something to look forward to. Be strong, and God bless you. -Eric
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:10:50 PM EDT
Prayer sent. Been there, done that. Came home from work one day to have my wife tell me she wanted something different in her life (she turned 40). Lost a BIG house, got to keep a new boat (and all its payments) an OLD car, and my clothes. I was a dummy and didn't get legal help until it was too late. Was virtually homeless for a while, sold the boat, and worked three jobs to climb out of the hole. Now some ten years later, I look at it as a character builder.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:35:54 PM EDT
Prayers sent overnight delivery! Hang in there. Do something nice for yourself. To echo another, "The Lord works in mysterious ways." I just wish it wasn't so darn tough!! UHLEK- touching post.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:42:46 PM EDT
I just wanted to update....your prayers and phone calls are helping immensely and have been wonderful! I can't remember the last time I felt that down, and God stepped in through you guys when I asked. I don't know how long it will last but I have a good idea of the direction I need to be going in my spiritual life. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! For you non-believers: I know some of you don't believe in God. I am not a preachy type, but I did want to point out that the Holy Spirit dwells and works in some of you anyway! The love and help that even the non-Christian people on this site give to each other is a Godly gift, and the evidence of that.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:45:33 PM EDT
I'm glad our Prayers are working for you TheKill. I knew they would.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:55:17 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 7:59:38 PM EDT
Great News! God is Always on time. Joy shared is doubled... Sorrow shared is halved... I... We're glad you are feeling better. My story is similar to V-Match's! Was all alone for several years,ready to be a hermit! Asked God to let me be happy alone and I was. Week later went on a blind date with a 20 yr. old. I was 36! Hit it off well and ended up marrying her. Best thing I ever did. Shortly before the wedding I was awarded custody of my two boys, and now also have a great daughter. Yep, not in our time frame, but according His. Praise the Lord.
Link Posted: 11/19/2002 8:54:40 PM EDT
This is good news. Just remember that we're always here, and that true family never turns it's back to one of it's own.
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 4:39:01 AM EDT
I feel for ya and I will tell you what a wise man once told me He said " It is stupid to love someone who dosent love you back. Your not stupid are you ?" I was being stupid at the time, but I am not stupid a stupid person. God Bless
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 7:08:32 AM EDT
Kill - I just went thru a divorce (took 8 months) and it hurt just as badly as you describe. 6 months after the separation, when I thought things couldn't get much worse (and was drinking way too much), I ran into a woman I had met thru some of my ex-wifes charity functions. We started talking and have been dating for about 11 months now. I am happier now than I ever was with my ex. It's hard to believe how much anger and resentment one can bury inside just to try to keep your vows and maintain the status quo. It sounds sappy, you'll find someone when you least expect it, and she'll make you WANT to spend time with her...
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 10:15:11 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 10:33:58 AM EDT
Brother, I was dismayed and saddened when I read your post and I am now refilled with hope and joy for your resurgent faith. God is truly the only way to any type of peace on this earth and I am constantly reminded of my sin when I begin to think that I alone am having some sort of positive effect on my life. My earnest prayers to you in this difficult time. Remember that our time on earth is supposed to be painful due to the original sin and sin since, it is only by believing in the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus that any of us are going to find everlasting peace. I am glad to read that you are saved.
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 2:21:58 PM EDT
Thanks again for all the amazing help....even those who told me "she's a bitch and if she is that stupid then hell with her", and those that said "forget the selfish pig and go get some hookers!" [BD] I don't think I'll be heading that way anytime soon.....however you might be right![X] FWIW my friends said the same thing! What was lacking was seeing a way to address the spiritual issue. I will still love her in a Christian way while protecting myself. I do have a lawyer on standby, had a consult with him and he doesn't see any issues with my case. The guns are gone. I should be OK from the legal standpoint, and I am just riding it out. I visited a Church today. Anybody know anything about the Missionary Alliance Church? How about Assemblies of God? I am ditching my Lutheran Church....I talked to my Pastor yesterday and felt !nothing!, but when you guys start calling and posting and praying, God opened up the floodgates. What does that tell you? DonR you can probably untack this....I know where to go if I really get to feeling down again! Thank you guys again for the prayers, comfort, advice, and wisdom. It has made an immediate impact and I honestly can't thank you enough. If I can keep the house, I am adding on to my 100 yard berm and hosting an ARFCOM shoot and BBQ at my house next spring...come hell or high water! Geoff
Link Posted: 11/20/2002 3:42:14 PM EDT
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